A Little Bit Of Reflection

Or Rather, A Lot (What Can I Say, I Like To Write)

There are moments like this, when I sit down to write, that I wish I were still in my childhood.  A year seemed so long then and time had the ability to stand still.  As I look back over this year, I can't believe it came and went so quickly, but I think 99% of adults say the same thing.

It was a good year, no doubt due to two significant events in our adult lives.  That is not to say there was no heartache or disappointments.  Those are things that every human being faces; no one is exempt.  How we bear them is another story, and God has promised to shoulder the burden with us, even trading our burdens for His.  Life is not a blog of only happy pictures and the portrayal of only the best there is.  I believe that life is beautiful, and it is a gift, but it is not always roses and sunshine.  For those that believe in Christ, it is but a shadow of what is waiting on the other side.  I think the beauty now is nothing to what we'll see then, and there will be no sin to mar it, no heartache, no despair.

I would never want this blog to be a portrayal of "only the best" as if our lives were somehow perfect. Far from it.  I am thankful for a great many things, but there are some things too painful to place here.  I am happy with the events of 2012, but there were bumps along the way, as there is for every person along life's road.  We are no different.

God did give us some wonderful gifts this year, and Brian and I are truly grateful.  Brian paid off his student loan debt at the beginning of the year.  (He has his master's; thus it took him longer.)  We found a house that we love, and we didn't go over the price we had long ago set as the cap for which we wanted to spend.  (After spending quite a time looking, we thought we might have to increase our cap.)

God also blessed us with a little life squirming and kicking around inside of me even now as I type. What greater blessing can there be than a new life?  Each life is indeed a miracle, and the formation of it.  We marvel at the videos online on baby websites that show the development of the child in the womb.  It is fascinating, amazing, and just plain awesome.

Brian also began directing music at our church.  He's more a song leader than the modern term worship leader, but he loves it.  He also plays his French horn every week, which is something he's always wanted to be able to do in church.

When we moved into our own house, I finally felt at home here in PA.  It took a while for me.  I always knew living at the apartment was temporary, and I just never felt settled there, even to the point of leaving many things still packed.  After we moved, I felt the freedom to spread out and make our house our home.  There are things I am still adjusting to with living in the Poconos, the land of little convenience in terms of stores, malls, and just about everything.  But there are deer and bears a plenty.  Oh, and wild turkey, too.  (And there was some unknown animal that left its paw prints in the snow, directly in front of our house.  A little creepy if you ask me.)

Owning a house can be downright overwhelming, as Brian and I are always discovering.  There's no landlord to come and fix something that doesn't work, and absolutely no one is going to come and clear out your driveway for you after a colossal snow storm or two.  There's always work to be done around a house and lots of it, but there is something so satisfying about it all, despite the extra blood, sweat, and tears.

Brian and I also celebrated our one-year anniversary in August.  Oh, I know it is nothing compared to some older folk who can boast 40 or 50 years, but it is the start of our journey and the life we share together.  Marriage is wonderful, and while we certainly are not perfect, we do love each other.  I don't ever crave my single days nor the so-called freedom it provided.  So what that I report to my husband about every dollar that I spend?  I'd rather that than live life without him.  (Besides, I'm a pretty good shopper, I must say.)  All that to say, I am glad to be a help meet to my husband, which I consider my greatest ministry.  Goodness knows, I don't know how he lasted as long as he did without me. ~ I love you, honey :) ~

So the year ends, and we'll leave some heartaches behind, but we'll take their lessons with us. They have taught us; they have shaped us; they have made us even more grateful for all the good things. We'll continue to enjoy the good, and we'll look forward to the good to come, specifically, a good little something in May.

Thanks for reading along with us and letting us share our lives with you.  May you be blessed as your year winds down and fades into your memories and a new one begins.  May the Lord teach you through your sorrows and make you ever grateful for the blessings.  Until 2013, then!

Digging Out

This is how Brian looked, both yesterday and today, when he went to deal with the ever-falling snow:

We were hammered here in the Poconos with two snow storms, and we have found that our one shovel is hardly sufficient.  What we wouldn't give for a snow blower.  Maybe someday, but right now, we need more important things, such as a new (used) car for Brian.

It took Brian a few hours to dig out our driveway, which is a pretty decent size, though we never considered it before having to shovel it.  I used our emergency car shovel to dig out Brian's car as well as shovel the front steps.  I hesitated to do more being pregnant.  After all, things have shifted and moved around inside of me, and I didn't want to throw another stress in there and add to the mix.

Here are a few pictures of the snow in our backyard and on our deck.  They might look grainy, but they were taken through the screen.

The Ornaments Tell the Story

Last year, my sister bought Brian and me this beautiful Christmas ornament:

This year, she had a new one for us:

If you can tell, this lady here has a protruding belly.  (Sorry for the blurry photos; I couldn't seem to get fully clear shots.  Apparently I need to enroll in a photography class.)

So, sister of mine, you've started something here.  Next year, I am expecting an ornament featuring a couple with a baby.  The story must continue to be told through ornaments.

Unusual Christmas

For Brian and me, our best Christmas present this year was getting home safely.

We headed up to upstate NY to spend Christmas Eve with Brian's family.  This was the first ever Christmas that I didn't spend with my family.  It was a bit hard for me, and I did water up a few good times on Christmas Day (and maybe even before) at the thought of my family gathering without me. We were happy to spend Christmas with Brian's family; I just wish we lived closer to both of our families so that we can easily see everyone.  That can't happen for us.

After spending Christmas Eve with Brian's parents and his sister's family, we said goodbye to Brian's parents on Christmas Day, who were boarding a plane for their wintertime abode in Arizona.  We had planned to visit with Brian's grandmother and stay the night at her place, but a change in thinking caused us to alter our plans.

Brian's car is becoming more of a heap of parts than a vehicle made for safe driving, and while driving up to NY we nearly overheated.  The day after Christmas, we were due for a snow storm to begin in the afternoon, and while we may have had time to leave Wednesday morning and get home, we didn't want to risk it.  Last October, we we were hit with an unexpected snow storm while traveling back from my dad's surgery in NJ, and we were stuck on the side of the road with a dead battery, waiting to be rescued, in the cold.  I think we both had that experience in mind and wanted to avoid that scenario as much as possible.  To add to the frustration, the heat in Brian's car no longer works, and we didn't want to drive home in a snow storm without heat.

It was a hard decision, especially where Brian's grandmother was concerned, but we decided to head home on Christmas Day.  We were nervous, because this meant we really had to watch the needle, and if it strayed too close to the "H", we needed to pour more antifreeze into the chamber. Not long into our trip, we needed to do just that.  While dangerously close to the "H", we prayed an exit would come quickly on the highway, and lo and behold, there it was.  It was a gas station/convenience store, and it turned out to be just perfect.  Brian went inside to retrieve a cup for pouring the fluid, and I went to purchase a gallon of water to mix with the coolant.  I also stood on a long line for two hot teas, which were sorely needed in our cold car.  And you wouldn't believe the line for Subway.  I kept wondering to myself why these poor people were eating Subway on Christmas?  Then again, there we were, in this convenience store ourselves, a couple of weary travelers trying to get safely home.  We weren't much better.

We got on the road again, and the coolant seemed to do the trick, at least for a while.  We had to pull over one more time as we approached home.  Brian and I were becoming experts at the routine by this time.  I clapped when we pulled onto our exit, and I clapped again when we pulled into our driveway.  Though it was a weird Christmas, and to be honest, didn't seem like Christmas at all, we were glad to be home, safe and sound.  When thinking of what could have happened, that really was the best gift we got this year.

Next year we will have Baby, and hopefully we will have replaced Brian's car long before then.  We'll need to be extra careful about how we plan trips with our little one.  Of course, the day will come, I believe, when we'll want Christmas in our own home, without traveling at all.  I want my  kids to enjoy Christmas as I once did, waking up in their own beds each year.  And I certainly don't want Christmas spent in the car, stopping to pour antifreeze into the ever-leaking chamber!  Brian and I both hope this event will not be repeated.

Halfway

This week marks my twentieth week, the halfway point in my pregnancy.  You can see my tummy has definitely grown from a few weeks ago if you scroll down a couple of posts.  When I went to take this picture, I shocked myself a bit.  I didn't realize I was looking this big!  It varies day to day, depending on what shirt I'm wearing.  I had sweater over top of this that hid my belly, but when I took it off to take the photo, there it was- the bump in all its glory.

I've begun to feel the baby kick, which has been a wonderful thing to experience.  It is still much too light to allow Brian to feel it, but I feel those teeny feet every now and again.  It is so light that I have to be quiet and still in order to feel it.  We had our second sonogram last week, and we got to see much more of the baby, but our technician was nice enough to completely avoid a, um, certain area. We want to be surprised, and honestly, it wasn't even tempting to find out.  Call us old-fashioned, but we are looking forward to that wonderful moment, just like a Christmas present, waiting to be unwrapped.

I still get lightheaded, more than I would like, but it's all a part of it for me.  The other day it happened while I was out finishing my Christmas shopping, getting one last thing for Brian's stocking.  I was in a tiny card store, and there came that all-too-familiar feeling.  I knew I needed to sit down, but didn't want to take up space on the floor or make a scene.  I went to tell the cashier, and she was nice enough to get me a stool and a cold bottle of water.  I will remember her kindness for a long time!

Sleeping is getting more awkward.  At twenty weeks, one isn't supposed to sleep on the back, and there have been a couple of times I have woken to find myself in that position- oops!  It's hard to roll over with this bump; I always fear I'm going to crush baby.  All in all, it's getting rather odd to have this extra bit of weight, and I'm not even close to the third trimester.

Eating is another thing altogether.  There is the list of things I miss:  oh, latte, we will meet again, I promise you.  My sister was kind enough to pick up some vegan mayonnaise for me, which does not contain raw egg like regular mayonnaise, so that has been a treat after avoiding it since becoming pregnant.  I miss deli meat (due to possible bacteria),  tuna (due to mercury), and while I don't normally make it a point to eat raw eggs, I am missing that tiny lick of cake batter or cookie dough when I'm baking.  I am also avoiding some types of ham, sausage, pepperoni, bacon, etc.  If they contain sodium nitrate/nitrite, they can cause a brain tumor in the baby.  And that's not a well-known fact!  I stumbled upon that one by accident!  I read labels more than ever before, and poor Brian- he misses pepperoni on my homemade pizza.

There is also the list of things I can't wait to enjoy once baby comes.  I just might be tempted to make my mom bring me a delicious Jersey Mike's sub from home when she comes here to help me after the birth.  I'm getting hungry already.

In the new year, we have much to do, and first on the list is painting the baby's room.  I'm sure the second half of my pregnancy will fly by, and soon enough, this little one will be in our arms!

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like... Christmas, Of Course

One of the delights of having a house this year is decorating it for Christmas.  Last year in our tiny apartment, we had a few sparse decorations, and who could forget this tree?  (Yes, it was sitting on top of our t.v.)

I am happy to say that that tree is lying sideways on a shelf in the garage this year... one of the many items we still need to get rid of.

Come, let's see what we've got going on in our house this year!

Forgive the angled shot.  It was much too cold to go out on the steps in my slippers.  Brian surprised me last week with this fresh wreath.  I hadn't even expected a wreath this year, so we had to actually go out and buy a wreath hanger.

This is on the inside of our door.  We bought it on clearance at a charming Amish wooden treasure store two blocks from our old apartment.  Sadly, the man who owned the place (a grandfather of Brian's student) sold it, and it is now unfortunately a tobacco shop.  That was the last decent thing in our old neighborhood.  I guess when it went, it was time for us to go.

Joy of joys, all my life I have wanted a fireplace, and here it is!  This is a gas fireplace, and before Hurricane Sandy hit, we didn't have it up and running.  Yes, my NJ friends, we lost power up this way, too, and as we were sitting in 47 degree temperatures for four days in our house, we said "Never Again!"  After our power was restored, we made phone calls to get our fireplace working the following week.  We had to put some money out because the piping was illegally constructed, but now we are loving every moment of it.  We keep the electric heat off entirely upstairs because this baby does the job all on its own.  I enjoyed decorating the mantle with my nativity, a red and green vase, candles, and some branches from our Christmas tree.  (I was worried about putting the stockings in front, so I found another place for them.)

Our first Christmas tree (other than the teeny tree from last year).  This one is real!  We debated whether to get real or artificial, but since both of us grew up with a real tree, that easily won the contest.  Being the cheapskates that we are, we wanted to spend as little as possible.  (After all, you only use the thing for a few weeks and then it gets tossed.)  One place downtown was advertising $20 trees.  When we went, we discovered that those trees were priced that way for a reason... yikes, they were short!  As we were looking around, we were having a hard time finding anything that was under $35, until we spotted this guy.  For $28, we feel like we got a good deal. We didn't examine it to look for perfection; we simply looked at the freshness, decided we liked it, and away with us it went!  And boy, does it smell wonderful!

It's funny, because I have so many ornaments I've been gifted over the years, that we didn't even need to buy  ANY.  A few were clearance items I had purchased for myself at one time or another, but the majority were gifts, and it is embarrassing how many of them have the name "Courtney" on them.

This shelf was also purchased at the Amish wooden store last year.  It is nice to make this Christmas-y, too.

I put our stockings on our banister right outside our bedroom.  We will make room for one more next year :)  I purchased these stockings last year knowing they would be temporary.  I have always planned to have "Mom" and "Dad" stockings for when our little one arrives.  Looks like I'll be purchasing three new stockings next year!

Last but not least, this cute little snowman sits on top of the stereo.  I bought him at the Christmas Tree Shops last year when I was home for my dad's surgery in October.  I love this little guy.  It would not be Christmas without him.

That's about it!  We do have mistletoe, but I need Brian to hang that tomorrow.  I try to limit how much I stand on a chair these days.

It is wonderful to be enjoying our first Christmas in our new home!  Next year, we look forward to our little one joining us and making us a three-some!

Joy...Unspeakable!

At the very end of August, Brian and I discovered that I was with child.  We had been trying, deliberately, for a couple of months, and the timing was just perfect.  We had just moved into our new house... and then we conceived!

We are thrilled, and we long for the day that we can hold this little one in our arms.  I look forward to seeing Brian as a daddy.  He has been reading about child training for years- long before we were together.  I know he'll have that wonderful balance of being a fun-loving, bear-hugging dad, as well as a serious "teacher" who will train our children how to behave/not to behave and most importantly, to love the Lord.  We see eye to eye on child rearing, as discovered in our many phone chats over long distance during the course of our courtship.

As for me, well, no words can express this joy.  I have been "Aunt Courtney" for twelve years, when my oldest niece, Adriana, was born when I was in college.  When Emmy was born, now five, my motherly longings really began to kick into full gear.  I would hold her in my arms and gaze at her wee face... I couldn't help but think that my sister's child was the closest thing in the world to being my own.  I loved her to pieces and couldn't wait for her to wake up from naps so I could hold her.  I love all my nieces and nephews, but I remember those feelings very strongly, very keenly, at that time.

At one time I had thought I wanted to get pregnant right away after I was married.  As I said, we didn't deliberately try for quite some time, and I'm glad of it.  Both marriage and moving to another state was a lot of adjustment for me last year, and I think being pregnant would have been a lot to handle on top of it all.  I feel more settled now here in PA and in our new home.  After living here for a time, I already knew where I would go for my prenatal visits.  I wasn't scrambling around feeling unprepared.  Sometimes God knows exactly what we need, when we need it.

For our niece and nephew on Brian's side, Lauren and Ethan, this will be their first cousin!  I'm pretty excited about that.  For my oldest niece, Adriana, well, I think she's used to the kids that keep coming at this point.  (My sister had four.)  For both sets of parents, there is excitement all around.

I'm going to sum up a few points about my pregnancy below.

How I'm feeling:  The nausea is basically over (I'm sixteen weeks now), but I've been very lightheaded lately, which brings nausea specifically at that time and the feeling that I will topple over.  This is due to my naturally low blood pressure.  Strangely, I have felt a bit more tired in the second trimester than the first, and I have needed a couple of naps lately.

How we're preparing:  I'm reading up on natural childbirth, and specifically, the Bradley Method.  I look to my sister for answers to my every question, as she has been through three natural births, including one with my cutie twin nephews.  Even over Thanksgiving, she plans to show me some exercises and things I can do to prepare.  I live too far to take the Bradley classes, but my sister knows enough that she can teach me.  She also loaned me a book about husband coaching that Brian will be reading in the months ahead.

What I'm craving:  Well, I've had my moments.  Pizza was a big craving in mid-September, and very briefly, donuts (one satisfied me, though I may have spent time dreaming of more).  Lately it's been bagels and cream cheese, and my parents thankfully brought bagels up for me from my favorite bagel place when they visited last week.  Yum!  I could not get enough.

Am I showing?  I'll let you decide.

So I am, a bit, but this is a very fitted sweater, and most shirts don't reveal my belly this much.  (A special thanks to my sister for her three big bags of maternity clothes.)

Just before I end this post, I'd like to say I've been sadly behind on posts in general, and even this post came later than intended.  The problem for me is not writing.  I am lazy when it comes to taking pictures and downloading them, and I fear that posts without pictures are a bore.  I'll try to do better in the future!

Happy Birthday To My Darling

Okay, so I know it doesn't look that great.  I don't have any skill when it comes to decorating cakes. Brian's mom and sister are both quite talented in that area, and his cousin Ellie, who made our wedding cake, has a cake decorating business.  Poor Brian.  I just want to get the icing on the cake and call it a day.

To be fair, it is a banana cake with banana frosting, and the frosting is wetter than most due to the bananas, making it very hard to do what you want it to.  At the end of the day, it's all about taste anyway, and believe me when I say, this is a good cake.  A family favorite of ours, and especially my dad's.  When I was dating Brian, I asked him if he would like this cake for his birthday, and he said he would, and once he had it, it was history.  This is his birthday cake from now on, replacing his former favorite, carrot cake.

Brian is on his way home from work (from his second job) as I write, and I am looking forward to finally celebrating with him.

~Happy Birthday to my darling, whom I love more than life.  I hope today and everyday you know how much you are loved.  My life is better because I have you by my side.~

It Takes Some Getting Used To

When we moved a little over a month ago, we stepped into a new world of sorts.  I've mentioned that it is more rural here, and it is a challenge to get used to the changes.

We now have to make a trip "into town" when we need to hit the stores.  That for me is really very strange.  My last home in NJ was off a major highway, and I had oodles of stores at my fingertips. Where we lived both before we moved and where we live now is nothing like that, but now we are even more remote.  I find that I now really have to plan my trips so I don't waste gas.  If I need to run to Walmart, I might as well go to Kmart, and perhaps even Lowe's if there's something I could possibly need there.  The only problem with this is that just last week I tried this idea (except a different store combination and more stops), and I found myself exhausted and starved before I was even close to being finished.  So my efforts to save on gas left me without any myself!

Though we didn't move THAT far away from where we lived before, it is far enough where I needed to wave goodbye, at least on a weekly basis, to my favorite grocery store.  I love that store, because it is a bit of home- the same store I always used to shop at (different location, of course).  I spent this past year really getting to know the prices and the sales, and I felt like I was doing a good job with our food budget.  I can still shop there on occasion, but a weekly trip doesn't make sense both in terms of gas money and in the time it will take me to go and return.  So I've had to attempt to get used to a new store.  Brian's mom, who came with me on my first trip there while picking up some necessities, can attest to the high prices.  (She is the bargain queen when it comes to food and there are few wiser in this area.)  However, it is the closest store to me, so I've determined to make do and look for the deals.  I go slowly throughout the store and take my time, looking at price tags carefully, and deciding what I can get there or what I'd be wiser to get elsewhere. It can be frustrating because I feel like I've taken a few steps backward when it comes to food budget planning, and I hope to find my new rhythm soon enough.

That is just shopping.  I'm still trying to get used to these windy, curvy roads that nearly make me nauseous when Brian drives (he drives too fast), and when I drive people are on my tail because apparently this Jersey girl is only used to flat, even roads.  Then there's the constant looking out for deer, because they're a plenty!  Then again, never mind the deer, because a bear ran across the street as I was driving home yesterday!  Thank goodness he was in front of the car ahead of me, but I couldn't help braking like a frightened student driver nonetheless.  As for the other driver, he zipped along, seemingly unfazed.

Welcome to the Poconos!  It's a new life, and it will certainly take some getting used to.

Back to School

Today was the first day of school for Brian, and with that comes a bit of sadness for me.  I grew quite accustomed to spending so much time with my husband this summer, and it is difficult to watch him go back to work.

That may sound silly to some, but being a teacher is akin to being a slave for ten months.  I'm being facetious here, of course, but it is demanding.  Brian doesn't simply work a 9-5 job and at the end of the day he's free to put up his feet or do as he pleases.  I've worked many jobs myself, the standard 9-5 as well as teaching, and they are vastly different.

Where I came home to mountains of papers to grade, Brian has to constantly be playing back his band rehearsals so he can take notes and see where his students need to improve.  He also must keep listening to the songs he is having his band perform and study the scores so he knows them like the back of his hand.  On top of all of this, he works one or two nights a week at the downtown music center where he gives lessons.

Then there are the dreaded weekends, which happen more than I wish, where he is involved with some band competition or judging or what have you.  I dislike those most of all.

If I sound like I'm complaining, I apologize, for that's really not my intention.  It is simply that I miss my husband when he is not here, and I also hate to watch the stress that he must face throughout the school year.  I think that is the hardest part for me.

However, in spite of all of this, I am grateful for his job and the fact that it provides for us.  Brian is a good provider, and just as he works hard on his end, I work to make our home a haven that he can find solace in no matter how cruel the day has been.  It is my pleasure to have a hot meal waiting for him when he comes home, just as it is my joy to serve it to him so he can simply sit and enjoy.

It's a challenge getting back into the routine as we both are trying to deal with the alarm clock at 5:20.  I get up with Brian, too, because I like seeing him off to work, and I know it helps him to get going when I am up with him.  I always have his outfits picked out and ironed, I make and pack his lunch, and I prepare his breakfast.  These are just small things in my mind, when he is working so hard to provide for us.  Yes, Brian worked this hard before we got married, but it is my hope that the things I do make life easier for him, and a little happier, too.

The First Year

One year ago today, we looked like this:

I was thinking about that day, exactly at 1:30, when I was lining up behind my bridesmaids with my father at my side.  It's funny that I don't normally remember all things clearly, but I remember that so well.  I remember how I felt, sort of breathless and nervous.  I even remember standing in the foyer and watching a few people come in- almost, but not quite, late- including a few of my students.  It felt surreal that my long-awaited wedding day had arrived.

I would be lying if I said that my wedding day was the best day of my life, but don't go getting the wrong idea.  I was happy to marry my darling, but I really don't like ceremonies, especially ceremonies that I am in!  I really could have done without all the hoopla, and I tried to have very little of it as possible.  I was so glad when it was OVER, and I could focus on the future with my husband. We could finally be together all the time, without having to travel to another state to see one another. Our wedding day led to the best days to come because we could spend them together.

Before getting married, of course we knew that marriage is hard work.  I think we'd have to be living under a rock to not know that.  Brian and I come from two different worlds.  My parents are divorced and his have a very happy and solid marriage.  I'm so glad that one of us does.  It is wonderful to have that example before us.

We knew it would be hard work, and we'd have to agree that it is.  It is good work, however, the kind of work in which both parties should persevere.  I've spent this year trying to be my husband's help meet.  I know that I am, but I also see the areas in which I have fallen short.  It is my goal to be better this next year. I want to not only serve my husband with such things like cooking and cleaning, but I want to bring out the best in him.

Just as I am his help meet, I'd be lost without him.  I need his companionship and his strength when my emotions are off kilter.  I can lean on him when I'm too weak on my own.

Our goals for this next year include growing closer to God and each other, and loving and serving one another better.  When we moved two weeks ago, we decided not to reorder cable (we had the basic before).  Television is such a huge distraction (even though we didn't watch those horrible shows on these days), and since we've gotten rid of it, I can honestly say I'm not missing it.  Instead of mindlessly sitting in front of a screen, we can talk more.  We also have agreed to begin online Bible courses together- for free!  It is just another way for us to connect and to grow.

We are excited about the future.  It is strange to say when we've been married for a year, because it still seems like yesterday, and it seems like ten years, all at the same time!  I am blessed to have found someone willing to put up with me, and I know I love Brian more today than I did on August 20, 2011.  What a blessing he is to me, and I pray that I will be to him for all of his days!

Here we are today!  It's not a close up photo, but for fun I put on the same headband and earrings that I wore as a bride.  Maybe I'll do that every year on our anniversary!

P.S.  Happy Birthday to Brian's mom!  If anyone reading this was at our wedding, you might remember singing to Brian's mom last year at our reception.

Unpacking

This is pretty much what's going on in our house right now:

We've been unpacking, little by little, trying to do something small each day.  I have been tempted to take all of our things, throw them out, and start over.  It is quite challenging to find places for odds and ends.

Our house is not huge by any means.  That would have been silly to buy a very large house, considering it is just the two of us right now.  That aside, I'm glad it isn't a huge place.  The bigger the place, the more tempted we are as human beings to keep bringing in more items to fill it.  As it is, Brian and I both need to downsize and get rid of a few things along the way.

I have been opening up a few boxes that I've had packed for a year.  At our old apartment, there was no point in unpacking everything due to the lack of space and our intention to only stay there for a short time.  As I am looking at items I haven't seen in a while, there are mixed emotions.  Some things I'm really quite happy to see and enjoy again.  Others I haven't missed, and it makes me ask the question, "Do I really need this?"

It is so easy for our stuff to begin to own us, rather than us owning our stuff.  The last thing I want is a home that is bursting at the seams because we can't part with a few items.  It is hard to get rid of things, whether it has some sentimental value (for ex:  a gift) or some useful value (for ex:  teaching files).  I know I personally need to look at some of my things with a more critical eye and give them the old HEAVE-HO.

It will take us a while for our home to be what we want.  We still have to move quite a few pieces of furniture from NJ, and when we have those, that will enable us to truly settle and unpack more items even further.  I expect the whole process of getting settled to take a few months at least, while we figure out where this and that are going.  This doesn't count the things we will do to improve our home (adding blinds, ceiling fans, etc.)

Until then, it is one day at a time, and I have to remind myself (or Brian reminds me), that there is no deadline here.  It is a little bit every day that will enable us to cross the finish line.  We're just happy we have a house and the time to take.

Oh, Deer, Can I Bear It?

We moved approximately twenty miles and a half an hour west, and ever-so-slightly south, yet it is a different world here.  Before the move, we were on the border of NY and a hop, skip, and jump from NJ.  Though vastly different from my former stomping grounds of the Jersey Shore, it provided some convenience, albeit not the convenience I had once been used to.

Our move has taken us into the Poconos, and convenience isn't the word that comes to mind in our new community.  We are now more remote, perhaps more so than either of us has ever been before. It's an adjustment for us both.

Since we've moved in our new house, deer have graced us with their presence just about every day. For the people that live here, it is very likely no big deal.  Brian and I, however, usually stop what we're doing and whoever spots the deer first calls the other to the window.  We've had bucks and does who love to snack in the brush between ours and our neighbor's land.  It's been fun to watch them, but I can't help but get a bit nervous when we go for walks and we see deer right in front of us. Okay, so I know they won't hurt us... but an animal is an animal, and for sure and for certain they carry some nasty tics.

We've also had a turkey scurry through our yard.  It is kind of funny to think that once upon a time, our ancestors would have not let dinner get away!

My only real worry is bears.  We've been warned, by various people, that a bear may pay a visit. Brian is trying to train me on what to do if I see a bear.  Lesson 1:  Don't scream.  Lesson 2:  Walk away slowly.  Hmm.  He knows me too well.  There's no saying how I'll react if that day comes. Lord, I pray it is not soon!

Moving In

The above cake was made by Brian's sister in celebration of our new home!  She came down with her husband and kids, and so did Brian's parents, all the way from upstate NY to help us move this past weekend.  One of Brian's best friends also joined us, and a friend from our church brought a trailer which enabled us to move our furniture without renting a truck.  Three cheers for saving money!

Things are rather messy right now, so I'll skip any photos, but we are loving our new home.  It is a castle in comparison to the apartment we left behind.  Some of my favorite things are my new kitchen, which has an island, and our deck.  After being in that stuffy apartment, it is wonderful to have our own area OUTSIDE.  I haven't lived in a house (a full house, not a part we were renting) since I was nineteen, and I almost forgot what it feels like.  Just the upstairs alone of our new house is bigger than our old apartment, and there's another floor!

We are mostly staying upstairs right now because our boxes are sort of all over the place downstairs, but I keep thinking when we do get set up down there, this place will feel even bigger!

We still need to move some items from NJ- some of my old furniture as well as furniture being given to us.  We will have to rent a truck for that, but once that is done, we'll finally be settled.  If you're keeping track, I was just moving one year ago to PA as I was preparing for our wedding, so I am looking to not go anywhere for a long while.  I want to unpack and not see another brown box for a long time!

As I said to Brian's mom when I unpacked my teapot, "It's home when the teapot is on the stove ." We're so grateful for this house, yet we are ever mindful that this home is only temporary.  We never want to get so settled in this life that we forget that each day we are striving for our heavenly home. May we be ever mindful of that!

We're Homeowners!

After biting our nails for the past week and having our closing delayed once, we are happy to say that we now officially have our own home!  We'd like to introduce you:

We are just ecstatic beyond belief.  God has been so good to us.  We officially began our house-hunting on March 31.  We must have looked at two dozen houses all together, which included two that I saw without Brian.  We made an offer on June 10 for our house, and a little over a month and a half later, we are thrilled to say it is finally ours.  We got a great deal and paid far less than its market value.  I am a bargain shopper to the core, and I'm happy to say our house was a bargain, too!

Now comes all the hard work, and believe us when we say there is a lot!  But it's quite all right with us.

Birthday With My Husband

Today is my birthday.  This was the second birthday I have ever missed spending at my home in NJ. I spent one summer in Pasadena to complete my training for teaching abroad.  Brian and I did go home two weeks ago, and I celebrated a pre-birthday with my family.

So Brian was all on his own today, and he did just fine.  I was happy to wake up next to him, my first birthday as a married woman.

I could write so much more on this blog.  I want to and have desired to over the past couple of weeks.  I have tons of pictures of my trip home:  my nieces and nephews, my poor mom in her arm sling and boot for her broken foot that were the result of a recent fall.  I have photos of Brian kayaking down the Delaware River as I stood on the bridge above him.  Time has not allowed it, as Brian and I are preparing to move into our own home.  We are ecstatic, but overwhelmed at the same time.  Our apartment is a sea of boxes that continues to grow, and life has been challenging at best as we maneuver through this unfamiliar world of buying a home.  We are grateful for God's blessings in our lives, and we look forward to our new home with pure joy.

I will update more when we are settled in and will show a photo or two.  Please hang in with us as our lives are in a bit of transition right now.

A Few Random Updates

Our summer has gotten off to a busy start, and I've meant to blog a hundred things by now, but haven't gotten around to it.  I'll just post some pics with a few words of what we've been up to.

Brian finished out his school year one week ago with one last performance at graduation.  Each year, his band performs a live performance of "Pomp and Circumstance".  I like to take pictures of him in action while conducting, so as the graduates marched out and everyone was busy watching them, I scurried over so I could get some better shots of Brian.

Since Brian is now on vacation, we've decided to do one fun thing a week that we don't normally do.  This past week, we went to Claws N' Paws, which is a zoo out near us here in PA.  We went there two summers ago when we were dating, and it was really nice to revisit the place.

 I caught this photo a little too late because my camera was in my bag, but Brian was face to face with this white tiger.  Of course, there is glass there, but as Mr. Tiger got close to Brian, he began to lick the glass.  Was he looking for a snack?  Did Brian look like a tasty treat?

We had to stop and pose with the gorilla painting just as we did two years ago.

Brian and I don't bite, mind you.  I just had to take this photo.  Wouldn't it make a great sign on our front door?

We've been committing this summer to walk 10,000 steps a day.  While we may not get to it every single day, we've gotten off to a great start already.  We get up early, walk 5,000, and then we walk another 5,000 in the evening.  It breaks it up and we miss the hot sun during the day.

I'm a pretty good bargain shopper, but somehow I managed to find these two watermelon slices for a penny each.  The cashier was none too happy with me.  Although they indeed rang up for one cent a piece, she insisted I ought to be charged full price.  I was calm but held my own and said that this is the price that is marked on them and I would not want them otherwise.  (Side note:  Even if a store makes a mistake, I believe it is their duty to honor their mistake.)  She called up a supervisor who took my side and said if that was what they were marked, then I could have them.  Geesh, it made me wonder if the cashier had never found a good deal in her life and didn't want anyone else to have one.  Needless to say, those were some delicious watermelons.  (Oh, by the way, the cashier did ring me up for three watermelons, but I wasn't going to balk at the one cent I was overcharged.)

Finding My Way

I need to pause, for myself more than anyone else, and look at what this past year has been.  I have officially been unemployed for one year, by reasons of choice as well as practicality.  Those last few days at my job were a blessing, but they also were mixed with a bit of heartache as I said goodbye to dear colleagues and precious students alike.

As much as I enjoy being an old-fashioned housewife, there are days I miss teaching.  It is one of the most difficult jobs on the planet, so I don't desire to ever endure all that it encompasses (except for homeschooling our future children), but there are moments when I wish I could have bits and pieces of it to experience again.  I miss running across the hall to my friend Anita's classroom to share whatever was on my mind and heart.  I miss Makayla saying "thank you" to me at the end of every lesson.  I miss sharing my passion for the written word to young minds, whether fully absorbent or not.

It was difficult leaving my teaching ministry of five years.  I finished on a Friday, and the next day I went to PA to visit Brian.  I remember being emotional after saying goodbye to so many dear people, and I think I needed to head to PA then, my future home, so I could learn to let go.  Brian had bought me flowers, knowing it was difficult for me to say goodbye.

That was just my job.  Leaving my family was hardest of all.  I had left home before.  I even lived in another country temporarily... but I always came back.  That's where it was vastly different than leaving all the times before.  After that point, I would forever return as a visitor.  While visitor is not the same as outsider, there are times I do feel that with my family- not deliberately on anyone's part, but it is inevitable to always miss something important, whether big or small.  In the quiet corners of my heart, there is some weeping still.  I miss my dear nieces and nephews, who are beginning to look older to me.  Because I see them every few months, I notice the changes far more than my regular visits, which used to be several times a week.  I miss the giggles of my nieces and their sweet hugs.  I miss my wonderful mom whom I know like the back of my hand.  I miss dragging her out with me to the Christmas Tree Shoppes or Kohl's even after she complained she was too tired to go anywhere.

Life is a beautiful journey, a tapestry of events, both happy and sad, woven together to make a beautiful piece of art worth framing.  Many times, joy and pain go together.  When I had the sadness of leaving home, I had the joy of becoming a wife, a joy that does outweigh the pain of the things I've had to let go.  That too, is a journey.  Letting go wasn't done all at once, but it is something I still must do.

My life has transitioned so much in the past year.  Single to married, living in NJ to living in PA, working as a teacher to now working as a housewife.  I've had to learn more about myself this year as the former has been stripped away.  Instead of serving seventy-five or so middle and high schoolers, I serve my husband. The days are lonely, sometimes.  Once used to seeing many people during the course of the day, I am now mostly by myself.  But I have found that the silence is useful, meaningful, and profound.  This year, I've had to rely on God more than ever, and in the stillness, I've learned more both about Him and myself.

Just as I've had to learn my way around this tri-state area where I now live, I've had to find my way around my new life.  It's been an adjustment, one that has not always been easy, but has definitely been worth it.  I am blessed beyond measure, and while I look forward to the day that I no longer feel like I'm still in a transition, I do appreciate the journey, because it is there that God shapes me the most.  The end result isn't nearly as important. 

An Invasion of Sorts

It is no secret that I hate bugs, flying insects, and creepy crawlies of just about every size, shape, and form.  The only bug I can somewhat tolerate is a ladybug.  By tolerate I don't mean that I want them in my bed or crawling on me, but I do not feel the need to stop everything and kill them right away.

Something mysterious is going on in our apartment.  Let me explain that we live upstairs in an old house.  I don't know the year this house was built, but it is so old we have a light switch that I saw in one episode of "The Waltons".

Let me share my story, if you please.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a wonderful chicken dish cooking in the crock pot all day long.  Brian came home from work, and while sitting down to relax, we noticed two flies roaming about.  (No, they did not come through the door.  We have a long staircase between the outside door and the door to our apartment.)  There were two more a bit later.  Brian and I tag teamed, one with the all-natural bug repellent, and the other with the fly swatter while we chased them around until our place was free from the creepy things at last.

Fast forward to last night.

I made a turkey stew, and it was a quick meal to prepare.  No crock pot cooking for hours, permeating the entire house.  The whole thing took a half hour at most.  As soon as I was done and scooped myself a bowl (Brian had a late night, so I was on my own), what buzzes past my head? You guessed it.  I covered my dish and decided to deal with the intruder.  Fortunately, he landed on the sink and I swatted him and flushed him down the drain.

It wasn't over.

There were two more, but they didn't go so easily.  I armed myself with my all-natural bug repellent and trusty fly swatter, and I donned a hat for good measure.  Why of all nights did Brian have to come home late this night?  I couldn't do anything else but chase these flies.  It took a while, but I FINALLY got the last of the suckers, and Brian came home moments later.  He was proud that I am slowing becoming a country girl at last.

So I wonder, is this a PA thing, having houseflies, or an old house thing?  I can remember growing up we only had a housefly if the door was held open a little too long and the intruder managed to get inside.  Here, we have nothing open, and they only seem to come out for dinner, so I think they must either be in the attic or in the walls.  I shudder to think they are lying in wait, ready to fly out when I cook my next meal.

Brian and I hope to have good news to share on this blog soon about a new home.  Until then, it's a battle in here!

Rhubarb Coffee Cake

Years ago, my friend Debbie introduced me to rhubarb by means of a strawberry-rhubarb pie.  It was love at first bite.  Yum!  Since then, I have made quite a few strawberry-rhubarb pies, but it is sometimes difficult to grab rhubarb at the grocery store for the small window of time it is there each spring.

Two summers ago was my first time at Brian's home in NY.  Much to my surprise, his mother actually grows rhubarb in her backyard.  I left that visit with an armful of rhubarb, and when I returned to my home in NJ, I had so much that I had to figure out what else to do with it.  I ended up making rhubarb coffee cake in addition to my much-loved pie.

Brian, however, strongly dislikes rhubarb.  Just a couple of weekends ago, while visiting his parents', Brian's mom again allowed me to walk away with plenty of rhubarb.  Since he dislikes it, and I can't very well eat a whole strawberry-rhubarb pie by myself, I turned again to the rhubarb coffee cake.  I got a little bit sneaky, and decided to cut up the pieces of rhubarb really small, and I figured that the taste would not be noticeable if I did so.  I was right.

When Brian came home from work, I told him that I made coffee cake, and I didn't mention the dreaded ingredient.  He tasted it, thought it was delicious, and that was the end of it.  I told him just before writing this post that it did, in fact, have rhubarb in it.  He was only momentarily shocked to find he had eaten his sworn enemy, but I think I maybe proved that rhubarb can be good, even for him.

If only he would like to eat strawberry-rhubarb pie!  Perhaps I will make one anyway.  More for me!

Sharing Each Other's Interests

I have been looking forward to this summer for some time.  For the first summer since I met Brian three years ago, we don't have to travel back and forth to see one another.  Last summer was particularly crazy.  Between trying to plan our wedding and packing up/preparing to move, it was a whirlwind.  After our honeymoon, Brian was right back to work and that's when I began to look forward to this summer... a hopefully and expectantly un-chaotic, calm, peaceful summer of my dreams.

Perhaps I should not dream TOO big.

In our excitement, we often speak of things we want to do this summer. Earlier today, one thing came up in conversation that I did NOT want to do. Whilst cleaning our DVD cabinet, Brian came across his Yankees World Series DVD (I believe it was '96?), and casually asked me if I would watch it with him. I said an emphatic "no" included with a very strong "I will not". Yikes, I hope I didn't sound like an unreasonable wife, but I did watch the Superbowl with him (a thing single Courtney would never have done in a million years), and I've endured my fair share of listening to recordings of junior high and high school bands over the past few months.

As my husband continued to ask me if I would please watch it with him, I said that I would not unless he would sit down and watch Jane Austen with me. To both of our satisfaction, an agreement began to take form. "How long are those movies?"  "Well, 'Pride & Prejudice' BBC version is something like five hours, and that's just one." He decided to throw in another baseball thing to even out the difference. I tried to tell him that I have three versions of 'Emma' and at least two of everything else, but I won't make him watch all the versions. I won't be that mean.

So now the only challenges that remain are preventing my mind from wandering during baseball and keeping Brian from falling asleep during Jane Austen.  Think we can do it?

Memorial Day Weekend

Since Brian's school district tacked two unused snow days onto Memorial Day weekend, we decided to head up to see his parents.  Brian's folks escape the winter cold at their second home in Arizona for a few months each year, and we hadn't seen them since just before Christmas.

I really like Brian's hometown.  Every time I'm up there, I stare in awe at the landscape- rolling hills that seem to go on and on- so unlike where I grew up.  Yes, I had the beach, but everywhere else in my neck of the woods was completely built up.  If there was a speck of land, they'd build something on it.  Another store, another strip mall, another Dunkin Donuts, etc.  It was convenient all right.  It just wasn't very pretty.  Driving on Brian's very own street, it looks like a postcard.  I can't get enough of looking at it.

We had a great visit.  We spent time with Brian's parents who seem to enjoy my stories of what it is like to live with their son.  We also had a lovely visit with our niece and nephew, Brian's sister and brother-in-law, Brian's grandma (I call her "Grandma", too), and Brian's cousin Debbie.  Oh, and we absolutely cannot forget Puttitat.

Here are a few photos of our time with Lauren and Ethan:

Aren't they cute? :)

Busiest Week of the Year

Since Brian and I had a long distance relationship, I never got to see him conduct a concert until this past December.  Now I think he is getting used to me waiting in the wings, camera in hand, as I proudly watch him lead his band make some pretty terrific music.

I don't envy his work.  It's a job I could never do, I believe, even if I were a musical genius.  This year has been a learning experience for me as I've observed just all the craziness his job entails.  And just having to cart the large, heavy instruments from here to there would be enough for me to turn in my resignation.  Or maybe I'd have to get a gym membership in order to lift the cumbersome things. Anyway, I digress.

Last week was the busiest week of the entire school year for Brian.  If there was an event to be had, it was.  His spring concert was on Tuesday.  This was excellent preparation for the upcoming competition for the band on Thursday as the students performed two of the three songs they would play before judges.  In my opinion, I thought the band sounded great, and I am always so proud to see Brian throw himself into the song he is conducting in order to bring out the best in his students.

On Thursday he and his junior and senior high bands went to the yearly competition where they would be judged, critiqued, graded, dissected, etc. before some pretty important people in the state of NY.  His senior high band was at a great disadvantage due to the absence of Brian's best all-state player whose father had just passed away.  Both bands performed well, but I can say from my own listening experience, as least with the high school band, they performed better at the concert, no doubt to having the full band present.  In any case, both bands were challenged, and Brian was proud of them.

Brian finished the week on Friday doing some judging of his own.  It was a tiring week, but we are looking forward to things winding down in the weeks before graduation.

Here is Brian with his jazz band.  This is a new group that just started this year.

The junior high band gets ready to play.

Brian works with his senior high band before their performance in front of the dreaded judges.

Terrible lighting, I know, but this is the high school band about to perform in an auditorium much larger than what they are used to.

Band Mom

My career as a band mom has officially begun.  After Brian and I got engaged last year, he didn't tell his students right away.  He wanted to wait for an important moment to do so, so he decided that the right time was when his students just performed at their band festival and he was giving them their ranking.  He said that next year, he'd be bringing along a new chaperone... the Mrs.  They were very glad for him, and no doubt surprised, since he never mentioned he had a girlfriend.  For the record, neither did I to my students (a boyfriend, that is), and while happy for me, they couldn't believe I had never informed them of such a significant detail.

Truth be told, I do miss my students.  They brought both joy and headaches to my life, but I miss interacting with them.  Some of them may have given me grief, but I also received plenty of love, and it was hard saying goodbye to them.

So when Brian asked me to help him chaperone his students at their solo festival, I was happy to do so.  Brian was so excited to introduce me to his students and break me into my new role.  I only met a portion of his students, but they were very receptive of me, and I even had a couple of nice chats with a few of the girls.  It made me miss my kids even more.

This week, I'll be helping once again as all ninety-four of his students will be heading to their band festival.  I'm glad to have the opportunity to join my husband in his work and interact with teenagers once again.

But for the record, the term "Band Mom" makes me feel really old.

A Daily Surrender

I read this in one of my devotional books a couple of weeks ago, and it's been with me ever since.

"But is it our business to pry into what may happen tomorrow?  It is a difficult and painful exercise which saps the strength and uses up the time given us today.  Once we give ourselves up to God, shall we attempt to get hold of what can never belong to us- tomorrow?  Our lives are His, our times in His hand, He is Lord over what will happen, never mind what may happen.  When we prayed, 'Thy will be done,' did we suppose He did not hear us?  He had indeed, and daily makes our business His and partakes of our lives.  If my life is once surrendered, all is well.  Let me not grab it back, as though it were in peril in His hand but would be safer in mine!" ~ Elisabeth Elliot, "Keep a Quiet Heart"  (Book given to me by my friend Ruth.)

I can always count on Elisabeth Elliot to put things into the right perspective.  Oh, how wonderfully true these words are!  Lately, I have found myself worried about various things in my life, all of which I cannot control and cause me grief in one form or another.  When I read these words, it was like seeing my reflection in a mirror.  Did I walk away immediately transformed?  I wish!  No, it is a daily surrender.

I remember reading Elisabeth Elliot's "Through Gates of Splendor".  In that book, she writes of the journey that resulted in the death of her husband and four other missionary men in Ecuador.  When the men were on what would be their final mission, "Operation Auca", they had planned to contact their wives by radio at a designated time to let them know of their progress.  At the appointed time, the radio was silent.  The women knew something was wrong, but they didn't give in to despair or grief.  Elisabeth, in fact, went on to teach one of her classes even as the fate of her husband was still uncertain.  She didn't do what I would have done, which would have consisted of canceling everything so I could sit and fret until I heard word.

When the ladies did finally learn the truth, no one lost control or threw themselves on the floor in a fit of tears.  No one cursed God and pounded the floor with their fists, nor did they start saying, "Why me?"  They understood that His plans are infinitely bigger than ours.  Though they did grieve the loss of their husbands and the fathers to their children, they did so with dignity, all the while trusting in their Savior.

What a lesson for us all!  How I wish my faith were as strong, and I pray that God is not done with me yet, but that as He keeps dipping me back into the furnace, I will eventually, even faintly, resemble something of His image.

An Engagement Story

Yesterday was our eight month anniversary.  Today is the one year anniversary of our engagement.  I thought I'd tell our story here, just because it would be fun to write it down.  So let's rewind the time to April 21, 2011, shall we?  It was Thursday evening, after school had ended and Spring Break had begun:

I was standing in my bedroom, packing my bags, getting ready to head to PA to visit Brian on my week off.  We had looked at rings in December and talked of marriage time and again, and specifically, spoke of marriage that summer.  The weeks and months were going by, and my boyfriend had little time left to propose if he wanted to leave us enough time to plan a wedding by summer's end.  To be honest, I was a bit tired of waiting, because I knew we were going to get married, and I was weary of just being "boyfriend and girlfriend".  I had thought to be engaged by then already, and by the time Spring Break rolled around, I knew that this was the moment.  If we had a week to spend together, surely he would propose then.  As I half jokingly, half seriously said to my mom, "I'm coming back from Spring Break either engaged or single!"

In the midst of my small bedroom, with clothes all around me as I planned out my outfits for a week, I heard a saxophone playing outside my window.  Completely startled, I looked up and saw my Brian.  He got me good!  He had called me just a couple of hours before to tell me he was on his way to his evening job, but he was really coming down to see me!  I fumbled with the window, which is very hard to open, and he asked me if I heard what song he was playing.  I had to admit I hadn't... I was too surprised and jittery!  He played a few bars again, and it was our song "Bless the Broken Road".  I told him to come around to the door so I could let him in, which he did, and then he told my mom and he'd be taking me for a drive.

Well, obviously, this was the time at last, and we walked to his car, which he parked on another street so I wouldn't have seen him pull up.  He drove to the parking lot in the community where I lived, and I guessed by that time that we'd be walking to our favorite bench where we had had several important talks and earnest prayers.  I hadn't grabbed a jacket before we left, and it was a bit chilly, so Brian made short work of the big moment, dropped to one knee, and pulled out a ring that was made just for me.

What a wonderful surprise engagement, because even though I knew Spring Break would bring the glad tidings, I didn't know he'd come down to meet me before I'd be looking for it.  It was wonderful to spend Spring Break engaged from the very beginning, and he saved me the drive by taking me back with him and returning me a week later.  I loved that week, because the majority of people in my world didn't know I was engaged since I was away, and it was a beautiful, sweet secret for the time, just a knowledge that only ourselves and a few people in our lives knew.

Here's a picture of us on that day, one year ago today.

Spring Break in NJ

Brian and I headed to my home last week for Easter.  It was my first Easter home in three years, because the last two I had headed northwest to visit Brian.  It was nice to celebrate Easter again with my family.

My mom and I labored the day before on two pies (apple and strawberry- sadly rhubarb wasn't in the stores yet).  Then on Sunday we went to my sister's.  It was really wonderful to see my nieces and nephews again.  Lindsey has entered a cuddly stage, and I was more than happy to oblige.  Emily is becoming quite the little lady, and the boys have grown these adorable tufts of hair... so cute.  I really could have kidnapped them all and taken them back here.  But alas, we have no room for them.

Easter Sunday was truly a great day... until a scare sent my mom to the ER later that night.  At about 10:30, my mom's back pains (which she thought just were back pains) became excruciating, and so we decided to head for the ER, with minds full of fears.  I guess back pains can indicate a heart attack, so I was whispering unintelligible, two or three word prayers to God the entire ride to the hospital.  "God, help!"  "Lord, heal her." Brian, bless his heart, did a great job speedily navigating my mother's vehicle on the dark streets that he is unfamiliar with.  I was too nervous and so glad he was there to drive.

As it turned out, my mom had a gall stone.  She was released several hours later after receiving pain meds, and I think we were all safely in bed by three.  She may still need surgery, but she is still going through some testing.

It was so difficult watching my mom in that much pain, but I was so thankful to be there with her and that it happened when we were home with her.  Isn't God good?

But, I'm getting a little tired of my trips home involving hospital visits.  It seems like everyone was healthy before I left.  I moved away and my first visit home was to see my dad in the hospital on the brink of triple bypass.  Then this happened with my mom.  When I say that I am tired, I merely mean that I hate watching my parents get older.  It makes me realize they will not be around forever, a thought I'd care not to think at all, but must.

This visit home hit me hard.  I'm not sure what it was- perhaps it was because my mom had to go to the ER- I really don't know, but I cried when we left.  As we were pulling away, my niece Emily was at the door, waving until she could see us no more.  When I blew a kiss, she blew one back, and I looked at her and she looked at us until our car turned the corner.  I think it is just a combination of things- feeling like I'm always missing something now- that made me lose it.  And lose it I did.  Brian held my hand and comforted me; you would have thought I was leaving home for the first time.

I love my husband dearly, and I would follow him anywhere.  He is my partner for life.  But I wouldn't be me if I didn't feel the pain of being separated from my family.

Me and my cutie nephews.  Looking at the picture, I'm not sure which one is which, though I can tell them apart in person.  I went just about weak in the knees to see them in their matching sweater vests.  

My girls are growing up too fast.

Uncle Brian was coerced into playing hopscotch. (That's my lovely sister in the background- not me.  I guess to some we can look alike at times.)

Before we left, Lindsey found Uncle Brian's shirt to be a great place to put her stickers.

They remained there throughout the drive home.