Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Birthday Blessings

Yesterday was my birthday.  Instead of spending it with one guy, I'm a lucky girl that got to spend it with two.

 Brian, my true love #1.

Caleb, my true love #2.

I was thinking yesterday that this was my third birthday in a row with a new situation.  Two years ago, I was an engaged woman.  One year ago was my first birthday as a married woman. Yesterday, it was my first as a mom.

Sadly, it is the first birthday that I did not celebrate with my family.  In all my life, I've only missed two birthdays at home in NJ.  One was last year because we were getting ready to close on our house, but Brian and I went a couple of weeks early and my family had cake for me then.  In 2005, I spent the summer in Pasadena before heading out to Prague for a year, and my family had an early birthday/going away party for me.  

Thank goodness I had two handsome men here to keep me from being lonely.  Brian took me out to breakfast to a place we had frequented when we were dating, and he took me there last year on my birthday.  I kept thinking that it was such a blessing to be able to bring Caleb with us.  

I "assisted" Brian in making my birthday cake.  Perhaps next year he can do it by himself?  I told him I'd still be there to supervise.  (And no, we don't use box mixes around here.  Homemade all the way.)

In any case, I am abundantly blessed.  I love my boys and I am very happy to be the #1 woman in both of their lives.  

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Two Months

Dear Caleb,

How can I describe what a joy it is to be your mommy?  I don't think I can without sounding like a Hallmark card, so perhaps I won't even try.  Just know that my heart bursts with happiness every time I look at you.

While I love being your mom, I was not prepared for how achingly vulnerable I find myself as a parent.  This life that we live is such a fragile and delicate thing, and the thought of harm coming your way makes my eyes water.  I love you with the very best that is in me, and I truly and gladly value your life above my own.

When you smile, I smile along with you.  When you cry, I attempt to ease your distress.  When your curious eyes watch the world around you, I try to spot the fascination that you see.  When you are awake, I often talk to you about Jesus, and when you sleep, I pray you will come to know and love Him.

How I cherish every day with you!  All too soon, life passes us by, and in a flash, you'll be getting married.  So here I am, watching you at two months old, and I am savoring every moment.  I am reminded of a quote by Laura Ingalls Wilder, who said in one of her books, "Now is now, and it can never be a long time ago."  How comforting it is to know that our mind's eye can capture these fleeting moments forever, and in a sense, you will always be your mommy's dear little boy.

I love you, my Caleb Bear.  I am wonderfully blessed to be your mom.

Love,
Your mama

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Thursday, June 27, 2013

On Cloth Diapering

I find people's responses humorous in regards to our decision to use cloth diapers.  We've heard anything from, "Once you use disposables, you won't want to go back!" to "You'll change your mind!" and finally "You're ambitious!"

Really, I'm not quite sure what is ambitious about opening my top-loading washing machine and throwing some wet, stinky diapers in there.  Could someone please enlighten me?  (I've mentioned before that my father, who is twelve years older than his younger brother, had to wash his brother's diapers using a scrub board.  Now THAT would be ambitious.  Though, at that time, it simply was a necessity.)

I used disposables for the first few weeks because I didn't want to deal with the extra laundry while I fought new mom tiredness combined with a nasty cold.  It's been a couple of weeks since I've taken the plunge into cloth diapering, and I'm happy to say, that no, I will not go back to disposables, except for an every-now-and-again kind of thing.  (I have one on Caleb now because all his cloth diapers are currently being washed.)  In fact, after using cloth diapers so much, I almost think the disposable looks like an imitation diaper, a very cheap and flimsy thing in comparison.

I've been using two different kinds of cloth diapers.  The first is the old-fashioned prefolds that our grandparents used.  Many people use them today as burp cloths.  (However, many of those around today are extremely cheap.  I bought very high-quality prefolds that are thick and absorbent.)  Those prefolds can be folded and fastened in various ways, or they can simply be folded into a waterproof cover.  This is the method I use.  This is the most economical way to cloth diaper, because the prefolds themselves are very cheap, and the covers can be used more than once before washing.

The only negative I can see from the prefolds is that I have had leaks- they have been contained within the cover- but it is annoying when I want to reuse the cover again.  I've tried different folds, but for me, simply folding it into the cover is best.  From what I've read from other moms, it is rather normal to have a leak out the leg and into the cover because let's face it, pooh at this stage is a messy thing.  Still, that is the one annoying thing for me.  When Caleb starts eating solid foods, it'll probably be easier.

The other kind of cloth diaper I have tried is a pocket diaper.  I love these!  A microfiber absorbent cloth is tucked in the back of a cloth diaper, and the diaper is less bulky on the baby than a prefold. The only negative thing?  It is only used once and tossed in the wash pile.  For this reason, it is more expensive, and though I like these diapers better, I have to use prefolds and covers to save some money. I also haven't had any leaks with these diapers, and so far the only blowouts I've had were with disposables!

I wash Caleb's diapers every other day.  While I don't relish the extra laundry, it is no hardship, and when I think of the money we are saving, it makes it all worth it.  Yes, even with the cost of electricity and detergent (we don't have a water bill here with well water), it is still cheaper to cloth diaper than to use disposables.  I can't do the math, but it has been done by others, and it is definitely cheaper.

So I don't think I'm any kind of hero here.  It doesn't take any special ability to throw a heap of cloth diapers into a machine.  If more people were this "ambitious" they could save money, too!

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Father's Day

Two days ago, Brian celebrated his first Father's Day.  I couldn't wait to give him my present, which was a photo album depicting Brian's first month with Caleb, so I gave it to him before he even got out of bed.


It contains some of my favorite pictures of the two of them, such as this one:


Brian's parents came down to spend the day with us, and it had been a while for three generations of men in Brian's family to be together.


I'm very proud of my husband in his new role as a father, and I'm so thrilled with the family of three we have become.  I wouldn't trade either of them for anything.

Friday, June 14, 2013

One Month Old

My Caleb,

Has it already been one month since I first held you in my arms?  It hardly seems like any time has passed at all, but at the same time, I feel like I can hardly remember what life was like without you.

I have become a mother through and through.  At night I listen to your steady breathing and am comforted to hear it.  When it gets too quiet, I admit I get a little nervous, and I check to make sure you are okay.  If your bassinet were any closer to my bed, it would be on top of it.  In fact, I dread the day when we will move you to your crib, because I love keeping a close eye on you.

I never would have guessed it, but being your mommy has taught me many spiritual lessons.  When you are hungry and I am getting ready to feed you, I see you work yourself up into a frenzy, and all the while I am right there, telling you, "It's okay, my love.  I'm here."  You are too little to understand me.  I can't help but think we are often like that with our Heavenly Father, at the last minute working ourselves up into a state of anxiety, when He is right there all along. If only we could pause to see His tender loving care.

You have given my life a greater purpose.  Yes, it had a purpose before, but being your mother brings it to a new level.  Nothing in my life that I have done before equals this.  I can't help but gaze at your face and wonder what kind of man you will become.  I know your father and I will have much to do with that, and while that is a wonderful honor, it is also the most daunting task we have ever faced.  We pray that God will guide us as we raise you so that you will become the man that He wants you to be.  May we not get in His way!

I hope I never forget that magical moment when I first saw your face as the nurses handed you to me.  All the pain of labor was worth it because you were the prize I received at the end.  I'm so glad I have eighteen years to enjoy living with you.  So much to look forward to, my little boy!

I love you, Caleb.  You have made my life so much richer!

Love,
Your Mama

Sunday, June 2, 2013

On Being Sick With A Newborn

My cough and sore throat have turned into a weary battle.  While I normally think a cough is an evil thing, ranking at the top of my list along with houseflies and spiders, it reaches a new level when one is trying to care for a newborn.

If my baby doesn't wake me in the middle of the night, then my cough does.  Sometimes it is so bad where it leaves me gasping for air.  Then there are the coughing fits that come upon me while I am either nursing or trying to change a diaper.  That just happened not long ago.  There I was, changing Caleb's diaper and trying to clean him up, when an uncontrollable cough came upon me.  It was not pretty, folks.  I was desperately trying to finish the job, when at the same time, I had to keep a hand on Caleb and attempt to turn my head the other direction to prevent my germs from landing on my innocent newborn son.  My eyes were watering and my nose was running, and Caleb was squirming. It was indeed a battle.

I haven't yet been to church since Caleb was born.  I had planned on giving Caleb a few weeks, because I feel that newborns shouldn't be around a lot of people, but even if I had wanted to go today, forget it.  I even asked Brian to stay home, because I just needed help.  I am truly exhausted in a way I've never been.  Getting up in the middle of the night for feedings is one thing, but doing it while being sick is another.  I feel like a lousy mom right now and I speak to my son as if he understands me, and tell him how sorry I am.

I am so thankful for our church family who has been providing meals for us.  Truly, if they didn't, I'm not sure what Brian and I would do for food.  Last week, I was functioning much better before this hideous cold came along, but now it is another story.  Since Brian stayed home with me today, that meant people from our church had to bring the food to us, and since we live half an hour from the church, it is no simple task.  We are very grateful to those that have come by.  I'm so glad I don't have to worry about feeding my husband and myself while trying to care for Caleb and at the same time, get better myself.

I long to get better soon so I can fully enjoy my son.  These precious weeks of his newborn life are already slipping away.  I don't want to lose them before I've had a chance to bask in them.