Merry Christmas Eve!

So here we are.  I don't know how it does it, but the season seems to go by faster every year, and leaves my head spinning.  This year, I stood every day with my little countdown to Christmas chalkboard, and called out to Caleb how many days we had left.  Of course he didn't understand a word I said, but he would smile at my excitement anyway.

Today has been a flurry of getting things ready, and my adrenaline has kept me going.  Yesterday, I was exhausted, even taking a nap when Caleb took one, which if you know me, is VERY unlike me. I was walking around like a zombie, and I even had a very small cup of coffee to keep me going. That is how tired I was.  Today, I am the complete opposite, buzzing around here getting things done, totally excited for the holiday.

Brian's parents are coming tomorrow afternoon, and I am so excited to host my first real holiday event at my house.  Usually, we are the ones to travel, and once again, we have put off our travels for another time, due to various reasons.  In my preparation for tomorrow's turkey dinner, I have pre-made the mashed potatoes (which will be reheated in my crock pot), and I have made my dinner rolls (which I make using my bread machine).  Since tomorrow is a day I want to enjoy, I would rather not be cooking ALL day.  I'll throw the turkey in the oven, then the sweet potatoes, and I'll make the stuffing, and eventually, the gravy, and we'll be all set.

I pre-made our breakfast, which is an egg and sausage casserole, which sits in the fridge until it is baked in the morning... we grew up on this casserole in our house, and I am looking forward to my husband and son having their first bites.

So all that's left is pulling out the gifts tonight and placing them under the tree, stuffing stockings, and putting together Caleb's basketball hoop so it is all ready to go.

Though this holiday marks one year that I have not been home to see my family, I still am happy and filled with joy.  I am so excited to see Caleb open his gifts and play with his new things.  I am thrilled to spend another Christmas with the love of my life.  There is so much to be thankful for; so much to look forward to... truly, Christmas gets better every year.

Merry Christmas to you and yours!  And last but not least, thank you, God, for the gift of your Son, Jesus Christ, and His glorious birth, life, ultimate sacrifice, and resurrection.  No gift under the tree could ever compare to that.

Gray Days, Bright Hopes

Is it me, or was it a very gray fall... and now becoming a gray winter?  I remember thinking in October, "Man, it's been really gray.  Can't wait until this ends."  Except that it never did.  I think the longest the sun has shone since September is for five minutes- once every two weeks.  I am not exaggerating.

I don't know about you, but the weather can affect my mood.  When it is so uninspiring and uninviting outdoors, sometimes I think it is hard for me to keep my spirits up.  I miss the gloriously sunny days of summer where all was bright and cheerful.  Summer is not necessarily my favorite season, but I'd pick that any day over all this gloom.

But... at least we have Christmas.  Now, January will be another story.  The gray days will stretch on with not much to look forward to, except a desperate longing for spring.  But, for today, we have Christmas before us, with all its joys to await us:  the celebration of our Lord and Savior's birth, the time together as a family, the unwrapping of gifts, the joy of seeing our toddler's reaction to all the fun.

As a child, Christmas held so much magic.  Sadly, much of that has been lost as an adult.  Sometimes I feel as though I'm still searching for it.  Then I realize that I already have all that is important.  My salvation.  My husband and son.  My family.  We are so spoiled today.  I lack for very little.  I like to reflect on the wonder of that miracle over 2000 years ago.  Mary, traveling on a donkey, very, very pregnant.  (Brian took me horseback riding once, and I was just about scared to death.  I have no idea how she did it.)  Joseph, the man of God who took Mary as his wife, knowing he wasn't the true father of the child.  Yet, he became Jesus' earthly father, and Jesus learned much from him, even learning his trade.  These were people of gigantic faith, and they make my faith look weak and puny indeed.

I like to remember Charles Dicken's "A Christmas Carol", and I think how the whole family of Bob Cratchitt is so excited when he has the whole day off of work to celebrate with his family.  It didn't take much to make them happy.

Just thoughts I am pondering these days!  Thanks for coming along for the ride.

For your viewing pleasure, here are some pictures of Caleb in his new outfit.  Last year, I had a wonderful picture of Caleb in his sweater vest, sitting on the couch, nice as can be.  This year, it has been impossible to get a picture of him staying still.  My mom bought him this outfit for Christmas after she asked me what she could get him, and I said, "I'd love for him to have a new sweater vest and button-down shirt."

It would have been so nice to get a picture with him sitting in front of the tree, but "HA"!  No chance!

Here's what I have:

Posed or not, he's adorable!  Be still, my heart.  I just about swoon to see my boy in a sweater vest!

Keeping Christmas Simple

I've been trying, as much as humanly possible, to keep things simple for Christmas this year.  I've kept the baking to a minimum.  (Oh, all the cookies my mom, sis, and I used to make!)  I ditched the roll-out types of cookies this year due to a very demanding toddler who takes short naps some days (yesterday- 40 minutes), and I've opted for easy roll-into-a-ball recipes instead.

My gifts have all been bought and wrapped, and very, very little was bought in-store.  (I am just about desperate for some real civilization around here.  There is absolutely nowhere to bring Caleb in the dead of winter.  I just don't feel like driving fifty minutes to an hour to go to a mall.  I feel like a very trapped stay-at-home mom.)

I grew very sick of online shopping, because it is harder than it looks.  Scrolling through page after page of items can be challenging.  I want to see the item in person, feel it, etc., but I had to make do.

So, it is the last weekend before Christmas.  Our bedroom looks like Santa's workshop with all the gifts all over the place, and thankfully Caleb pays them no mind when he's in our room, because he doesn't understand it all yet.  I'm making an old family cookie recipe later today, our famous Italian cookies that are always a hit, and always remind me of my grandmother.  Later this weekend I'll make some fudge, because it just isn't Christmas without my homemade fudge.

Other than this, it's been simple around here.  I've been feeling very run-down lately, so I've tried to just focus on the regular chores, taking care of my two men, and doing the minimum that needs to be done for Christmas.  Thankfully, I am NOT stressed out and frazzled at the last minute.  I am so looking forward to Brian being off of work after a long week, gone several nights in a row.  I can't wait to be a family with uninterrupted time... this to me is one of the best parts of Christmas.

This year, I've traded the stress for simplicity, and I'm definitely the better for it.

Here's a quote from a Karen Carpenter Christmas song (I grew up on Karen Carpenter because my mom loved her at the time) that sums up how I feel right now:

"Greeting cards have all been sent.  The Christmas rush is through.  But I still have one wish to make... a special one for you.   Merry Christmas, darling."

Christmas Decorations

Growing up, it was always such fun decorating for Christmas.  It was such a ritual, going down to the basement with my sister to unearth the decorations.  (I do have an older brother, too, but since he's eight years older, he was always doing his own thing.  My sis and I were the ones into the decorating.)

We always had a lot of decorations, mainly because we had two rooms to decorate... the rec room and the living room, and of course, the dining room had a few decorations, too.  (My house didn't seem that big growing up, but it does to me, now!)

Nowadays, I keep it pretty simple.  We have this one main area to decorate, and if you've been at our house, you know our kitchen, dining area, and living room is one big room.  (Which is very helpful, by the way, when keeping tabs on my toddler.)

Here's what we've got going on:

This is my knick-knack shelf, where I put odds and ends that were either given to me as gifts, or are items I purchased myself.  You can't see it well, but in the very center is a vase I filled with Christmas balls.  (It looks better in person.  I am not a wonderful photographer, nor is my camera the best camera out there.)

This picture was taken at an angle because the coffee table was in the way, but you get the idea.  I absolutely love having the nativity above the fireplace, where it is the focal point, as well as the fact that the cat and the toddler would knock it over if it were anywhere else.  (Believe me, the cat would be the problem more than Caleb.  I am starting to have visions of strangling him in my sleep... that is how much trouble he gets into.)

This snowman always brings such a smile to my face.  Isn't he so cute?  I bought him for about $5 at the Christmas Tree Shoppes, when I was home for that long week I told you about in the previous post, when I was home for my dad's surgery two months after Brian and I were married.  I hope he sticks around a long time.  (Both my dad and the snowman!)

This Christmas bear is one of the few things allowed on the coffee table (though in this pic, he's on the couch).  Brian's parents brought him up for Caleb last Christmas, and while he's not into stuffed animals at all (much to my great disappointment), he does perk up when the bear's foot is pressed and he begins reciting the biblical Christmas story.

It brings my heart such joy to see three stockings up, for the second year in a row.  I'm still getting used to the "Mom" stocking.  (Caleb still doesn't say any words, so I don't actually answer to that name yet.)  These lovely stocking holders were purchased by Brian's sister, and they were so much better than the ugly, plain holders that I had originally bought- which I promptly returned.

We had a little helper with the tree this year.  We gave him a few soft ornaments, and he would drop them on a branch.  It was so cute to watch!  Of course, I hung them up properly later.  It was so fun to see all the "Caleb" ornaments that our boy had received last year!

And finally, here's our tree, cut down by Brian himself.  It's a lot of work, but so worth it in the end.

The Best Husband, The Best Father

Sometimes I like to think back on my courtship with Brian.  Living two-and-a-half hours apart, we only could see each other once a month during the school year.  It wasn't easy.  I remember one particularly sad parting.  We both had President's Day off, but Brian also had the day after off, so he decided to stay one extra night so we could see each other as long as possible.  I remember getting ready for work as usual, the only difference being that Brian was right there.  (Don't forget:  I lived with my mom.  No hanky-panky was going on here, thank you).  I drove him down to the parking lot in the community where I lived- where he had to park overnight.  I cried as we parted... just one of the many endless partings we had to go through, and I continued to stifle the tears as I drove my way to work, while Brian drove in the opposite direction- away from me.

I look back on it, because it boggles my mind that it was once "normal" to be far apart.  At that time, it was all we knew.  Now, I can't imagine it.  Even though I missed him very much, and my heart ached in the times apart, our lives were not yet intertwined.  It would be far worse to be apart now that we are married.  When I was nearing the end of my pregnancy with Caleb, Brian had a music judging event which was too far to drive back and forth to, so he stayed the night in a hotel.  I felt like I was missing my arm or another part of myself to have one night away from each other.

A mere two months after we were married, I found myself back home again for a week, staying in my old bedroom- without Brian- as I wanted to be with my family when my dad was getting a triple bypass. It felt like a dream that we had even gotten married... but I missed him terribly, much more than I did when we were just dating.  Brian was back on his own in the apartment, fending for himself for meals, and I was back with my family, sleeping in my old bed.  When he came for me that Friday night, it felt almost exactly the same as it did when we were dating... it had been such a short time before that.

Now that we are parents together, my love for him has only grown.  Sure, marriage is harder now. Time is much more limited and we are a lot more tired due to caring for a small child.  (I was thinking recently that I miss holding Brian's hand.  Whenever we were out before Caleb came along, we always held hands.  Now our hands are full!)

My respect for Brian has grown, too.  I love watching him be a dad.  He's the best dad I know. When you are courting, you can speculate how your significant other will be as parent, but that is all it is: speculation.  You cannot know for SURE, because that person has simply not been in that role yet.  I saw Brian with my nieces, and he charmed them very quickly, and they still talk about how he would try to grab their "toesies".  But it is not the same as your own children.

The truth is- he's an even better dad than anything I pictured.  He has a wonderful balance of being a proper leader in our household, for example, in dealing with the issues of teaching and training Caleb how to behave, but he's also a fun and goofy playmate who brings such laughter to Caleb at the end of the day.  He is definitely the FUN parent, while I'm the more serious one, and he brings a joy to the household that wouldn't be here if he wasn't.

He's a wonderful husband, too.  I greatly dislike the "extra" things that keep him from home:  the second job, concerts, judgings, festivals, etc., etc.  When he's not here, I also feel like a piece of myself is missing.  I am most content when he is home, and we are all together as a family.

So, honey, this post is for you.  I love you and appreciate you more than you know!

Hug From a Stranger

I've mentioned before how difficult it is taking Caleb out of the house now that winter is upon us. The following are the steps we must take before leaving the house:

1)  Gather Caleb's snack, water, all of our winter clothing, and my purse.
2)  Put my own coat on and sling my purse across my shoulder.
3)  Gather Caleb in my lap, put on his shoes, and wrangle his arms into his coat sleeves.  Put on his hat and mittens.
4)  I can forget my gloves, because no way can I grip him through his winter coat with gloves on my fingers.  Put on my sunglasses, grab bag with snack and extra diaper, grab keys, scoop up Caleb.
5)  Go down two flights of stairs.
6)  Wrestle Caleb into his car seat.  This never bothered him before, but with all the winter gear, you can bet it does now.  Did you know you are not supposed to buckle a child into a car seat with their coat on?  You're not.  I do it anyway because there's not much room in my backseat to put a coat on and off.

Then, my favorite once we get there, hold Caleb while attempting to put the cart cover on the cart with one hand.  (Yes, I can put him down, but today I did it and he fell down.)

Grocery shopping has become an unpleasant chore, because I am usually totally depleted when all is said and done.  First I must carry Caleb in.  Then all the bags of groceries.  Did I mention that I have to buy gallons of water at the store because we have a problem with copper in our water, and we cannot drink from the tap?  So add all that water to the list of things to lug.

Today, I was weary by the time I got to the car.  Then when we arrived at the store, I came upon an unexpected scene.  It was crowded!  I normally go Monday morning at about 8:15, and it is usually pretty dead.  The employees all know me; the deli guy has my cheese ready for me when he sees me coming.  Today, it was a mess, filled with people, all talking about the upcoming storm this week.

After I waited on an eternal grocery line, and thank heavens Caleb was calm and patient, we went to the car to unload the cart.  As I was lifting him out of the cart, his shoe came off, and a very nice older lady parked diagonally to me came over and offered to load my trunk for me.  I didn't know what to say.  "Well, if you really want to, sure," was the only thing I could come up with.  I proceeded to put Caleb in the car seat while she unloaded the entire cart for me.  As we finished, I thanked her profusely and said, "God bless you.  I think God knew I needed that today."  Then she gave me a hug.  This perfect stranger, whom I had never met, reached out to give me a hug.  I hugged her back. Then she went to put my cart away for me.

I wanted to ask for her phone number.  I wanted to find out where she lived and if she lived close.  I wanted to know if she wouldn't mind looking in on a stay-at-home mom with her toddler and drop by for a cup of tea.  I wanted to know if she'd be my friend.

Of course, I didn't ask any of those things.  It was freezing, and it was time to get Caleb home. And even though I still had the chore of lugging Caleb into the house, as well as my grocery bags, the task didn't seem quite as daunting.

God game me a hug today, in human form.  Lately I've been very tired.  I have never been physically strong.  I was always the last person picked for teams in gym class.  Grocery shopping, which used to be relatively simple, has become an increasing burden lately, one that I am starting to dread rather than enjoy.  But in all honesty, I felt like this sweet lady was God's gift to me. Thank you, Lord. Thank you for showing me that you notice me and care about me, even in the everyday, mundane routines of life.

And who knows?  Maybe that sweet lady will cross my path once again.  I sure hope so.