We'll Miss You, Grandma

This past Sunday, we learned that Brian's grandma passed away.  She was 95 years old.

Obviously, this wasn't highly unexpected.  No one can live forever, and 95 years is more than many can boast.  However, it is still a loss to be grieved.  When we came home on Sunday afternoon after running an errand and going out for ice cream, Brian's dad was on our answering machine asking us to call back.  Brian knew from his voice that something was amiss, and said immediately, "I hope Grandma didn't pass."

When he called back, the tears didn't just come to Brian's eyes.  I also cried.  Brian's grandmother was the last grandparent left between us, but it was more than that.  Brian's grandma was one special lady- full of spark and strong opinions, and I truly appreciated her.

She was the very first person in Brian's family that I ever met, and she always had a special spot in my heart.  For whatever reason, I always felt at home with her.  Perhaps it was because of her relationship with Brian- she loved her one and only grandson so much- I guess it wasn't hard for her to love me, too.

The first time I met her was in April of 2010.  Brian and I were dating, and he wanted to take me to see his hometown.  Brian's parents were at their second home in Arizona, so we stayed at Brian's grandma's place.  She was still so full of life then, even cooking an Easter meal for us.  The next time I saw her was in August of that year, when Brian wanted to take me to his family's camp up in the Adirondacks.  The three of us went together, and it was neat to see Grandma in her element, the place she loved the best.  She put up with me, a city slicker by comparison, and though I remember her snapping at me two distinct times, I didn't let it get to me.  She was a particular lady who liked things a certain way, and I knew she wasn't snapping at "me" so much as at the way I was doing something. I never felt once that she didn't like me, but rather, I felt very much welcomed into her world up there at camp, even though I was such a foreigner to that whole lifestyle.

Every time I saw her, I called her "Grandma" and greeted her with a hug and a kiss.  It felt right to me, and not a stretch by any means.  My own grandmothers had passed on, the most recent being less than a month before I met Brian's grandma.  She seemed to naturally step in and fill the spot that I had been missing in my own life.

Grandma was a no-nonsense kind of lady.  She let you know what was on her mind and didn't hold back.  She had high standards, values, and morals by which she lived.  She loved going to church. She was devoted to her family.

We last saw Grandma this past May.  Brian must have sensed that this would be the last time he'd see her on this side of heaven.  He asked for some time alone with her, so Brian's parents, Caleb, and I all left the room.  He told her we were going to have another son this summer, and while we hadn't fully decided on a first name, we were committed to naming his middle name "Carl" after Brian's grandfather, her beloved husband.  She loved her husband very much, and was very happy to hear this news.  The morning after our second son was born, Brian called his grandma to tell her about Silas Carl, and she rejoiced with us.  She even got to hear some of the sounds Silas was making over the phone.  We also learned that Silas was born on her and Carl's anniversary!

We are so grateful that she got to hear about the birth of her tenth great-grandchild before she passed, and even more grateful that she got to hear him, for just a moment, over the phone.

She's in a place now that we can only dream about, and for all of us that know the Lord, we will see her again one day.  For now, we have that peace knowing that she is at peace.

We will miss you, Grandma!

Four Years

Brian and I were married four years ago today!

I sort of feel like we've come from being college freshmen to seniors, though I'm not sure we'll ever graduate.  Marriage is a constant growing and learning experience.  I don't think we'll be official graduates until maybe we are in our sixties.

Every year, I dedicate our wedding song to Brian on the Christian radio station that we listen to. Last year, I had forgotten to turn the radio on, because I was caught up in research on the computer at the time.  I had been researching why I was having trouble getting pregnant again, and finding the solution eventually led to our Silas.

Today, we missed listening to the song because Brian took me out for a late breakfast!  Normally, he takes me to out for dinner to a restaurant by Lake Wallenpaupack, and while it isn't that far away (about 25 minutes), Silas is literally nursing all the time (he's been having some issues), and I didn't want to go that far away at this time.  (I'm not a big fan of public nursing, even with a cover, and would much prefer to do it in private in my own home.)  Instead, he took me to a breakfast/lunch place down the street from us this morning, where he used to take me on my weekend trips to visit him when we were dating.  After church, and before I'd return to NJ, he'd always treat me to a meal. It was neat to go there today for our fourth anniversary, and with our TWO sons!

We decided to give each other grace in the gifts department, being that we did JUST have a baby last week!  We decided to give each other actual gifts on September 20 so we could have a little bit more time to think about it/acquire said gifts.

I donned my wedding gear once again, as I do every year:  the headband, earrings, and bracelet I wore on my wedding day.  It's just a small, but neat little thing that connects me to that beautiful day in which I was a bride.

I am so grateful for this godly man God has given me.  He is a wonderful husband, and I pray that we will grow old together.  He's my best friend and I am so blessed to call him mine.

When Three Became Four

On Monday, August 10, I began having contractions.  The funny thing is, I wasn't entirely sure they were contractions.  Since I was induced with Caleb, I never had that experience of trying to decide when to leave for the hospital.  Labor started in the hospital and I didn't have to stop and analyze anything.  While the hard part of labor was longer with Caleb, the easier part was longer with Silas. So I actually spent many hours laboring at home without being in the worst of it.

I had an appointment scheduled with my midwife at 3:15 at the office across the street from the hospital.  We had discussed it already on Friday, and she had planned to induce me with Cervidil if I didn't go into labor on my own.  When we showed up that Monday, we found out I was four centimeters dilated, so it was past the point for Cervidil.  We were afraid she was going to send us back home, which we absolutely did not want, since it is fifty minutes each way.  What if we started going home and labor took off?  I didn't want to be stuck in the car and rush hour traffic during labor.

Looking back, I remember walking in the office as a contraction was upon me, so I was hunched over with my hand on my abdomen.  The secretary took one look at me, said to another secretary, "It looks like she might not be induced after all."  However, at that time, my contractions were still irregular and while painful, still very much tolerable.  My midwife clearly didn't think I was in active labor. She thought for several moments and decided on a plan.  She'd send us to the hospital.  She told us to stop for a bite to eat, then head to the hospital and simply relax in the hospital room for the night.  If labor came, then great.  If not, she'd give me Pitocin in the morning.  Brian and I were relieved to not have to turn back home.  Before leaving, she put some homeopathic concoction in my water, and told me to take two sips every half hour.  It was supposed to help bring on labor.

Brian and I headed out, and since there was a lot of traffic and we were too nervous to simply go out and enjoy ourselves, we got a couple of slices of pizza to go and and ate them in the hospital parking lot.  Then we proceeded to get ourselves checked in.

I was gowned up, and my midwife came over after her shift to check on me.  She still didn't think anything would happen.  I was told to relax and hang out.

It seemed the moment all this was done, things started to really happen.  I didn't even have time to unpack my suitcase a bit and get settled.  Brian began timing my contractions, and all of the sudden, they were coming four minutes apart.  I was texting my sister in between, and she was excited for me, believing this was it, finally.  I told her my midwife didn't think anything would happen that night, and my sister texted me back and said, "She don't know nothin'.  You're going to have that baby tonight!"  (She meant no disrespect to my midwife; she was only trying to encourage me.)  My sister urged me to get up after they got the monitors off of me, and get moving so the baby would drop.

Then, everything seemed to be moving from there.  The nurse came in and saw the state I was in, and Brian told her my contractions were four minutes apart.  When we first arrived, we were pretty much told we'd be left alone for the night, but no more.  My midwife was alerted and she came back, and she said she wouldn't be going home after all.  The nurse showed me some helpful positions for laboring, and Brian and I got to work.  (There was a nice slow dance position where I had my arms wrapped around Brian's neck and he held me at the waist, and when the contraction came, I bent at the knees in order to bring the baby down.  It would have been romantic if no pain was involved!)

The contractions started to be serious at 4:40, when Brian started timing them.  Needless to say, the pain intensified.  I was really trying hard not to cry out for any drugs or an epidural, and I can honestly say that I was not even tempted this time around.  I knew I just had to get through this no matter how hard it was.  I did a lot of moaning, whereas with Caleb I did a lot of yelling.  One of the nurses actually complimented me on my moaning, saying that was much better than yelling, because yelling would take more of my energy.  (I did yell towards the end, when I couldn't stand it any more, but my yells were all prayers toward God for His help and strength.)  Brian was encouraging me the entire time, being so supportive and positive in my weak moments.

I was fortunate enough to be given the room with the tub, because I had wanted to labor in the tub in hopes that would ease some of my pain.  I was told by the nurse to save it for the end if I could hold off that long, because that would be my best weapon, and it was better to keep it in my arsenal as long as I could.  I went in when I was about eight centimeters or so.  It did help immensely, but let's be honest, nothing can shield a laboring woman from the pain at this point.  I found that being on all fours when a contraction hit was best for me, and Brian found that pointing the water sprayer on my back helped me also.

The nurses were asking me to let them know when I felt the need to push.  Almost as soon as they said it, I felt it.  My midwife had thought I wanted to birth in the tub, which plenty of women do.  But honestly, I had only wanted to labor in the tub.  I felt like I could better push out of the water.  In the water, I felt like I had less control over myself due to floating and whatnot, so the nurses proceeded to get me out of the tub and get me on the bed.  Everyone got into position.  Brian was on my right side, holding my right leg, and a nurse was on the other.  Pushing began.  It hurt so much; I truly didn't think I could handle it.  I said so.  "I can't do this!" I shouted, over and over again.  I really felt as though I'd be stuck there forever, with a baby wedged in my body, not able to get out because I couldn't push him.  My midwife stopped and came close to me, "Courtney, look at me," she said.  "You CAN do this."

There is no work like labor.  Perhaps I should say there is no labor like labor.  It is the hardest work a woman ever does.  It requires so much strength and concentration.  I pushed and pushed and I'm sure I used muscles that weren't necessary at all, because I simply threw myself into it fully.  Finally, finally, my baby came forth.  He slipped from my body at 8:29 p.m., and the worst was over.

In moments, he was placed on my stomach.  He was awake, but not looking at me because he was on his belly.  I looked at him, though, and my heart filled with love for my second son.

He was taken to be weighed and measured, which was fine, because my midwife had to repair the damage done to my body, which was also very painful.  Goodness, nature is not kind to women giving birth!  Even afterwards, there are pains to be dealt with.

After our Silas was taken care of, and after my midwife was finished with me, I got to hold him again and soak in the wonder and joy of having another child.  No matter how exhausted, nothing can spoil the joy of that moment.

 This photo was taken earlier in the day, before we left for the hospital.

And now, here we are as a family of four.  Our cup runneth over.

We Love You, Silas Carl!

Our brand new son was born on August 10 at 8:29 p.m.!  He weighed 8 lbs., 10 oz., was 20 inches long, and had a 14 inch head.

It turned out that I did not need to be induced and I gave birth the day my midwife had been planning to induce me.  The labor and delivery was all-natural, and somehow I lived to tell about it.

I am completely exhausted at this time, so I'll keep this post short and sweet.  There is no rest for the weary, with a newborn who is up all night, and a busy toddler to chase about as well.

I'll be back with the whole birth story!

41 Weeks

The latest is this:

I have managed to pull my levels of amniotic fluid back up due to the gallon of water I have been drinking per day.

If I do not go into labor tonight or tomorrow, I will be seeing my midwife for a final check up at the office tomorrow afternoon.  Then, Brian and I will head to the hospital, where I will be given Cervidil, just as I was with Caleb.  This goes directly onto the cervix in the hopes of triggering labor to start.  If that doesn't work, Tuesday morning I will be given Pitocin.

I am definitely weary of being pregnant.  My back is killing me, I'm tired all the time, and enough is enough.  Forty-one weeks seems to be the point at which I've had enough, for both of my pregnancies.  I could barely sleep last night because my belly hurt in any position, and it wasn't due to labor pains!

Please pray for a smooth and uneventful labor.  Hopefully within the next couple of days, we will be kissing our baby's face!

Thank you!

Pregnancy Update: I'm Still Pregnant!

This is just a brief update letting you know where we are at these days.

My due date was Sunday, so as of writing this I am 40 weeks, 5 days.  I had an ultrasound yesterday and learned that my amniotic fluid was on the low side- 7.1- and if it goes under 6 it is clearly in danger zone, and I would immediately be induced.

I was told to go home and down water like there was no tomorrow, and if you know me at all, this is not an easy task.  I have been trying my best, but I still have not reached a gallon today.  Close, but still not quite.  Still, it is more water than I have ever drank in one day ever before in life.  I think that counts for something.

I have two more ultrasounds:  one tomorrow, and if it is still needed, one more Monday morning. Both of these are to check the fluid level.  If my level remains above a 6, they won't induce just yet, but if it goes below, I will be heading to the hospital immediately.

If I don't go into labor on my own, I will be induced Tuesday morning, first thing.  My midwife already put me on the books for a 6:30 a.m. induction at the hospital.

It is so strange that this has happened to me AGAIN.  Caleb was late, and my fluid was getting low, and I was induced with him exactly one week after the due date.  In this case, if we wait until Tuesday, I will actually be induced one week and two days after my due date.

My poor mom came up here to support me/watch Caleb when we zipped off to the hospital.  She took two weeks off of work.  I have apologized to her over and over again, because she came up here for nothing.  I haven't gone into labor, and she needs to get back to work.  She won't even get to see the baby!  All that time given up, for nothing.

Brian's mom is graciously heading here tomorrow to take her place.  As my dad arrives to pick up my mom, Brian's dad will be dropping off his mom.  We are so thankful she was willing to come here with such short notice.  The good news is she won't have to wait around as long as my mom, because no matter what, the deadline is this Tuesday!  (My midwife is heading out-of-town Wednesday, so she wanted to make sure the baby was here by then.  I am more than grateful, because I am very ready to have this baby.)

So that's where we are at!  We are praying for safe travels for both sets of parents as well as God's perfect timing for this baby's arrival.  I am at peace with going on Tuesday, and I have sort of gotten used to the idea.  Now that there is an "end date" so to speak, it makes this so much easier.  I still could go, of course, before then, so all the better that we get Brian's mom down here as soon as can be.  I am dreading labor, and the longer a woman must wait, the worse it becomes in her mind. Please keep me in prayer, if you remember it.

Stay tuned... and thank you for your prayers!

40 Weeks

Couldn't let the day go by without a pregnancy photo on my due date!  Of course, as we all know, due dates mean nothing to the baby!

Brian and Caleb both have a stomach bug, so that has made our time of waiting a bit more dramatic. I am glad to be spared the torture myself, because I have enough discomforts already.

I am tired.... I feel like I could sleep for ten years if only given the chance.

Since I was induced with Caleb one week after the due date, and he was born one day after that, I was hoping this baby would surprise us all by coming a wee bit early or on the due date.  It makes the waiting game a bit easier, I think.

I keep reminding myself that somewhere in the next two weeks, this baby will come.  After all, they don't let women go beyond 42 weeks.

Needless to say, I am beyond ready to have my fears, worries, and anxieties all resolved nicely in the form of a cute little bundle in my arms.  One of these days.... stay tuned.