It Sure Hasn't Been Dull Around Here... a Reflective Post

Finally, finally.  At last, I have a few minutes to sit down and reflect.  Pen and paper (or keys and screen in this case), words and sentences, beckon me.  The written word is like an old friend.  It listens, quietly.  I am able to pour out my heart all I want, and it does not interrupt.  It does not ask questions.  It does not contradict or give opinions.  It simply slips its arm around my shoulders and listens.

I love this little blog.  It is my quiet little space on the internet.  I do not seek many followers.  It is here for our family, but, if I am being honest, it is mostly for myself.  You can see my posts have been dwindling the latter part of this year.  As Silas has grown, so has his need for attention, and just taking care of things in the kitchen is difficult enough.  Never mind sitting down to write on my blog!

Brian always says I work too hard and I need to relax.  Perhaps he is right, but as a mother and a homemaker, I do not see what putting my feet up and lounging on the couch will accomplish.  I work hard, and yet, so many things go undone.  The boys come first; the dust does not.  I work hard on the things that MUST be done.  Cooking, meal planning, cleaning the kitchen, cleaning the bathroom, and laundry are the main chores I focus on (yes, ironing and vacuuming, too).  Honestly, I haven't dusted in months. Probably since before Silas was born.  I used to dust every week when I was a little girl, but that chore has moved to the back burner as a mom.

So, here I am, sneaking in a few minutes at the end of the day, to pour out my heart.

For the past five years, every year has had a monumental event. Brian and I were engaged and married in 2011.  In 2012, we bought our house, and a mere two weeks or so later, I was pregnant. Caleb was born in 2013, and then I became pregnant again in 2014.  And of course, our darling Silas came four months ago.  (If that weren't enough, I even had a postpartum seizure, too.)

It has been a whirlwind, for sure.

I wouldn't change any of it.  When I look into the faces of my boys, sometimes I can't believe I am their mother.  I was single for so long, it seemed, and I wondered when I was teaching at my old school if I'd ever get married.  I remember those days, and I wonder what that Courtney then would think if she could see this Courtney now.  In some ways, we are two different people.

We have no big plans for 2016.  More than likely, we will be breaking the trend that has endured for five years.  Whether or not we will have another child is something only God knows.  Brian and I do wonder about it and talk about it, and for sure and for certain, if I could sneak a peek into the future, much like reading the end of the novel when I am only halfway through, I would.  However, even if we were going to deliberately try for another (which, more than likely, we won't), we would not try so soon.  We are content to have only two, yet something beckons us to be open should God have other plans.

So for now, we will keep on keeping on.  We look forward to all the firsts that will come with Silas: crawling, standing, first steps, first words.  We will watch as Caleb continues to grow and thrive as the active little boy he is.  If I were to change anything at all, I would only change myself, and it is my heart's cry that I become more like Him, and that the sinful, selfish Courtney would fade more and more each day.

May God mold me and shape me, so that I can reflect more of His goodness and grace.  My goal in 2016 is not to exercise or lose weight, or eat more healthfully (although, that is something I am always aiming to do).  My goal is to be a better wife to my darling husband and a better mother to my precious boys.

If I can do that, it will be another monumental year, indeed.

Great Minds Think Alike/And Then There Were Four

When I got my sister's Christmas card in the mail, I had already ordered mine, but did not yet have them.  After I oohed and aahed over her pictures, I kept thinking something seemed vaguely familiar about her card.  Then I realized, I had ordered the very same!

What are the odds?  Well, we are sisters, after all!  I wonder what all of our family members thought when they received the matching cards from both of us!

It gives me such great pleasure to see four stockings hanging this year.  The year that Caleb came, I ordered stockings for the three of us.  (The first two years of marriage, I had gotten some cheapy ones, because I knew I'd get nice stockings once we had a child.)  At first, it didn't look like I was going to be able to get a matching stocking for Silas this year, but thank goodness, it became available.  Brian's sister bought us three snowflake stocking holders two years ago, and last year when I became pregnant, I asked her if she could possibly find another for the baby on the way. And she did!  After she gave it to me, I put it up, though empty, because I was dreaming of the tiny little baby in my belly.

Now, here he is, and we are ecstatic to celebrate Silas's first Christmas, and our first Christmas as a family of four!  It just gets better and better!

Silas: Four Months

Dear Silas,

I am not sure how you are four months old already.  Even though you are my second child, I still can't believe how fast it goes.

You are getting so big, and this is no exaggeration.  In your weight and length you are in the 97th and 99th percentiles.  You clearly look several months older than you are.  I'm not sure how much longer you will be in six month clothes.  I have already washed Caleb's old nine month clothes, so they are ready to go when you will need them.  A few of your six month things are already getting tight!

You are grabbing at things more and more.  Usually when we are done nursing, I have to disentangle myself from you.  Your hands are tightly wrapped around me, my clothes, my hair, etc.  You are starting to raise your head more and more and lift yourself with your arms, and though you have not rolled over yet, it looks like it is soon coming.  (I think the delay here is due to the fact that you hate being on the floor too long).

Your sleep is still far from where we need it to be.  I'm not sure why, because I have carefully avoided the mistakes I made with your brother, yet here we are.  I make sure to put you down at night awake, and you get to sleep on your own.  However, you are still having too many awakenings during the night.  Whenever we see improvement, it is always one step forward, and two back.  The other night, you had a great night with one five-hour stretch, then we were back to two-hour stretches, even one-and-a-half.  Just this morning at 4 o'clock, we let you cry it out for an hour, and boy, it was ugly.  People have asked why we don't put you in your brother's room.  We don't need two children up in the middle of the night.  One is enough.  (And frankly, your brother has his own issues.)

Naps are touch and go.  Again, every time we make progress, we go backwards later.  I am still as sleep-deprived as I was when you were a newborn!  It hasn't gotten too much better, unfortunately.

We took you to the doctor last week, and they gave you a glowing report.  They couldn't get enough of you!  The doctor thinks a tooth might be coming soon, and I have to agree.  I have started giving you teething tablets, and perhaps this is contributing to some of your fussiness.

Despite all these growing pains, you bring us so much joy.  Your smiles are heavenly!  You give me the best grins, and I never tire of them.  Holding you cheek to cheek is just about one of my favorite things in the whole world.

We are excited to celebrate Christmas this year with our two boys!  I ordered your stocking to match the rest of us, and we are all set to go.  Last year, we were dreaming of you at the very beginning of my pregnancy.  Now, here you are.  You are present enough for me.

I love you, my darling boy!

Love,
Your mama

Here he is in an old outfit of Caleb's: