Happy Birthday, Silas! 5 Years

Today's the day we celebrate our Silas!  For sure, there is a lot of hard stuff we're going through with him right now, but we won't talk about those things on this day.  It's his birthday, so we're here to celebrate the good!

Our Silas loves music!  Brian hears him sometimes singing right on pitch, and he responds to songs, especially children singing, so well.  He loves the Cedarmont Kids DVDs (thanks to my sister for getting us started on those), and we got him a new DVD for his birthday.  He often can be heard singing the songs even when they aren't playing, albeit, his vocals and pronunciations are rough around the edges.  

He's come around to Anna quite a bit.  When we first brought her home, he didn't know what to make of her for a time, but he was never mean to her in any way, as sometimes can happen with a new baby.  He makes it a point to greet her in the morning when in her high chair, and he looks to me as he does so, making sure I see him as he acknowledges her.  If she drops a toy, he will pick it up and give it back, but I hold my breath, or run over to help, because he often throws it at her, and I need to soften the blow.  He also helps me move her chair over to the table at breakfast, and he even scoots the floor rocker out of the way so we can do so.

Silas loves the park.  If we drive by a park and we aren't stopping, we must be prepared for tears.  He is always ready to run and play, and he loves the swings and slides.

Routines are important to Silas, and he helps where he can.  When it is time for morning snack, usually a banana if we have them, he gets out the butter knife for me so I can cut it up.  He gets out the cod liver oil at dessert time in the evening, and he takes it without reservation.  He also puts it away, sometimes to my annoyance, if I haven't given Anna hers yet.  :)  But I am glad he is doing these things.

As far as his speech, he is saying more words and phrases.  Mostly, though, he still repeats us, and doesn't speak so much conversationally.  His speech is also still very hard to understand.  That is why we play so much music for him, of children singing and such, because it draws him out as he tries to sing some of those words.

We still pray for his healing.  We continue to see a nutritionist and ZYTO technician who directs us in the supplements his body needs, and we continue to do music therapy as a way of drawing him out. 

Most of all, we know Jesus loves him, and in some of the not-so-great moments, I sing out loud, "I believe He is the Christ, Son of the Living God" (Andrew Peterson song, as quoted from Peter in the Bible).  And you know what?  It not only calms him (most of the time), but he is starting to sing it, too!

Even though I have a baby, he is still a mama's boy, and he tries to get his affection in however he can!  I am grateful he hasn't given up on me yet :)

Silas, we love you, and we pray God's blessing over you.  Numbers 6: 24-26.  Always.

Little guy was tuckered out on his own birthday!

Here's his smile as we finished singing "Happy Birthday" and he knows cupcakes are coming!

Waiting

While I'm Waiting

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

By:  John Waller, movie "Fireproof"

I needed to hear this song today.  Waiting is excruciating at times.  Waiting for God to move.  To change things.  To make new paths.  To reveal His will.  To heal.  To bind up wounds.  To make all things new.

You've been there, I'm sure.  We all have.  There are times I've railed at God, perhaps not always in words, but in my heart.  "You don't care," my heart would whisper.  "I pray and ask and pray and ask, and NOTHING!  Well, fine, if that's the way You want it!  I'll be a Christian in salvation, but forget going deeper.  I can't take any more!"

Then came the conviction.  Who am I to berate an Almighty God, for not doing what I think is best?  He already sent His Son to die for me.  One day I will not just stand before Him, I will fall at His feet and worship.  It is far better to worship Him now, then to wait until later. 

As this song so clearly inspires, I am choosing to trust.  Some days, it is all that I have.  Some moments, shouting the name of Jesus is all I have left.  But in the waiting, I am hopeful that He is changing me in the process, refining me, and making me new.

I hope this might encourage someone else today.  He's waiting with you.  He's waiting with me.  We don't always get the answer when we want, when we want it.  But He hasn't abandoned us.  We must not forget it.  

Lately, even though I have not seen the changes I am looking for, my faith is remaining stronger and wavering less and less.  In my weakest moments, I call out to Him.  Sometimes I sing a worship song or put on a CD.  Either way, it lifts my heart.  My problems didn't disappear, but my sorrowful heart turned a corner.  

"Some through the waters, some through the flood
Some through the fire, but all through the blood
Some through great sorrow, but God gives a song
In the night season and all the day long."

"God Leads Us Along"- Gaither Vocal Band.

A Bit of Mama Reflection

“Cleaning and scrubbing can wait ‘til tomorrow, for babies grow up we’ve learned to our sorrow. So quiet down cobwebs and dust go to sleep; I’m rocking my baby, and babies don’t keep.”

I came across this lovely little poem today, and my heart just melted.  Every mother is the CEO of a major company.  She's in charge of so many things.  It can be downright overwhelming.  She's got to tend to the laundry, the cooking, the baking, the cleaning.  And we all know that all of those are non-stop, never-ending, and when you do them all from top to bottom, you have to start right back up again!  The homeschool mom even has teaching on her list!

If you know me at all, I am a stickler for doing my own chores.  I have a schedule, and I try to keep it.  You will never see piled up laundry in the hamper nor dirty dishes in my sink.  (And I wash my dishes by hand because my dishwasher works terribly.)

But... but... don't think I am bragging.  Heavens, no!  I can tell you plenty of my shortcomings.  I don't dust as nearly as much as I should.  There are many piles of things that need sorting or reorganizing or just some plain old attention.  I look around my house most days and think, "What a mess!"

And then I stop and think, someday I'll have a clean home.  Someday my house will be magazine picture-perfect.  You won't find dust nor will you see messy piles.  You won't spot the dirt my boys' shoes tracked in from our gravel driveway, nor will you see the toys scattered here and there.   And you absolutely will not see the hand prints all over my sliding glass door, despite more than one cleaning a season!

But that empty nest won't be nearly as fun without all the laughter and chatter and little feet running about, will it?  

So for today, I will embrace the messy house, the boys who scamper about and wreak havoc, and my baby who interrupts my well-planned schedules to maintain order.  

After all, THEY are the reason I do what I do in the first place.  The house is going to burn one day anyway.  It is their souls I am after to win to eternity.  Nothing else matters.

Caleb, Silas, and Anna, I love you more than words.  Forgive me for not being a better mama.  I am trying, and am always trying, to improve.  Be patient with me!  I am a slow learner.  Love, Mama 

Lost & Caught

Last night, a seven year-old boy lost his first tooth!  We had been prepping Caleb for over a year now about losing his first tooth.  We bought a book and read it faithfully until almost memorized about a bear having a loose tooth.  It was kind of funny, because Anna cut her first tooth at the same time that Caleb's first tooth began to wiggle!  Caleb can tend to be a little squeamish, and he didn't spend time tugging on his tooth or trying to hasten its departure.  Finally, last night, it was so loose, I begged him to let me pull it.  I was afraid he would swallow it during his sleep!  He consented, and it was hardly a tug on my part at all.  It was ready!  Out it came, and Caleb began jumping up and down!

And today, Daddy took him fishing for the first time!  This boy is going places!  

Anna: 5 Months

I'm not sure how I lived without my Anna-Girl for so long!

Five months of living with her are now upon us, and with them, comes a blossoming and thriving baby girl!  At her last checkup, the doctor smiled and pronounced all of Anna's chub to be very healthy, and declared that I must have a very good milk supply.

Anna is now rolling over from back to tummy on her right side.  She can't get from tummy to back yet, but she is enjoying her newly found freedom.  She started eating her foot just a few days ago, and today, I saw her very first tear.  (Cue my own tears!)

She's so sweet, I can hardly stand it!  We have our little routine, she and I.  At this point, I am still putting her down for naps three times a day, or sometimes a fourth sneaks in there.  I always sing some songs and we snuggle.  She is starting to develop her own little personality, and she likes to stick out her tongue and try to eat my cheek with her wide open, wet mouth.  She giggles and I giggle, and we just have a great time!

She is starting to protest when I leave her in her crib for naps.  This just started, and it is a bit different from the norm.  It isn't the same as "I don't know how to go to sleep or want to go to sleep."  As soon as I step away, she lets out a fuss.  Her sleep is much better, and she goes to sleep unassisted the majority of the time at this point.  (Shhh... don't let her hear me say that, or else it will all change in an instant!)  We still need some improvement, but overall, I'm not worried, and we will get where we need to be!

I am gearing up for solid foods next month, and I keep thinking of things I didn't put on my registry a while back because I just plumb forgot!  I purchased some great things to get going, and while I still need a good (non-toxic) dish and sippy cup, I'm on my way!   I will do another post on just what my approach will be to starting her on solids.  We eat differently as a family than we did when I started the boys out, and this will affect Anna too, but in the best of ways.  She will start out eating the best foods that will be good for both the gut and the brain!  I'm going to seek out a farm that produces the best pastured chickens and grass-fed beef, raw milk, and pastured eggs.  We spent about seven months buying from this farm a couple of years ago, but quit due to the expense of it all.  Since I am starting her out on her very first foods, I at least want to get some pastured chickens once or twice a month for making homemade broth.  If that is all we can afford, at least it is something!

We also need to purchase her next size car seat, as she is getting heavier and heavier in her carrier!  We won't be moving her up just yet, but in another two or three months at most.  It is kind of at that point where you just get sick of carrying that thing around!  It gets to be easier to carry the baby rather than the car seat!

I think back to where we were one year ago.  I was still very early in my pregnancy, just trying to get used to the idea.  To be honest, this pregnancy was more a shock to me than my first!  It felt strange to be having a baby again, when I thought that was all behind me.  Now here we are, and I cannot imagine not having our Anna.  It is starting to feel normal to tell people I have three kids if I am asked.  Our Anna Lynn is an absolute dream come true, for both of us.  Even for Caleb!  He just dotes on her all day long! I pray we raise our girl and train her up in the way she should go.

And as I love to tell her, "You and me- we're gonna be BFFs!"  Brian took the boys to the park the other day, and I said to Anna, "Oh, good, it is just us!"  How wonderful it is to have another girl around! This girl is going to learn all my bargain-shopping strategies when she is older! Brian is no fun to shop with (he has no patience while I comb through a clearance rack), so we'll leave him and the boys at home!

But much more than that, if we can raise this girl to love the Lord and serve Him, and be content serving Him and her own household one day, then that is enough for me!

Happy Father's Day To This Daddy x 3!

Here's to this guy who finally has his own little girl!  (And look at those thighs!)

Allow me to share one more story regarding our discovery that we were going to be parents again.  As I have mentioned on the blog, the night before I took my pregnancy test, we were at an Andrew Peterson concert.  Brian has been a fan of his for years, and he also has made me a fan as well.  When Andrew Peterson came to Milford last year, we couldn't believe our good fortune!  His concert was at the Milford Bible Church which is about 12 minutes away!  We hardly ever go out at night, but we weren't going to miss that for the world!

I've already spoken about my experience with Andrew singing a song about change, and wondering why things weren't changing in our lives, and little did I know at that moment the news that was awaiting us. Well, Brian had a bit of his own experience.  Andrew's 16-year-old (at the time) daughter, Skye, was on stage singing a song which she wrote, and the dear girl is quite an emotional thing.  During her song, she broke down crying and was unable to continue.  Andrew, who was sitting in the front row to watch her, leapt to his feet, ran on stage, and took her in his arms to console her while she cried.  Brian was overcome in that moment, desiring a daughter of his own, as he had for so long.  A daughter to love, protect, and rescue.  And to cherish!

Little did he know that the seed of a baby girl was already planted in my belly at that moment, and his wish had already come true.  After church the very next day, I took my pregnancy test, and several months later, found out we were having a girl.

We will always fondly remember our time at an Andrew Peterson concert the night before our big news!

When you stand at the altar and slip a golden circle around your spouse's finger, you are not only partnering with them for romance and date nights for every weekend for the rest of  your life, you are partnering with them to be parents and raise little humans from scratch.  It is daunting!  Our world today gets harder and harder to navigate, and there are more and more things from which we need to protect our children.

I have had many jobs.  I have been a financial aid advisor at a seminary, a legal secretary, and a teacher (both in US and abroad) to name a few.  The hardest job on earth is being a parent.  It is the most exhausting, requires the most dying-to-self, and sometimes, makes you feel like the worst person on earth.  Having a partner who shares your vision, goals, and dreams is essential.  Sometimes, you get lost on the way, and having a partner helps you retrace your steps until you get back to where you are supposed to be.

Brian is my partner and my very best friend.  He is such a fun Daddy, and he brings so much life to our household, which would be pathetically dull if it were just me.  I am sometimes all work and to-do lists, frantically trying to get everything in the world done, and Brian brings levity which we all need.  However, he is a hard worker too, and will clean right with me if I need the help.  Our boys love him and his antics, and beneath the silly and the goofy, is a man who loves the Lord and those dear to him, and he has a very caring heart.  He is by no means perfect, and I can say that because I know his strengths and his flaws better than anyone, but he is a good man.  And as far as perfection goes, I failed that test myself a long time ago, and continue to do so, everyday!  So we go great together!

Darling, this post is part of my gift for you.  I love you and I am so grateful for you!  Happy Father's Day, Darling, and may you love this year the best yet, being a Daddy of 3!

Anna: 4 Months

"Why do birds suddenly appear
Every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you

Why do stars fall down from the sky
Every time you walk by?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you

On the day that you were born the angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold and starlight in your eyes of blue" (Close to You, The Carpenters)

Thanks to my mom's devotion to Karen Carpenter's songs back in the day, I have stored in the recesses of my mind just about every song she ever sang, and those songs are more than willing to spring to the forefront with the slightest prompting.  A few days ago, as I was putting Anna in her high chair first thing in the morning, the line "On the day that you were born the angels got together" burst forth from my mouth and I haven't been able to stop singing it to my Anna ever since.  Thankfully, she likes it when I sing to her, and the poor girl doesn't yet know that I have a terrible voice.  However, bad voice or no, I believe a mother should sing to her child.  Because when sung in love and in joy, even an awful voice is made better.  Many, many times I have gotten her to sleep with my singing.  Shocker, right??!!!  Yes, even this wretched voice is somehow better as I croon to my baby.  It is done all in love, so right there, it smoothes away all the rough edges.

How our Anna-Girl is 4 months old, I'm not quite sure.  It seems just yesterday we brought her home.  It is a wonder of science that for parents of babies under 1 that time seems to fly at warp speed, and 4 months is really only 2.  Or at least, it should be.

Our girl is simply smothered in kisses every day, so I'm sure she is contemplating in her pretty little mind that her purpose in life might just be to get kisses.  And for now, she'd be quite right!  

Anna currently likes to be in-arms.  If we have her lying about, it can't be for too long.  It is clear I have to switch her up constantly... play mat on the floor, to high chair, to possibly pack n' play (though she tolerates that the least), to in-arms, and also to baby carrier strapped to my person.  Sometimes, she falls asleep in the carrier, though that is never my goal, since baby sleep is most restorative when it is stationary.  

We are still working on her sleep, and no, I do not expect a 4-month old to sleep through the night.  I am for cry-it-out, but I am also for soothing when possible.  I do predict more cry-it-out in our future, and while I hate it with a passion, I have been down this road before.  We will get her sleep to where in should be, in time.  Actually, over the next couple of months her sleep should take on more of a definite schedule and be a bit more by-the-clock.  Her sleep is improving, which is good news, but we still have a ways to go.  That is all right by me.

I can't believe that I'll be feeding her solids in two months!  I am getting ready and I have a really good baby food cookbook in my cart at Amazon, and I'm currently researching non-toxic baby food containers.  In the next couple of weeks, we will be putting away the bassinet, and putting together a mini-crib, passed down to me from my sister, who was also in the unfortunate position of not having a bedroom for her youngest.  The regular size crib, which we still have, will not fit in our room, so whenever we move in the future, it will be waiting for us once again.

And for the record, room sharing is hard!  There is nothing this girl does not hear, and I can barely slip into bed without waking her up, and I am as quiet as a mouse!  She never passed her hearing test as a newborn, due to faulty equipment, fluid in the ear, or a real problem.  We tried having her rechecked when she was a month old, but she wasn't quiet enough for the test, and she still needs a retake in a couple of weeks. From what I can see, she seems to have superhero hearing, and I hope the test proves it.

I never want to stop hearing her giggles!  I believe she is going to be an affectionate little girl, as she is already starting to nuzzle and snuggle into my neck more and more, and wrapping her little arms around me as much as she can.  

Our Anna Lynn continues to light up our lives every single day!