I couldn't let the day go by without pausing to reflect on the one year anniversary of my miscarriage. No doubt, the baby actually passed away in my womb a few days prior, but since we wouldn't know when that was, this is the day we will mark as the one to remember.
I have learned so much and grown through this loss. Of course, I wouldn't ask for it. Of course, I would have changed the outcome if it were within my power to do so, but God didn't waste the experience.
I wish I could shout to the skies and tell my baby how much I still love them, that they still are not, nor never will be, forgotten. Caleb and I often discuss that this family has five kids: 3 here now, one in utero, and one in heaven. Even though I don't actually get to raise five kids, I still know I am the mother of one more, whose soul knows eternal peace. I know the day will come, one glorious day, when Brian and I will get to see that little one, face to face.
I am thrilled to have this baby girl kicking and poking about within me, but as darling as she is and will be, she won't replace, can never replace, another lost soul. Yes, having her does ease the pain significantly, and we are grateful for her. I know the day she is born, I will be thinking of my little one in heaven, too.
