Christmas 2013

Our Christmas plans this year originally had us scheduled to be in NJ with my family, but my back was giving me major grief, so we stayed home and traveled after Christmas instead.  I was disappointed at first, but I was happy to have Christmas at our own house for the first time.

Caleb was too distracted by Pocono at first to be interested in his presents.  I have photographic evidence of this, but unfortunately, I am in the photos wearing my bathrobe, and if you think I would put photos of myself in my bathrobe on the internet, you don't know me at all.

At last, we got him interested, and he did a fairly good job of opening some of the paper.  Most of the gifts he really could care less about at this point.  It seems that one toy my sister gave him two days after Christmas was a hit, and a set of three sensory balls that we put in his stocking are also enjoyed.

It was a really peaceful, relaxing, quiet Christmas in our own cozy home.  I missed gathering with my family, but I can't complain about Christmas with my two best guys.  (Oh, and the cat, too.)

Another Year To Remember

These past few years have been big years for us.  2011 found us engaged, then married four months later.  I moved from NJ to PA and quit working to become a housewife.  In 2012, we bought a house, moved again, and only a couple of weeks later, we became pregnant.

This was the year that we'll always remember as the one in which we became parents.  It almost seems that life before Caleb was another life entirely.  I am a mother through and through.  He is always on my mind.  (Today, for example, we went to Walmart.  I had a return to make that we had left in the car, so after we finished shopping, I left Caleb in the car with Brian while I ran back inside. It bothered me to no end that the line was moving so slowly, because I didn't like being away from Caleb.  I just felt like something was wrong.  After my transaction, I pretty much ran to the car, where I found Caleb crying.  Yes, Brian was there.  Yes, Brian was trying to comfort him.  Caleb was having none of it.  It took lots of talking in my high-pitched voice, distracting him with toys, burp cloths, and blankets, and more driving to get him to calm down.)

Leaving the house was once easy.  Now?  I need to get Caleb fed, change his diaper, put on his shoes, coat, gloves, and hat.  I have to grab his diaper bag and perhaps a blanket.  I have to get on my own coat and shoes and grab my purse.  Then I have to walk out with my purse and diaper bag on the same shoulder, all while carrying Caleb going down two flights of stairs.  (And if there is snow and ice... yikes.)  I'm usually exhausted by the time I make it to the car.

Somewhere during the course of this year, Courtney faded into the background and Caleb became front and center.  It became the year where I had to put my own needs on the back burner because my baby's needs come first.  Is it hard?  Yes and no.  Sometimes I miss the ease of life before (not to be confused with life without Caleb), but at the same time, a mother can't do anything BUT put her baby's needs first.  A mother would give her arm, her leg, her kidney, whatever, if it meant ensuring her baby was healthy and safe.  

For Caleb, it was seven months of discovering life.  Grabbing objects.  Cutting two teeth.  Learning to roll over.  Laughing along with Mommy and Daddy.  Learning what LOVE is.  Knowing he is loved.

There's less than four hours left to this year.  Perhaps next year will be less eventful than these past three have been.  We've no great plans for 2014.  No major life events are on the agenda.  But we still look forward to a great year of firsts.  Learning to crawl.  Taking first steps.  Saying first words. Trying new foods.  Turning one year old.

It was a good year.  It was the year God gave us Caleb, and we look forward to many more years with him.

Why We Don't Do Facebook

I recently wrote a post about three things Brian and I discovered we had in common when we had just met.  Fairly early on in our relationship (it may have been our first phone conversation which went on for four hours), we discussed our aversion to Facebook.  Brian has joked that if I was a Facebook lover, then our relationship would never have worked.  I don't take offense because I know just what he means.

Over the years, people have asked me to join Facebook, and they have stopped asking me because I've always declined.  My students tried to bait me in discussions during class in regards to just why I was a Facebook "refuser", but I couldn't be persuaded to abandon my lessons plans to go on such a tangent.  (Nice try, though, kiddos.)

I felt like putting a list together for myself of the main reasons we don't do it.  I am the main writer here, but Brian added his thoughts intermittently as well.

1.  The fact that most everyone does it is enough of a reason for me not to do it.  Because it is so popular, I want to stay away from it even more.  Brian is also very cautious with things that are overly popular, because in his words: popularity many times is accompanied by dual spiritual and/or moral compromises.

2.  I've heard it jokingly referred to as "Fakebook".  It is certainly no substitute for real life, face-to-face communication, and it is a world that one can make what one wants it to be. It can be a perpetual ego 'fix'; fuel for our increasingly narcissistic society...  I'm not saying this is true for everyone who uses Facebook.  I know there are some very genuine people on there. But for others, it is all about how many friends one has, etc.  Speaking of which, a girl who was on my floor in college once "friended" my sister on Facebook.  My sister mentioned it to me, and I barely remembered the girl based on name alone (not due to her insignificance, but rather having traveled and spending a year in Europe had made my brain foggy).  I was perplexed as to why she wanted to friend my sister when I was positive they had never met....???  Nothing against the girl whom, once I put the face to, I remember was very sweet, but I just don't get it.  I think a lot of "friends" are like that, friends of friends, acquaintances of acquaintances, etc.

3.  Many people want to find people from the past, for various reasons.  I guess I'm just not like that. It's not that I don't care about people.  There are many people I'd love to see and chat with over a cup of tea.  But I feel that the past is the past.  If we couldn't stay in touch, then our friendship probably was meant to be for just a time, and if it wasn't strong enough to stand the test of time and distance, then why revisit it?  There are many people I think of fondly, but don't wish to go fishing them out on Facebook.  As I think about it, I don't really have an interest in being tracked down either!

4.  I've heard of at least three Christian marriages that were destroyed due to Facebook.  While I won't deny that I'm sure there were other factors, I do know that these people found an old flame on Facebook, and after some back and forth exchanges, decided the grass was greener over on that already-worn pasture.  Marriage is already being attacked everywhere. Why allow the world yet another foothold? Shouldn't we instead build hedges around our marriages?

5.  It is an incredible time-waster!  People can spend countless hours on there, either commenting on people's pages or simply reading people's pages.  It takes people away from REAL LIFE.  I just don't want to get caught up in that world.

6. Brian has a reason related to his occupation. As a public/state employee he chooses not to get involved in social media outlets like Facebook and Twitter, because he knows that he does not have the same First Amendment rights and privileges that his liberal colleagues freely enjoy. If he used them, he would want to be outspoken on many social issues that could get him in potential trouble with liberal employers. He also doesn't want to follow the same path as some of his colleagues by being "Facebook pals" or tweeting with his students.

I truly don't feel like I am missing anything.  I don't care to keep up with the Joneses, whether it be with Facebook or the latest gadgets or the best in technology.  God asks me to take care of what I've got right here, and what's right here is my husband and a little boy named Caleb.

Three Stockings

I've been waiting all year for this.  To see three stockings instead of just two.  I ordered these and they just came a couple of nights ago, and of course I had to go out immediately and get stocking holders.  The only problem?  I keep looking at my stocking and thinking it belongs to my mom.

Our "B" and "C" stockings that I purchased for us to use before children arrived are now sitting in a box, along with my "Courtney" stocking that I grew up with.  It is definitely weird seeing "Dad" and "Mom", I think mostly because we don't actually answer to those names yet.

I purposely got Brian's and Caleb's stockings to match, and mine is the reverse of theirs.  Should we have another little one down the road, we will match the gender accordingly.

Can't wait for Christmas with our little boy!

Caleb: Seven Months

Dear Caleb,

I'm not sure just how or even when my little itty bitty newborn grew into a seven-month-old.  I look back on pictures of you in your first month of life, a mere six months ago, and goodness, I hardly remember you being that small!

And yet, you were.  One year ago, your daddy and I were getting ready for Christmas as my belly was beginning to grow.  We dreamed then about Christmas this year, with our seven-month-old baby.  Then, you were simply a baby in my belly.  We did not yet know our firstborn was a boy.  We chose to wait, just as we wait to open our presents on Christmas Day, to find out what you were.  Opening the gift of you this past May was worth the wait, and by far the best present I've ever received.

So here you are.  You are no longer just a dream.  You are no longer a flutter in my belly.  (Though, sometimes I still miss you being that close.)  You are here, with your big blue eyes, chubby thighs, and wiggly toes.  You are here with your giggles and your smiles, and yes, even your tears and your fussy squeals.  We love you on the good days and the bad days just the same.

I often say to you, "Do you know you are loved?  Because if you do, then I am a success."  Oh, my sweet Caleb, I am not nor will ever be a perfect mother.  My love for you is infinite, but unfortunately, I am a sinner the same as anyone else.  Through all of my failings, I aim to show you each day that you are loved completely.

I have loved watching you grow.  You seamlessly transitioned to eating solid foods without a hitch (except for peas- you gag on those!)  Mama's milk is still number one, because nothing beats that nutritionally.  One day, I will truly miss nursing you.  I never knew how much I'd come to enjoy that special time we have together.

You're such a big boy for your age.  Just a few weeks ago, you weighed in at a little over 19 pounds, which is quite heavy for your age, and you measured 28 1/2 inches long!  I'm not sure why God saw fit to give this weak mama such a big boy, but there you have it!  No doubt, my puny muscles have gained some strength!  Take tonight, for example, you were bored with all your toys and in a fussy mood, and the only thing that seemed to work was carrying you in the crook of my arm while I went about the kitchen.

You have your two bottom teeth, and I am finding teeth marks on just about everything these days.

My sweetheart, I love you more than words can say.  I felt like I've waited my whole life to be your mom.  I've done many great things in my life, but this job is the most rewarding.  It's the toughest, that's for sure, but I wouldn't trade it.  Even in the fussy moments, the tough times when you are clearly unhappy and I can't figure out why, even when you missed yet another nap, I try to remember that soon you'll be all grown.  I recently asked my mom, your grandma, if she missed her kids being young.  She said quickly and without hesitation, "Oh, yes."  Therefore, I don't say such things as, "I can't wait for Caleb to be walking or sleeping completely through the night or eating anything and everything."  I want to enjoy this day, because soon enough, these precious moments will slip through my fingers.

I love you, my darling boy!

Love,
Your mama

Three Things

It's funny how an ordinary conversation can become a turning point in our lives, even when we least expect it.  Brian and I had many such conversations when getting to know each other, especially since we spent many, many hours on the phone due to a long-distance relationship.  But we both still remember one conversation when we were first getting to know each other, that perhaps could justifiably be one that helped set the course and changed our lives forever.

When we first met, our dear friends who sort of shoved us together (without full agreement on my part), left Brian and me alone at the dinner table for a chat.  I don't remember the whole conversation, but both Brian and I remember three things that we discussed that day.

We discovered that we were both fans of Dr. Woodrow Kroll, the esteemed Bible teacher of Back to the Bible.  Sadly, he recently retired, but we were astounded that in July of 2009, we discovered that we both listened to the same radio program on the way to work at the same time, on the same radio station.  It became a way of connecting us even as we lived in two different states, and it brought comfort to know as I was driving to work each day, that Brian was hearing the exact same words as I.

While neither of us remembers who brought it up or what led to the discussion, but we both shared our desire to homeschool our children.  (Obviously, Brian would have wanted his wife to do this.)  Again, it was another very important insight into one another and we were seeing quickly that we wanted the same thing for our families (ultimately- family).  It was something we talked about throughout our courtship time and again.

While seemingly unimportant, somehow we stumbled on the topic of Santa Claus.  It really should have come as no surprise by that point that we'd be in agreement on that topic as well.  For us both, allowing our children to believe in this fantasy was out of the question, as it is not only a lie, but also a total and complete diversion from the true meaning of Christ's birth.  Whew, thank goodness we got that out of the way early!

All this to say, I've been thinking back on that conversation so much lately as we are raising our own boy.  The thoughts we shared then paved the way for our partnership as parents.  I didn't know Brian was "the one" right away.  It took my heart time to trust him and to love him, but that all-important chat was the start.  It opened the door to a possibility.  That possibility led to a friendship.  That friendship eventually led to a love.  That love led to a marriage.  That marriage led to a family, and now we have our sweet little Caleb.

I find that more than anything, the best times I spend with Brian are the times we spend talking and sharing our hearts.  That's how we began, and it is what keeps us strong.

Dedication

This past Sunday, Brian and I dedicated our little Caleb to the Lord, and we committed ourselves to teaching him about Christ.

I often say to Caleb, because he can't understand me, "There's no point to this life without Jesus. We might as well jump in a lake."  Of course, as his vocabulary matures, I will change my wording. I often tell him about Jesus, who He is and what He's done for us.  I figure I can't start early enough!

Our pastor did things a little differently.  He made the whole service about the dedication.  Another couple, our friends Dan and Cheryl, were also dedicating their little boy, Daniel, who was born ten days after Caleb.  Our pastor first called the fathers up to the altar, where he first reminded them of their role as sons, then sons who became husbands with new responsibilities, then as fathers themselves.  Then he called us wives up front (and our babies!) to join our husbands.  It was a sweet little ceremony- a celebration of marriage and family of sorts- and a happy time for us parents as we ask a blessing over our Caleb as we raise him.

We pray he will come to know his Savior at a young age, and we pray he will follow Him all his days. Because truly, without Jesus, we might as well jump in a lake.  (Not that I'm suggesting than anyone do so.  Just making a point here.)  One day, every knee shall bow, and every tongue shall confess. We might as well do it now, of our own choosing, then be forced to do so later.

Caleb was hard to restrain during the service.  I had predicted it would be so.  These days, Caleb likes being held, but only for a short time, and then he likes his independence.  He was fussing, and so I had to go back and get a blanket, and then I put him on the floor of the altar.  All the while, little Daniel was quite content in his mother's arms with nary a peep out of him.  At one point, Caleb began to roll, and I had to put a quick stop to it because the stairs were inches from him!  I can tell this little boy will make for a handful of a toddler one day!

It was a sweet service that made me reflect on my marriage, motherhood, and all the good things God has given me.  I am grateful for these two men in my life!

Good Eater

I started Caleb on solid foods a little over a week ago.  At this point, I'm only giving them to him once a day, but so far he seems to be a pretty good eater.  Though he's made a few faces (what baby doesn't?), he has eaten everything I've given him and he's made it really easy on me.  He's had sweet potatoes, squash, carrots, bananas, and apples so far.  Of course, bananas were a hit.

He's still not a good sleeper, but at least he's a good eater, so that's something, right?  My Italian grandmother would be proud if she were still with us.

In other news, lifting Caleb has finally done a number on my back.  To be fair to my Caleb, I've had scoliosis for as long as I can remember.  Last week, all the lifting finally caught up with me, and I suffered some of the worst back pain I've ever had.  Good thing we have a chiropractor right across the street!  (We may live in a rural location, but I will surely boast about the few things that are close!)  I've been running to the office for some emergency TLC.  The pain has settled right at the spot where my spine takes an unfortunate curve.

Oh, well.  Caleb is worth the pain, and I keep telling myself that one day he'll be a big, strapping young man who will come running to help me bring in the groceries.  He does like to eat, after all!

Update:  One day after this post, we took Caleb to the doctor, and he weighed in at 19 lbs. 2.5 oz. My sister's kids weren't this weight until close to a year old!  He is also 28 1/2 inches long.  No wonder my back was hurting!

Handsome And Then Some

Warning:  Viewing the following photo may result in swooning, fainting, or feeling lightheaded.  It is recommended that you have smelling salts close by, or a bucket of cold water.  This is especially critical for those females with a delicate constitution.  Viewer discretion is advised.

In all seriousness, may I present our Caleb in all his sweater-vested glory?

For me, there is nothing more handsome on a man or boy than a sweater vest.  Brian has six of them.  (Thankfully, he wears what I buy him.)  As soon as I gave birth to Caleb, I had visions of my husband and son in matching sweater vests.  I couldn't find a plain black one, so I put together this outfit for Caleb's upcoming dedication at church.  I am delighted with it, and I could eat him up.  Be still, my heart!

Caleb: Six Months

Dear Caleb,

How is it that you are half a year old already?  I can scarcely believe it.  You have become so much more than my number one priority.  You have become my constant companion.  The life I lived before I had you seems like another life entirely.  I am a mother in the fullest sense of the word, for you are always in my utmost thoughts.

You are becoming quite a little person!  Daddy is having so much more fun with you now that you are getting bigger.  You like to grab at just about everything, and woe is me if I have not yet put my hair back for the day!  I have forbidden myself from wearing necklaces and long earrings, too!  You are so interactive and you love to laugh, and I think I'm starting to find that you are a little ticklish. Your blue eyes are sure to get great compliments wherever we go, but I never tire of hearing it.

I cherish these days with you, knowing that I am the favorite person in your world.  Countless times a day, I will look at you when in your exersaucer to find you staring at me, when I think you are occupied with some toy.  It brings a smile to my face to see you look for me, even if I'm all the way over at the sink doing dishes.  Someday another woman will replace me, but that is a long, long time away.  For today, I relish being the number one woman in your life.

Tomorrow, you will get your first taste of solid food, and your daddy and I are so excited!  What a milestone in your young life!  But don't worry.  Mama's 24-hour milk stand will still be open for you.

My sweet boy, I can't really describe what you mean to me.  Your daddy and I are head-over-heels in love with you, and while we hate waving goodbye to these early baby months, we are so excited for the future.  For Thanksgiving this year, your very first, you are of course the thing for which we are most grateful.  You are by far the best gift we've received this year- the greatest blessing in our lives. You have given my life an even deeper purpose, and I throw myself into it, wholeheartedly.

I love you, my Caleb-Bear!  You've made this Mama Bear very, very happy!

Love,
Mommy

"He's All Boy"

Before I had a baby, I never missed church, except in the case of travel.  Brian and I were faithfully attending our little church where Brian leads worship.

Then I had Caleb.  Of course I didn't drag him out when he was a wee newborn, but I started bringing him with us when he was beyond those early weeks.  In the beginning, I missed bits of pieces of the service depending on when he needed to eat.  In those days, Caleb spent quite a while nursing. There was one service that he slept peacefully the entire time in his car seat carrier right beside me. Bliss.  Though it was difficult, I could usually experience some of church, at least.

But no baby stays the same size for long.  My little boy began to get bigger, and sitting and holding him on my lap just wasn't happening.  He can tolerate worship for a bit, but then, he just wants to GO!  I have threatened to Brian after climbing into the car, for several weeks in a row, "That's it!  I'm done!  No more church for me!  I don't hear the sermon anyway!"  The truth is, I'd leave church more exhausted from trying to entertain/hold back/keep occupied my dear little boy in one hour of church service than a day by myself at home leaves me.

So this past Sunday, Caleb began showing all the routine signs of "I'm done, mama.  I've had enough" when worship wasn't even over.  I grabbed my tithe, handed it to one of the collectors (Brian is up front during worship), and I took my purse and diaper bag, and out I went.  I went downstairs to the all-purpose room, with no plan, really, except to get out and let these people worship in peace. When I entered the room, there were two sweet older ladies sitting there and watching the service on the television.  (It isn't always on, but it was today, and I thought, "Great!")  When they saw me, one of the sweet ladies commented while watching him ready to jump out of my arms, "You look so small holding him.  He's all boy.  He's got two arms and two legs, and he wants to use them.  So put him down on a blanket and let him go."  So that is what I did!

I felt encouraged with these ladies.  Before we parted, they reminded me that right now, I may be missing out, but it won't last forever.  Right now, this is what he needs, but one day, he'll sit quietly with a book in the pew.  I wasn't so terribly exhausted when I left, and I felt better about the whole thing.  I know that my run-in with those ladies was no mistake, and it was exactly what I needed.

*Note:  Our church is rather small, and we don't have a nursery.  There is a nursery room, but not a specific nursery time for babies.  That's okay by me.  Even if there were nursery workers for Caleb, I feel that he is my responsibility.  That's much the same way I feel about babysitters.  Where I go, Caleb goes.

Sore Arm and Clean Floors

It is no secret that I am a weakling.  I've always been slightly in awe of mothers who are able to carry two, or even three children at once.  My own sister can carry her twins, one in each arm, at the same time, and they are 2 years old.  (Truth be told, my sister was always a lot tougher than I. There were a couple of people who tried to mess with her in middle school, and let's just say she stood up for herself, and they never bothered her again.  Me- I used to let people walk all over me.)

People kept telling me that your muscles develop as your child grows.  Sounds pretty logical to me. Caleb, however, has grown very fast, and my poor arm hasn't had time to keep up.

I have taken to wearing an Ace support bandage at times of terrible soreness, because my arm hurts in three places.  It isn't the muscles.  It's the ligaments.  I might be right-handed, but I am more comfortable carrying my baby in my left arm so that my right arm is free to stir the pot on the stove, or what have you.  While my right arm is of course stronger, he just feels like he belongs in my left arm.  It's always been that way for years, even when holding other people's babies.

So when Caleb is fussy, and I mean, late evening- before bedtime fussy, sometimes the only thing to do is carry him around with me, so he can watch whatever it is I am doing.  It calms him, but unfortunately, my arm has endured the poorer end of the bargain.  I told Brian just last week that I doubt if my arm will ever be the same again.  Just trying to hold my arm straight out brings considerable pain.  

The things we do for our babies.  Caleb has been a fussy sleeper for quite some time.  It didn't start out that way, but it seems that once September hit, he became less and less enamored with sleep. I've tried different tricks, like taking him out in the car, but that isn't always possible.  Lately, the vacuum has seemed to be a calming background sound for him, and it usually, like 99% of the time, causes him to go to sleep.  I hate to waste the electricity, so I do, in fact, vacuum a little bit each time I have it on for him.  Let's just say I have pretty clean floors right now.

I know I recently posted a photo of Caleb in this outfit, but I discovered that these booties that once belonged to my sister's kids, paired delightfully with it.  He looks like my little Christmas elf, though I doubt this outfit will still fit him at Christmas.

Navigating This Whole New World

In two days, it will be November 1st.  The fast approach of that day is reminding me that Christmas shopping season will soon be in full swing.  And this year is a year unlike any other.

Because we have a son.

(The sentence fragment is for emphasis only.)

I've started to take a peek at the toy departments.  Yikes.  There's a lot of stuff, and I'm totally overwhelmed.

Brian and I have four nieces and and three nephews from ages 13 to 2, so I've done my share of picking out toys.  However, it is entirely another matter of deciding what toys your own child will have, and how many.

We are adamant about not buying too much, yet it is our son, and it is Christmas, so we'd rather do more than hand him a lump of coal.  We know that at this age, he'll quickly outgrow toys, but at the same time, some fun, learning toys will help stimulate his mind.  We are also firm believers that less is more.  We'd rather not overwhelm him with too much, thus creating an ADD-like complex that is never happy with any same thing for more than five minutes.

So I'm taking small steps into this.  I bought him a first words book, and a monkey that he smiled at in the store when he was terribly fussy one day.  I'm also preparing to buy him a puppy that sings and talks and tells you about body parts, colors, etc.  (My sister's kids had this and loved it.)  After that, I simply don't know.

All I do know is this:  I'll be very selective when making purchases.  Perhaps one day Brian and I can go pick a few things out together so I'm not making the decisions alone.  The bonus is that at this age, we can do all of our shopping right in front of Caleb, and he won't be the wiser.  That's a very good thing, considering we have no choice but to bring him with us.

In all seriousness, I am so excited about Caleb's first Christmas.  I realize that all he'll care about is the paper and a cardboard box or two.  But for his mommy and daddy, this is probably one of the most exciting Christmases that we will ever have, because it is our first child's first Christmas- our first Christmas as parents.  We plan to enjoy every minute, because we can never get that back again.  I can't wait!

Little Jailbird

Is there anything cuter than a baby in stripes?  The words of Elvis Presley come to mind... "You're the cutest jailbird I ever did see."  Lock me up with this little boy and I'll be happy!  (Yes, I know the words to many Elvis Presley songs as a result of having not one, but two parents who enjoyed his music.  Don't even get me started on Bon Jovi, the music of whom my once-teenaged older brother blasted through his bedroom walls when I was just a little girl.)

This was one of many outfits purchased by my mother who can't seem to resist passing through the baby department whenever she's in the store.  Good thing, too, because I don't get to the stores much.  Caleb is already moving up to his 9-month size clothing because he's such a big boy.

Some highlights this week that are certainly worth mentioning:  Caleb has successfully (as of yesterday) completed the full turn from back to tummy to back again.  He also has managed to get his foot into his mouth.  He was close for a while, but he finally got it a few days ago.  He's also able to stay propped on his elbows for longer lengths of time.  I just started putting him in his bouncy chair, and while he needs some blankets to give him some support, he is enjoying it.

Sleeping is still a chore.  I struggle to get him to sleep in his crib and many times just use the swing, because the movement helps him.  The car is a wonder.  There have been times I've taken a drive down the street for a coffee just to enjoy the effects of smooth car ride on a boy who fights sleep like it's his worst nemesis.  (I often say to Caleb- "Wait until your an adult.  You'll be begging for nap time.")

I love my dear boy and he brings a smile to my face many times throughout the day.  When I walked into my orthodontist appointment the other day, with Caleb in my arms, the nurses and receptionist who all happened to be lined up in the foyer could not help but GUSH at the little cutie.  One nurse got to hold him while I got checked out, and I think she was a little reluctant to return him.  I still pinch myself.  He's really mine!

Though motherhood is the hardest job I've ever had (and I've had many:  legal secretary, financial aid adviser, teacher to name a few), this is definitely the hardest, but it is by far the most rewarding. The days may be long, there's no time off, and my own needs often go on the back burner.  Caleb's smiles, however, make every bit of it worthwhile.

Home

I've lived in PA for two years now, but I still refer to my old stomping grounds in NJ as "back home".

We went there this past weekend for a quick visit, so quick that I didn't have time to see some dear friends. I had only time to see my family, and my sister would probably tell you it wasn't enough. Caleb finally got to meet my brother, too.

There is something so special for me about going home, especially now that I'm a mom.  It was pretty neat to take Caleb home for the first time, and he, Brian, and I slept in my old bedroom.  I was trying to picture what the single me would have thought if she could have seen into the future.  I'm sure she would have been happy. :)

When I go back home, I feel so at peace, and I always feel so cared for and loved.  My parents go out of the way to make sure we are well fed.  (My dad is 100% Italian, and it is a sin to let anyone go hungry on his watch.)  My mom, I'm not too embarrassed to say, even did a little bit of laundry for me.  (Okay, so my big old comforter won't fit into my machine here, and it does fit in hers, and I'd simply rather bring it there than the laundromat.  Ick.)

Enough getting off topic here.  Here in PA, I'm the one who takes care of my husband and my son, but back home, I receive a little TLC myself.  When I walk through the doors of my former home, I am flooded with memories of my working days, coming home from work with mountains of papers to grade.  It was there that I found peace after the crazy hours at school.  It was there that Brian came to visit me during our long-distance courtship, where I waited for him on Friday nights with a hot meal ready after his two-and-a-half hour drive (though on Friday nights it was usually more due to the horrific traffic).  (Don't worry; he always slept on the living room couch.  My mom's late-night insomnia made for an excellent chaperone.)

I won't deny that I get lonely here.  I'll even venture to say that I feel more lonely now than I did before I had a baby.  Sounds strange, right?  Perhaps I don't fully comprehend it, but I shared those thoughts with my sister and she understood.  I am so isolated here at times.  This is not a complaint- just an honest confession.  I love my son, and I wouldn't trade him for a thousand friends. I know that this, too, shall pass, and I find myself lately repeating Jesus' words in my head.  "Never will I leave you nor forsake you."  Though I may feel alone, I know I'm not.

All this to say that going home, though difficult at times with a baby, was a bit of fresh air for the parts of my heart that feel as though they've been shut up for a while.  I'm glad to be home again, here in PA, but oh, I do miss my family and my NJ terribly.

Caleb: Five Months

Dear Caleb,

Almost everyone who sees you these days comments on either one (or more) of the following three things:  1) how handsome you are 2) how big you are or 3) what gorgeous blue eyes you have.

In all truthfulness, 1 and 3 pretty much speak for themselves.  As far as number 2, we found out last month that your height is in the 99th percentile.  You are growing so fast and I can hardly keep you in the same size clothing for too long.

You have started to roll over on your left side now, but you don't do that too often.  You aren't yet able to put your foot into your mouth, but you are getting awfully close!

This will be your last month of a purely breast-fed diet.  Next month I'll start you on solids, and I feel like I really need to savor this last month of being your sole food provider.  Of course I'll still be nursing you, probably just as much as I already do, but there is a little bit of sadness at the thought that you are growing all too quickly and Mama won't always have everything that you need.

You are my treasure.  I know that I'm not the best mother, nor the best wife, nor the best person on the planet.  But I do know one thing:  God must think I'm something special, because He gave me you.

I love you, my Caleb Bear!  Boy, oh, boy, I do!

Love,
Your Mama

*Will update to include a photo.  We were traveling today and while I took some photos of Caleb, none of them are blog worthy.

**I'm finally updating with a photo eleven days later.  These were taken a day after his five month birthday.

Bargain Shopping

Anyone (and I mean anyone!) who knows me beyond the superficial knows that I love to shop for bargains.  I don't just mean sales here.  I mean prices that are akin to thrift store prices, except that the item is brand new.  I want to feel like I'm stealing the item, but without doing so, of course. Everything needs to be perfectly legal.

Before I was married and when I was a working woman, I found bargains pretty regularly.  This was due to several factors.  1)  I lived in an area where I was never at a loss for a store or a mall.  There were three malls within reasonable driving distance, and if I wanted to go to Kohl's or Target, there were several of those, too.  2)  I earned an income of my own (but let me add that I was ALWAYS careful about spending money).  3)  As a teacher standing in front of many students each day, I liked to make sure I was carefully groomed, with a little style thrown in.  I always felt like if these poor kids have to look at me for forty minutes at a time, I might as well look interesting.  (My feelings on fashion, and fashion for the Christian woman, would be a whole other blog post.)

I developed a rule that a product had to be under $10 in order for me to purchase it, shoes included. The only exception I would make was if I needed something specific that I couldn't find in that price range, but I rarely needed to break that rule.  I really never had a problem finding things under $10. In fact, some of my favorite shoes cost only $4.

My coworkers and students alike (well, mostly the female students) enjoyed hearing about my bargains, and often many reported to me when they scored a good deal.  My own family stands in awe of the deals I find, but it doesn't take a stroke of genius or luck.  It is a simple, no-nonsense approach that refuses to compromise.

Last Friday, I had planned a trip to Kohl's to shop for Brian's birthday.  I was excited to get out of the house with Caleb and make a killing, something I don't get to do too much these days.

Side note:  It still is an adjustment shopping with a baby.  Wheeling a bulky stroller around is not easy, and poor Caleb was bumped into many a rack.  (Thankfully, his car seat carrier keeps him well-protected.)  It's a struggle to hold several items while pushing the stroller, but I am not easily defeated when it comes to shopping.

This was a shopping trip for Brian, but I never can resist the chance to stop by the women's clearance shoe section.  That was my first stop, but in my defense, the doors were right by the women's shoe department.  As I scoured the racks looking for a good deal, I was at first disappointed.  Most of the so-called bargains were not bargains at all, with many items still in the $20 range.  I was about to give up and move on as I approached the bottom shelf of the very last rack.  This is what I saw:

Eddie Bauer boots in my size, 90% off?!  Sign me up!  To boot (no pun intended), I had a 30% coupon, thus bringing the $109.99 boots down to $7.70.  (And no, there was not a thing wrong with them!)  I am looking forward to wearing them, because they are super-comfortable (something my post-partum feet definitely crave), and I am guessing warm (something desperately needed here during these Pocono winters).

I proceeded to the men's department where I continued to score some more great deals, including three items for Brian that were also 90% off.  I can't go into details here, folks.  It isn't his birthday until Thursday.

I don't get out much to shop these days, but I was glad good deals were waiting for me!

Oh, and of course you want to see the boots:

Note To Self: Lighten Up!

Sometimes I am simply too hard on myself.

I wish I were the world's most put together woman, with the most put together home, and who takes care of and entertains her baby while making it look so easy.

The truth is, however, it is hard.  (And you are saying- you have it easy.  You only have one child.  I would agree, yes, it is nothing compared to my sister, who has four.)  Regardless, caring for a baby is hard work, and sometimes exhausting.  If I look at the things in my home that I STILL need to get to, instead of all the things I have done, it would be easy to get discouraged.  I'll admit that I do that. I often beat myself up for the one or two things I didn't get to on my "to do" list for the day.

Then, I try to get a hold of myself.  Sure, I am still waiting to find the perfect time to reorganize my kitchen cabinets, and the go-getter in me can get really hung up on stuff like that.  So instead, I look at this little guy:

I have brief pep talks with myself, that go something like this, "Courtney, every day you get to look into the face of this adorable cutie.  Who cares that the garage needs to be reorganized?  If that's the worst problem you have, you don't have any."

There you have it.  I am trying to lighten up, to not be so hard on myself.  I can be a pretty tough boss to work for, and I am my own boss!  I should really learn to treat my employees better.

I am so glad that I have Caleb's giggles to make me see the light of day.  He's way more important than kitchen cabinets.

* The above photo was taken at the end of August.  I am sadly behind on uploading my pics, and I just came across this and thought he looked so cute.

Four Months Old

Dear Caleb,

If I smile more these days, if I laugh just a little bit louder, if the light is brighter in my eyes, it is all because of you.

Before I became a mother, I always knew I'd love my child through and through.  I knew that even as a little girl playing with dolls.  It is an entirely different thing, however, when that love becomes REAL. I look at your sweet face and I wonder if you know you are loved.  I'm not sure all of what a baby at four months can or cannot comprehend, but I believe somewhere in that developing mind of yours, you understand you are loved.  Your smiles tell me so.

And your giggles!  Goodness!  How you dearly love to laugh!  Daddy and I are able to get you to laugh pretty easily these days.  I love to pick you up and rub my head against your belly.  That's my favorite way to make you giggle.  Truly, I'm not sure there are too many things more pleasing to my ears than that wonderful sound.

I'm so thankful that your daddy allows me to be a stay-at-home mom.  I could never go to work and part with you, leaving you to someone else's care.  You are mine.  One of the first things your daddy and I learned about each other was that we both believed in homeschooling our children.  That is another thing I am so thankful for.  You will be my companion for a good eighteen years.  I hope you are up for it!  I know I am.  I so look forward to teaching you, and not only that, but learning with you, too.

There are moments when I look at you and I try to freeze the picture in my mind.  I am all too aware that if I turn my back for one moment, you'll be all grown, a man ready to take on the world.

My sweet son, I love you more than I can say.  While I want you to grow to be big and strong, today I am relishing the fact that you're a baby who needs his mama.  Being your mother is the best job I've ever had.

Happy four months old, my Caleb-Bear!

Love always,
Your mama

Happy Caleb!

Sleepy Caleb, because he's a not a such a good napper and he missed his last nap.

Superhero Caleb.

Learning to Balance

I'm finding that motherhood is a balancing act in many ways; I'll write about two of them here.

Caleb is not a good napper.  The age-old debate to "let them cry" or not, is one Brian and I have discussed at length.  Pre-parenthood, I always believed in letting them cry.  I know it is what my parents did, and I figured that running to your child's every cry would spoil them.

Then I became a mom, and I learned that is a lot and I mean A LOT harder hearing your baby cry than I thought.  I still agree with the above, that running to your child's every cry is spoiling them, and just plain impossible, but I am learning the delicate balance.

After reading another viewpoint in one of my various parenting books (all handed down to me from my wonderful sister- this one happens to be about breastfeeding), which says that ignoring your baby's cries leads them to feeling neglected.  The very next day I wouldn't let him go.  But he still couldn't fall asleep, not even with all my singing, moving, etc.  Finally, Brian cried out, "Can't we do a combination of the two?"  It was our big "ah ha" moment.  Yes, perhaps it didn't have to be completely one and none of the other.

So I am learning.  Caleb struggles to fall asleep, and sometimes he simply needs help.  When he is struggling, I do not believe it is spoiling him to help him, unless I overdo it.  At these times, I do walk around and sing to him, and then I attempt to put him down.  If he still struggles, I've pretty much done all I can do, except maybe give him a reassuring stroke or two.  I am trying to show him the balance of "I love you; I am here for you, but I can't take away your tiredness or make you go to sleep.  Mama is always here watching over you as you learn and grow".

Another way I am learning to balance is by handling the demands of both a baby and a house.  It's hard staying on top of housework with a small baby, and a baby that doesn't nap well.  Do you think I have an hour here and there to get stuff done while Caleb is down for a nap?  Nope!  He often times is down for fifteen or twenty minutes.  It isn't even enough time for me to put my head down and get a sufficient nap, because the first five minutes I'm usually making sure he is good and out.  (The very best naps, which don't happen too often, are when he falls asleep in my arms after nursing, and I put my head back and we both sleep together.  Bliss!)

As Brian has just gone off back to work, I am trying to simplify the way I do things, and not take on too much.  My mom, sister, and I are the exact same way.  We are doers.  We want to get things done.  We cannot stand piled up laundry (due to which, there never is any in our houses) or our homes being dirty.  As I told my mom last week, things on my "to do" list haunt me until I get them done.

However, everything changes when there is a baby to care for.  He simply comes first.  So while he is at this tender age, I am trying to stay on top of the main things:  cooking, laundry, and keeping the main living areas clean, and I'm realizing it is simply not time to go clean out the garage.  Things like that will simply have to wait.  Am I okay with it?  Perhaps not, but I am learning to be.

I am far from the best mother out there, or the best housewife.  At the end of the day, I need to ask myself, "Have I loved my husband today?  Have I loved my son?"  If I can say yes, then it doesn't matter so much that the living room still needs to be straightened.  Honestly, when I hear Caleb giggle, there's not much else that matters in the world at that moment.  Not even the laundry.

So Long, Summer

August isn't even cold in its grave, and the stores swiftly began displaying pumpkins and mums for sale.  Goodness.  Please don't add salt to our already aching wounds.  No need to rub it in, folks.

Please don't misunderstand.  I love fall.  I really enjoy all the seasons, but I like the crispness of fall when it is cool enough for a jacket but not cold enough to shiver into an ice sculpture.  I am always ready to say goodbye to shorts, capris, and sandals and slip instead into my favorite pair of jeans. (Not sure I can get into them yet, with a few extra pregnancy pounds, but that's another story.)

I enjoy summer most of all because I get to spend it with my best friend.  For those that think teachers have it made in the shade, they don't see how hard my husband works.  Teaching is already like working two jobs with all the extra work at home, and my husband really does work two jobs.  So it is easily like working three jobs.  As a music teacher, he has so many extra activities, concerts, competitions, judging, school play, etc., etc., etc.  You get the picture.

I don't mean to sound "woe is me" when he is the one doing all that hard work.  But it does get lonely sometimes.  My mom and sister certainly can't drop in for a quick visit and chat over a cup of tea.  I can handle the regular hours Brian is away.  It is the second job and the added activities that make it difficult some days.  I miss him.  Now, with taking care of a baby, sometimes an extra set of eyes to watch our precious one is most welcome when trying to get a meal on the table.  (I won't even talk about how the kitten gets into EVERYTHING.)

So summer is over, but it has left us with some memories.  We watched our Caleb boy grow to three and half months old, and he delighted us a few days ago by rolling over FIVE times in one day!  He is no puny boy, that's for sure!  He's already a tough little guy, and as soon as I can get him to help me carry the groceries in, I will!

After a second close encounter with a mouse, we brought home a kitten, and while I am still trying to get used to the little guy, Brian loves him, so at least he's not neglected.  (I am trying, folks.)  He's still a bit of a rascal, and I'm hoping he calms down as he gets a little older.  On the plus side, he does kill/eat spiders, so he may prove to come in handy to this spider-detesting girl.

We finally purchased a new (used) car!  Brian's old deathtrap is finally a thing of the past.  He endured an entire winter without heat.  (Some days I forced him to drive my twenty-year old car which does have heat.)  We spent Christmas day pulling over on the side of the road to pour coolant into the car just so we could get home.  No more!  I know Brian feels good taking our new car to work, and I get to take it on the days I travel a good forty-five minutes or so to any of the major stores, such as Kohl's.

We also celebrated two years of marriage in August, and I am grateful everyday that I married my best friend.  I wouldn't trade him for anything.

Now, we look ahead.  Brian's birthday is next month, and then we have Thanksgiving, and a glorious Christmas to look forward to with our firstborn.  I am sad to see Brian go back to work, but I do look forward to the days ahead.

As for next summer?!  Caleb will be a year old, and we already have several activities planned.  We won't nearly be as limited as we were this summer.  We can't wait!

Happily Married: Two Years

Two years ago today, Brian and I spoke our vows before God to love and honor only each other, 'til death do us part.

Both of us take those vows seriously.  Those words we spoke were a promise, and that promise was not based on unstable emotions, but rather the strong, sturdy, constant kind of love that does not waver and does not let go.

Is marriage easy?  By no means.  It takes hard work, tons of communication, strong doses of humility, and endless forgiveness.  But when you put two people together who are determined to stick it out come what may, you will likely see a marriage that will last forever.

They say the best decision we can make, next to accepting Christ as our Lord and Savior, is determining whom to marry.  If that is the case, and I believe it is, then I made a wonderful choice. My husband is by no means the perfect man, but no man can fulfill that impossibility.  He isn't perfect, but he's good.  When I say "good", I don't mean mediocre, or even fair, as if he's just making the mark.  When I say "good" I mean way above the status quo.  A good man, a truly good man, is hard to find, but I found one.  For that, I am abundantly blessed.

I still have much to learn about being a good wife and the best help meet I can be to my man.  I am still growing, and I am grateful that my husband has never-ending patience with me.

Today we celebrated our marriage of two years, which is a drop in the bucket to some of the older couples we know, but Lord willing, we will be among those whose marriage lasts a long, long time.

Brian took me out to dinner and for a walk along the lake, and of course, we took our little boy with us.  It was all the more special celebrating with our Caleb.  I started a little tradition last year on our first anniversary:  I wore the headband and earrings that I wore as a bride.  I donned them again this year, and I added the bracelet I wore also.  I have worn none of those things since then, except on our anniversary.  Last year, if I really wanted (which I didn't), I probably could have still fit into my wedding gown, but now, after having Caleb, no way is that going to happen!   (Although I did get weighed today and discovered I have only seven pounds to lose before I reach my pre-pregnancy weight!)

I will include here photos of the gifts we got each other for our second anniversary traditional gift of cotton.

I got Brian a set of three handkerchiefs embroidered with his initials. 

Brian did much better than I.  He purchased a beautiful pillow, and had a picture of the three of us copied (engraved? scanned?) onto it.  It is beautiful.  I love it.

Here's to many, many more years with the love of my life!

Three Months

Dear Caleb,

My boy, you are really growing!  I can't believe you are three months old already!

Do you know how much your mama loves you?  I enjoy each new day with you.  We are falling into quite a routine, you and I.  Every morning you put up with my singing, "Good morning, good morning, good morning to you" and also "This is the day that the Lord has made".  You smile throughout it all, though you will one day learn that your daddy is a much better singer than mommy.  Today, on your three-month birthday, I decided to start a new routine of reading a Psalm to you each morning.  It is never too early to start hearing God's Word!

You are getting stronger every day.  Look out, world!  Here comes my boy!  Your neck muscles are gaining strength and you can now roll over to your right side, though you usually roll right back.  And those kicks!  I can hardly stand how cute it is to see those legs of yours go in the air.

You are quite taken with yourself.  During car rides, you stare at yourself in your little mirror, completely fascinated with the little boy that is looking back with you.  I can't blame you at all, for I feel exactly the same way!

Your daddy and I are completely in love with you, and we are absolutely dreading the upcoming move from the bassinet to your own crib in your very own room.  I'm not sure what I shall do when you will no longer be by my side all night long.  No doubt, you will deal with the transition much better than I.

I love you, my darling boy!  My life is so much more full with your smiles and wide-eyed looks.  Just please, don't grow up too fast.  I want to hold on to these sweet days for as long as I possibly can, and yes, I will milk that bassinet for all it is worth.

Love,
Your mama

The Best Husband

This brief story demonstrates just one of the reasons why I have the best husband in the world.

Two nights ago, Brian went to a wedding in Long Island for one of his coworkers.  Since it was so far, in addition to a wedding being no place for a baby, I stayed behind with Caleb.  I would have liked to have gone with Brian, especially for the chance to dance a slow number with him, something we have not done since our own wedding.

Brian found himself at a table with his colleagues, and there was a moment where a napkin was passed around at each table.  When the music stopped, the person holding the napkin was asked to come to the dance floor.  You guessed it; Brian was the person holding the napkin.  When he arrived to the dance floor, he and all the other victims were told to ask a person from any other table than the one they came from to dance.

If it were me, I would have skulked off and said, "No way!"  But my husband is ever so clever. Instead of being a party pooper, he told me that he immediately began looking for the lady with the whitest, grayest hair.  So he did.

He walked right up to a sweet lady and held out his arm.  She was just tickled, and declared him to be a "nice young man".  It turns out that she was an aunt of the bride.  Brian's colleagues were all in stitches, snapping pictures and such.

The reason I have the best husband is because instead of choosing a young, pretty thing (not that I am saying I am old and ugly), he honored me by choosing an older lady, and he also made this lady feel pretty good.  While I wish I could have been the one dancing with him, I don't begrudge the bride's aunt.

How's that for getting out of a sticky situation?  I married a pretty smart man.

First Year of Homeownership

We've officially owned our home for one year.

One of the things I've enjoyed most about this summer, besides having Caleb of course, is the fact that I haven't had to move.  Two years ago, I was preparing for my wedding in the midst of getting ready to move to PA.  I was trying to figure out what to pack and bring to PA ahead of time, and also what to still leave with me for my last couple of weeks in NJ.  It was a flurry of boxes and living out of suitcases.  It was rather crazy.

Last year, on August 4th to be exact, I found myself moving again.  We said goodbye to Brian's bachelor pad, which I tried my best to make a cozy home for our first year of marriage.  There was only so much I could do with the place.  While I was more than ready to leave, it was a bit sad to leave the first home we had together.

So for the first time in two years, I did not have anywhere to traipse to this summer, and it was a blessed relief.

Homeownership is no easy role.  There is always something to be done, and we are still working on the same to do list that we made when we moved in.  Some new things popped up along the way that pushed other things down on that list.  I keep reminding myself that it is a marathon and not a sprint.  We don't know how long we'll be here, whether it is for the long haul, or a few years.  Still, we keep plugging away, trying to make our home an even better place.

I keep looking back to that move we made one year ago (and two days).  We had Brian's family helping us move, and also a couple from our church.  This friend of mine, Cheryl, and I, found ourselves a few moments to talk as she helped me put my bed together in my new bedroom.  I was telling her of my desire to get pregnant, and she was encouraging me.  She also revealed that she was also wanting to get pregnant with her third child, and she and her husband were hoping for a boy after having two daughters.  I look back on that conversation and marvel, for within a couple of weeks, I did get pregnant, and she did, too.  Her baby boy was born ten days after Caleb.  What a strange kind of miracle for that to happen to the two of us, just after we both voiced our earnest desires.

If I could have had a glimpse then of what awaited me, this beautiful, blue-eyed boy, what a burst of ecstatic joy would have rippled through me.  Our home now feels much more complete with this baby of ours.

Even though we have a million things that still need doing, I remind myself to be content.  We have each other and our precious son.  There are some windows that still need blinds and rooms still need to be painted, but those are not the most important things in life.  Our family is, and I am so blessed that God has fulfilled the deepest desire of my heart.

So here's to many more happy years here, for as long as God should have us!

Meet Pocono

He's cute, he's fast, and he's a real good fetcher.  He's also got some really sharp claws.  Brian has been scratched and poked a few times.  I've been rather, um, cautious myself.

By the way, his original name was Clyde.  No, I'm not kidding.  We changed that pretty quick.

He's a real cutie, but we still need to take him to the vet, so he's still confined to the lower family room.  All in good time!  He absolutely loves Brian.  I haven't been with him much yet for him to form an opinion of me, but I don't doubt he won't know what to make of me.  We'll see!

Big News

Folks-

This is big.

We are now the owners of a four-month old kitten.

For those that have known me a while, this news is so shocking it is almost scandalous.  I have never owned a pet, save the beta fish someone gave me in college.  I named him Boaz, and for the record, I was rather upset when he died.

If you have been a reader of this blog, you know about the mouse incident that occurred in March. We had thought about getting a cat then, and were pretty close to it, but decided against it at the time because Brian had so much going on at work and we realized he wouldn't have any time to train it.  Obviously, I wouldn't have been a good choice to train the cat.

After we had another mouse one week ago, I had had enough.  I do believe the mouse scurried in from the garage when Brian opened the door, though I didn't see it until hours later.  I further believe the mouse entered the garage one night when the garage door was open for quite some time as Brian was selling an appliance to some people.  I had even said to myself that night, "I hope a mouse doesn't get in the garage."

Last Thursday night, I was sitting in our lower family room watching a movie with Caleb, and I saw the unwanted creature scurry in.  I didn't scream or overreact.  Almost automatically, I of course grabbed Caleb, and I also picked up his blue rocking chair and his nursing pillow (thinking to myself "no way am I coming back down for them"), and I flew up the stairs.  How I carried all of those things I don't know, because Caleb wasn't in the chair.  The chair was entirely separate.  When I got upstairs, I also discovered I somehow even managed to bring up his burp cloth and the journal where I write down all his feeding times.  That's nothing short of miraculous.  Who knew I had such an ability?

I called Brian in a fit of despair.  He was on his way home from his second job giving music lessons, and I told him to hurry home.  I called my mom and asked her to pray.

I won't keep going with the story, but that mouse was caught in a trap.  You'd think we could get on with our lives just fine, but no.  Now I have memories of seeing not one, but two mice in my home. Something had to be done.  Desperate times call for desperate measures.

The very next day, we went to an animal shelter, coincidentally in the same town where Caleb was born.  We picked out a cat, but we had to wait about a week for him.  We just brought him home today.

So it is a new experience for me to live with a furry creature.  He is cute, but since he is a kitten, I'm easily startled by his sudden movements and I'll admit I fear for his claws around Caleb.  (Oh, let's face it.  I'm also afraid of his claws myself!)  We will be very careful until we know we can trust him.

I will post a photo of him as soon as I can.  Brian is with him now, and we are limiting the cat to one room so he can adjust a bit to life outside the cage.  I haven't been with the cat much yet because I'm busy seeing to Caleb, but soon enough, soon enough.

His name is Pocono, by the way, and this sudden addition leaves me totally and completely outnumbered around here.

I'm hoping for a daughter next!

Update:  Pocono is already proving his worth by killing a spider on the wall in the family room.  Brian said it wasn't even very big, but he found it.  This cat just might worm his way into my affections.

Yes, I still need to take a photo.  Both times I went down to see the cat with Caleb in my sling, Caleb got very fussy and I had to bring him upstairs.  I'll get one soon, I hope.

Birthday Blessings

Yesterday was my birthday.  Instead of spending it with one guy, I'm a lucky girl that got to spend it with two.

 Brian, my true love #1.

Caleb, my true love #2.

I was thinking yesterday that this was my third birthday in a row with a new situation.  Two years ago, I was an engaged woman.  One year ago was my first birthday as a married woman. Yesterday, it was my first as a mom.

Sadly, it is the first birthday that I did not celebrate with my family.  In all my life, I've only missed two birthdays at home in NJ.  One was last year because we were getting ready to close on our house, but Brian and I went a couple of weeks early and my family had cake for me then.  In 2005, I spent the summer in Pasadena before heading out to Prague for a year, and my family had an early birthday/going away party for me.  

Thank goodness I had two handsome men here to keep me from being lonely.  Brian took me out to breakfast to a place we had frequented when we were dating, and he took me there last year on my birthday.  I kept thinking that it was such a blessing to be able to bring Caleb with us.  

I "assisted" Brian in making my birthday cake.  Perhaps next year he can do it by himself?  I told him I'd still be there to supervise.  (And no, we don't use box mixes around here.  Homemade all the way.)

In any case, I am abundantly blessed.  I love my boys and I am very happy to be the #1 woman in both of their lives.  

Two Months

Dear Caleb,

How can I describe what a joy it is to be your mommy?  I don't think I can without sounding like a Hallmark card, so perhaps I won't even try.  Just know that my heart bursts with happiness every time I look at you.

While I love being your mom, I was not prepared for how achingly vulnerable I find myself as a parent.  This life that we live is such a fragile and delicate thing, and the thought of harm coming your way makes my eyes water.  I love you with the very best that is in me, and I truly and gladly value your life above my own.

When you smile, I smile along with you.  When you cry, I attempt to ease your distress.  When your curious eyes watch the world around you, I try to spot the fascination that you see.  When you are awake, I often talk to you about Jesus, and when you sleep, I pray you will come to know and love Him.

How I cherish every day with you!  All too soon, life passes us by, and in a flash, you'll be getting married.  So here I am, watching you at two months old, and I am savoring every moment.  I am reminded of a quote by Laura Ingalls Wilder, who said in one of her books, "Now is now, and it can never be a long time ago."  How comforting it is to know that our mind's eye can capture these fleeting moments forever, and in a sense, you will always be your mommy's dear little boy.

I love you, my Caleb Bear.  I am wonderfully blessed to be your mom.

Love,
Your mama

If There's One Thing I Can't Resist...

it's this little guy right here.

But who could possibly blame me? ;)

On Cloth Diapering

I find people's responses humorous in regards to our decision to use cloth diapers.  We've heard anything from, "Once you use disposables, you won't want to go back!" to "You'll change your mind!" and finally "You're ambitious!"

Really, I'm not quite sure what is ambitious about opening my top-loading washing machine and throwing some wet, stinky diapers in there.  Could someone please enlighten me?  (I've mentioned before that my father, who is twelve years older than his younger brother, had to wash his brother's diapers using a scrub board.  Now THAT would be ambitious.  Though, at that time, it simply was a necessity.)

I used disposables for the first few weeks because I didn't want to deal with the extra laundry while I fought new mom tiredness combined with a nasty cold.  It's been a couple of weeks since I've taken the plunge into cloth diapering, and I'm happy to say, that no, I will not go back to disposables, except for an every-now-and-again kind of thing.  (I have one on Caleb now because all his cloth diapers are currently being washed.)  In fact, after using cloth diapers so much, I almost think the disposable looks like an imitation diaper, a very cheap and flimsy thing in comparison.

I've been using two different kinds of cloth diapers.  The first is the old-fashioned prefolds that our grandparents used.  Many people use them today as burp cloths.  (However, many of those around today are extremely cheap.  I bought very high-quality prefolds that are thick and absorbent.)  Those prefolds can be folded and fastened in various ways, or they can simply be folded into a waterproof cover.  This is the method I use.  This is the most economical way to cloth diaper, because the prefolds themselves are very cheap, and the covers can be used more than once before washing.

The only negative I can see from the prefolds is that I have had leaks- they have been contained within the cover- but it is annoying when I want to reuse the cover again.  I've tried different folds, but for me, simply folding it into the cover is best.  From what I've read from other moms, it is rather normal to have a leak out the leg and into the cover because let's face it, pooh at this stage is a messy thing.  Still, that is the one annoying thing for me.  When Caleb starts eating solid foods, it'll probably be easier.

The other kind of cloth diaper I have tried is a pocket diaper.  I love these!  A microfiber absorbent cloth is tucked in the back of a cloth diaper, and the diaper is less bulky on the baby than a prefold. The only negative thing?  It is only used once and tossed in the wash pile.  For this reason, it is more expensive, and though I like these diapers better, I have to use prefolds and covers to save some money. I also haven't had any leaks with these diapers, and so far the only blowouts I've had were with disposables!

I wash Caleb's diapers every other day.  While I don't relish the extra laundry, it is no hardship, and when I think of the money we are saving, it makes it all worth it.  Yes, even with the cost of electricity and detergent (we don't have a water bill here with well water), it is still cheaper to cloth diaper than to use disposables.  I can't do the math, but it has been done by others, and it is definitely cheaper.

So I don't think I'm any kind of hero here.  It doesn't take any special ability to throw a heap of cloth diapers into a machine.  If more people were this "ambitious" they could save money, too!