Twenty-Five Weeks: Fifteen to Go

Hopefully I can add a photo to this post later.  My camera just died a sudden death, a camera that I had purchased with a $100 gift card given to me as a wedding gift from the school where I worked, which I bought a few months after we were married.  I bought a Nikon, thinking this was the best and that it would last a while.  I was wrong.

Thankfully, my new smartphone has a nice camera, but the back of the phone is very hard to take off, the part where the battery and memory card sit.  So uploading photos is bound to be a pain in the neck, since the way I do it is by inserting my memory card straight into the computer.

Anyway, tangent.

I cannot believe I hit the twenty-five week mark this past Sunday, leaving me with only fifteen to go. It's funny how I am not nearly as anxious this time around as when I was pregnant with Caleb.  With the exception of being physically uncomfortable, I am in no hurry.  Caleb is a lot of work, I still have tons I want to do around the house, and taking care of two sounds like an impossible load right now. I am content to wait.  For now.

All was well until a couple of weeks ago, then the pains began.  I've had lots of back ache this time around, whereas with Caleb I did not.  No doubt, it is due to my severe scoliosis, combined with having to pick up a toddler on a regular basis.  Yes, he walks, but I still must pick him up to wrangle him in his car seat, pick him up to put him in a shopping cart, lift him to put him in his high chair, and lift him in and out of his crib.  Yikes.  My back has been killing me, and I feel like an old lady. Thank the good Lord, my chiropractor's office is literally right outside our community... no more than a three minute drive down the street.  Aside from co-payments, it is a breeze to go.

My heels have also started to hurt, no doubt to the extra weight.  I'm either going to purchase some Dr. Scholl's cushions, or buy a new pair of sneakers to wear around the house.  It is especially painful when I'm cooking in the kitchen, standing on hard floor.

Sleeping is an unpleasant task.  I'm normally a stomach sleeper- I sleep on my stomach all night and don't budge- when I'm not pregnant.  Obviously, that's out of the question.  Pregnant women are warned everywhere to not sleep on their backs because the weight of the baby cuts off a major artery, thus harming both mom and baby.  That leaves the sides.  I am a terrible side sleeper- have always been.  I remember talking about this very thing years ago, long before I was married or pregnant, with my brother's mother-in-law.  (I have no idea how we ever got on this topic.)  I remember saying that I didn't know what to do with my arms if I try to sleep on my side.  She chuckled and said, "You take them off!"  I wish I could!  I ALWAYS end up laying on my arms, losing blood flow, and waking up only to fling my arm over the side of the bed, shaking the life back into it.  Of course, sleep is always interrupted due to having to use the restroom, because that's all a part of being pregnant!

Caleb is also getting a lot more physical these days, and I have to constantly watch my belly to keep from getting pummeled.  He has a soft, tender side, but he also has a wild side, and I am usually the recipient of it.  He has gotten into the hitting stage, not even merely when he is mad, just for "fun". He has surprisingly good aim when it comes to throwing balls, and let's just say my poor face and neck have taken a beating.

I don't really get any food cravings, other than having to purchase one box of Raisinets from the grocery store each week.  I don't eat them all at once, but in handfuls throughout the week.  (I wanted them last pregnancy, too.)  I have found a delicious egg-free mayonnaise so I can enjoy things like egg salad, and that has made a big difference.

I feel huge already, which is a wonder being that I have fifteen weeks to go.  I do not look forward to the stifling days of summer with a huge belly.  My mom had two summer babies.  I don't know how she did it.

In spite of all the pregnancy woes I am either hating now or dreading to come, I do look forward to meeting our new little one.  It's going to be weird having two children.  From what I hear other moms saying, the shift from one to two is hard, but from two to three is easy.  There is something about being so used to one, that it is difficult getting used to two.  I know Caleb will probably go through a jealousy stage, because he is pretty attached to me.  (He truly follows me around the house wherever I go.)  But I also know our second child will be worth all the bother, just as Caleb was and is.  We do look forward to being a family of four.  Four!  Can you believe it?

(Side note:  Brian proposed to me four years ago today!  I doubt we could have pictured this then!)

I will update with a pregnancy photo later this week!  (Hopefully.)

Waiting For the Sunshine

Hold Me, Jesus
Well, sometimes my life

Just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small

CHORUS:
So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul
I swear there must be blisters on my heart

CHORUS

Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something
I don't really want
Than to take what You give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees

And this Salvation Army band
Is playing this hymn
And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin

CHORUS

You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

~ Rich Mullins

This song has been flowing throughout my mind lately like a steady stream of water, and it is been a comfort. Confession?  I was on a praise dance team in college, briefly.  What in the world is that? It was very simple, actually, just a few girls who came together and danced for the Lord.  Sounds weird, right?  It isn't something I'd do today as a full-blown adult, but I can assure you, it wasn't weird.  It was choreographed dancing, not just some busting out of moves spontaneously.  We danced in a circle and faced each other so that it wasn't showy or for a performance.  It was actually quite lovely.  We wore long, flowing skirts, and our desire truly was to praise God.  This was one of the songs we danced to, and while I don't remember many of the movements, I do remember we fell on our knees at the part where it says so in the song, in unison, with our heads bowed.

Lately, I feel as though I have been shaking like a leaf.  There is so much on my mind, and I am so overwhelmed... it is truly a tough season in my life.  What in the world should I be worried about?  I am a stay-at-home mom, for goodness' sake.  Well, we all have our issues, every last one of us.  I am not one to hide and pretend like it is all fine.  It is a difficult road right now, and I'm not afraid to admit it.  With me, you will ALWAYS get the truth.  I could not fake it if I tried.

I am turning toward Jesus for my strength, peace, and comfort.  We are down a hard path with Caleb, who is relishing disobedience in almost every area, and some days, I am ready to walk out the door for a few minutes for a breath of fresh air.  It makes me feel totally inadequate as a mother that I just can't seem to get him to obey easily, and then when people chime in with their thoughts, and say, "You'd better get on that!" it makes me feel even worse, especially when I am doing just that, every single day.  

I put a lot of pressure on myself to take care of my home, and more so, now that my nesting instincts are at full force, with another baby coming this summer.  I feel DESPERATE to clean everything in the home, and it seems like no matter how hard I work, nothing ever really gets accomplished.  I know that isn't true, but I see all the work I STILL need to do, and with a toddler underfoot, it is hard to get what I want done in a decent amount of time.  I have quite a few projects started, like going through all my drawers and clothes, and then ripping apart Caleb's room in order to make room for another baby.  (Yes, he is sharing his room, boy or girl.  That was decided long before we knew the gender, since we really don't have a choice.)

I am a doer by nature.  It is very hard for me to sit back and relax.  In fact, when we were leaving the hospital after Caleb was born, I declined being wheeled out in a wheelchair. Goodness, I have two legs, why in the world would I need that? When we brought the cart FULL of stuff (our own luggage/gear plus the things the hospital gave us), I joined Brian in loading the car.  The nurse, whom I had just met that day, sized me up quickly. Very nicely, she told me to take it easy, and rest! Let my husband load the car, for goodness' sake! She cautioned me to go home and relax and take care of myself.  Did I do that?  Well... one day Brian came home from work (when my mom was still here after Caleb was born), and found me standing on a chair cleaning the semicircle window above our door.  So, yeah, probably not.

I worry, too, about Caleb and leaving him when we go to the hospital.  He's never been without us.  I have NEVER not been there to put him down at night.  NEVER.  Goodness, I'm not even sure I've missed a nap.  I worry about labor, now that I know just how ridiculously painful it is, and I so wish I could take a natural childbirth class, but I cannot.  I worry that if the baby comes a couple of weeks early, no one will be here to take care of Caleb when we have to rush off.  (Right now, my mom is planning to be here, but not two weeks early!)  And since we are quite alone here otherwise, needless to say, it is scary.

It's a lot.  My mind feels overwhelmed right now, and I feel so inadequate, so less that what I should be.  As a mother and full-time homemaker, there is so much pressure to have the perfect home. There shouldn't be a speck of dirt, right?  Goodness, don't look at my staircase.  With a bi-level, it is IMPOSSIBLE to keep those stairs clean, being you have no choice but to trudge up the stairs with your shoes.  I do vacuum them, but it looks like I never do.

All this to say, folks, I am as human as they come, full of flaws, and full of needing my Savior.  I need His peace and strength at this time, when I am shaking like a leaf, to keep me steady.  If I don't fix my eyes on Him, I'm a goner for sure.

Praise Him, that I am never alone through these dark days.  There is sunlight waiting to shine, and I know one day soon, I'll be basking in it.

Breaking News: I Have a Smartphone

Folks, this is big news.

I now have a smartphone.

But wait.  Before you think I've compromised here, let me assure you that my cell phone has the same exact plan it had before.  I am not paying for any extra data charges.

Allow me to explain.

My cell phone was dying a slow death, for the second time.  Last May, I started to lose the use of some of my buttons on my touch screen.  Since it was still under warranty, they sent me a refurbished phone to replace mine.  I lost a bunch of photos of Caleb that I hadn't saved to my memory card, and I was really upset about that.  But, at least as far as the replacement phone was concerned, all was fine for a while.

A few weeks ago (or whenever it was), my buttons again starting to stop functioning, and the lack of function slowly worked its way up the screen.  When I could no longer text, enough was enough. (Texting my sister is a priority for me.)

When we were in NJ visiting my family, we squeezed in a trip to AT&T (and I mean squeezed), to try to see what my options were.  I am still in contract, so I knew it wouldn't be good, but I figured they wouldn't allow me to be stuck with such a bad phone, when I've been a loyal, on-time paying customer for years.

I was wrong.  The sales clerk informed me there was nothing to be done except upgrade, and since I was still under contract, that upgrade would be quite costly.  (Guess he didn't realize he was talking to cheapskates.)  He suggested I call customer service to see if they could do anything for me there.  I was annoyed, to say the least, that we wasted time out of our brief getaway, but there was one highlight.  Brian and I were walking Caleb around the store while we were waiting, and there was one point Brian had him on the other side of the room from where I was, and Caleb all of the sudden started running straight toward me with a big smile on his face.  It was so cute, and I grabbed him in a fierce hug.  THAT was worth it.

When we returned home, I took up my sword, prepared for battle, and called AT&T.  The lady I spoke with was much nicer, and she told me that if I purchased a GO phone, which is an AT&T prepaid phone, and put my SIM card in there, that would be a good solution.  I asked her why the idiot (I didn't say that word, exactly), at the store didn't just tell me that?  She didn't have an answer, but she assured me this was a good solution to my problem.

I continued to call AT&T quite a few times over the next couple of days, wanting to make sure I did everything correctly.  They offered me some kind of plan upgrade, but we didn't want to change our monthly fee, so we decided not to.  At first, I thought the smartphones were off-limits to me, because I do not have a data plan, only voice minutes and 200 text messages a month.  However, one lady assured me that I could get a smartphone, because I was purchasing a pre-paid phone, and the phone would then be mine.

Since most of the phones were refurbs (some were basic and some were smartphones), and I didn't want used again, Brian let me go all out.  (All out meant my limit of $50.)  I got a really nice smartphone for $49.99, and I just got it this week.

As I turned it on, it automatically started connecting me to my home internet, and I panicked, wondering if I was accruing charges.  I called customer service yet again, and though the lady could not believe I even had a smartphone with my plan as I am only allowed basic (I explained the situation to her), she assured me that wi-fi was completely free, and I could do anything I wanted on my phone without getting a charge.  If I leave the house and go to the park, for example, my internet is blocked and can't get on it anyway.  Fine by me.

For Brian and me, this is a big deal.  We are simple folk who don't even own a flat screen television. We have no tablets, wi-fi DVD players, nor whatever else folks own these days.  I am loving the fact that the weather is always at my fingertips, especially since our house thermometer broke and I never know the temperature outside unless I look it up on the computer.

When this phone dies, perhaps I'll be forced to go back to a basic phone, since I am really NOT supposed to have a smartphone with my plan.  Hopefully that won't happen for a while, because right now, I feel pretty spoiled.  I get to enjoy my low cost monthly charge, all while having the internet on my phone.

That's pretty neat how that worked out, right?

The Road to Healthier Eating

I'd like to begin this post by saying that I am FAR from being an expert on healthy eating.  In fact, I get most of my ideas from my sister, who's been at cooking for a family far longer than I have. She's taught me a lot about non-GMO's and organic foods.

When it was just Brian and me, I didn't overly worry about food, but I did begin trying to avoid things such as hydrogenated oils.  But when my baby turned into a toddler and began eating more, suddenly I began to worry about EVERYTHING that went into that little untainted body.  Our grocery bill has gone up because I refuse to buy him anything but organic snacks, because I know those are safe.

Here are some ways I have changed my family's food for the best:

1)  One year ago, I bought a bread machine.  Since then, I make my own bread, even dough for rolls and long loaves like Italian bread.  Most store-bought breads contain high fructose corn syrup, unless you have a store that sells organic bread.  I do not, therefore, homemade it is.  I even make fresh bread to use for French toast.  I can't tell you the last time I bought bread from the store.

2)  I buy less processed foods.  I really don't buy much at all that is processed, with the exception of healthy snacks and cereals that are labed "organic" or "non-GMO".  If a recipe calls for cream of mushroom soup, which has high fructose corn syrup in it, then I either avoid it altogether, or I substitute fresh mushrooms if it looks like I can get away with it, without the cream.  I try to choose recipes that call for simple ingredients, without a lot of bells and whistles.  I have discarded older, beloved recipes because they contain ingredients that I no longer would feed any of us.  I avoid hydrogenated oils at all costs.

3)  I cook from scratch.  Gone forever are the days I buy store bought cake mixes, cookies, or what have you.  If we are to eat baked goods, I make them myself.  Even sprinkles contain food dyes, which are off-limits.  (Even marshmallows contain them too.)  I never put sprinkles on our cookies for that reason, no matter how festive they might look to Caleb.

4)  When possible, I buy organic.  I simply cannot buy everything organic.  I wish I could, but we would have to trade our house for a shack and get rid of our cars, too.  I bemoan all the things I cannot afford to purchase in organic form, but I have to simply choose and leave the rest up to God, and trust Him for our health.  Also, my grocery store is rather small, and many things are unavailable there in organic form, whereas my sister can find those products with no problem.  (For example:  stuffing mix!  All the grocery store ones contain partially hydrogenated oils.  She can easily get an organic version.  I did find some organic stuffing for my Christmas meal at a small health food store down the street, but it was quite pricey.)

Again, I'm no expert.  It is especially hard concerning Caleb, because he needs lots of snacks throughout the day, and I am very limited with my lack of stores here and with what I can get him.  I buy him things like Annie's organic snack crackers, which come in several different flavors.  I have a few other organic treats I buy him.  When people offer him a snack outside of the house, which is rare but has happened, I am always cringing because I know the product is not what I would put inside his body.  I try to politely decline or say he already has a snack, which is the truth, because he always does.

Those are just a few of the ways I try to keep us healthy.  Lord willing, the organic products will go down in price one day, and I will be able to buy more healthy foods for my family.  At the end of the day, as my friend Sarah encouraged me one day, we have to trust in the Lord for the rest.  We simply do the best with what we have.

Getaway to NJ

This will probably be a long post.  I apologize in advance.

We FINALLY decided to go away this month.  It's been a long winter.  We were preparing to head to my family's for Thanksgiving, but a ridiculous early snow kept us here.  Then, for Christmas, when Brian's parents offered to come here instead, I quickly took them up on their offer because I was in the throes of morning sickness at the time and really didn't feel much like sitting in a car for three hours.

Last summer, I chickened out on traveling at all, because I had worked SO HARD to establish Caleb's sleep schedule, and I was so afraid that I would shake him all up by going anywhere, and have to start all over.  I have gotten unwelcome comments about this, and my fears in general, from several people.  (Honestly, I'm not sure why people feel they have to share their point-of-views and opinions when they are not asked for, especially in regards to such a delicate topic as parenting.)

Whether or not I was right or wrong doesn't matter.  I wanted to wait until Caleb was a bit older, when I thought he might be a bit more adaptable.  We decided now was the time, enough was enough.  We were going to travel overnight and see what became of it.

Caleb did amazingly well.  From the car ride, to seeing a bunch of unfamiliar family at once, to sleeping overnight, he was a champ.  The worst issues were the same ones we battle here:  not wanting to submit when we call him for diaper change, nap time, etc.

During the car rides both ways, Caleb slept for only half an hour.  That is all he ever sleeps in the car. So, a car ride nap is IN NO WAY EVER a substitution for a real nap.  He sleeps much better in the crib.  Both ways, we left an hour and a half to two hours before his nap time, and he fell asleep early on, for a half hour.  Obviously, this was something we could not avoid and just had to deal with. It made the afternoon extra long for him both days.

When we got to my parents', I set up the pack n' play for bedtime as soon as I could (meaning, as soon as Caleb stopped needing to cling to me), and I set it up exactly as his crib is set up here, with his stuffed animals in the same exact spots and the lamby sound machine hanging in the same place. I wanted him to see it and become familiar with it.

When it came time to begin his bedtime routine, he fussed immediately, because he knew that separation was coming.  It took some time trying to calm him down.  We had brought ALL of his bedtime books from home, and we began to read them, in the same order, as we always do.  We did the same exact things in the same exact steps:  read his stories, read Scripture, nursed, and said prayers.  Then we put him down.

Normally at home, he is out right away.  But we began to hear his immediate cries.  I started to get upset myself.  Would he go to sleep?  We let him cry a few minutes, and I know his cries pretty well.  I can tell if he is winding out or if he is sitting or standing upright.  I told Brian, "He is waiting for us to come back in."  Since Caleb was in a strange place (my old bedroom!), we didn't want to delay in giving him the comfort that he needed.  We went back in, read a few stories over again, gave him a thousand kisses between us, and lovingly put him back down.  We left the room, and HE WENT TO SLEEP!  He simply needed that reassurance that we were right there.

We had to share a room with him (and Brian and I had to share a double bed with my pregnant belly), and that was probably the hardest part of the whole thing, because Caleb is such a light sleeper.  The door makes noise, and so does the bed at the slightest movement, and he definitely stirred a bit when we climbed into bed.  The first night, I saw him wake up momentarily, and he whimpered, struggling to make sense of where he was at, but I just let him be, and he was able to drift back off to sleep.

When he awoke in the morning, I made sure to lift my head from my pillow immediately, so he would see me and not be afraid of where he was.

Later that day, we decided since he slept so well overnight, why not try putting him down for a nap at his regular time?  We figured we didn't have anything to lose, and if he didn't sleep, we would put him in the car and go for a drive.  We followed his routine, and HE WENT TO SLEEP!  The boy was a champ.

That second night, we didn't have any problems putting him down, and he went right out.

Now, onto other topics besides sleep.

Caleb did really well seeing everyone.  He was shy and uncertain at first, but after a time, he was walking around and mingling, seemingly unafraid.  He loved to watch his cousins, and frankly, they loved watching him.  (At one point, they were all gathered around his high chair, watching him with great interest eat his pizza.)  He gave one of my twin nephews a kiss (I can't remember which one). He and one of the twins collided at one point (again, can't remember- just don't see them enough!), and he shocked  us all by butting his head against him in response.  It wasn't done meanly, but I was too stunned at the time to even correct him.  Where did he even get that from?

Matthew and Nathan are only two years older, the cousins closest in age to Caleb on either side, and so it was really good for Caleb to see them.  His cousin Lindsey (who is turning six today!), is his biggest fan.  She absolutely loves him, can't stop hugging and kissing him, and even gave him a kiss on the lips through the glass door as she was leaving.  Emily, who is almost eight, wanted to feed him his pizza, and I had to remind her that he can do it himself.  Still, she wouldn't leave his side.

Needless to say, we had a great time.  My mom and I got to do a bit of shopping.  (It was by no means frivolous.  I desperately needed some things because we live in Rural Town.)  Brian and my dad watched some t.v. together (weird for us since we don't have t.v.), and my nieces and nephews could not get enough of silly Uncle Brian.  (Truly, I think they love him more than they do me- their own mother's sister!)

Just before we headed home, we made one last stop- to Chick-Fil-A, the best fast food chicken on earth, and Christian owned and operated.  Yum, yum, yum!

Thank goodness my sister kept her pack n' play, on purpose, so we would not have to bring one when we travel.  I have all of Caleb's bedtime books underneath.  This is my old room, by the way!

My sister with Caleb, and my dad with one of the boys.  (I know them if I look at their ears because Matt's folds down at the top, but I have no clue from the photo.)

Clearly, Uncle Brian is a jungle gym.  He was getting worn out, because this went on for quite some time.

Emily, who is 8, and Lindsey, who is 6 today.  These girls were 4 and 2 when I left home. Thankfully, they still remember me fondly, even Lindsey, even though they were so young.  That's a testament to how often they saw me!

 Emily took over my camera and had a bit of fun.  Enough said.

The kids loved watching Caleb eat his meal, and he wasn't bothered by it in the least.  It was funny to me, because I even felt overwhelmed at the amount of noise in the room (it is pretty quiet here in our home), and Caleb just rolled with it all.

Lindsey clearly adores her cousin Caleb, probably more so than the others.

Caleb gave this boy a kiss, and I had just missed it with my camera!

Sisters reunited after a year and three months without seeing each other.  (She's not really this much taller.  She is wearing shoes and I am not.)

When we came home, the snow was starting to fall.  It actually looked like a winter wonderland out there, on the last day of March.  Thank goodness it melted quickly!

22 Months and 22 Weeks

Just a quick blog post here... Caleb is running around and Brian is teaching at his second job, so I don't have time for more, but I wanted to make note that this is the only week during my pregnancy where my children are the same age... 22!  Caleb is 22 months and Baby is 22 weeks!

I'll be posting again soon.  Brian, Caleb, and I ventured to NJ after a long hiatus of non-traveling (though, Thanksgiving is blamed on snow, and Christmas is blamed on morning sickness galore). We had a nice time; it was good to get away, but it was even better to come back to our snug and cozy home once again.

I have plenty of pictures to upload (which for me, is the longest part of blogging), due to the fact that my nieces (and nephews somewhat) wanted to play with my camera and take all kinds of photos.

I'll be back!