Learning From My Mistakes

This post is a bit of a continuation from yesterday's.

I love my Caleb.  He is a darling little boy who brings light and love to our lives.  I almost forget what my life was like before we had him.

Perhaps the most difficult thing of parenting is when you realize you've made a mistake somewhere, and now you are faced with the guilt and anxiety of trying to fix it.

Caleb is not a great sleeper, and for a while I was of the belief that it was just him.  I now know otherwise.  I realize now that the amount I knew about baby sleep could fit into a grain of salt.  There is a whole science behind it, and if the parent doesn't get it right, it can lead to sleep deprivation in the child (and the parent!).  I myself have been somewhat sleep-deprived since Caleb was born, but no matter.  I care more about him than myself.

When things got hard, I turned to "things" to help Caleb sleep:  the swing, the car, the vacuum, nursing.  I had thought it was normal.  I've heard of plenty of parents who have taken the baby out for a ride just to get them to sleep.  Now I realize that is avoiding the real problem.  I had thought that babies slept pretty easily, but they don't.  The right sleep window needs to be created for them.

So I'm learning, though a bit late, not too late, I hope, to turn things around.  I'm working on it, but it will take some time.  There is much improvement in just a couple of nights with nighttime sleep, but those stubborn naps still keep driving me crazy.

I love being Caleb's mommy, but boy, I hate it when I realize I've done him wrong!  This for me is the hardest part.

Caleb is now saying "ma ma" though it sometimes comes out as "meh meh".  It is the cutest thing! Let's hope this "meh meh" does right by him!  Though the past few days I've declared myself to be the worst mother in the world (don't argue with me), I am his mama.  And I wouldn't trade it for anything.

The Ups And Downs Of Parenting

This is a picture of Caleb when he was only one month old.  How easy sleep was then!  (Side note: Caleb still wears those socks.  They didn't seem to be too big then, but they still fit him.  I'm not sure if they have just stretched out, or what.  My mom definitely got her money's worth when she got those.)

Brian and I are at war right now.  It's the battle to improve Caleb's sleep.  I am trying to read as much I can of "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth as time permits.  After waking up at 2 a.m. the other night, and not being able to go back to sleep no matter what we did to help him, enough was enough.

It's hard right now, and it seems like we take one step forward and two steps back, but we'll keep pushing through.  It also seems like we are having more success with nighttime sleep than with naps, which are atrocious.  As I've been trying to fix them, they have gotten worse, if that were even possible.  Please keep us in your prayers!

Busy Day In The Rocking Chair

This was Brian last Saturday, at three different times during the day, in the rocking chair.  (Please excuse the laundry rack behind him.)

At one point, Pocono was getting all snugly with Caleb, and he licked his head and hands all over the place.  Being the germiphobe I am, of course I washed Caleb afterward.

It is always more fun when Daddy is at home!

Caleb: Eight Months

Dear Caleb,

I can scarcely believe that eight months ago, on a Tuesday just like today, our baby son was born. You've grown so much since then!

You are still maintaining your size, which is quite long for your age.  I sometimes refer to you as "my little big boy".  In my opinion, you are simply perfect looking.  A perfectly round head, large, round eyes that shine like gems.  Very light brown hair that looks blond in certain kinds of light.  Perhaps, though, no one but me cares about your chunky thighs and cute toes.  I'm always threatening to eat you for dinner, and some days, I do come close!  You find it hysterically funny when I do take a few bites, so no harm done!

We've just celebrated our first Christmas together, and while you were none the wiser about the festivities, Daddy and I were so happy to celebrate with our firstborn. You've also just experienced some of the coldest temperatures in twenty years... well, not really.  You were kept inside, warm and cozy, by the fireplace.  No way was I going to bring you out in that!

You have been and still are an excellent eater.  There's no need for Mommy and Daddy to make airplane noises or try to coerce you to open your mouth for food.  You eat it all up with little effort on our part.  You still don't care for peas, but I find that if I talk in my high-pitched voice, and make it sound like it is the most exciting thing in the world, you do tolerate them better.  You still are not the best sleeper, and while that can be hard on Mommy, I try to remember that this time is but a brief moment.  Blink, and you'll be a grown man!

I love to talk to you.  I tell you so much, not because you understand me yet, but because some day I want you to be a good communicator.  On some of these cold winter days, I love to tell you about our summer plans.  Daddy and I have been dreaming since last summer about some of the things we'd do this year, when our Caleb would be a year old.  The zoo and the fair are on the top of our list! We can't wait for the warm weather so we can get out and enjoy fun activities together as a family.

Being a mother, I've heard said, is the hardest job in the world.  Now that I am one, I'd have to agree. There are days I'm so tired it is hard to even keep the living room tidy.  However, it is the best job in the world.  I could care less for corporate ladders.  The things of this world have no allure for me.  My heart is at home with you, where I, Lord willing, am making a cozy home for you and your Daddy day by day.

I love you, my darling boy!

Love always,
Mama