Here are five things I never knew before I became a mommy:
1. I never knew how much I'd love having a boy. Really. Since Caleb was our first, we really didn't care what we were having. We were just so happy to be pregnant! I truly didn't care, but if you held a gun to my head and said, "Surely you MUST have a preference! Tell us what it is!" I would have had to admit that it would have been a girl. I am a girl, and a very girly-girl at that. I was far used to spending time with my nieces, as opposed to my nephews, who were only two months old when I left home. Trucks? Planes? Trains? What do I know about those? Though Caleb isn't at that stage yet, my fears have vanished. I absolutely love being a mother to this dear little boy. I never knew just how he'd tug at my heartstrings the way he does. He's like my little boyfriend (and a handsome one at that!), and he melts my heart in a way that only he can.
2. I never knew how hard it would be to leave the house. Some people make it look easy, but I am not one for dragging my child everywhere and anywhere, especially if it interferes with his routine. Not that there are a myriad of places to go around here, but I have cut back on my outings significantly. Physically lugging a child around is exhausting enough, but trying to work with their nap schedule (or lack thereof) is another story. Since naps in the car mess with naps in the crib, it can be hard to get out when I have to do significant driving to get anywhere.
3. I never knew that my sleep would be forever altered. Of course, I knew that I'd be nursing Caleb through all hours in the early months, but I never gave much thought to the subsequent months. Though he sleeps through the night, he is usually up early (it can be very early- today it was just before 5!), he also can have awakenings here and there that keep me up. I keep the monitor on my night table beside me, so even if he is up for any reason, even if not crying, I hear him, and I can't sleep until I know he has settled himself back again. Last night, I lost over an hour of sleep while I waited for him to resettle. That doesn't always happen, but when it does, it is no fun. Regardless, the days of sleeping in until eight o'clock or even seven are a thing of the past (even six is a stretch!). Oh, how I miss those days!
4. I never knew how vulnerable I'd feel as a parent. I want to protect my little one with the best that is in me. I would walk on hot lava for him if I had to. There is an aching in my heart as the worries crowd their way in... this world is a scary place. Thank goodness for the Lord, to whom I can bring my worries and my fears. Thank goodness there is another world that we are aspiring to everyday. It is for that world that we live... this world is simply a means to an end.
5. I never knew that both the best and hardest job in the world would be combined into one. I've had many jobs, some very difficult jobs. This job is by far the most rewarding, but it is also the most challenging. There are no vacations. The hours are long. A mother is always on call, even in the middle of the night. However, it is also the most fulfilling job. I feel like I'm doing what I was always meant to do. Even when I was teaching at a Christian school, while that certainly was a worthwhile cause and something I enjoyed, I still felt like something was missing. In my heart of hearts, I always wanted to be a wife and mother, and no job, no matter how important, could satisfy that longing within me. While I LOVE being a mother, I had to say goodbye to another part of myself, the part of me that took care of my own needs first. Sometimes I look at myself and realize, "Gee, I haven't had a haircut since October." And then I say, "Who cares? No one is looking at me anyway when I have such a cute boy with me. They are all looking at him." Caleb is worth all the sleep-deprivation and baggy eyes.
Oh, and one thing that I DO know: is how fast it all goes. I am already lamenting the months gone by, and I know that in about five minutes, Caleb will be standing at the altar, waiting for his bride. Eighteen years may SEEM like a lot, but according to every parent out there, it is but a blink of an eye. This little boy is mine to enjoy, today. I won't take it for granted!
