Saturday, May 24, 2014

Caleb's First Birthday Party

When I was cleaning out my purse one day recently, I discovered a few of Caleb's cereal puffs tucked away in there, no doubt fallen on the floor somewhere and I scooped them up so he wouldn't eat those.  I remembered thinking to myself, "You know you're a mom when you find pieces of discarded cereal in your purse."

You also know you're a mom when you plan your first child's first ever birthday party.

We kept it low-key, no "theme" other than the color blue.  Caleb doesn't any have clue about superheroes or cars or whatever yet, so it was pretty easy in that aspect.  (Though, to be honest, I don't intend to make a big to-do about superheroes anyway.  The same goes for Disney movies.)

Some random companies began sending me catalogs for first birthday parties.  (How do these people know so much about us, anyway?  Creepy.)  The stuff they had in there was ridiculous.  No, my son does not need to be a "prince" for day.  He does not need to wear a crown nor hold a scepter.  Good grief.

I'm not too embarrassed to tell you that I bought plates, napkins, and even a table centerpiece and banner all from the dollar store.

We had a lovely turnout, and the closest guests were our pastor and his wife, coming from a mere hour away, as opposed to three.  Both sets of parents were there, Brian's best friend Doug and his family, and his other best friend Matt and his wife.  (If you are wondering if I have any friends in this world at all, the answer is yes, I do, but they are all back in NJ.  Well, most of them.  Others are spread out, but still live far away.)

I made a vanilla cake with chocolate buttercream frosting, all homemade, because those cake mix boxes and frostings have such unhealthy ingredients... I will never be feeding them to my son.  I have no cake decorating skills whatsoever, so my cake didn't win any awards in that regard, but it did taste good!  (Brian's family seems to abound in cake decorators.  His cousin Ellie has a very successful business, and his mother and sister have also taken classes and are really very talented.  I have absolutely no patience for such tedious work that is devoured in mere seconds.  I applaud them.)

Caleb did very well, and no one was more surprised than I.  He even let people hold him.  I think he was comfortable in his own home, because when we were out a couple of days ago, someone tried to hold him and he cried pretty quickly.  This is a place that he knows, where he feels safe, and is most comfortable, so I guess a few strange faces didn't bother him.  Thank goodness.

It was a wonderful day to celebrate our boy turning one year old.  I cannot believe that little baby we brought home a year ago is growing into a little boy.  I lament the time gone by, but I look forward to the future, too.

We are abundantly blessed to have such a little boy in our lives.  We pray every day that we will be the best parents to him that we can be!









Tuesday, May 20, 2014

A Week With My Mom

There is only one bad thing about my mom coming to stay with us for a week.  I get used to her company, and then I have to say goodbye.

I had been pestering my mom for quite a while to come and stay with me.  Many months ago, I proposed the idea for her to visit in the spring.  I had thought we'd have a little repeat of last year, after Caleb was born, when she came up to help me during the throes of new mom exhaustion.  Then it dawned on me that she could come up the week before Caleb's party and ta da- help me- she couldn't really refuse such begging and pleading on behalf of her youngest grandson.

My dad was gracious enough to drive her up and pick her up again a week later.  He is needed elsewhere, otherwise known as "Grandpa Nanny" in my sister's household.  My twin nephews can't seem to do without him.

Anyway, my parents were arriving on Saturday the 10th after a crazy morning with Brian off on a school function, and after three long days and nights by myself with Caleb.  I was more than ready for some other company.  Please don't misunderstand.  I love my Caleb to bits and pieces, but sometimes I need adult company.  I could barely get a shower that morning because Caleb was in rare form, so my parents' arrival was a breath of fresh air.

My mom and I had a great week together.  We didn't do anything crazy.  I would have loved to go shopping with her (we women love to shop in my family!), but the stores/malls are too far, and I'm sure you are all sick of hearing about how I need to stick to the nap schedule.  (Hey, I once had a baby who never napped in the crib, and now he does, twice a day.)  She joined me in my daily routine.  We went grocery shopping together and we made three trips to Dunkin Donuts for coffees and lattes.  I took her to the country store downtown where we oohed and awed over so many cute things.  She accompanied me to Caleb's twelve month doctor appointment, and saw firsthand that I am really not a liar when I say that Caleb is a wreck at doctor's offices.

She helped me get some cleaning done around the house, whether it was a matter of watching Caleb so I could get something accomplished, or she did a few things herself.  We sipped tea in the evenings and watched something like ten movies (no exaggeration) over the course of the week.  (Though for me, I never fully "watch".  I'm always doing something else at the same time.)

For those of you who attended the party, you can thank her for the delicious baked beans and potato salad, her specialties.  She helped me get everything ready for the party, and she was cleaning up the kitchen long before I was.

I felt so emotional last week, and still do.  Watching my son turn one year old and feeling how quickly time goes was enough to do that, but spending time with my mom did it, too.  I don't get to see her as much as I'd like, and I when I do, I see the toll that age takes.  I nearly wept at times, wishing I didn't have to live so far from her, wishing I were rich enough to build a house for her right next door so I could see her and take care of her.  When she left Sunday morning, I am not too ashamed to admit that I cried.  I am pathetic, I know, but for all my faults, I am full of heart and full of love.  If I had to point to one thing in my life I wish I could change, it would be that I wish I could live closer to my family.

People don't understand why I am so lonely here.  In many ways I still feel like a fish out of water.  There were so many places to go to back home.  Everything was close, unlike here.  My life revolves around Caleb's routine, and I often struggle to go to stores and get shopping done while working around his naps.  He comes first.  His sleep and well-being is my priority.  If I were back home, I'd have tons more options without having to worry about being gone too long.  Here it is different, not bad, just different.  There is still much of the Jersey in me, I suppose.

All this to say, it was a wonderful time with my mom, and I find myself each day thinking back to what we did on that day last week.  I keep looking at the rocking chair, which quickly became "hers" over the course of the week, and thinking she should still be sitting there.  In fact, I haven't even put it back to its original position, moved out of it so she could see the TV better.

I am blessed.  Even though I do feel lonely, I know I have family a few hours away that is always with me in spirit, always cheering me on.  I am so grateful my mom could spend a week with me, and as I watch my parents get older, I know their days on this earth are far less than I want them to be.  These fleeting moments are too precious and too special to not appreciate.

I know you aren't on the internet, Mom, and therefore won't even read this, but I love you more than words can say.  Thanks for spending the week with me; it meant more than you will ever know.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Caleb: Twelve Months

Dear Caleb,

Happy Birthday, my sweet boy!  I cannot, cannot believe that you are now a year old.  How it happened, I will never be able to fathom.  Never has a year in my life gone so fast.  I remember your birth like it was just yesterday- how it felt to hold you for the first time, looking into your blue eyes as they looked right back into mine.

I remember they took you to do all the measurements and vitals while my midwife took care of me, and they laid you on a table and had you hooked up to the heart monitor for a bit.  After the after-birth procedures were all finished with me, they still hadn't brought you back to me, and I was getting impatient.  I did not wait nine months to have you all by yourself across the room from me.  I called the nurses' station and said, "I am lonely for my son."  Tears well up as I write this.  Never before that moment could I say such words, and even now, one year later, I can scarcely believe that I am so blessed.

You fill my life with unspeakable joy.  You have become my little companion, and due to the lack of proximity of your grandparents and other family members, you are with me all of the time.  I have no one to pass you off to should I need a babysitter.  I don't even consider such options.  You go where I go.  You are my little shadow.  In the rare instances I am without you, I can honestly say the same words today that I said when you were on that warming table... I am lonely for my son.  Sick of you, I am not!

You have grown so much!  Just last Friday, you finally started to feed yourself!  You were rather late on this, and I began to wonder if I had done something wrong somewhere.  My efforts to demonstrate seemed to not help at all, but finally you did it.  And you kept on doing it!  Now you love to feed yourself, and I love watching you push your food around as you try to grab it, but goodness, what messes there are now to clean up!

Standing is your favorite activity at present.  When I come to get you from your naps, you are usually always standing.  You love to walk around the room, with side steps, as you hang onto the couch, coffee table, pack n' play, dining room table, etc.  You love the scooter you inherited from your twin cousins, and you push that thing everywhere.

You are eating more and more foods now.  I was slow to push you because you seemed to be a good choker, and I guess you are like your mommy, because I made your grandparents crazy with all the choking I did when I was a baby.  You seem to be getting the hang of this eating thing, and I am trying to buy more and more healthy, organic foods to feed that little growing body of yours.

Tonight, as I prayed over you before I put you to bed, I prayed that God would help me to never take a moment for granted as a parent.  In the blink of this mother's tearful eye, you are already one year old.  Did I take any moments for granted this past year?  I am sure that I did.  We mothers get caught up on the household chores and the ever-growing list of things to do that we can forget to enjoy the moment.  Please forgive me for that, my son.  Yes, we must do our work and not shirk our duties, but at the end of the day, you are more important.

I love you to the ends of the earth.  You've made me a very, very happy mama bear.  My cub is growing, and it is time to let him explore the world around him.  Go, my son.  Look at all there is to see.  Soon you'll be walking and running, climbing and falling.  There will be skinned knees and splinters.  There will be lots of clumsy moments, just as there was last week when you pulled the dining room chair down on you and you fell.  I held you while you cried.  Just as I was then, I'll always be here for you.  You will be gaining your independence more and more, but it will be a long while still before you stop needing your mama.  I will relish that thought for as long as I can.

Caleb-Bear, this has been the best year of my life.  I look forward to so many more with you.

I love you.

Love,
Your mama










Monday, May 12, 2014

My First Official Mother's Day

Yesterday was my first "official" Mother's Day.  If you remember, one year ago today was my first "unofficial" Mother's Day.  I wrote about it here.  (Though, really, I maintain that a pregnant woman is still a mother in some capacity.)

Sure, I was a bit melodramatic back then.  I am not too proud to admit my faults and poke fun at myself.  I wanted so much to be a mother by Mother's Day (my due date was six days before), but the holiday came around and I still found my arms empty.  Caleb came two days later, the best present a mother could ever receive.  He was my present, plain and simple, even if "late".

Now, one year later, I wish I could say to the Courtney of one year ago, "Don't sweat it.  It's not a big deal."  Mother's Day is just one day, but every day is a mother's day, of sorts.  Presents come all the time.  Perhaps they aren't tied up with ribbons and bows, but every time Caleb crawls over to me and hangs onto my leg, or laughs at my silly faces, he gives me a present.  A far better present than anything money can buy.

My only defense that I have for the Courtney of one year ago is this:  an overly pregnant lady just simply must be forgiven.  She's dreading labor, and the more she waits, the scarier it seems; she's huge and can barely get any sleep, let alone tie her shoes; she longs to hold her little one, but still must settle for feeling his kicks and squirms.  She also worries about him, because her amniotic fluid is diminishing.

This year, I didn't have any of those worries, and that alone made the day a delight.  My parents were here to spend the day with me, my husband spoiled me, and I have Caleb, whom I dressed in his "Mommy's Big Guy" shirt.  I am blessed beyond what I deserve.


Brian bought me a beautiful bouquet of flowers, a gift certificate for a massage at a very nice spa, and he gave me a card with words he wrote from Caleb's perspective.


I am indeed blessed.  There's nothing in the world I would rather do.  I wouldn't trade my life for anything.  You can keep your trip around the world, rewarding career, or lots of money.  I don't need to make a name for myself or even have a fantastic social life.  I love being a mom.  It is the hardest job I've ever done, but I would be loathe to part with it, even in spite of the (very) early morning wake up calls, the endless diapers, the difficulty in getting anything accomplished because of chasing a very active toddler around all day.  I love my son, and I love being his mother.

I am content.


Friday, May 9, 2014

A Long-Distance Bargain

I mentioned in my last post that we wanted to get Caleb one of those turtle sandboxes for his birthday.  In fact, Kmart had one advertised for $24.99 some time ago, a cheap version of the Tikes brand.  I had gone to the store to look at it, but I was with Caleb, and I wasn't even going to attempt to try to put it into the car by myself.  It was very doubtful that it would even fit into the car.

My parents are coming up tomorrow, and my mom's car is a lot roomier, so I had asked if we could use the car to run to Kmart and get the sandbox.  My dad called with a better idea.  Since he is dropping my mom off here (she is staying a week, but he's heading home), he offered to go to Kmart back at my old home and bring it back in time for Caleb's party.

I really didn't want him to go to the trouble, but he said it was no trouble, so off he and my mom went to Kmart.

Now would be a good time to mention that I am pretty good at getting bargains.  In fact, both my former coworkers and students knew about my good deals.  My dad usually stands amazed at the deals that I find, and mind you, it is not thrift store stuff.  It is always brand new.  I have actually never bought anything from a thrift store.  (I have nothing against thrift stores.  I am simply not a good thrift store shopper, believe it or not.)

My parents walked into Kmart and asked an employee whereabouts the sandboxes would be.  The store employee said something like, "Oh, those things?  They've been there for years.  They're not all in good shape.  I'll sell it to you for $5."

My dad called me and told me right away, while still in Kmart, and said he'd check them out to see if he could get one in good condition.  I couldn't believe it.  $5?

My poor dad had to climb over some rocks and I know not what to get to the sandboxes, but aside from being a little dirty (they were outside in the garden center), they were in excellent shape.

The same employee proceeded to instruct the cashier to ring the item up for $5.

Folks, this was supposed to be our big birthday present to Caleb.

Anyway, my parents went home, and my mom proceeded to rinse out the sandbox with the hose, and it will be here in time for Caleb's party.  (Here's hoping we have the sand by then.)

My dad told me later that in retrospect, he thinks the employee may have originally been referring to some other sandboxes, also abandoned.  In fact, he saw a sign in a different location advertising the sandbox that he did purchase for the sale price.  However, the employee saw him with that sandbox and still allowed him to get it for $5.  So we're really not sure what happened, only that we got it for a steal.

Just after my dad made the purchase, he said to me, "I feel like I'm getting one of your deals." Which is exactly what he did!  Thanks, Dad!  Next time, please don't climb over any rocks.  No deal is worth getting an injury.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Spring Break & Easter (a Late Post)

I am woefully late posting this.  Please blame it on chasing a baby around constantly, as in as soon as I sit down, I am off running after him because he is either a) getting into something he shouldn't be or b) standing next to something which makes me nervous if he should take a spill.  It also takes forever to upload my photos, and I always have six million photos of Caleb to upload and organize into folders.

Spring Break was a few weeks ago.  It came and went much too quickly, as vacations always tend to do.  We spent four out of the five days schlepping our cars back and forth to be repaired, so it wasn't exactly a rip-roaring good time.  Still, it was so nice to have Brian home.  He is far too busy, and if it weren't for summer break, I might just succumb to a fit of despair.

We took Caleb to the swings.  The first time, we took him to the swings in the community where we live, because the park had not opened yet.  I was so looking forward to it all winter.  I couldn't wait to put our little boy into the swing and hear his delighted squeals of joy.

So you can imagine our disappointment when he cried.


Poor boy!

We tried again the following weekend, when the park finally opened the last day of Spring Break. We changed our tactic this time.  Brian put Caleb into the swing, and gently walked with him up and down, and I stood right in front and gave him kisses every time Brian pushed him up toward me. He began to smile and enjoy himself, so Brian let him go.  He started to like it!




Clearly, we ignored this sign.


Then, Caleb celebrated his first Easter!  Obviously, he's too young for an Easter basket, so I bought him a pail, shovels, and bubbles.  We're hoping to get him a turtle sandbox for his upcoming birthday.  (The problem is trying to fit it in our car.)

(Don't worry; I took those bubbles away immediately after photo was snapped.)

I don't believe I've ever made an actual Easter dinner before this year.  I think we've always been traveling.  Caleb and I haven't been going to church (heathens!), because it interferes with one or both, depending on the day, of Caleb's naps, so I cooked while Brian was at church and had nice pork roast ready for him when he got home.


So Caleb has now made it through every holiday except for one... and he saved the best for last, the one he missed by two days last year...Mother's Day!  I am looking forward to it this year, because not only am I celebrating with my son, but my parent's, too!  My mom is coming up to spend a week with me so we can enjoy some time together, and she'll also be helping me get ready for Caleb's first birthday party.  I'm really close to my mom, and it is hard living so far from her.  I get lonely here sometimes without any family or friends around, so I'm really grateful she can make this trip up here. We'll see how Caleb does; he has pretty bad stranger anxiety, and he doesn't know anyone besides me and Brian.  When we are out, he is fine if we are holding him.  He is fine also being pushed in the stroller or grocery cart.  But he is an absolute wreck otherwise.  I had a terrible time with his crying at my doctor's appointment last week!  Yikes!  Oh, well.  He will grow out of this... eventually!

Needless to say, it's been fun watching him grow.  He never fails to draw attention anywhere we go. I don't even know how many people say hello to him when we are out grocery shopping; it seems we can't go more than a couple of aisles without someone saying something.  It is weird for me, because when I am grocery shopping, I am in concentration mode.  I am looking for the best deals and checking ingredients in products, and so often I have to stop and acknowledge whoever is trying to get Caleb's attention.  It isn't a bad thing; it is just funny and strange all at the same time!

I love this little boy!

Saturday, May 3, 2014

My Garden So Far

Okay.  Here we go.  Please don't laugh.



This is my garden so far.  I know it is pathetic, but since there is no hope for growing anything in the ground with plenty of deer afoot, at least without a fence, this is the best I can do right now.

And yes, I still need another pot for the little itty bitty cucumber plant sitting by its lonesome.

So far, I've got a few veggies (some are seeds that I planted and some are store bought plants), parsley, and basil.  I was tempted to get oregano, because I love everything about it- the smell and the taste, but I use basil more.

I'd like to find some metal brackets so I can hang the window boxes from the deck... I am hoping they make such things and that they are easy to find.  I did not find any at Walmart, so I'll have to keep looking.  I'd like to get more window boxes and plant some flowers eventually, but at least I've made a start.

Here's hoping I don't kill the plants before they even have a fair shot at life!