Pictures Tell the Story

It is getting harder and harder to sit down and blog, with a toddler who doesn't play well independently, and a baby who loves to roll on the floor.  Nobody understands if Mommy is sitting stationary at the computer.  Here are a few pictures to show what we've been up to:

 Brothers. It is fun to see them start to play together, though "play" usually involves Caleb grabbing a toy out of his defenseless brother's hands. Still, it is cute to see them together, and Caleb joins Silas more and more on the floor. And  yes, Silas did pull his sock off in this photo. Nothing new there.

 Be still Daddy's heart!  His little man is already at the piano!

 Caleb loves to dress like Daddy.  (Except for the fireman's hat...)  He's got Daddy's fleece vest on (head through the arm hole), and Daddy's slippers.  I finally had to ban the slippers as he kept tripping all over the place.  Meanwhile, he has his own perfectly good slippers, which sit unused.  (Many times, when Daddy comes home from work, Caleb grabs his discarded tie and name badge, and wears them immediately.  It is fun to be like Daddy!)

 There are few things more irresistible in this life than this boy's smiles.  I swear, they can light the darkest tunnel.  He will look at me from across the room and give me the brightest smile, the biggest grin.  I love it!  Here, he is wearing his brother's old dedication outfit.

 Not much to say here; a picture speaks a thousand words.  Except that I carry this boy in my arms, many, many times throughout the day, but no one is there to take our photo :(

Meet my new nephew!  Isaac James, born March 23rd (one day after my sister's birthday), 9 lbs., 7 oz., 21 3/4 inches.  It really was amazing that Caleb's and my doctor's appointments in NJ worked out that we were there when he arrived.

My sister.  Doesn't she look fabulous one day postpartum?!  Really.  And she is a mother of five, no less.  She gave birth at home, with her midwife, of course.  She always was way tougher than I; I am so proud of her.

Catching Up- Random Photos

I am totally behind in blogging.  In fact, these are only some photos from my phone.  I have yet to upload photos from my camera.  Once I get those up, we'll have a few more!

Brian, Caleb, Silas, and I headed to NJ last week to see a doctor there.  While there, we got to see my family, and my new nephew arrived!  I will post a photo of him, too, when I get a chance!

Above is Silas's first ride in the swing and in the front of the shopping cart.  (Remember, I am on a driving hiatus, which is why he has never been in the front of the shopping cart.)  Caleb looks sooooooo long in the swing, compared to photos of him last summer.

More to come when I get the chance!

Silas: Seven Months

Dear Silas,

My precious boy!  Time truly flies when you have a baby under one year old!  You are growing so fast and changing all the time.  I can hardly keep up!

At your last appointment a couple of weeks ago, you weighed 21.1 lbs., and you were in the 93rd percentile.  You are 29 inches long, putting you in the 99th percentile.  We moved you in your bigger car seat, because you had just about outgrown your infant carrier, which maxed out at 29 inches. Everyone comments all the time about how big you are!

Your smiles are heavenly.  I like that I can look at you from across the room, smile at you, and get a smile in return.  You can be very fussy, and sometimes I have trouble keeping you content when all options have been exhausted (exersaucer, swing, rolling on the floor, blue chair, high chair).  Yet, without fail, holding you and walking with you calms you almost all the time.  Except that it can be exhausting for me!  I must be building muscle in these puny arms of mine!

You are slow to join the solid food bandwagon.  I have tried putting small bits of things on your high chair (like banana), and that usually gets us no where, and even when I try to spoon food, you just are not interested.  I have trouble getting you to open up for even a little bit.  I don't want to force food down your throat, and since you still seem content and you are clearly gaining weight... well, I guess we'll just wait it out!  (But, I will keep trying, too.)

We are currently trying to get you to sleep through the night, and we have left you alone in our bedroom so we can get you to do that.  I still hear you on the monitor, waking up here and there, sometimes for longer periods than others, but I try to stay away, at least until 4 or so.  I need to push you a bit, since your wake ups were getting out of hand and were a bit crazy.  I don't like hearing you cry, but I know it has to be done, and in the end, it will be better for us both.  Let's hope it won't take you too much longer to sleep through the night, without waking up!  Caleb learned this lesson much more quickly than you, though you are definitely a better napper than he was at this age.

You love to watch Caleb, and you giggle at his antics.  It is fun to see!  He is affectionate with you, but sometimes rough, too, so he receives our admonition from time to time.  I can't wait to see you and him play together as you get older!

One tooth is making its way in, and I'm sure more are soon to come!  You are great at rolling on the floor, and you are getting more and more interested in grabbing things.  I have to be careful if I am holding you when I am eating!

You add so much to our house, and now that you are here, I can hardly remember what it was like to have only one child.  You fill our lives with smiles and giggles, love and light.  Holding you cheek to cheek is still one of my favorite things in the whole world.

My darling boy, I write these little notes as little updates, but also so you can go back and read them some day when you are older.  I want you to know how much I have always loved you.  I hope you will be blessed by this.

I'll be here, every day, watching you grow.  I love you so much!

Love,
Your mama

Updated to add:  This little boy pulls his socks off ALL DAY LONG!  I'll be grateful when the summer comes, so I don't have to keep putting them back on!  I always tell him there is a consequence to his actions.  His toes get kissed every time.  He can't say I didn't warn him!

Thankful

When Brian and I first met, we had a key conversation, that without it, I don't believe we would have ever gotten together.

Introduced by our friends- my best friends from college, Shawn and Theresa (and Shawn was Brian's pastor), the initial meeting was, well, awkward.  But the second night, Theresa left Brian and me at the kitchen table to talk while she got her kids ready for bed.  It was that conversation that shaped our relationship.  We learned much about each other, including how like-minded we were.

One of the things that we discussed was homeschooling.  We both wanted to do that for our children. Score!  I didn't yet know it, but I was on my way to having a husband who would build a family with me just as I dreamed of.

Along with home school, of course, comes Mommy staying at home with her little ones.  It is our belief that Mommy should be home, shaping her children, and not shoving them off to day care and letting them do the work.  My sister has a friend that works at a day care, and she described how SAD it is to watch parents drop their kids off to leave them ALL day.

(Please understand that when I write this, I know that some people have no choice, especially single parents.  However, many DO have a choice, and do it anyway.)

An acquaintance of ours had a baby this past October, and this baby just went off to day care for the first time as his mother's maternity leave was over.  (Please know there is very, very little likelihood of this person ever reading this blog.  As I said, it is an acquaintance.  Not a close friend, just someone we know of.)

We saw on this person's social media a picture of the baby, all dressed and ready for day care in the morning, with a note that said the parents were handling it okay.  Hours later, the mother wrote in to say that she was NOT handling it okay, and she, in fact, hated it.

My heart broke for her, as well as the baby.  His life was forever changed in one morning, and it would never be the same again.  And she is suffering the pangs of separation, all while trying to focus on her work.

My eyes welled up with tears more than once, and yet, my heart was filled with THANKFULNESS. I am so thankful for my husband who works hard for us, so that I can stay home with our boys.  I could not send them off to day care; I could not.  

Brian and I choose to live simple lives.  We could have a six-digit income, too, if I went to work.  We could have a bigger house and better cars.  We could at least get rid of my '93 Geo Prizm, which is currently sitting with a dead battery in our driveway.  (I mean absolutely dead.  As in the power locks won't work.)  We could have it all if we wanted.  Or could we?

If I went to work, I would only see my boys for a couple of hours each evening before their bedtime. And I am thinking of my last job as a teacher- somehow I'd have to find the time to grade countless essays and lesson plan, all while trying to care for my boys and my home.  Let me tell you, even as a stay-at-home mom, with two little ones and Silas needing constant care (ie:  I can't leave him on the floor to roll around while I go about my business as he will roll into furniture), I still don't get everything done.  I could give you a LIST of projects around this house that I need to complete.  I do well with the daily chores, yes, but there are cleaning projects I definitely could stand to do.  

But... but... we are all here together.  That is what matters most to Brian and me.  Brian leaves for work each day with the satisfaction that his boys are in their mother's tender care.  They aren't left with strangers at day care, wondering how they will be treated, or what ungodly behavior they will learn/pick up from others.  He comes home at night, looking forward to seeing the three people he loves most on this earth, all snug and safe in our own home.

We only get one shot to raise our children.  Studies have shown that the first five years are the most important in a child's life.  Our influence as parents is key.  Sure, I'm flawed.  I could give you a LONG LIST of things in myself that need improvement.  I am a sinner and I know it.  However, God chose me, flawed as I am, to be these boys' mother.  It is my job, and I am thankful to do it.

While life isn't perfect here, I am content.  I would not go to work if I could.  There is a day care right down the street, and we often tell the boys when we drive by, "This is the day care where you would go if Mommy went to work.  Let's be thankful Daddy works so hard so you don't have to go there."

"Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to be home with my sons.  Help me to be the godly mother you want me to be, and help me and Brian raise these boys to be godly men.  We only get one chance, Lord.  Help us not to squander it.  Amen."

Camping Out

Two nights ago, Brian came to bed late after a full day at school and an evening function as well.  He came to our room a bit after midnight, to find me sitting up in our bed, nursing Silas in my lap, but I was hunched over him, asleep as well.

Sitting up with my baby in my lap, but asleep.  I could have easily fallen off the bed, thus hurting us both.

He came over to me and asked, "Are you okay?"  I was immediately startled, because I didn't hear him come in.  I finished nursing Silas (fifteen minutes total, when I usually do ten each feed at night), and I put him down.  He was still awake, and he proceeded to kick and make noise for who knows how long.

This was the second night of a really bad night for him.  Instead of getting better, he was waking more and more, and many times, not even for nursing.  He would make it til midnight, but then it would fall apart after that.  Sometimes I nursed and he'd be up an hour later.  Other times I offered to nurse, and he would not want it, and I would try to put him back down and he'd fuss like it was his number one job.

I had had enough.

It was time for drastic measures.

Since Silas is in our room, and no, it is not yet time to put the boys together, because sometimes Caleb wakes crying, and Silas is still up very early, etc., etc., etc.,  (one step at a time.)  I decided Brian and I would camp out in the living room for several nights in order to reprogram Silas's waking and looking for me.

Since we share a room, it is awfully hard to ignore his crying.  After an hour of crying, you'll pretty much do anything to make it stop, including run your head into a brick wall.  (I have not done this, but if we had a brick wall, I may have.)  Therefore, it was time to move to the living room.

For the past two nights, I have made beds for Brian and me on our couches in the living room.  (This is a huge sacrifice by the way.  I don't sleep well anywhere but a real bed.)  When Silas woke up, I listened carefully on the monitor to make sure he was well, but I let him be.  And I continued this for each time he woke up crying.  I did not go in- get ready for this- until 4:30 both nights.

I read A LOT about baby sleep.  Honestly, I know quite a bit.  I am something of a encyclopedia of information.  Everyone I talk to thinks Silas should sleep through the night at six months, but really, he is still allowed two feeds, and then that trickles down to one over the next couple of months, and by nine months a full attempt at night weaning should be tried.  I always wanted to err on the side of caution.  If he was hungry, I wanted to feed him.

However, my quality of life has been suffering greatly.  I am exhausted.  My wrist has endless pain from constantly lifting and lowering him from the pack n play all night.  I came to the conclusion that if it is affecting me greatly, as his mother, it is affecting him, too.  Frankly, he just needs to learn to sleep without all these wake ups, expecting someone to come in to help him.  While I did ignore many of his cries before, I did not ignore all, and I am sure it sent a confusing message.  Time to change that.

So, for the next several nights, until Silas stops waking up crying, Brian and I will be camping out in the living room, uncomfortable on the sofas.  (Me especially on the short love seat.)

Anyone want to come by and join us?  Bring some s'mores, please!

Goodbye Infant Car Seat

This photo was taken this past Sunday at church, and it was the last time Silas was in his car seat carrier!  (Though he has yet to take a ride in the bigger car seat... I am still on a driving hiatus.) This particular model only goes up to 22 lbs., and Silas weighed in at 21 lbs., 1 oz. at the doctor's on Saturday.

We are ready to give it up, because he is truly heavy to lug while in there, and it is easier to just carry the baby.  However, the one thing that is harder is if he falls asleep, he won't be able to stay asleep if we arrive to our location.  I highly doubt he'd sleep through the pulling of the arms through the belts and all.

Our boy is getting to be so big, so fast!  And that is no exaggeration of a wistful mama.  It is just the plain truth!