Happy Birthday, my sweet boy! I cannot, cannot believe that you are now a year old. How it happened, I will never be able to fathom. Never has a year in my life gone so fast. I remember your birth like it was just yesterday- how it felt to hold you for the first time, looking into your blue eyes as they looked right back into mine.
I remember they took you to do all the measurements and vitals while my midwife took care of me, and they laid you on a table and had you hooked up to the heart monitor for a bit. After the after-birth procedures were all finished with me, they still hadn't brought you back to me, and I was getting impatient. I did not wait nine months to have you all by yourself across the room from me. I called the nurses' station and said, "I am lonely for my son." Tears well up as I write this. Never before that moment could I say such words, and even now, one year later, I can scarcely believe that I am so blessed.
You fill my life with unspeakable joy. You have become my little companion, and due to the lack of proximity of your grandparents and other family members, you are with me all of the time. I have no one to pass you off to should I need a babysitter. I don't even consider such options. You go where I go. You are my little shadow. In the rare instances I am without you, I can honestly say the same words today that I said when you were on that warming table... I am lonely for my son. Sick of you, I am not!
You have grown so much! Just last Friday, you finally started to feed yourself! You were rather late on this, and I began to wonder if I had done something wrong somewhere. My efforts to demonstrate seemed to not help at all, but finally you did it. And you kept on doing it! Now you love to feed yourself, and I love watching you push your food around as you try to grab it, but goodness, what messes there are now to clean up!
Standing is your favorite activity at present. When I come to get you from your naps, you are usually always standing. You love to walk around the room, with side steps, as you hang onto the couch, coffee table, pack n' play, dining room table, etc. You love the scooter you inherited from your twin cousins, and you push that thing everywhere.
You are eating more and more foods now. I was slow to push you because you seemed to be a good choker, and I guess you are like your mommy, because I made your grandparents crazy with all the choking I did when I was a baby. You seem to be getting the hang of this eating thing, and I am trying to buy more and more healthy, organic foods to feed that little growing body of yours.
Tonight, as I prayed over you before I put you to bed, I prayed that God would help me to never take a moment for granted as a parent. In the blink of this mother's tearful eye, you are already one year old. Did I take any moments for granted this past year? I am sure that I did. We mothers get caught up on the household chores and the ever-growing list of things to do that we can forget to enjoy the moment. Please forgive me for that, my son. Yes, we must do our work and not shirk our duties, but at the end of the day, you are more important.
I love you to the ends of the earth. You've made me a very, very happy mama bear. My cub is growing, and it is time to let him explore the world around him. Go, my son. Look at all there is to see. Soon you'll be walking and running, climbing and falling. There will be skinned knees and splinters. There will be lots of clumsy moments, just as there was last week when you pulled the dining room chair down on you and you fell. I held you while you cried. Just as I was then, I'll always be here for you. You will be gaining your independence more and more, but it will be a long while still before you stop needing your mama. I will relish that thought for as long as I can.
Caleb-Bear, this has been the best year of my life. I look forward to so many more with you.
I love you.
Love,
Your mama
