One Year Ago Today

Brian and I both remember it so clearly.  The moment we found out we were having a baby GIRL.

I cannot fully express what it still means to us.  When I found out I was pregnant, I thought it was a girl.  I had different cravings then I had with the boys, and I just FELT that it was a girl.  But I was wrong once before, and of course I had to prepare myself for either.

When I was newly pregnant, I remember being at a store behind a lady who was holding a newborn, clearly a boy as he was dressed in blue, and she had two sons with her.  I stared and stared at all of them (not trying to be rude), and took it all in.  Would that be me, I wondered?  A mother of three sons?  

Then, my dental hygienist was also pregnant, further along than I last summer.  She was just the opposite of me:  she had two girls and she and her husband wanted a boy.  Her husband went to the sonogram wearing a blue shirt, hoping for a boy.  They found out they were having another girl.

There were times that I wondered if these two situations were before me just to prepare my heart for another boy.  And of course, I would have loved him regardless.  

Yet, God chose to answer our hearts' deepest longing.  Brian and I had a list of things (still do), that we've been praying about for quite some time.  New job and moving are on the list.  But our hearts yearned most for a daughter.  Over the years, as our dream was steeped in seeming impossibility, one of us would say to the other, "Are we ever going to have our Anna Lynn?"  And there was never an answer.  The most we could commit to was "Well, maybe.  Someday."  But even that was said weakly, with disbelief.  After all, the reasons not to have another were piled against us.  We even had begun getting rid of baby things.  Not all, but certainly the worn down stuff.  We had gotten to the point in which we really believed we had to move forward and shut the door.

Perhaps it is when we reach that point and finally let go, God shows up in a mighty way.  One by one, God had knocked down our reasons or removed them all together (for example, my seizures).  Was every fear erased?  No, certainly not.  The fear of taking care of a baby along with Silas was real.  But we knew God's voice was speaking to us, and we could not ignore Him any more.  If we did, it would be to our everlasting sorrow and regret.

Our Anna Lynn was the one major prayer that was answered in these past few years.  Oh, I'm not saying God doesn't answer our prayers.  I'm just talking about a major life event.  Those other things we were praying for at the same time we were praying about her, well, we're still praying. We long to move from this neck of the woods (literally), but we just seem to be stuck.  But God gave us our baby!  We still marvel that out of all the things we have been praying for, Anna was wrapped up and delivered with a shiny pink bow.

Life certainly isn't easy.  I am trying to homeschool Caleb with a fussy baby in my arms or the boys are having a screaming fight when I am trying to get Anna to go to sleep.  This is the hardest time of my life, but whatever I do, I must offer it back to God.  He entrusted these three lives to my care.  

When I was dating Brian, God told me I'd have a daughter named Anna.  Over the years, I thought I must have heard Him wrong.  Now I know that God spoke to me about Anna ten years before she was born so that we wouldn't give up on her.  

One year ago today, at roughly 3:15 or so, was one of the happiest moments of our lives.  I'm so glad we didn't give up on Anna. 

I'm so glad God didn't give up on us!

Anna: 7 Months

It seems parents of little ones are forever caught between two ways of thinking.  On the one hand, you can't wait to see what your little girl is going to look like in a few years!  Will she have curls, like her mama had when she was little?  Will she love dolls or teddy bears more?  What kinds of things will she enjoy doing the most?  What skills will she develop?  What will her personality be like?  Will she enjoy hanging out with her mama, just as much as her mama is going to absolutely love being with her?

And then, you think, oh, no!  That means she's going to grow!  I want her to stay a baby forever, thank you.  All of the answers to those questions can wait!

So, while I wish I could see a picture of her face in the future, I am more than content with the adorable baby girl right in front of me, and I'm in no hurry to rush the process!

But despite my efforts to pause time, she continues to grow!  She's a chub, our little girl, that's for sure!  She looks a bit older than she is, and at the doctor's last month, she was off the charts for height and in the 90th percentile for weight.  She is rolling around all over the place, and probably would end up in Nebraska if our living room wasn't so crowded.  

We started putting her in her exersaucer a couple of weeks ago, and at first she just stared around at the toys and gadgets, and her brothers joined her on the floor, happily figuring out all the toys, and soon she joined in.  She still falls over if left to sit on her own, so I always sit on the floor with her with my legs propping her up, or I put her in her Bumbo.  She loves it when I sit with her the most and she stays content like that the longest.

I had to put eating solid foods on the back burner for a time.  Say, what?  Yes, I know.  I am a little surprised here, too.  When I first fed her solids on her very first day, she did fine.  Then, the days after that, there was no interest.  I started with homemade food, and no matter how hard you try, you can't get that as smooth as the store-bought baby food (yes, even with a food processor).  She had a couple of gagging fits (one very bad), even though there was nothing to actually choke on.  I decided to try the store-bought just to see if she did any better.  And, well, not really.  She just didn't want it and had no interest, and it was like pulling teeth trying to get her to eat it.

So, I did what any mother would do and took to the internet.  I actually found that this is not as uncommon as one would think, and that some babies still have such a strong gag reflex that the food is seen as a foreign object.  I found some suggestions about desensitizing the gag reflex by letting the baby gum a large carrot stick, brushing the baby's gums with a baby toothbrush, and using special teethers that get to the back of the mouth.  

So, this is where we are.  I am still trying to give food, but the move forward is very slow.  However, my milk is still enough at this point, and she is not starving by any means.  

Anna has moved up to her next size car seat, and let me tell you that probably the worst thing about having a baby is installing the car seats.  It is the chore I dread the most.  Those metal clasps that go over the latch points are awful and trying to get the thing level, all while climbing around the backseat like a monkey...  Anyway, the deed is done and she's comfy cozy.  Along with that, she's facing out in her stroller now and it's a whole new world!

Our Anna Lynn is bright-eyed and beautiful.  She's observant and getting smarter.  And if we've turned the ceiling fan off, she will notice and wonder why it isn't moving.  She knows her panda bear is on the changing table, without even seeing it.  She just reaches back and grabs it.  She loves belly rubs and crazy tickle kisses.  

She is loved.  I pray she knows it, and not just that we love her, but the God of all creation loves her, too.  Now, that is something worth living for!

I have simply lost count how many clothing items she currently wears or has worn which contain a unicorn. 

This pic was from a few days ago.  Daddy came up with this fun idea when I was finishing up with Silas's bath just before Anna's bedtime.  It was a hit for all!  Oh, and Caleb lost his second tooth!  (Edited to add:  Anna cut her second tooth.  I think they are in some kind of race!)

I stumbled over this quote recently, "God knew I needed a lifelong friend, so He gave me a daughter."  Amen, I say!  Now, don't misunderstand me.  I'm Anna's mama, first and foremost.  I will mother her in love and prayer and guidance, as my mother did me.  But if we should so happen to be friends someday, too, so be it.  I won't argue!

Homeschooling

We homeschool Caleb year-round, but for the purpose of having a beginning and an ending to a grade, we made today the first day of homeschool for the next school year at our house, since Daddy went back to work.

I took a bit of a break homeschooling Caleb this summer and let Daddy take over, and he did a great job.  Caleb's reading has taken off, and he keeps improving all the time.  He is also doing great with math!

This is the first year we need to report Caleb to the school district, since PA has strict homeschool laws to follow.  We are keeping records of every last bit of work we do with him.  We are doing more subjects with him this year, especially since he is reading so well, and we are more than excited about working with him!

I'm teaching him language arts, reading comprehension, science, health, phys ed, and some history/geography.  Brian is teaching music (obviously) in the evenings, and he won't let me touch the math because he loves it so much. He will be sharing history with me here and there, because that would probably be his second choice subject to teach full-time if he wasn't teaching music.  We do teach him the Bible as well, and that is mixed into everything we do! 

I actually do love homeschooling, but my own workhorse nature struggles with the fact that I am not taking care of my own chores, which seem endless, while I am teaching.  Of course, I know that teaching is one of my main duties, other than feeding my children!  I'm just being honest that my nature struggles with this.  It is hard juggling chores such as cleaning, baking/cooking (because we eat mainly a Paleo diet and eat little out of a package), and taking care of a baby who disrupts any sort of routine you try to maintain.  I trust the Lord will help me navigate my stay-at-home mom's duties as I learn to give and take.

We are also hoping to entrust Caleb with more chores this year.  It is a slow process, but we are working on it. 

We are proud of our Caleb and how he is growing, and we pray that we encourage him and nurture his mind in the ways that benefit him the most so he will thrive.

Last week, Daddy took Caleb and Silas to the park, and Caleb came back bearing a gift for me.  And you know what?  These are some of the most beautiful flowers I have ever received, because my son thought of me when he picked them.  I made a big deal over them and exclaimed over their beauty as if they were roses instead of weeds.  Because when a son picks his mama a flower, oh, it melts her dear heart!

Our Anna Lynn isn't quite sitting up on her own yet, but she is letting me put her in the Bumbo seat, which is great!  She didn't like it at first!  Speaking of weeds, she is growing like one, for sure!

Here is a big brother who adores his little sister!  My big brother was much the same with me when I was little!  

COVID19 and the Perpetual Paternity Leave

When we were getting ready to have our baby, Brian's work asked him about taking a paternity leave. I had heard of father's taking a leave and I thought it sounded funny and a little absurd.  Why does the father need time off?  He didn't just give birth!  

Then I realized, good grief, I'm going to have a baby plus two little boys who are not the most independent of God's creatures, to put it mildly.  Of course he needs a paternity leave!  He needs to help me!  And we are going to take every bit of what we have coming!

So Brian took two weeks off, which included the time in the hospital.  Then he went back for two and a half weeks, and then COVID19 gave me my husband back!  I had him home for the rest of the school year!  He set up an office of sorts downstairs, and did some virtual instruction.  While I tried not to disturb him or depend on him too much in the crazy moments, I relished in the fact that he could eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner with us.  There was no commute!  I enjoyed even loading a snack tray and bringing down food and drink to him.  I was so happy to have him home! 

I remember June 2019, when I took my pregnancy test and shared with Brian our news, my first words to him were, "I'm terrified!"  I knew taking care of my two boys plus a baby was going to require a new level of strength on my part and a level of sanity I doubted I had.

Yet, God, in all His goodness and sovereignty, perfectly arranged this for me.  Who would have known one year ago that Brian would have a long absence from work due to a pandemic?  I was scared and didn't know how I'd manage, and God had it all worked out. 

Now, of course, Brian is getting ready to go back next week, and life must go on.  I still scratch my head and wonder how in the world I'll make it.  I simply have to deal with things mamas don't normally have to deal with, and it is hard (understatement of the century).  Yet, these months have shown me how much God orchestrated the timing of my baby's birth with a pandemic to give me my husband's help when I most needed it, especially in those bleary-eyed early days.

I'm not sure how things will go on my own once again, but I am more than grateful for the time I had with my husband.  He had extra time with Anna in her early months than he did with the boys, and it was a sweet time for all of us to be together, and getting used to being a family of five.

Now, the next obstacle:  how to overcome the issue of alarm clocks while rooming with a baby!  Lord, help us!  She wakes up if I breathe wrong, never mind an alarm clock!