So, this is one of those posts where I will begin by asking for your prayers.
No, we don't need a life-threatening illness cured. Brian hasn't lost his job. We are all well-fed.
We simply need SLEEP.
Both Silas and Caleb are having sleep issues.
I'll start with Caleb, since his is shorter to explain. Two nights ago, he asked to sleep in the crib. As you know, Silas is still in the pack 'n play in our room, and there isn't enough room to put the crib in our room, or it would be smack up against the window. Caleb has been sleeping in his "big boy bed" since March, but he wanted to sleep in his crib.
After Daddy firmly told him "no" and put him back to bed, he heard Caleb running around. He opened the door to find Caleb throwing his stuffed animals (that he sleeps with) into the crib. Daddy said, "Get back to your bed." Caleb ran across the room, threw himself in his bed, and accidentally slammed his head against the wall. Daddy comforted him and tucked him back in.
Later, as I always check in on Caleb before I go to sleep, I found Caleb asleep on the floor, legs under his toddler bed, crammed next to the night table. Was he trying to make his own "crib"? I got Brian, who is stronger than I, and he scooped Caleb up and put him back in bed, waking him a bit on the way.
Last night, Caleb cried when he asked to sleep in his crib and we told him no, and at nap time today he wanted to sleep in the crib.
????
We tried to explain that he doesn't want that, that he would be trapped in there, and that is no fun.
I guess we'll have to ride this out. It has also been taking him longer to settle at night. I am hoping this summer we'll tire him out with all the activities we have planned.
Now, let's discuss Silas.
Gee, where to begin?
I have read that there is a sleep regression common in 8-10 month olds that occurs due to new motor skills. Silas just learned to stand up, so look out. His sleep has all but fallen apart.
He no longer wants to nap. I put him in his pack 'n play, and as soon as I lay him down, he sits up. He plays for a bit, then cries, and cries, and cries. He either sits or stands, but he will not lay down and he will not sleep. I have tried coming in to lay him back down, but it does not work, and he is back up again in seconds.
Yesterday, he had one brief half hour nap and was up at 9:30. He did not nap the rest of the day. I put him to bed at 6, since he was EXHAUSTED, and he woke up at 8:15 p.m.. This is not a normal night waking time for him, but I believe he woke up because he is so overtired, and when babies are overtired, they actually don't sleep well at all. He cried for 2 hours! I did try laying him down, twice, to no avail. I was shaking because I was so weary of hearing him cry.
He woke again at 2:54. I have been reading up on baby sleep like I am studying for a final exam, and though I don't like it, best thing to do is cry-it-out. He has got to learn to lie down and settle himself. So, I let him cry. I went in at 4:45 after much internal debate, but since it was Brian's last day at work (except for graduation where he conducts the band), I decided I better deal with it early, since I have both boys to deal with by myself. I came in the room to find Silas standing up, staring at the door, and he had no pants on! How in the world did he manage to take his pants off? I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
I scooped him up and took him to bed with me, and we both collapsed in exhaustion until about 6:30, when I had no choice to get up and get Caleb.
Silas's sleep was not great before. He always woke in the wee hours, but not at 8:15. And he always napped, even if it was short. Now that he is so excited to be sitting and standing, it is all he wants to do.
I am so sleep-deprived that I have lots of headaches, and on Monday it was so bad, I felt sick.
I'm not sure what else to do. If I look like a crazed lunatic, at least I have an excuse!
Thursday, June 23, 2016
Friday, June 17, 2016
From My Heart
A few days ago, Caleb said "I love you" to me for the first time.
He has said it before, but only after I have prompted him, one word at a time. This time, however, he said it on his own, and I hadn't said the phrase to him. I was having a serious conversation with him, the kind where my eyes were watering up, and he said, "I love you."
Cue the melting heart. I have been waiting a long time to hear those words.
I am sure you all heard of the boy in Florida who was grabbed by the alligator? That story has gripped my heart since I first heard it. I kept picturing Caleb in that situation. And I wondered, what would he be thinking in the last moments? Besides sheer panic, would he thinking that I loved him?
I'm going to open up my heart here, because I feel so little of that is done in the church today. We've had our struggles with Caleb. It is not easy. But sometimes, I step back and listen to myself, and I don't like what I hear. I'm snapping at Caleb much more than I should. "Don't throw that! Don't hit Silas! Come here... NOW!" And I got to thinking, gee, I need to make sure I am telling him I love him, more than anything else. (Not that I ever stopped saying those words, but I think you know what I am trying to say.)
I've tried to change my tune. Of course, Caleb still needs the teaching and the training, but if I do it without love, it will be for nothing.
Brian took off from work yesterday, because we had an appointment with Caleb's neurologist. The four of us headed out, close to an hour's drive. We had a small list of questions, and the doctor was patient to answer them.
First, Caleb is borderline autistic, on the lower end of the spectrum. We are thankful he is not a severe case. For example, Caleb is easily engaged and makes excellent eye contact. He's not off in his own little world- thank the Lord!
The bad news: since Caleb is slightly autistic, the chances of future children having autism go up. We don't yet know if Silas will have autistic traits. So far, he shows no signs. However, Caleb's signs did not show up at Silas's age. We will have to wait and see, and of course, pray.
We discussed the issue of room sharing for Silas and Caleb. If you've read this blog for a time, you know Silas has been sleeping in our room. Brian and I have been evicted, forced to sleep on the couches in the living room. Why don't we simply share with Silas? Two reasons. Silas still wakes up crying in the morning, and I don't want to listen to him cry, right next to him, at about 3:30. Also, Brian snores fairly loudly, and if it is enough to wake me up, it will wake Silas up. I don't want to sleep in a separate room from my husband, so we are both out of our own bedroom.
Why don't we put Silas downstairs? Since we are built on a slab, we treat the downstairs like a basement. It gets slightly musty in the summer, and there are patches of mold here and there. We treat them, but they do pop up. We would not put our children to sleep down there, night after night.
When we asked about Caleb and Silas sharing a room, I thought the doctor would wave aside my concerns and tell me to put them together. It was the opposite! He thought neither was ready to share a room with one another, and that we should wait until they are a bit older. I was, on the one hand, relieved to know I'm not just a worry-wart who has been holding them back for no reason, but on the other hand, I was discouraged to think that Brian and I will still be sleeping in the living room for months to come. (The love seat, folks, is not long enough for my legs.)
We also asked about Caleb's disobedience, which is a real problem. I texted my sister one day, telling her that I was worried Caleb would end up in jail some day, because we just can't get him to be obedient, no matter how hard we try. He told us two things. With boys, it takes longer. And for someone like Caleb, with his developmental delays, it will take even longer. He encouraged us to keep at it, keep training him, and don't give up. I needed to hear it. He said Caleb is in a battle with us, and he is trying to gain control. We have to keep on him, and he will get it one day. It will simply take more time with him. We breathed a sigh of relief as we heard this, trusting that all is not yet lost.
We discussed Caleb's physical "obsession" with hitting Silas, sitting on him, rolling on him, poking his eye, pushing him, etc. He said this is something true for boys in general, and no matter how much we remind him not to do those things, it just doesn't compute. Hopefully, in time and as he matures, we can teach him what is appropriate, and what is not. Obviously, they are boys, and they are going to wrestle and clobber and whatever else, but we need to teach them both what is acceptable and fun, and what is unacceptable and just plain mean.
We talked about his over-the-top fear of the potty that has prevented us from beginning potty training, and he gave us some practical tips. When Brian is off this summer, he is going to take the reins on this, because it is not going to be easy. There will be lots of screaming and fits of rage, and more than likely, it will take a while. Step by step.
Most of all, the doctor encouraged us that it doesn't matter how Caleb starts out. It matters how he finishes. It is going to be hard, he told us. But there is hope.
For me personally, the hardest thing has been Caleb's disobedience and temper. I can handle the delays. I can handle the fact that we need to help him use eating utensils, get him dressed, change his diaper at 3 years old, and sometimes use Google translator to understand him. What bothers me most is the defiance and the temper. Brian and I, more than anything, want to win his heart. We want his obedience, unflinching and unwavering.
I'm glad to have Brian home this summer. He is the calm one, my steady "other half". When Caleb is fuming and having a fit, he handles it better than I. I need his strength.
These past few days, I have been pouring my love on Caleb. I think in the midst of all the "Don't push Silas!" reminders, and dealing with the screaming when he is mad at how I am stirring his yogurt, I had forgotten that loving him is still my first goal. I have been far happier as I have shifted priorities. One phrase that Caleb has heard me say many times is "Please forgive me". I am not ashamed to admit when I am wrong, and I will model true humbleness and repentance before him. When I have reacted to Caleb in anger, I have taken his face in my hands, looked him squarely in the eye, and confessed my wrong. It is never too early to start demonstrating what repentance looks like.
I am a work-in-progress, folks. God is not done with me just yet.
As always, we thank you for your prayers.
He has said it before, but only after I have prompted him, one word at a time. This time, however, he said it on his own, and I hadn't said the phrase to him. I was having a serious conversation with him, the kind where my eyes were watering up, and he said, "I love you."
Cue the melting heart. I have been waiting a long time to hear those words.
I am sure you all heard of the boy in Florida who was grabbed by the alligator? That story has gripped my heart since I first heard it. I kept picturing Caleb in that situation. And I wondered, what would he be thinking in the last moments? Besides sheer panic, would he thinking that I loved him?
I'm going to open up my heart here, because I feel so little of that is done in the church today. We've had our struggles with Caleb. It is not easy. But sometimes, I step back and listen to myself, and I don't like what I hear. I'm snapping at Caleb much more than I should. "Don't throw that! Don't hit Silas! Come here... NOW!" And I got to thinking, gee, I need to make sure I am telling him I love him, more than anything else. (Not that I ever stopped saying those words, but I think you know what I am trying to say.)
I've tried to change my tune. Of course, Caleb still needs the teaching and the training, but if I do it without love, it will be for nothing.
Brian took off from work yesterday, because we had an appointment with Caleb's neurologist. The four of us headed out, close to an hour's drive. We had a small list of questions, and the doctor was patient to answer them.
First, Caleb is borderline autistic, on the lower end of the spectrum. We are thankful he is not a severe case. For example, Caleb is easily engaged and makes excellent eye contact. He's not off in his own little world- thank the Lord!
The bad news: since Caleb is slightly autistic, the chances of future children having autism go up. We don't yet know if Silas will have autistic traits. So far, he shows no signs. However, Caleb's signs did not show up at Silas's age. We will have to wait and see, and of course, pray.
We discussed the issue of room sharing for Silas and Caleb. If you've read this blog for a time, you know Silas has been sleeping in our room. Brian and I have been evicted, forced to sleep on the couches in the living room. Why don't we simply share with Silas? Two reasons. Silas still wakes up crying in the morning, and I don't want to listen to him cry, right next to him, at about 3:30. Also, Brian snores fairly loudly, and if it is enough to wake me up, it will wake Silas up. I don't want to sleep in a separate room from my husband, so we are both out of our own bedroom.
Why don't we put Silas downstairs? Since we are built on a slab, we treat the downstairs like a basement. It gets slightly musty in the summer, and there are patches of mold here and there. We treat them, but they do pop up. We would not put our children to sleep down there, night after night.
When we asked about Caleb and Silas sharing a room, I thought the doctor would wave aside my concerns and tell me to put them together. It was the opposite! He thought neither was ready to share a room with one another, and that we should wait until they are a bit older. I was, on the one hand, relieved to know I'm not just a worry-wart who has been holding them back for no reason, but on the other hand, I was discouraged to think that Brian and I will still be sleeping in the living room for months to come. (The love seat, folks, is not long enough for my legs.)
We also asked about Caleb's disobedience, which is a real problem. I texted my sister one day, telling her that I was worried Caleb would end up in jail some day, because we just can't get him to be obedient, no matter how hard we try. He told us two things. With boys, it takes longer. And for someone like Caleb, with his developmental delays, it will take even longer. He encouraged us to keep at it, keep training him, and don't give up. I needed to hear it. He said Caleb is in a battle with us, and he is trying to gain control. We have to keep on him, and he will get it one day. It will simply take more time with him. We breathed a sigh of relief as we heard this, trusting that all is not yet lost.
We discussed Caleb's physical "obsession" with hitting Silas, sitting on him, rolling on him, poking his eye, pushing him, etc. He said this is something true for boys in general, and no matter how much we remind him not to do those things, it just doesn't compute. Hopefully, in time and as he matures, we can teach him what is appropriate, and what is not. Obviously, they are boys, and they are going to wrestle and clobber and whatever else, but we need to teach them both what is acceptable and fun, and what is unacceptable and just plain mean.
We talked about his over-the-top fear of the potty that has prevented us from beginning potty training, and he gave us some practical tips. When Brian is off this summer, he is going to take the reins on this, because it is not going to be easy. There will be lots of screaming and fits of rage, and more than likely, it will take a while. Step by step.
Most of all, the doctor encouraged us that it doesn't matter how Caleb starts out. It matters how he finishes. It is going to be hard, he told us. But there is hope.
For me personally, the hardest thing has been Caleb's disobedience and temper. I can handle the delays. I can handle the fact that we need to help him use eating utensils, get him dressed, change his diaper at 3 years old, and sometimes use Google translator to understand him. What bothers me most is the defiance and the temper. Brian and I, more than anything, want to win his heart. We want his obedience, unflinching and unwavering.
I'm glad to have Brian home this summer. He is the calm one, my steady "other half". When Caleb is fuming and having a fit, he handles it better than I. I need his strength.
These past few days, I have been pouring my love on Caleb. I think in the midst of all the "Don't push Silas!" reminders, and dealing with the screaming when he is mad at how I am stirring his yogurt, I had forgotten that loving him is still my first goal. I have been far happier as I have shifted priorities. One phrase that Caleb has heard me say many times is "Please forgive me". I am not ashamed to admit when I am wrong, and I will model true humbleness and repentance before him. When I have reacted to Caleb in anger, I have taken his face in my hands, looked him squarely in the eye, and confessed my wrong. It is never too early to start demonstrating what repentance looks like.
I am a work-in-progress, folks. God is not done with me just yet.
As always, we thank you for your prayers.
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
A Senior High Gold
I'm so proud of you, honey! You did a great job!
Friday, June 10, 2016
Silas: Ten Months
Dear Silas,
I remember what it was like one year ago. We were getting ready for the summer, of course, but more importantly, we were getting ready for YOU. My belly was getting larger by the minute, it seemed, and I felt you kicking mainly on my right side, because you were facing that direction.
Now, one year later, I am much smaller than I was then, and while my body will never completely be the same, I have more or less returned to my former size, or just about. While I don't miss the discomfort, sometimes I miss you being inside of me: snug, warm, and safe. What a beautiful thing it is to be an expectant mother!
However, I don't have to miss you for long. You are, after all, right here. I kiss you and snuggle you at least a thousand times a day. Your smiles are heavenly; your giggles are glorious. Your skin is as soft as satin; your chubby belly is like a squishy pillow. Your toes are like pieces of candy, and I could nibble on them all day long! Even your doctor thinks you'd make a great Gerber baby! Simply put, you are irresistible!
You are crawling now, and now that you are, it means I get done very little around the house. My main job is chasing you around on the floor! You go back and forth between a crawl and a drag, and you often drop into a roll, and that is when I really need to be on my toes, because you might hit your head on furniture, the wall, the heater, or the air conditioner.
You can finally sit up unassisted without toppling. Your doctor said that babies with extra weight take longer to sit up! A couple of times, you've said "ma ma", but whether it was meant for me, or mere baby babble, I do not know.
You are close to sleeping through the night. You sleep from about 6:30-3:30. It falls apart somewhere around 3:30 or a bit after. Needless to say, I am up much earlier than I'd like!
You are comfortably wearing 18 month clothes, and you have four teeth!
I am so looking forward to taking you out this summer! You, your brother, and I have been trapped all year. But summer awaits! While you are too young to run around outside, you can still get to see and experience new things!
Silas, you are your mama's sweetheart. You are growing so fast, but no matter how fast you'll grow, you'll always be my little love.
I love you.
Love,
Your mama
I remember what it was like one year ago. We were getting ready for the summer, of course, but more importantly, we were getting ready for YOU. My belly was getting larger by the minute, it seemed, and I felt you kicking mainly on my right side, because you were facing that direction.
Now, one year later, I am much smaller than I was then, and while my body will never completely be the same, I have more or less returned to my former size, or just about. While I don't miss the discomfort, sometimes I miss you being inside of me: snug, warm, and safe. What a beautiful thing it is to be an expectant mother!
However, I don't have to miss you for long. You are, after all, right here. I kiss you and snuggle you at least a thousand times a day. Your smiles are heavenly; your giggles are glorious. Your skin is as soft as satin; your chubby belly is like a squishy pillow. Your toes are like pieces of candy, and I could nibble on them all day long! Even your doctor thinks you'd make a great Gerber baby! Simply put, you are irresistible!
You are crawling now, and now that you are, it means I get done very little around the house. My main job is chasing you around on the floor! You go back and forth between a crawl and a drag, and you often drop into a roll, and that is when I really need to be on my toes, because you might hit your head on furniture, the wall, the heater, or the air conditioner.
You can finally sit up unassisted without toppling. Your doctor said that babies with extra weight take longer to sit up! A couple of times, you've said "ma ma", but whether it was meant for me, or mere baby babble, I do not know.
You are close to sleeping through the night. You sleep from about 6:30-3:30. It falls apart somewhere around 3:30 or a bit after. Needless to say, I am up much earlier than I'd like!
You are comfortably wearing 18 month clothes, and you have four teeth!
I am so looking forward to taking you out this summer! You, your brother, and I have been trapped all year. But summer awaits! While you are too young to run around outside, you can still get to see and experience new things!
Silas, you are your mama's sweetheart. You are growing so fast, but no matter how fast you'll grow, you'll always be my little love.
I love you.
Love,
Your mama
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