Christmas 2013

Our Christmas plans this year originally had us scheduled to be in NJ with my family, but my back was giving me major grief, so we stayed home and traveled after Christmas instead.  I was disappointed at first, but I was happy to have Christmas at our own house for the first time.

Caleb was too distracted by Pocono at first to be interested in his presents.  I have photographic evidence of this, but unfortunately, I am in the photos wearing my bathrobe, and if you think I would put photos of myself in my bathrobe on the internet, you don't know me at all.

At last, we got him interested, and he did a fairly good job of opening some of the paper.  Most of the gifts he really could care less about at this point.  It seems that one toy my sister gave him two days after Christmas was a hit, and a set of three sensory balls that we put in his stocking are also enjoyed.

It was a really peaceful, relaxing, quiet Christmas in our own cozy home.  I missed gathering with my family, but I can't complain about Christmas with my two best guys.  (Oh, and the cat, too.)

Another Year To Remember

These past few years have been big years for us.  2011 found us engaged, then married four months later.  I moved from NJ to PA and quit working to become a housewife.  In 2012, we bought a house, moved again, and only a couple of weeks later, we became pregnant.

This was the year that we'll always remember as the one in which we became parents.  It almost seems that life before Caleb was another life entirely.  I am a mother through and through.  He is always on my mind.  (Today, for example, we went to Walmart.  I had a return to make that we had left in the car, so after we finished shopping, I left Caleb in the car with Brian while I ran back inside. It bothered me to no end that the line was moving so slowly, because I didn't like being away from Caleb.  I just felt like something was wrong.  After my transaction, I pretty much ran to the car, where I found Caleb crying.  Yes, Brian was there.  Yes, Brian was trying to comfort him.  Caleb was having none of it.  It took lots of talking in my high-pitched voice, distracting him with toys, burp cloths, and blankets, and more driving to get him to calm down.)

Leaving the house was once easy.  Now?  I need to get Caleb fed, change his diaper, put on his shoes, coat, gloves, and hat.  I have to grab his diaper bag and perhaps a blanket.  I have to get on my own coat and shoes and grab my purse.  Then I have to walk out with my purse and diaper bag on the same shoulder, all while carrying Caleb going down two flights of stairs.  (And if there is snow and ice... yikes.)  I'm usually exhausted by the time I make it to the car.

Somewhere during the course of this year, Courtney faded into the background and Caleb became front and center.  It became the year where I had to put my own needs on the back burner because my baby's needs come first.  Is it hard?  Yes and no.  Sometimes I miss the ease of life before (not to be confused with life without Caleb), but at the same time, a mother can't do anything BUT put her baby's needs first.  A mother would give her arm, her leg, her kidney, whatever, if it meant ensuring her baby was healthy and safe.  

For Caleb, it was seven months of discovering life.  Grabbing objects.  Cutting two teeth.  Learning to roll over.  Laughing along with Mommy and Daddy.  Learning what LOVE is.  Knowing he is loved.

There's less than four hours left to this year.  Perhaps next year will be less eventful than these past three have been.  We've no great plans for 2014.  No major life events are on the agenda.  But we still look forward to a great year of firsts.  Learning to crawl.  Taking first steps.  Saying first words. Trying new foods.  Turning one year old.

It was a good year.  It was the year God gave us Caleb, and we look forward to many more years with him.

Why We Don't Do Facebook

I recently wrote a post about three things Brian and I discovered we had in common when we had just met.  Fairly early on in our relationship (it may have been our first phone conversation which went on for four hours), we discussed our aversion to Facebook.  Brian has joked that if I was a Facebook lover, then our relationship would never have worked.  I don't take offense because I know just what he means.

Over the years, people have asked me to join Facebook, and they have stopped asking me because I've always declined.  My students tried to bait me in discussions during class in regards to just why I was a Facebook "refuser", but I couldn't be persuaded to abandon my lessons plans to go on such a tangent.  (Nice try, though, kiddos.)

I felt like putting a list together for myself of the main reasons we don't do it.  I am the main writer here, but Brian added his thoughts intermittently as well.

1.  The fact that most everyone does it is enough of a reason for me not to do it.  Because it is so popular, I want to stay away from it even more.  Brian is also very cautious with things that are overly popular, because in his words: popularity many times is accompanied by dual spiritual and/or moral compromises.

2.  I've heard it jokingly referred to as "Fakebook".  It is certainly no substitute for real life, face-to-face communication, and it is a world that one can make what one wants it to be. It can be a perpetual ego 'fix'; fuel for our increasingly narcissistic society...  I'm not saying this is true for everyone who uses Facebook.  I know there are some very genuine people on there. But for others, it is all about how many friends one has, etc.  Speaking of which, a girl who was on my floor in college once "friended" my sister on Facebook.  My sister mentioned it to me, and I barely remembered the girl based on name alone (not due to her insignificance, but rather having traveled and spending a year in Europe had made my brain foggy).  I was perplexed as to why she wanted to friend my sister when I was positive they had never met....???  Nothing against the girl whom, once I put the face to, I remember was very sweet, but I just don't get it.  I think a lot of "friends" are like that, friends of friends, acquaintances of acquaintances, etc.

3.  Many people want to find people from the past, for various reasons.  I guess I'm just not like that. It's not that I don't care about people.  There are many people I'd love to see and chat with over a cup of tea.  But I feel that the past is the past.  If we couldn't stay in touch, then our friendship probably was meant to be for just a time, and if it wasn't strong enough to stand the test of time and distance, then why revisit it?  There are many people I think of fondly, but don't wish to go fishing them out on Facebook.  As I think about it, I don't really have an interest in being tracked down either!

4.  I've heard of at least three Christian marriages that were destroyed due to Facebook.  While I won't deny that I'm sure there were other factors, I do know that these people found an old flame on Facebook, and after some back and forth exchanges, decided the grass was greener over on that already-worn pasture.  Marriage is already being attacked everywhere. Why allow the world yet another foothold? Shouldn't we instead build hedges around our marriages?

5.  It is an incredible time-waster!  People can spend countless hours on there, either commenting on people's pages or simply reading people's pages.  It takes people away from REAL LIFE.  I just don't want to get caught up in that world.

6. Brian has a reason related to his occupation. As a public/state employee he chooses not to get involved in social media outlets like Facebook and Twitter, because he knows that he does not have the same First Amendment rights and privileges that his liberal colleagues freely enjoy. If he used them, he would want to be outspoken on many social issues that could get him in potential trouble with liberal employers. He also doesn't want to follow the same path as some of his colleagues by being "Facebook pals" or tweeting with his students.

I truly don't feel like I am missing anything.  I don't care to keep up with the Joneses, whether it be with Facebook or the latest gadgets or the best in technology.  God asks me to take care of what I've got right here, and what's right here is my husband and a little boy named Caleb.

Three Stockings

I've been waiting all year for this.  To see three stockings instead of just two.  I ordered these and they just came a couple of nights ago, and of course I had to go out immediately and get stocking holders.  The only problem?  I keep looking at my stocking and thinking it belongs to my mom.

Our "B" and "C" stockings that I purchased for us to use before children arrived are now sitting in a box, along with my "Courtney" stocking that I grew up with.  It is definitely weird seeing "Dad" and "Mom", I think mostly because we don't actually answer to those names yet.

I purposely got Brian's and Caleb's stockings to match, and mine is the reverse of theirs.  Should we have another little one down the road, we will match the gender accordingly.

Can't wait for Christmas with our little boy!

Caleb: Seven Months

Dear Caleb,

I'm not sure just how or even when my little itty bitty newborn grew into a seven-month-old.  I look back on pictures of you in your first month of life, a mere six months ago, and goodness, I hardly remember you being that small!

And yet, you were.  One year ago, your daddy and I were getting ready for Christmas as my belly was beginning to grow.  We dreamed then about Christmas this year, with our seven-month-old baby.  Then, you were simply a baby in my belly.  We did not yet know our firstborn was a boy.  We chose to wait, just as we wait to open our presents on Christmas Day, to find out what you were.  Opening the gift of you this past May was worth the wait, and by far the best present I've ever received.

So here you are.  You are no longer just a dream.  You are no longer a flutter in my belly.  (Though, sometimes I still miss you being that close.)  You are here, with your big blue eyes, chubby thighs, and wiggly toes.  You are here with your giggles and your smiles, and yes, even your tears and your fussy squeals.  We love you on the good days and the bad days just the same.

I often say to you, "Do you know you are loved?  Because if you do, then I am a success."  Oh, my sweet Caleb, I am not nor will ever be a perfect mother.  My love for you is infinite, but unfortunately, I am a sinner the same as anyone else.  Through all of my failings, I aim to show you each day that you are loved completely.

I have loved watching you grow.  You seamlessly transitioned to eating solid foods without a hitch (except for peas- you gag on those!)  Mama's milk is still number one, because nothing beats that nutritionally.  One day, I will truly miss nursing you.  I never knew how much I'd come to enjoy that special time we have together.

You're such a big boy for your age.  Just a few weeks ago, you weighed in at a little over 19 pounds, which is quite heavy for your age, and you measured 28 1/2 inches long!  I'm not sure why God saw fit to give this weak mama such a big boy, but there you have it!  No doubt, my puny muscles have gained some strength!  Take tonight, for example, you were bored with all your toys and in a fussy mood, and the only thing that seemed to work was carrying you in the crook of my arm while I went about the kitchen.

You have your two bottom teeth, and I am finding teeth marks on just about everything these days.

My sweetheart, I love you more than words can say.  I felt like I've waited my whole life to be your mom.  I've done many great things in my life, but this job is the most rewarding.  It's the toughest, that's for sure, but I wouldn't trade it.  Even in the fussy moments, the tough times when you are clearly unhappy and I can't figure out why, even when you missed yet another nap, I try to remember that soon you'll be all grown.  I recently asked my mom, your grandma, if she missed her kids being young.  She said quickly and without hesitation, "Oh, yes."  Therefore, I don't say such things as, "I can't wait for Caleb to be walking or sleeping completely through the night or eating anything and everything."  I want to enjoy this day, because soon enough, these precious moments will slip through my fingers.

I love you, my darling boy!

Love,
Your mama

Three Things

It's funny how an ordinary conversation can become a turning point in our lives, even when we least expect it.  Brian and I had many such conversations when getting to know each other, especially since we spent many, many hours on the phone due to a long-distance relationship.  But we both still remember one conversation when we were first getting to know each other, that perhaps could justifiably be one that helped set the course and changed our lives forever.

When we first met, our dear friends who sort of shoved us together (without full agreement on my part), left Brian and me alone at the dinner table for a chat.  I don't remember the whole conversation, but both Brian and I remember three things that we discussed that day.

We discovered that we were both fans of Dr. Woodrow Kroll, the esteemed Bible teacher of Back to the Bible.  Sadly, he recently retired, but we were astounded that in July of 2009, we discovered that we both listened to the same radio program on the way to work at the same time, on the same radio station.  It became a way of connecting us even as we lived in two different states, and it brought comfort to know as I was driving to work each day, that Brian was hearing the exact same words as I.

While neither of us remembers who brought it up or what led to the discussion, but we both shared our desire to homeschool our children.  (Obviously, Brian would have wanted his wife to do this.)  Again, it was another very important insight into one another and we were seeing quickly that we wanted the same thing for our families (ultimately- family).  It was something we talked about throughout our courtship time and again.

While seemingly unimportant, somehow we stumbled on the topic of Santa Claus.  It really should have come as no surprise by that point that we'd be in agreement on that topic as well.  For us both, allowing our children to believe in this fantasy was out of the question, as it is not only a lie, but also a total and complete diversion from the true meaning of Christ's birth.  Whew, thank goodness we got that out of the way early!

All this to say, I've been thinking back on that conversation so much lately as we are raising our own boy.  The thoughts we shared then paved the way for our partnership as parents.  I didn't know Brian was "the one" right away.  It took my heart time to trust him and to love him, but that all-important chat was the start.  It opened the door to a possibility.  That possibility led to a friendship.  That friendship eventually led to a love.  That love led to a marriage.  That marriage led to a family, and now we have our sweet little Caleb.

I find that more than anything, the best times I spend with Brian are the times we spend talking and sharing our hearts.  That's how we began, and it is what keeps us strong.

Dedication

This past Sunday, Brian and I dedicated our little Caleb to the Lord, and we committed ourselves to teaching him about Christ.

I often say to Caleb, because he can't understand me, "There's no point to this life without Jesus. We might as well jump in a lake."  Of course, as his vocabulary matures, I will change my wording. I often tell him about Jesus, who He is and what He's done for us.  I figure I can't start early enough!

Our pastor did things a little differently.  He made the whole service about the dedication.  Another couple, our friends Dan and Cheryl, were also dedicating their little boy, Daniel, who was born ten days after Caleb.  Our pastor first called the fathers up to the altar, where he first reminded them of their role as sons, then sons who became husbands with new responsibilities, then as fathers themselves.  Then he called us wives up front (and our babies!) to join our husbands.  It was a sweet little ceremony- a celebration of marriage and family of sorts- and a happy time for us parents as we ask a blessing over our Caleb as we raise him.

We pray he will come to know his Savior at a young age, and we pray he will follow Him all his days. Because truly, without Jesus, we might as well jump in a lake.  (Not that I'm suggesting than anyone do so.  Just making a point here.)  One day, every knee shall bow, and every tongue shall confess. We might as well do it now, of our own choosing, then be forced to do so later.

Caleb was hard to restrain during the service.  I had predicted it would be so.  These days, Caleb likes being held, but only for a short time, and then he likes his independence.  He was fussing, and so I had to go back and get a blanket, and then I put him on the floor of the altar.  All the while, little Daniel was quite content in his mother's arms with nary a peep out of him.  At one point, Caleb began to roll, and I had to put a quick stop to it because the stairs were inches from him!  I can tell this little boy will make for a handful of a toddler one day!

It was a sweet service that made me reflect on my marriage, motherhood, and all the good things God has given me.  I am grateful for these two men in my life!