Caleb Feeds Mommy

The tides have turned, folks.  There's a change in the air.  From now on, Caleb will be feeding Mommy while I put my feet up and relax.

Caleb was finishing up his watermelon this evening, and he stuck his hand out toward me with a piece in it.  He's done this before, and though I've come in close for it, it's never amounted to anything.  Today, however, when I stuck my mouth close, Caleb actually got the piece in.  And he did it again.  And again.  And again.  His watermelon was almost gone, and he was grabbing even at the tiniest scraps to try to put them into my mouth.  We were both laughing uproariously!  I motioned to his graham crackers, and when he realized he could put those in my mouth, too, he did so, and with zest!  He just wouldn't quit until he had fed me all!

It is so fun to see this little human being growing by the minute!  A couple of weeks ago, I cut my finger pretty badly while making dinner, and at first I let out a yelp.  While Brian ran for band-aids, Caleb very gently put his hand on my leg as if to give moral support while he looked up at me, watching my every move.  Then, when the pain really started to set in, I couldn't hold back the crying.  Caleb immediately began to cry, too.  Once Brian put the band-aid on my finger, I had to scoop Caleb up and comfort him.

Toddlers are a lot of work, but they sure are worth it!

All Good Things...

It's strange, but I've been approaching the end of the summer with an unusual dread.  As Brian had his first day of in-service yesterday, I found myself emotional (not unusual) and apprehensive.  I was almost looking at the start of the school year as a goodbye of sorts... as in, "life won't slow down until next summer.... I love you, honey... see you again next year".

Silly, I know.  After all, my husband comes home to me at the end of every day.  He's just so BUSY during the school year.  I, too, was a teacher.  My work was the grading kind.  I had stacks of essays to read, and I attacked my work with a vengeance.  I always said to my mom, "Thank goodness I'm single, because I would have one neglected husband if I had to do this kind of work while married."

Brian doesn't have the grading that I had.  He does have some, for his Music Theory class.  His work, rather, is tons of different musical events throughout the year.  That's where it hurts the most.  And since we don't live in the same county, or even the same state, some of these events are a frustratingly long distance away.  Many take place in the evenings, or even on the weekends.  He is hit right away with one event, that has multiple rehearsals, in September.

I'm not sure why it is hitting me so hard THIS year.  After all, this is our third married summer together.  I think it is just due to the fact that we really tried hard to enjoy it.  And we did.  We did so many fun things with our boy, that the arrival of the end of the summer is like a waving goodbye to a loved one at the airport.  It felt so good to be together.  Other than Brian's second job, the three of us were just about inseparable.  It was wonderful.

After much prayer and debating the issue, Brian decided to only work one night a week, as opposed to two, at his second job, and maybe every other Saturday.  He has been working two nights a week since we've been married, and since we have a child, it has gotten harder.  On the nights that Brian works, he will only see Caleb maybe five minutes in the morning, if at all, depending on how long he sleeps.  It's been weighing heavily on his mind that he doesn't want to miss our boy two days in a row.

As for me, I have always hated to see my husband work so hard.  To go from one job to the next with no break and no dinner, and not arrive at home until the late evening is tough.  If I had to attend, plan, and arrange all of the musical events for his students, my head would spin.

We're hopeful that having one less night away will bring about positive changes and less stress for all.  It'll still be busy and crazy, but it'll cause things to slow down, just a little bit.

So, here's to you, Fall.  Bring on the crisp autumn air, the crunchy leaves, and by all means, bring on the ankle boots and cozy sweaters.  I always prefer fall/winter apparel over spring/summer anyway.

I'll leave for you the e-mail that Caleb sent to his daddy on his first day back to work:

Dear Daddy,

It sure is lonely around here.  Mommy and I miss you so much. 

Mommy and I went down the street today to our regular grocery store and the store right next to it.  I think Mommy wanted to get back into the practice of taking me out without your help.  We had a good time out together.

She's already had to put me in the pack 'n play a few times when she's needed to go downstairs, and I fussed, but she was back real fast.  I'll probably still fuss the next time she does it, because that's just what I do.

I had cheese, a chicken nugget, and some watermelon for lunch.  I especially loved the watermelon.

How is your day, Daddy?  Do you miss me?  I hope you are thinking about me, because I'm thinking about you LOTS!

I love you.

Love,

Caleb-Bear

Our Anniversary: Three Years

Three years ago today, I put on a glorious white dress, donned a lovely, nearly hip-length veil, and took the most important walk of my life.

Those steps were the start of a lifelong commitment with my best friend.  There are no returns, exchanges or refunds.  There is no money-back guarantee.  We made an oath that will last a lifetime.  We made a promise to each other, that no matter how hard it gets, no matter how tough life is, we will walk through it together.  Those were the last steps I made as a single woman.  Since that day, I've had someone to walk beside me.

I am so grateful that I have Brian.  He's not perfect, but neither am I- far, far from it.  He is one of the most generous people that I know.  He is loving and gentle, and so wonderful with our boy.  If I could have seen a glimpse into the future when we first met, and seen him with Caleb, I would have melted right on the spot.

Today I didn't don my wedding dress, but as I traditionally do, I put on my bridal accessories:  my headband, bracelet, and earrings.  I don't know of anyone else who does this, but the accessories are subtle and not in-your-face, and I enjoy putting on those things I wore as a bride.  And yes, I plan to do that every year, even if I make it to my eighties.

Brian took off of his second job today so we could spend the whole day together.  I had requested our wedding song on the Christian radio station, as I do every year, to be dedicated to Brian, but I stupidly forgot to turn the radio on!  I was so caught up in some important research I was doing, and I completely forgot.  I told Brian about it, and showed him my e-mail as proof of the request.

We exchanged gifts, and we are following the traditional anniversary gifts, and this year was leather.  I got for Brian our initials plus our wedding date carved into a piece of leather which was made to look like a tree.  It is hard to explain, but it looks really nice.  Brian bought me a cute leather bag and had our wedding date stamped on the back.

For the second year in a row, Brian took me out to dinner on the lake, with Caleb in tow.  He was so well-behaved and it was so fun to take him.  Most people think of an anniversary as a time to have a romantic dinner- ALONE- but that is not an option for us.  Even if it were, meaning, even if we had family close by, we probably would take him with us anyway.  He is the very best part of our lives, and we love doing things together as a family.

Brian and I couldn't agree which family photo was better, so here's two for you, plus a few more from the day:

Summer Painting Projects

When we bought our house two years ago, we got a good deal.  It was a foreclosure, and many foreclosures are, let's face it, dumps.  This one was not.  It needed a little bit of TLC in terms of paint, but that was about it.  In fact, it was hardly lived in.  I think it had been a second home for the previous owners, and with the exceptions of marked up walls due to moving furniture in and out... it didn't look all that lived in.  The bathrooms and kitchen, for example, looked for the most part, unused.  I felt like I was using brand new cabinets when I began filling them.

One thing that really needed to be done was painting the deck and front steps.  Yikes.  That wood had been sitting for who knows how long.  We didn't get to it last summer, I suppose, because we were pretty enthralled with our new baby.  (And really, since I was nursing every five minutes, or just about, it would have been hard to accomplish anything anyway.)

We decided months ago that we would get to it this summer.  Brian went to Lowe's the very first day of his vacation to pick out some paint, armed with my description of the color I was desiring.  He did great picking out a color, and so we got to work.

We each put in our fair share of work.  I would work during Caleb's naps, or even in the evenings after he was down.  (Don't you just love the long summer days?)

This is how everything turned out:

 

I love the color and think it looks fantastic against the house.  Next year we want to touch up all the blue trim.  Let's see if we'll get to it!

Odds & Ends: Random Blog #1

Sometimes there are things I want to post that are unrelated or are just plain stupid to make an entire post about by themselves.  So this will be an odds and ends kind of a post.  I added the #1 in case I ever want to do a #2 or #3, and so forth and so on.

Brian and I were in Kohl's last month making a few purchases, and I stumbled upon these sailboat cutouts for a baby nursery.  If you know me, you know that I really have no decorating skills at all.  I am not a visual person and therefore am clueless about how to make a room visually appealing. (This visual impairment does not extend to clothes.  I can put a good outfit together.  My former students could tell you.)  Even in my writing, my weaknesses always have to do with written descriptions of physical surroundings.  I am much better at writing my feelings, not what I am seeing.

Anyway, tangent.  These sailboats were regularly $29.99, though who would pay that, I have no idea. They were 90% off, plus I had a 20% coupon, bringing the grand total to $2.54.  I figured we could swing that.

Caleb's room has been pretty boring due to my lack of decorating skills, and I figured I could at least put these on the wall.  They came with adhesive backings which I started to put up... then I made the discovery that these adhesives also took the paint off the wall.  Upon checking the directions, it said the adhesives were semi-permanent.  Semi-permanent, in a baby nursery???  The room will be changed probably no less than six times by the time he's ten.

So out came the paint can that my parents and I used last year to paint Caleb's room before we even knew he would be Caleb, and I touched up the spots.  Then I decided to use sticky tack instead.  Remember, I have no skills with layout or how to put anything up on walls, so this is how it turned out:

It started well on the right side, but I got a little sloppy as I went to the left.  Oh, well.  At least it is something to look at.  I made sure to put them high in case Caleb magically develops long arms overnight and starts pulling them down off the wall.  I had visions of him eating the sticky tack, and so I even moved the crib out a bit from the wall for good measure.  Yes, I do think of all possible scenarios.  I am my father's daughter.

We finally made it to the fair!  Five years ago, Brian and I met in July through our mutual friends, Shawn and Theresa.  I came back up in August so we could visit with each other again before school started.  Brian and I joined Shawn and Theresa and their family, and we all went to the fair. Brian surprised me by paying my way, which he by no means had to do.  It wasn't exactly a date, but it was that kind of chivalry Brian displayed to me all throughout our courtship.

We were so excited to bring Caleb with us this year.  He couldn't do anything, really, being too small for the rides, but he enjoyed seeing the farm animals and sharing my ice cream.  It was fun to go as a family!  I made sure to cover him with sunscreen as well as the stroller canopy.  The sun and I are not on the best of terms.

This frame has been a work-in-progress for a while.  One of the ladies at our old church got this for me for my church shower.  It shows the baby at each month.  I took pictures of Caleb every month on his birthday, except for one I missed by a day since we were traveling.  I put this frame together, and yes, I know there are a couple of big heads, but there is nothing to be done about it.  Anyway, I'm proud of it in spite of its flaws.

Caleb recently started stacking the animals I keep in the corners of his crib.  No further explanation needed.

This was just last night, and Caleb looked so cute in his new pajamas, I couldn't resist a photo.  He looks so long!  For the record, those are twenty-four month size pjs.  He still wears eighteen-month clothes, but he always grows out of the one-piece things more quickly.  They are a little bit big, but no doubt, much more comfy than the constricting eighteen-month size.

When Brian is home, we are both part of the routine of putting Caleb to bed.  I let Brian hold him and I sit on the floor next to them, because I always end up nursing Caleb right before he goes down. That way we both have a chance to cuddle close to him.

If you made it to the end of this post, well then, I sincerely thank you for sticking with me!

Nearing The End

Each year when July begins, I'm elated.  Brian's busy life finally slows down.  He still has his second job, but he's on break from the regular school year, and all of the events that go along with it.  (Being a music teacher has got to be one of the most demanding teaching positions.)

For me, it is a time to enjoy seeing my husband without all the hectic coming and going.  It is a time to enjoy having someone else around to help with Caleb.  It is also a time for me to schedule as many doctor's appointments that I can so I don't have to drag my toddler with me (which, for the record, usually isn't pretty).  Summer is time to get out as a family and do some fun things together, things we never usually have the time to do.  It also provides the opportunity to get some long-awaited projects started around the house.

Then August hits.  Some of that elation fades a little.  We can still do fun things, but knowing that one month is down leaves me dreading the moment summer must end.

I always pray with Caleb as I nurse him before I put him to bed.  One thing I sometimes pray for is that we'll store up enough memories with Daddy during the summer to keep us from being lonely during the school year.

Our time is rapidly coming to an end.  It'll soon be time for groggy mornings with Daddy hurrying out the door.  Long days and long evenings at work for Brian... long days and evenings of missing Daddy for me and Caleb.  I can handle Brian's regular job.  That's what's normal.  What always is hard for me is the second job and all of the extra music events/competitions/programs/concerts/plays that come up during the school year.

These next couple of weeks, I'll be preparing myself.  Caleb and I will both have to adjust to the days without Daddy once again.  Caleb will have to get used to having far less rides on top of Daddy's shoulders.  I'll have to get used to juggling things on my own again... there'll be no one here to keep an eye on Caleb when I have to take care of the laundry, go to the bathroom, etc.

I know we'll make it.  We will adjust, but oh, how we'll look forward to each holiday Daddy has off.  Every vacation.  Every delayed opening and every snow day will be celebrated.  We'll relish all the time we'll have together on breaks.

But for now, summer isn't over just yet.  We'll still enjoy what we can, for as long as we can!

Our Wobbly Little Walker

Caleb started walking on my birthday a couple of weeks ago.  It was an itty bitty step here and there, but they were steps.  He was starting to do it a little bit more, and then he stopped.  Then, just yesterday, he decided this is it, enough is enough.  "I'm going to walk!"  He's been steadily walking more and crawling less.

Of course, we've had a couple of falls, and I have had a few near heart attacks.  I've been constantly reminding myself that every human being starts out this way.  I did it, too, and I'm sure I gave my parents a scare a time or two also.  It gives me a little bit of comfort.

I finally got a photo, because it usually happens so fast that either the camera isn't ready or I'm just too busy watching and waiting for his safe descent back to the floor that a photo isn't on the mind.  But here are a couple, finally:

It is so strange to suddenly see your child completely upright, without holding onto anything.  I'm still not used to it, and every time he lets go of the cabinet or whatever he was just holding onto, my heart drops a bit.  I try not to squeal or exclaim because I don't want to get him riled up.  But it is nerve wracking!  I want to wrap him in bubble wrap and keep him from getting hurt.

I'm so proud of my boy!

Some Thoughts On Nursing

*If the topic of breastfeeding/nursing weirds you out at all, then please skip this post.  Though it will by no means be graphic.  These are just some of my thoughts as a nursing mother.

I will first begin by saying that I, along with my brother and sister, was a formula-fed baby.  My mom became a mother when formula was pushed much more than nursing.  Some time later, there became a switch once again in society, when doctors realized that breast milk offers far more nutrients than formula ever could.  God had it right all along, folks, when he gave mothers this ability to feed their babies.

I never gave much thought to nursing until my sister became a mom.  She nursed all her little ones, and many times she nursed them in front of me (with a cover, yes, even in front of me).  When she began telling me of all the nutritional benefits, I was sold.  And hey, it's pretty cheap, too!  What I didn't yet know was how it would feel to nurse my little one- how comfortable or uncomfortable, as the case would be.

I had no back-up plan when I became a mom.  I didn't have any formula on hand in case it didn't work out or we couldn't do it, for whatever reason.  I knew I was going to nurse and that was that.

Caleb made it pretty easy for me.  The first few days in the hospital were hard as we both were beginners at this, and I definitely allowed the nurses to show me the ropes.  I remember how I felt leaving the hospital.  Brian had arranged for Caleb and I to stay at the hospital a bit longer due to Brian's NYSSMA majors (where his bands are judged).  He didn't want to take us home and leave us by ourselves so early, so we waited until the evening for him to come back and get us.  I remember feeling nervous because we had a fifty minute drive home, and I wanted to make sure Caleb was good and fed.  Except that he wouldn't eat, no matter how hard I tried.  I think I was trying too hard.  In the end, we had to just go, but thankfully, he slept most of the way home.  When we arrived, he nursed with no problem, no doubt because my nerves were shaken off by that time.

After that, he was a champion nurser.  I compared notes with my sister, and he always nursed much longer than any of her kids did.  I only nursed him in public once, and I felt so conspicuous, let me tell you, sitting in the restaurant with my cover on.  We couldn't avoid it that day, and it was much too hot to nurse in the car, so we had to do it.  (I'm generally not a big fan of public nursing.  Yes, I do think a woman has the right to do it, but gosh, use a cover, for goodness sake.)  I remember a time or two we were out and I did retreat to the car to nurse.  I also nursed in the church nursery, with my cover on, good thing too, as more than once a man walked in on me.  (Good grief, people.)

Caleb and I went happily on our nursing way, even through the transition to acquiring teeth.  No, it is not pleasant when those chompers come down, and some training was involved, but we got through it together.  Then Caleb turned one year old.

Now is it me, or is there a stigma out there that once your kid turns a year, nursing should stop?  More than once I've been made to feel like I am some weirdo for still nursing my boy.  I was recently talking to my midwife (who delivered Caleb), and she was congratulating me for continuing to nurse him.  Instead of feeling like a failure for not having weaned him already, she made me feel like I was doing something fantastic.  In a way, perhaps I am.  Studies have shown that longevity in nursing has many health benefits.

My female dentist has told me at least three times (every visit, I think), that she nursed her daughter until she was twenty-two months.  I always think, "Good for you!"  She is proud, not ashamed.  I haven't made a full-fledged effort to try to wean Caleb, but when I have tried to distract him when he wants to, it has always failed.  He just isn't ready.  Why push him, when it causes me so little inconvenience?  Am I raising a dependent child; am I crippling him/robbing him of his independence/ psychologically damaging him?  I doubt it.  He will grow to be a strong man, I have no doubt.  I will be the first to cheer him on.

Caleb still nurses first thing in the morning, a little later in the morning (I don't understand why he needs this feeding, but he clamors at me for it), usually just before both nap times, and before bed.  I never have to nurse him when out and about.  He is far too distracted and interested in the world around him to think about nursing.

I never thought I'd grow to love this special time as much as I do.  It won't last forever.  It is a special gift that God gave to mothers and their babies to have this wonderful bond.  I never once gave Caleb a bottle.  (He drinks water now, of course, from a sippy cup.)    I wouldn't trade all those tender moments for all the money in the world.

So when will Caleb be weaned?  Who knows.  When he is ready, I'd say.  And if that makes me weird, then so be it.

These Precious Days

How I love this boy!  Sometimes I think my heart will absolutely burst because it cannot hold one more speck of love for this little guy.  And yet, more still crams its way in.

Caleb is getting to such a fun age.  He's full of life and love.  One of my favorite things to do with him is lay my head down on the couch and wait for him to come to me.  I discovered this one day, when through sheer exhaustion, I laid down on the couch, and he wouldn't leave me alone.  I guess he was surprised to see Mommy laying down during the day.  After all, I'm usually bustling about trying to get things done.  Now I do it just for fun.  I lay my head down and he comes over, all giggles.  He either hits me in the face (sometimes it's hard- but he doesn't intend to be mean), pulls my hair, or my favorite... he gives me his version of a kiss.  He leans in really close and puts his mouth on my cheek.  I savor EVERY. SINGLE. MOMENT.

Caleb often hangs around me when I'm working in the kitchen.  I smile to myself at times, because as I am naturally moving about, I notice that he follows.  If I'm at the stove, he's there.  Then I move to the sink, and he's coming, too.  I am constantly tripping over him/trying to avoid stepping on him.  Sometimes I even have to fight for space as he comes in and starts to push my legs out of the way!  He is too, too funny!

We play a game together where I run across the room while carrying him, and he touches the window, and then we run to the other side and he touches the sliding glass door.  He loves it!  He now knows what to do when I say, "Touch the glass" because he will do it when I tell him to, even when not playing the actual game.  He knows how to shut the dishwasher for me, and he loves to be my little helper.  I always give him tons of praise for his good deed.

As a family, often in the evenings, we put on fun, fast-paced classical music, and Brian, with Caleb on his shoulders, chases me around the table.  At the very end, I pretend to "get caught" and I turn and give Caleb a big kiss.  He is all giggles, absolutely loving the fun we have together.

The best is when he laughs for no reason at all, as far as I can see, or over some secret that only Caleb knows.  He'll start giggling; I'll look up and find him watching me, waiting for me to share in the chuckle.  I happily oblige.  After all, it doesn't matter why.

I love our little family.  I adore seeing my husband as a father.  He's such a good one:  so kind, patient, encouraging, gentle, and loving toward our little boy.

Though I know I can't- none of us can- I try to hold onto these precious days.  I try to savor them, just as one savors that last bite of chocolate cake or apple pie.  I try to picture the future, knowing that some day, a long way from today, I'll attempt to remember that adorable face with the big blue eyes looking back at me.  When he leaves home for college, I'll remember bringing him home from the hospital.  And when he is looking at his bride walk down the aisle, I'll be looking at him (no doubt through the trickle of tears), remembering all the years we had together.

They're going to be great years.  I'm so excited at the thought of homeschooling my boy, to teach him so much more than just what is inside a textbook.  I plan to teach his heart, not just his head.

I can scarcely believe how fast this past year has gone, and I shudder to think the next seventeen will tumble away as fast as the autumn leaves during a strong breeze.  I've got to make them count.

Because he's so worth it.

Trip To The Falls

A week or two ago, Brian announced that he wanted to take me and Caleb to Bushkill Falls, which are referred to as the Niagara Falls of PA.  I had no idea that there was such a place and that we lived so close to it- only about a half hour away.

We have been trying to do one fun thing a week as a family.  We've been involved in so many house projects... many still remain unfinished; some minor things are completed, but in the midst of all this boring work, we try to get away and do one thing different and fun.  Sometimes it is a trip to the mall or another fun place we don't normally get to.  Today was a trip to the falls.

We got there and paid for our tickets, only to realize that we couldn't bring the stroller, so back to the car we trekked to return it.  We condensed some of our luggage, and Brian proceeded to carry Caleb on his shoulders.  We could quickly see why no strollers were allowed.  It was a lot of stairs going down to get closer to the falls.  Some steps were so steep we had to avoid them, because they were too risky for Caleb even on Brian's shoulders... one slip and forget about it.  We went down a good amount... a little more than halfway, I'd say, but then I realized that we'd have to climb back up again, and after warning/reminding Brian of this, we decided it would be better to cut our losses and head back.  No sense risking stumbling/tiredness with the boy on Daddy's shoulders.

On our way back up, we sat on a bench with the caption, "Lover's Nook", and a couple on their honeymoon asked me to snap their picture there, which I was glad to do.  Was it really only three summers ago that Brian and I were on our honeymoon?  It seems like another lifetime.

Before heading out, we checked out the souvenir shop, and Brian found they sold personalized pocket knives, and there happened to be one with Caleb's name.  Thinking, of course, that Caleb is way too young, Brian said we'd get it another year, but I said, "Who knows?  They may not have it.  Get it now."  So we bought Caleb his first pocket knife.

Don't worry.  We won't let him have it yet.  It's just a souvenir we can say we got for him on our first trip to the falls.

Caleb seemed to have a good time, and I have to say, he's been really great this summer as we've dragged him about.  He seems to really enjoy going out, looking around, and observing different things.

Here are some photos from the day, outtakes included: