Joy... Unsurpassable!

"And it shall be said in that day, Lo, this is our God; we have waited for Him..." ~Isaiah 25:9

So the big question is:  Was this a surprise pregnancy?  The answer is simple!  Yes, it was, and no it wasn't!!

A long time ago, before I was even married, God told me I would have a little girl.  He even told me her name.  Now, I'm not one of these people who goes around saying, "God told me this, or God told me that".  I use such talk very sparingly.  The simple reason is I very well could be wrong.  The other reason is the main way God speaks to us is through His Word.  But there are other times He gives our hearts a nudge, in a clear way, perhaps differently from the norm.

When we were married and pregnant with Caleb, we decided not to find out the gender of our first baby.  After all, we didn't care.  We were thrilled to be pregnant!  I had told Brian the name of the little girl that God had shared with me, and he was completely on board.  Together, we decided on a middle name.  We were all set for a girl!  We actually didn't settle on Caleb until just before he was born, and he was late to boot!  Good thing we had something ready!

Fast forward to Silas.  Of course, this would be the girl.  God had told me we'd have a girl.  So when we were there getting our ultrasound, and the man with the cold personality performing our sonogram said with no emotion at all, "It's a boy," it felt just as he said it.  Flat.  I couldn't look at Brian for fear of tears.  I was so disappointed.  This was our last pregnancy!  There would be no girl for us.

Let me fast forward to say that I did get over it.  In that moment, I couldn't see Silas.  I could not see the chubby cheeks and the adorably pudgy body and the Mama's boy that he would become.  How he'd constantly want to stroke my skin or how he'd wait for me at the top of the stairs when I came home from the store and touch my face.  Of course, I fell in love with him and would not change him for all the girls in China.  (Nor for all the tea in China!)

We buried our dream of a girl.  Five weeks postpartum with Silas, I began to have seizures.  While I didn't have many at first, they picked up, and at one point I was having them approximately every month and a half to two months.  Of course I could not think about having another baby.  While epilepsy is certainly not a deal-breaker when it comes to pregnancy, the seizures left me totally weak and drained for the entire day after I had one in my sleep, and it took another night of sleep to restore me.  To have one pregnant, and go about the day carrying a child and caring for two boys, I could not imagine that.  

Yet, our dream of a little girl simply would not entirely vanish.  God continued to knock on our hearts.  We just didn't feel complete as a family.  We were not seeking to get pregnant, and we were by no means trying to. But we could not shake the thought that someone else was supposed to be here.  We couldn't quite say the words, "we are done" though we had no idea how in the world this could possibly happen.

Caleb, several months before we even dared think about the mere idea of opening ourselves up to another child, said to me one day, "You gotta get me a little sister."  It was the cutest thing ever, and I tried to explain that it wasn't that simple.  Still, I couldn't forget his earnest plea and tucked it away inside my heart.

After a time of research, I found that a major depletion of magnesium in one's body can lead to seizures.  I decided to try it.  After several months of applying magnesium to my skin at night (the best way to take magnesium), my seizures stopped.  Whether or not that is the absolute answer, I cannot say.  I only know I have not had one for a year.

There is another reason that led us to thinking about another child, and it is a major one for us, but it is one I will not write here.  Suffice it to say, we had an "awakening" moment in April of this year, and so many of our fears were shed in one single instant.  (Yes!  One instant!)

Brian and I began to look at each other and ask, "Should we?  Dare we give God the opportunity?  Can we handle a third child?"  And back and forth it went.  Brian was on board before I was ready.  I wanted it and didn't want it at the same time.  Finally, I felt God prompt me, what if we didn't give God a chance, and five years later, it is too late?  How would I feel if I ignored His obvious prompting?  I began to be filled with an urgency to trust Him and to pray.

So, we prayed.  Fervently.  We asked that if this was God's voice we were hearing all this time, that He would do several things.  1)  That we would get pregnant, with little effort on our parts.  In other words, we would not try to get pregnant.  2)  That it would be good for the whole family to have an addition, even our boys.  3)  That God would do it quickly, so we would not be wondering 6 months later.  4)  That if it was not His will, that He would close up my womb and shut the door.  We only wanted this if it was His will, end of discussion.  

We got pregnant within one month.

For the record, it took me three months to get pregnant with both boys, and that was with effort and intention.  My sister loaned me a fertility book, and that had every bit of information known to man on how to conceive.  I charted my cycles, took my basal body temperature every morning before I got out of bed, etc.  I did NONE of that this time.  I didn't want to try.  If it was God, He would do it without my help.  And it would be all the more confirmation that it was from Him.

The day I took the pregnancy test I will never forget.  It was Sunday, June 2, and I sat through an entire church service, barely paying any attention, scared to death.  I had a strong suspicion I could be with child.  I was in a frenzy all through service, trying to decide if I should take a test when I got home.  I decided, Brian was home and not at work, therefore I would take the test.  I went home, gathered my box kit, and hid it under my shirt for fear he'd see me.  I did not want to get his hopes up.  He really wanted this!  After several nervous and shaky moments, I had my answer.  I slipped quietly out of the bathroom, helped get the video started for Silas, and said to my husband, "I have to tell you something."

He looked at me expectantly, but had no idea what was coming. "I'm pregnant."

Big smile spread on his face.  "And I'm terrified," I said, and I proceeded to cry on his shoulder.  He held me while I sobbed.  After all, how could I take care of a newborn baby and two boys with developmental delays?

Underneath that fear, there was joy.  There was gladness.  God put life within me again, when we thought we were done.  It is a cause for rejoicing!  A human life, formed by God's own hand, is a cause for celebration.

We believed God had finally given us our little girl.  Even our physician's assistant, whom our boys see for a check-up once a year, spoke these words upon hearing our news:  "Oh, my goodness I am SO excited for you!  It's going to be a little girl and she's going to keep these two boys in line!"  I had to laugh right there.  Yes, leave it to an adorable little sister to keep her big brothers on their toes!  I have no doubt any little girl of mine could do just that!

As the date of our big Gender Reveal came closer, we were trying to talk ourselves out of a girl, so as to prepare ourselves for a boy.  We didn't want to be disappointed if it was a boy.  We wanted to rejoice in him regardless.  But of course, we still were hoping for a girl.  Oh, the torment!  As we drove to our appointment, we were tense.  Brian drove quickly in our efforts to get there (it is a 53 minute drive!)

We were quickly ushered in the exam room.  Silas began to scream for no good reason.  We prayed he'd quiet down and we brought out a myriad of snacks.  This was NOT the time for a meltdown.  Thankfully, he quieted.  The sonographer set things up, and away it began.

When she got to the big moment, she said, "Are you ready?"

"Yes!" Brian affirmed in a loud voice, and jumped to his feet, moving closer to the screen.

As she typed the words, all of heaven seemed to pause and wait with us.  The moment seemed to stop and suspend in the air.  Then the glorious words appeared on the screen.

"It's a girl!"

Tears (of the good kind) sprang to my eyes, and I covered my face with my hands.  Brian whooped and bent down to kiss me.  Our daughter.  Our little girl is here at last.  And we love her already.  Brian has completely lost his heart to his Daddy's little girl.  I can't wait to share long-awaited girl time with her.

Our family is complete.  Our hearts are full.

Thank you for rejoicing with us!