I am 31 weeks today!
I would include a photo, but I look like something the cat dragged in. I could barely function today- that is how tired I am. Not only am I dealing with third trimester tiredness, lack of sleep due to being uncomfortable, having to be out of bed a few minutes after 5 because Caleb is always up, but I am anemic to boot. The exhaustion I have been feeling lately doesn't compare to anything I have ever felt before. This morning in church, it was all I could do to keep my head up at times. I alternated between resting my head on Caleb's (when he was in my lap), or putting it on Brian's shoulder. Frankly, I didn't care who saw me, who thought I was ungodly, or what kind of example I made. I could not help it!
This week, Brian is INCREDIBLY busy, and he truly has over-scheduled himself. I will be left holding down the fort by myself more than usual, and when I am more tired than usual- well, you get the idea. I am counting down the last few weeks until Brian is off for the summer, and I have back-up. Please, Lord, help me make it until then!
The labor fears are beginning to come upon me, now that I have a mere two months left. Some people say you forget all about the labor pains once the baby is born. I don't know who made up such nonsense, but unless you are suffering from amnesia, there is no way one could forget about such pain. I remember distinctly thinking, "I hope Brian is content with one, because no way am I ever going through this again." I also remember pretty much thinking, that except for seeing my baby, that a peaceful death would be a nice reprieve from the terrible pain. It felt like a lawnmower was running over my insides, over and over again. I know there are other terrible pains out there. I am sure being shot or burning in a fire are pretty horrific, too. Labor is up there, though, that's for sure!
Since I cannot take a childbirth class (too far away), I have to rely on my books, but there is only so much I can learn from a book. In fact, everything I had read last time flew out of my mind when I was in labor with Caleb. To say that I am scared, even more so now that I know what it all entails, is an understatement.
I will try for a natural childbirth once again. Caleb was mostly natural. Believe me- I felt all of the pain. I was given something to help me sleep, but that was pretty much it. We'll see if I am desperate enough this time to cry out for something. I'd like to do it without putting that junk into my body (because it all crosses the placenta and gets to the baby, too), but I also know that I am not the toughest person out there. I will pray God will give me strength in my weakness.
Of course, I worry about the car ride and when to leave, because I never had that experience the last time. I know I do not want to sit in a car for fifty minutes when the pain intensity is high. I'll want to leave early before it gets too bad.
Lastly, I worry about the date of this baby's arrival. My mom is heading here one week before my due date, and my midwife is out of town three days before my due date, as well as my due date itself. There is another midwife, but she is not yet familiar with me, and I don't know if she will be as willing to come and deliver my baby, say, in the middle of the night as my own midwife would. (Yes, there is a doctor on call, but I prefer midwives over doctors any day.) Obviously, I want my mom here and in place, ready to watch Caleb when we head out. Caleb has NEVER been in this house without one of us here, so this is a big deal to leave him for the first time. I'd really like the chance to get my mom familiar with his routine and how we do things with him. (If you don't read him his bedtime stories, for example, he won't go to sleep.)
If you are reading this, please pray for my anemia/tiredness as well as God figuring out all the details of Baby's arrival. I would appreciate it!
Sunday, May 31, 2015
Friday, May 29, 2015
Last Trip For Awhile
After missing out on traveling this past holiday season (Thanksgiving- major snow, Christmas- morning sickness), we were beyond overdue to see our families. We had planned to see my family first (since we had been due there on Thanksgiving), and we did so in March, so up next was Brian's family, whom we were supposed to see at Christmas.
Brian's last days off for the school year were the long Memorial Day weekend. We knew he'd be too busy to go anywhere in June, and I'm sorry, once July hits, this big belly and I are not going ANYWHERE. (And, it is not recommended to travel in the last month of pregnancy anyway.)
I'll be honest. I don't like traveling much anymore now that I have a little one- only to get harder with another little one to come. It's not that Caleb didn't do well. He did great! It's all the packing every little thing he could possibly miss as well as all the things that are a part of his routine, and just doing things differently than I normally do at home. Routines are awkward when done anywhere other than in our own house- like bedtime routines, for example. This was true both at my parents' and Brian's parents'.
Of course, it is always expected that we are the ones that travel, given that we are the odd ones out on both sides. Brian's grandmother was already asking when we'd be up again, and frankly, I can't think about anything beyond this summer and giving birth to our next child. (However, I understand how much she loves her Brian.)
Last Saturday we headed out. Caleb slept in the car for about forty minutes with a brief waking time in there, and it made for a LOOOONG afternoon for him, since he was up by 11:40, and I don't even normally put him down until noon. He was as good as gold in the car. I sit in the back with him, which is not fun, because the car seat leaves me with very little room, but it is easier to sit next to him and give him lunch/snacks, than to twist from the front seat. (Of course, this option will be no more when we have two car seats in the back.)
Later in the day, we let Caleb run around Brian's parents' yard, and he had so much fun exploring and seeing where his little legs would take him. He decided he wanted to check out the neighbors' party, and that scares me, because I don't want this little boy thinking he can just walk off anywhere he wants. We have some teaching to do!
He went right to sleep that night and slept until just about 7, which is unheard of for him (normally up just after 5), no doubt due to the short, early nap, combined with all the running in the yard. I checked on him to make sure he was still breathing, so uncharacteristic this is! I went back to bed, but struggled with some terrible dizziness- even in bed- the room was spinning. I'm sure this had something to do with pregnancy because I had it once or twice last pregnancy, but it was worse this time. I thought I would vomit and had Brian get me a plastic bag, but thankfully, things remained put. It took me a couple of hours to shake off the effects of the dizziness.
Caleb had some serious digestive issues as he had just finished up an antibiotic two days before traveling, and the after-effects were upon us full force. Poor little guy. Poor me, too! It was not fun to change those diapers! (When we got him home, I put him on a probiotic, and he got better in a couple of days.)
After his nap that day, we went to see Brian's grandma, who is now in a nursing home. Brian is just about the cutest man on earth, because he loves his grandmother so much. I really like her, too. She's a little rough around the edges, but I see more beneath that. She was the first person in Brian's family I ever met, so I have an extra soft spot for her. Though her vision isn't the greatest, she got to see Caleb, and of course, she loved to spend some time with Brian. At 95 years old, only our Lord knows how much longer she'll be with us, and I'm glad we got to see her.
We went to see Brian's sister after this, but since it was getting late, we couldn't spend a great deal of time there. I think Lauren and Ethan were disappointed, which I felt bad about, but I am a stickler for Caleb's bedtime, at least at this young age. I'm sure I come across as very uptight and someone similar to Captain von Trapp, but I believe sleep is very important to little ones. Caleb had fun seeing his cousins, and they loved seeing him. Lauren loved taking his hand and leading him around, and Ethan wanted to show him the games. It's really too bad we don't live near either side of the family, because Caleb would have instant playmates at his disposal. (Thank goodness there is a sibling coming!)
We got back to Brian's parents' with about a half hour to spare before Caleb's routine began, which is just enough, I think. I'm the same way at home. I never bring Caleb home and straight to bed. I always try to give him time to unwind in his environment first, and then we can begin the routine. It always works, so I don't want to mess with what works.
He was out again, quickly, but he was back to being up early the next day!
That was about the extent of our trip. We only do two nights away, because, frankly, that's all I really want to do. (Again, this is the same for either side of the family. I was uncomfortable at my mom's townhouse- where I used to live! Especially being pregnant.) There is nothing in the world like your own bed.
Caleb, surprisingly, did not fall asleep on the way home- at all! He was extremely wound up. I was actually annoyed, because I knew that I'd have to spend time reading stories and going through his nap time routine, and frankly, I was worn out from travel (not to mention the anemia I am battling) and didn't feel like it! But that's life as a mommy! I put him down at 1:00 instead of 12, and he slept until I woke him up at 2:45.
It was good to see Brian's family and for them to spend some time with Caleb. The next time I am leaving this house overnight is my trip to the hospital!
Brian's last days off for the school year were the long Memorial Day weekend. We knew he'd be too busy to go anywhere in June, and I'm sorry, once July hits, this big belly and I are not going ANYWHERE. (And, it is not recommended to travel in the last month of pregnancy anyway.)
I'll be honest. I don't like traveling much anymore now that I have a little one- only to get harder with another little one to come. It's not that Caleb didn't do well. He did great! It's all the packing every little thing he could possibly miss as well as all the things that are a part of his routine, and just doing things differently than I normally do at home. Routines are awkward when done anywhere other than in our own house- like bedtime routines, for example. This was true both at my parents' and Brian's parents'.
Of course, it is always expected that we are the ones that travel, given that we are the odd ones out on both sides. Brian's grandmother was already asking when we'd be up again, and frankly, I can't think about anything beyond this summer and giving birth to our next child. (However, I understand how much she loves her Brian.)
Last Saturday we headed out. Caleb slept in the car for about forty minutes with a brief waking time in there, and it made for a LOOOONG afternoon for him, since he was up by 11:40, and I don't even normally put him down until noon. He was as good as gold in the car. I sit in the back with him, which is not fun, because the car seat leaves me with very little room, but it is easier to sit next to him and give him lunch/snacks, than to twist from the front seat. (Of course, this option will be no more when we have two car seats in the back.)
Later in the day, we let Caleb run around Brian's parents' yard, and he had so much fun exploring and seeing where his little legs would take him. He decided he wanted to check out the neighbors' party, and that scares me, because I don't want this little boy thinking he can just walk off anywhere he wants. We have some teaching to do!
He went right to sleep that night and slept until just about 7, which is unheard of for him (normally up just after 5), no doubt due to the short, early nap, combined with all the running in the yard. I checked on him to make sure he was still breathing, so uncharacteristic this is! I went back to bed, but struggled with some terrible dizziness- even in bed- the room was spinning. I'm sure this had something to do with pregnancy because I had it once or twice last pregnancy, but it was worse this time. I thought I would vomit and had Brian get me a plastic bag, but thankfully, things remained put. It took me a couple of hours to shake off the effects of the dizziness.
Caleb had some serious digestive issues as he had just finished up an antibiotic two days before traveling, and the after-effects were upon us full force. Poor little guy. Poor me, too! It was not fun to change those diapers! (When we got him home, I put him on a probiotic, and he got better in a couple of days.)
After his nap that day, we went to see Brian's grandma, who is now in a nursing home. Brian is just about the cutest man on earth, because he loves his grandmother so much. I really like her, too. She's a little rough around the edges, but I see more beneath that. She was the first person in Brian's family I ever met, so I have an extra soft spot for her. Though her vision isn't the greatest, she got to see Caleb, and of course, she loved to spend some time with Brian. At 95 years old, only our Lord knows how much longer she'll be with us, and I'm glad we got to see her.
We went to see Brian's sister after this, but since it was getting late, we couldn't spend a great deal of time there. I think Lauren and Ethan were disappointed, which I felt bad about, but I am a stickler for Caleb's bedtime, at least at this young age. I'm sure I come across as very uptight and someone similar to Captain von Trapp, but I believe sleep is very important to little ones. Caleb had fun seeing his cousins, and they loved seeing him. Lauren loved taking his hand and leading him around, and Ethan wanted to show him the games. It's really too bad we don't live near either side of the family, because Caleb would have instant playmates at his disposal. (Thank goodness there is a sibling coming!)
We got back to Brian's parents' with about a half hour to spare before Caleb's routine began, which is just enough, I think. I'm the same way at home. I never bring Caleb home and straight to bed. I always try to give him time to unwind in his environment first, and then we can begin the routine. It always works, so I don't want to mess with what works.
He was out again, quickly, but he was back to being up early the next day!
That was about the extent of our trip. We only do two nights away, because, frankly, that's all I really want to do. (Again, this is the same for either side of the family. I was uncomfortable at my mom's townhouse- where I used to live! Especially being pregnant.) There is nothing in the world like your own bed.
Caleb, surprisingly, did not fall asleep on the way home- at all! He was extremely wound up. I was actually annoyed, because I knew that I'd have to spend time reading stories and going through his nap time routine, and frankly, I was worn out from travel (not to mention the anemia I am battling) and didn't feel like it! But that's life as a mommy! I put him down at 1:00 instead of 12, and he slept until I woke him up at 2:45.
It was good to see Brian's family and for them to spend some time with Caleb. The next time I am leaving this house overnight is my trip to the hospital!
Really, I am desperate for a new camera. Cell phone pictures are just not the best. Here is Brian climbing the tree in his old backyard.
Another blurry photo. Here are the three of us with Brian's grandma.
And just Brian and Caleb with Grandma.
Aunt Jenn with Caleb.
Lauren and Ethan with Caleb, being pulled by Uncle Chris's tractor.
Please forgive these photos. We are definitely planning to get a new camera before the baby is born!
Monday, May 18, 2015
Caleb's Birthday Party
May is a tough month around here. Brian is super busy. The week before Caleb's birthday, his kids had their annual solo festival, so Brian had a late Friday night in which he didn't get home until 10:30 or so. (And for me, that means I go to bed late, because I cannot go to bed until I know he is home safely.) Tomorrow night, he has his spring concert. Every other May, he has his annual band festival where his entire band is judged, but this year he has that in June.
While it certainly isn't an afterthought, it can be tough throwing Caleb's party because Brian is running from one thing to the next, and he's run down himself. (Let's not forget his second job.) It isn't much better with me, because I just found out at my prenatal appointment on Friday that I am borderline anemic, which explains why I feel as though I have been sleepwalking lately. (An emergency order from my vitamin company for iron was in order. I am hoping to get it this week.)
Thankfully, it worked out to have Caleb's party this past weekend, two days after his birthday. Brian had to be sure to take off from his Saturday job, and my parents headed up early Saturday morning, and I was more than grateful for my mom's help in getting everything set up for the party. (My mom is a workhorse and I don't know what I'd do without her.)
Nobody lives close, and the closest party attenders were Matt and Kristen, Brian's best friend and his wife, who are two hours away. Brian's parents and sister are something like two-and-a-half hours, depending on what route is taken. My parents are three hours with the route they take. (We try to take a faster route when we travel.)
We really appreciate it when everyone comes out, simply because it isn't a quick trip for anyone. I don't know how this will work next year when Baby #2 has their first birthday. I'm sure attendance will go down being that there would be two trips to make.
But for now, it was Caleb's day. Like last year, he slept later than usual during his nap, so he was late for his own party. I had to go and wake him, and then he didn't want to get out of his crib. He was shy at first, because, after all, he had just woken up, but he doesn't have the fear of strangers that he used to. He got right in there and played with his cousins Lauren and Ethan, and that was fun to see.
I made him chocolate cupcakes with vanilla frosting, because he likes chocolate, and I don't think he would have gone for vanilla cake. He devoured his cupcake and wanted more, but sorry, bud, you only get one. I satisfied his desire with a little ice cream. :)
It was fun to celebrate the wonderful life of our big two-year-old! I can't believe he's getting so big, and I would be so weepy about it all if not for getting ready to have my arms filled with another newborn in less than three months.
The following photos were all taken by Kristen, who is not only a talented photographer, but she also has a good camera. To be honest, I haven't even uploaded the photos from my phone yet, because most are probably blurry, hazy, or just altogether "blah".
I am so thankful for this little boy! I love him to pieces, and I can't believe how fast the time is flying! Here's to many more birthdays, my little man!
While it certainly isn't an afterthought, it can be tough throwing Caleb's party because Brian is running from one thing to the next, and he's run down himself. (Let's not forget his second job.) It isn't much better with me, because I just found out at my prenatal appointment on Friday that I am borderline anemic, which explains why I feel as though I have been sleepwalking lately. (An emergency order from my vitamin company for iron was in order. I am hoping to get it this week.)
Thankfully, it worked out to have Caleb's party this past weekend, two days after his birthday. Brian had to be sure to take off from his Saturday job, and my parents headed up early Saturday morning, and I was more than grateful for my mom's help in getting everything set up for the party. (My mom is a workhorse and I don't know what I'd do without her.)
Nobody lives close, and the closest party attenders were Matt and Kristen, Brian's best friend and his wife, who are two hours away. Brian's parents and sister are something like two-and-a-half hours, depending on what route is taken. My parents are three hours with the route they take. (We try to take a faster route when we travel.)
We really appreciate it when everyone comes out, simply because it isn't a quick trip for anyone. I don't know how this will work next year when Baby #2 has their first birthday. I'm sure attendance will go down being that there would be two trips to make.
But for now, it was Caleb's day. Like last year, he slept later than usual during his nap, so he was late for his own party. I had to go and wake him, and then he didn't want to get out of his crib. He was shy at first, because, after all, he had just woken up, but he doesn't have the fear of strangers that he used to. He got right in there and played with his cousins Lauren and Ethan, and that was fun to see.
I made him chocolate cupcakes with vanilla frosting, because he likes chocolate, and I don't think he would have gone for vanilla cake. He devoured his cupcake and wanted more, but sorry, bud, you only get one. I satisfied his desire with a little ice cream. :)
It was fun to celebrate the wonderful life of our big two-year-old! I can't believe he's getting so big, and I would be so weepy about it all if not for getting ready to have my arms filled with another newborn in less than three months.
The following photos were all taken by Kristen, who is not only a talented photographer, but she also has a good camera. To be honest, I haven't even uploaded the photos from my phone yet, because most are probably blurry, hazy, or just altogether "blah".
I am so thankful for this little boy! I love him to pieces, and I can't believe how fast the time is flying! Here's to many more birthdays, my little man!
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Caleb: Two Years
My dear sweet Caleb,
Happy Birthday, my big boy! I'm afraid to close my eyes for a moment for fear of missing you grow. I know that all too quickly, my precious little love will disappear. If I turn my head for a second, I might turn back to see my toddler all gone, but instead, a young man, dressed in a cap and gown. If I fall asleep on my watch, I'll wake up to see a tall, handsome man, standing at the front of a church, waiting for his bride. Before we know it, I'll be watching you welcome your own child into this world.
Though I know full well that you'll grow all too quickly, today I am enjoying the fact that you are still my little boy. And I wouldn't change that for anything. Your hugs, kisses, and snuggles make me melt into a puddle. I am so blessed to be the foremost recipient of them. Your affectionate side has grown so much these past few months, much to my delight.
Of course, I have to take the bad with the good. You have plenty of tantrums, and I have either been hit by or I've dodged a flying object, many a time. Daddy and I are trying to straighten you out, and my little man- you will be straightened out.
You are such a smart boy. I see your memory developing more and more. You are behind on some things now (still not talking, nor feeding yourself with a spoon or fork), but I know you will catch up. I long to hear you say your first word, and I can't wait to someday hear, "I love you, Mommy." For now, I have to let your actions tell me that you do.
You love life. When I take out your shoes, you know Mommy is bringing you somewhere, and you get all ready, standing with your caterpillar (which you can't go anywhere without), waiting for me to get your shoes on. You love the swing at the park. You love it basically anywhere when we allow you to walk instead of put you into the stroller or shopping cart.
You absolutely love your daddy. We make a big deal, you and me, when Daddy comes home. You love it when he gives you a ride on his shoulders. He's your best playmate and pal, but he's also your number one earthly authority. He wants the best for you, and for you to grow to be a godly man one day.
You still love cheese, and now you love cheese doodles. When Mommy comes home from the grocery store, you have come to expect a few cheese doodles on a napkin to come your way. You still love scrambled eggs, which is your favorite breakfast, though you love yogurt, pancakes, and waffles, too. (Breakfast is by far the easiest, least fussiest meal I prepare for you. Dinner is another story.)
You are Mommy's helper. You absolutely love it when I vacuum and dust. When I vacuum, you follow me around, pushing your scooter and mimicking my movements. Anytime that I do anything that resembles dusting, like wiping down counters with a cloth, you grab your dust rags and try to help me as best you can. You are going to be Mommy's chore companion, that's for sure!
Your daddy and I adore you. Sure, being a stay-at-home mom is not always easy. Sometimes, it is downright hard. But life with you is so rich and meaningful, we would never want to experience life without you. In a couple of months, you'll be sharing the attention that you are used to receiving full-time with your baby brother/sister. (We've told you the gender, but not the readers of this blog!) It will be an adjustment for you, but our love for you won't diminish any just because there's a baby around. One day down the road, you'll appreciate having a sibling, even if you don't like it at first.
I love you, my sweet boy! More than you will ever, ever know. A mother's love knows no end.
Happy Birthday, my boy!
Love,
Mommy
I realize these aren't the greatest pictures. I am still trying to get used to the camera on my new phone, since my actual camera died. Hang in there until we buy ourselves a new camera... hopefully before the baby is born!
Happy Birthday, my big boy! I'm afraid to close my eyes for a moment for fear of missing you grow. I know that all too quickly, my precious little love will disappear. If I turn my head for a second, I might turn back to see my toddler all gone, but instead, a young man, dressed in a cap and gown. If I fall asleep on my watch, I'll wake up to see a tall, handsome man, standing at the front of a church, waiting for his bride. Before we know it, I'll be watching you welcome your own child into this world.
Though I know full well that you'll grow all too quickly, today I am enjoying the fact that you are still my little boy. And I wouldn't change that for anything. Your hugs, kisses, and snuggles make me melt into a puddle. I am so blessed to be the foremost recipient of them. Your affectionate side has grown so much these past few months, much to my delight.
Of course, I have to take the bad with the good. You have plenty of tantrums, and I have either been hit by or I've dodged a flying object, many a time. Daddy and I are trying to straighten you out, and my little man- you will be straightened out.
You are such a smart boy. I see your memory developing more and more. You are behind on some things now (still not talking, nor feeding yourself with a spoon or fork), but I know you will catch up. I long to hear you say your first word, and I can't wait to someday hear, "I love you, Mommy." For now, I have to let your actions tell me that you do.
You love life. When I take out your shoes, you know Mommy is bringing you somewhere, and you get all ready, standing with your caterpillar (which you can't go anywhere without), waiting for me to get your shoes on. You love the swing at the park. You love it basically anywhere when we allow you to walk instead of put you into the stroller or shopping cart.
You absolutely love your daddy. We make a big deal, you and me, when Daddy comes home. You love it when he gives you a ride on his shoulders. He's your best playmate and pal, but he's also your number one earthly authority. He wants the best for you, and for you to grow to be a godly man one day.
You still love cheese, and now you love cheese doodles. When Mommy comes home from the grocery store, you have come to expect a few cheese doodles on a napkin to come your way. You still love scrambled eggs, which is your favorite breakfast, though you love yogurt, pancakes, and waffles, too. (Breakfast is by far the easiest, least fussiest meal I prepare for you. Dinner is another story.)
You are Mommy's helper. You absolutely love it when I vacuum and dust. When I vacuum, you follow me around, pushing your scooter and mimicking my movements. Anytime that I do anything that resembles dusting, like wiping down counters with a cloth, you grab your dust rags and try to help me as best you can. You are going to be Mommy's chore companion, that's for sure!
Your daddy and I adore you. Sure, being a stay-at-home mom is not always easy. Sometimes, it is downright hard. But life with you is so rich and meaningful, we would never want to experience life without you. In a couple of months, you'll be sharing the attention that you are used to receiving full-time with your baby brother/sister. (We've told you the gender, but not the readers of this blog!) It will be an adjustment for you, but our love for you won't diminish any just because there's a baby around. One day down the road, you'll appreciate having a sibling, even if you don't like it at first.
I love you, my sweet boy! More than you will ever, ever know. A mother's love knows no end.
Happy Birthday, my boy!
Love,
Mommy
I realize these aren't the greatest pictures. I am still trying to get used to the camera on my new phone, since my actual camera died. Hang in there until we buy ourselves a new camera... hopefully before the baby is born!
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Third Trimester and Second Mother's Day
Today, I took the first steps into my third trimester. They were tentative steps at best, given how tired I have been, due to A) this ridiculous May heat B) lack of sleep and C) a killer headache that lasted over 24 hours (and for which I cannot take any type of pain meds).
But, as I said in my last post, ready or not, here I come!
This photo was a bit backlit, so we took another. Photographers, Brian and I are not.
If you are thinking, "Whoa, she is huge!", I feel exactly the same way! I keep looking at my belly, wondering where in the world the rest of it will go. I am definitely bigger at this time than I was with Caleb, and he was 8 lbs. 12 oz.! Good grief! I was really hoping for a lighter baby, because he was not easy to push out!
Let's just say I am dreading the rest of the summer, because if it is this hot now, imagine how it will be in August when I am even more enormous. The cold winter we just endured is looking better and better.
I celebrated my second official Mother's Day today, but my third if you count my first "unofficial" Mother's Day, as Caleb came two days after. Brian gave me a beautiful flat of begonias which we have put on the deck, and I can enjoy looking at them each day. He also bought me a box of chocolates, and I received two lovely cards- one from my husband, and the other from Caleb.
To be honest, I really didn't feel like celebrating Mother's Day this year. I am hard on myself, yes, but I am going through a difficult time in motherhood. The newness has worn off, and I see all of my shortcomings always before me. Many days I have labeled myself the "worst" mother in the world. Perhaps that is far from the truth, but I am far from the best. It is a beautiful holiday, but I have yet to truly feel like it is "mine". I still have much to learn.
However, I am immensely thankful for my Caleb. I remember the many Mother's Days in which I wondered if I would ever be a mother. Now I am more than thankful to have my Caleb and a brand new baby kicking inside of me. I am grateful.
Brian took us to Promise Land State Park today, so it was good to get out for a bit and enjoy some time as a family during this crazy busy time of the year for Brian. We will be glad indeed when he is off for the summer!
But, as I said in my last post, ready or not, here I come!
This photo was a bit backlit, so we took another. Photographers, Brian and I are not.
If you are thinking, "Whoa, she is huge!", I feel exactly the same way! I keep looking at my belly, wondering where in the world the rest of it will go. I am definitely bigger at this time than I was with Caleb, and he was 8 lbs. 12 oz.! Good grief! I was really hoping for a lighter baby, because he was not easy to push out!
Let's just say I am dreading the rest of the summer, because if it is this hot now, imagine how it will be in August when I am even more enormous. The cold winter we just endured is looking better and better.
I celebrated my second official Mother's Day today, but my third if you count my first "unofficial" Mother's Day, as Caleb came two days after. Brian gave me a beautiful flat of begonias which we have put on the deck, and I can enjoy looking at them each day. He also bought me a box of chocolates, and I received two lovely cards- one from my husband, and the other from Caleb.
To be honest, I really didn't feel like celebrating Mother's Day this year. I am hard on myself, yes, but I am going through a difficult time in motherhood. The newness has worn off, and I see all of my shortcomings always before me. Many days I have labeled myself the "worst" mother in the world. Perhaps that is far from the truth, but I am far from the best. It is a beautiful holiday, but I have yet to truly feel like it is "mine". I still have much to learn.
However, I am immensely thankful for my Caleb. I remember the many Mother's Days in which I wondered if I would ever be a mother. Now I am more than thankful to have my Caleb and a brand new baby kicking inside of me. I am grateful.
(Blurry, yes, are these last two photos!)
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Nesting, and Other Preparatory Prenatal Duties
This Sunday, I will be moving into my third trimester. I can hardly believe it. The time definitely goes faster the second pregnancy.
Like when I was pregnant with Caleb, I definitely have nesting instincts. I want to have my house clean and perfectly organized (however, with a toddler, a husband, and a cat, my hands are very much tied in some areas, and frankly, the cat is lucky he is still here). Some cleaning tasks are too early to take on, or simply will need to be redone. I just cleaned my fridge from top to bottom, but I will definitely be doing that again before the baby is born.
I have been working on cleaning my room (at least my stuff- Brian's on his own!). I have been going through all drawers and my closet and discarding many items. I am trying to make more room and just weed out the junk. I am almost done... not quite, but getting there.
Caleb's room will be my next task to undertake. I have started, and if you were to visit, you'd see some strange things on the floor. I am going through his things and seeing what I want to keep- going through newborn bibs and things (which were mainly neutral, by the way), and seeing which are not too stained to reuse for another.
Making room in there for another human being is not a problem, just the stuff that goes with that little human being. I need to buy more drawers because let's face it, one dresser will not be enough for the two of them. They will both be in cloth diapers, and Caleb's diapers take up one full drawer, so I'll have two drawers going to cloth diapers alone. Then newborns always have a drawer/bin for receiving blankets, burp cloths, etc. I simply need more storage! I'm planning to take most of the month of June to work on that room, and hopefully figure a few things out.
Once Brian is off this summer, we can focus on things like bringing up the bassinet from the garage (don't worry, it is covered, and the box is sealed like crazy at all possible openings with tape). We will take the time to simply get ready. Bring up the baby swing from the guest room. Get out the blue rocker chair. Wash all baby blankets, bibs, etc.
If I have time, I'd like to do a little cleaning downstairs. We really don't spend time down there, because in my mind, it is more like a basement. All of our main stuff is upstairs, and I don't have much need to be down there. But I'd like to put a few cleaning touches here and there before the baby comes and I won't have time again for another six years.
Of course, the most important item of all is planning for the care of Caleb when we go fifty minutes away to deliver our baby. This weighs heavily on my mind, and people might think I am crazy, but given our situation here, it is something I worry about a lot. Since we don't exactly have family that live fifteen minutes away (as my sister did), it is something of great concern. I have been praying that the baby doesn't arrive until at least 39 weeks, when my mom has taken off of work and will be heading up here. Once she is here, I will breathe a huge sigh of relief, though I do hope to have a couple of days, at least, to A) have Caleb adjust to her a bit, and B) get her familiar with Caleb's routine. Caleb is pretty structured and particular, so knowing his needs ahead of time will be an enormous blessing. Leaving him will be hard, and honestly, I would never leave him at this young age except for giving birth to our next child. I have no idea how he'll do. In some ways, he might be fine, and in others, it will be hard. Since my mom could never do the routine as we do it, he might have a hard time going down at night. I pray he does better than I think.
I look forward to having my mom here, too, in those last few days (hopefully!), because she knows how I tick. My mom, sister, and I are all the same. We are rarely idle and we love getting things done. Sure, we'd rather put our feet up and relax- who wouldn't??? But we are doers for sure. My mom will help me in those last days get any odds and ends done that I missed.
The normal stay in a hospital when giving birth is two nights. (I had three last time because I was induced the first night.) If all is going well and we are able to do so, we may cut out early and just stay one night. No matter what, Caleb won't understand why we are gone and why in the world this woman is with him (whom he has no idea is his mother's mother), and we hope to get back to him as soon as possible.
Pregnancy has definitely been harder this time around. I am much more tired- no doubt due to a toddler that is up early every single day. Brian is always under the mistaken belief that I can simply go lie down and sleep during Caleb's nap- no sir, I have plenty to do and have to take advantage of the very little time I have to actually get things done without being interrupted by a toddler. It isn't easy, nor will it be easy when our new little one is here, and I am once again up all hours of the night. Caleb is also at a very draining/demanding stage, so I already am and will continue to be, exhausted as I pour myself out for my children.
Just thinking about it all makes me want to go to sleep right now.
So, ready or not, third trimester, here I come!
Like when I was pregnant with Caleb, I definitely have nesting instincts. I want to have my house clean and perfectly organized (however, with a toddler, a husband, and a cat, my hands are very much tied in some areas, and frankly, the cat is lucky he is still here). Some cleaning tasks are too early to take on, or simply will need to be redone. I just cleaned my fridge from top to bottom, but I will definitely be doing that again before the baby is born.
I have been working on cleaning my room (at least my stuff- Brian's on his own!). I have been going through all drawers and my closet and discarding many items. I am trying to make more room and just weed out the junk. I am almost done... not quite, but getting there.
Caleb's room will be my next task to undertake. I have started, and if you were to visit, you'd see some strange things on the floor. I am going through his things and seeing what I want to keep- going through newborn bibs and things (which were mainly neutral, by the way), and seeing which are not too stained to reuse for another.
Making room in there for another human being is not a problem, just the stuff that goes with that little human being. I need to buy more drawers because let's face it, one dresser will not be enough for the two of them. They will both be in cloth diapers, and Caleb's diapers take up one full drawer, so I'll have two drawers going to cloth diapers alone. Then newborns always have a drawer/bin for receiving blankets, burp cloths, etc. I simply need more storage! I'm planning to take most of the month of June to work on that room, and hopefully figure a few things out.
Once Brian is off this summer, we can focus on things like bringing up the bassinet from the garage (don't worry, it is covered, and the box is sealed like crazy at all possible openings with tape). We will take the time to simply get ready. Bring up the baby swing from the guest room. Get out the blue rocker chair. Wash all baby blankets, bibs, etc.
If I have time, I'd like to do a little cleaning downstairs. We really don't spend time down there, because in my mind, it is more like a basement. All of our main stuff is upstairs, and I don't have much need to be down there. But I'd like to put a few cleaning touches here and there before the baby comes and I won't have time again for another six years.
Of course, the most important item of all is planning for the care of Caleb when we go fifty minutes away to deliver our baby. This weighs heavily on my mind, and people might think I am crazy, but given our situation here, it is something I worry about a lot. Since we don't exactly have family that live fifteen minutes away (as my sister did), it is something of great concern. I have been praying that the baby doesn't arrive until at least 39 weeks, when my mom has taken off of work and will be heading up here. Once she is here, I will breathe a huge sigh of relief, though I do hope to have a couple of days, at least, to A) have Caleb adjust to her a bit, and B) get her familiar with Caleb's routine. Caleb is pretty structured and particular, so knowing his needs ahead of time will be an enormous blessing. Leaving him will be hard, and honestly, I would never leave him at this young age except for giving birth to our next child. I have no idea how he'll do. In some ways, he might be fine, and in others, it will be hard. Since my mom could never do the routine as we do it, he might have a hard time going down at night. I pray he does better than I think.
I look forward to having my mom here, too, in those last few days (hopefully!), because she knows how I tick. My mom, sister, and I are all the same. We are rarely idle and we love getting things done. Sure, we'd rather put our feet up and relax- who wouldn't??? But we are doers for sure. My mom will help me in those last days get any odds and ends done that I missed.
The normal stay in a hospital when giving birth is two nights. (I had three last time because I was induced the first night.) If all is going well and we are able to do so, we may cut out early and just stay one night. No matter what, Caleb won't understand why we are gone and why in the world this woman is with him (whom he has no idea is his mother's mother), and we hope to get back to him as soon as possible.
Pregnancy has definitely been harder this time around. I am much more tired- no doubt due to a toddler that is up early every single day. Brian is always under the mistaken belief that I can simply go lie down and sleep during Caleb's nap- no sir, I have plenty to do and have to take advantage of the very little time I have to actually get things done without being interrupted by a toddler. It isn't easy, nor will it be easy when our new little one is here, and I am once again up all hours of the night. Caleb is also at a very draining/demanding stage, so I already am and will continue to be, exhausted as I pour myself out for my children.
Just thinking about it all makes me want to go to sleep right now.
So, ready or not, third trimester, here I come!
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