Merry Christmas Eve!

So here we are.  I don't know how it does it, but the season seems to go by faster every year, and leaves my head spinning.  This year, I stood every day with my little countdown to Christmas chalkboard, and called out to Caleb how many days we had left.  Of course he didn't understand a word I said, but he would smile at my excitement anyway.

Today has been a flurry of getting things ready, and my adrenaline has kept me going.  Yesterday, I was exhausted, even taking a nap when Caleb took one, which if you know me, is VERY unlike me. I was walking around like a zombie, and I even had a very small cup of coffee to keep me going. That is how tired I was.  Today, I am the complete opposite, buzzing around here getting things done, totally excited for the holiday.

Brian's parents are coming tomorrow afternoon, and I am so excited to host my first real holiday event at my house.  Usually, we are the ones to travel, and once again, we have put off our travels for another time, due to various reasons.  In my preparation for tomorrow's turkey dinner, I have pre-made the mashed potatoes (which will be reheated in my crock pot), and I have made my dinner rolls (which I make using my bread machine).  Since tomorrow is a day I want to enjoy, I would rather not be cooking ALL day.  I'll throw the turkey in the oven, then the sweet potatoes, and I'll make the stuffing, and eventually, the gravy, and we'll be all set.

I pre-made our breakfast, which is an egg and sausage casserole, which sits in the fridge until it is baked in the morning... we grew up on this casserole in our house, and I am looking forward to my husband and son having their first bites.

So all that's left is pulling out the gifts tonight and placing them under the tree, stuffing stockings, and putting together Caleb's basketball hoop so it is all ready to go.

Though this holiday marks one year that I have not been home to see my family, I still am happy and filled with joy.  I am so excited to see Caleb open his gifts and play with his new things.  I am thrilled to spend another Christmas with the love of my life.  There is so much to be thankful for; so much to look forward to... truly, Christmas gets better every year.

Merry Christmas to you and yours!  And last but not least, thank you, God, for the gift of your Son, Jesus Christ, and His glorious birth, life, ultimate sacrifice, and resurrection.  No gift under the tree could ever compare to that.

Gray Days, Bright Hopes

Is it me, or was it a very gray fall... and now becoming a gray winter?  I remember thinking in October, "Man, it's been really gray.  Can't wait until this ends."  Except that it never did.  I think the longest the sun has shone since September is for five minutes- once every two weeks.  I am not exaggerating.

I don't know about you, but the weather can affect my mood.  When it is so uninspiring and uninviting outdoors, sometimes I think it is hard for me to keep my spirits up.  I miss the gloriously sunny days of summer where all was bright and cheerful.  Summer is not necessarily my favorite season, but I'd pick that any day over all this gloom.

But... at least we have Christmas.  Now, January will be another story.  The gray days will stretch on with not much to look forward to, except a desperate longing for spring.  But, for today, we have Christmas before us, with all its joys to await us:  the celebration of our Lord and Savior's birth, the time together as a family, the unwrapping of gifts, the joy of seeing our toddler's reaction to all the fun.

As a child, Christmas held so much magic.  Sadly, much of that has been lost as an adult.  Sometimes I feel as though I'm still searching for it.  Then I realize that I already have all that is important.  My salvation.  My husband and son.  My family.  We are so spoiled today.  I lack for very little.  I like to reflect on the wonder of that miracle over 2000 years ago.  Mary, traveling on a donkey, very, very pregnant.  (Brian took me horseback riding once, and I was just about scared to death.  I have no idea how she did it.)  Joseph, the man of God who took Mary as his wife, knowing he wasn't the true father of the child.  Yet, he became Jesus' earthly father, and Jesus learned much from him, even learning his trade.  These were people of gigantic faith, and they make my faith look weak and puny indeed.

I like to remember Charles Dicken's "A Christmas Carol", and I think how the whole family of Bob Cratchitt is so excited when he has the whole day off of work to celebrate with his family.  It didn't take much to make them happy.

Just thoughts I am pondering these days!  Thanks for coming along for the ride.

For your viewing pleasure, here are some pictures of Caleb in his new outfit.  Last year, I had a wonderful picture of Caleb in his sweater vest, sitting on the couch, nice as can be.  This year, it has been impossible to get a picture of him staying still.  My mom bought him this outfit for Christmas after she asked me what she could get him, and I said, "I'd love for him to have a new sweater vest and button-down shirt."

It would have been so nice to get a picture with him sitting in front of the tree, but "HA"!  No chance!

Here's what I have:

Posed or not, he's adorable!  Be still, my heart.  I just about swoon to see my boy in a sweater vest!

Keeping Christmas Simple

I've been trying, as much as humanly possible, to keep things simple for Christmas this year.  I've kept the baking to a minimum.  (Oh, all the cookies my mom, sis, and I used to make!)  I ditched the roll-out types of cookies this year due to a very demanding toddler who takes short naps some days (yesterday- 40 minutes), and I've opted for easy roll-into-a-ball recipes instead.

My gifts have all been bought and wrapped, and very, very little was bought in-store.  (I am just about desperate for some real civilization around here.  There is absolutely nowhere to bring Caleb in the dead of winter.  I just don't feel like driving fifty minutes to an hour to go to a mall.  I feel like a very trapped stay-at-home mom.)

I grew very sick of online shopping, because it is harder than it looks.  Scrolling through page after page of items can be challenging.  I want to see the item in person, feel it, etc., but I had to make do.

So, it is the last weekend before Christmas.  Our bedroom looks like Santa's workshop with all the gifts all over the place, and thankfully Caleb pays them no mind when he's in our room, because he doesn't understand it all yet.  I'm making an old family cookie recipe later today, our famous Italian cookies that are always a hit, and always remind me of my grandmother.  Later this weekend I'll make some fudge, because it just isn't Christmas without my homemade fudge.

Other than this, it's been simple around here.  I've been feeling very run-down lately, so I've tried to just focus on the regular chores, taking care of my two men, and doing the minimum that needs to be done for Christmas.  Thankfully, I am NOT stressed out and frazzled at the last minute.  I am so looking forward to Brian being off of work after a long week, gone several nights in a row.  I can't wait to be a family with uninterrupted time... this to me is one of the best parts of Christmas.

This year, I've traded the stress for simplicity, and I'm definitely the better for it.

Here's a quote from a Karen Carpenter Christmas song (I grew up on Karen Carpenter because my mom loved her at the time) that sums up how I feel right now:

"Greeting cards have all been sent.  The Christmas rush is through.  But I still have one wish to make... a special one for you.   Merry Christmas, darling."

Christmas Decorations

Growing up, it was always such fun decorating for Christmas.  It was such a ritual, going down to the basement with my sister to unearth the decorations.  (I do have an older brother, too, but since he's eight years older, he was always doing his own thing.  My sis and I were the ones into the decorating.)

We always had a lot of decorations, mainly because we had two rooms to decorate... the rec room and the living room, and of course, the dining room had a few decorations, too.  (My house didn't seem that big growing up, but it does to me, now!)

Nowadays, I keep it pretty simple.  We have this one main area to decorate, and if you've been at our house, you know our kitchen, dining area, and living room is one big room.  (Which is very helpful, by the way, when keeping tabs on my toddler.)

Here's what we've got going on:

This is my knick-knack shelf, where I put odds and ends that were either given to me as gifts, or are items I purchased myself.  You can't see it well, but in the very center is a vase I filled with Christmas balls.  (It looks better in person.  I am not a wonderful photographer, nor is my camera the best camera out there.)

This picture was taken at an angle because the coffee table was in the way, but you get the idea.  I absolutely love having the nativity above the fireplace, where it is the focal point, as well as the fact that the cat and the toddler would knock it over if it were anywhere else.  (Believe me, the cat would be the problem more than Caleb.  I am starting to have visions of strangling him in my sleep... that is how much trouble he gets into.)

This snowman always brings such a smile to my face.  Isn't he so cute?  I bought him for about $5 at the Christmas Tree Shoppes, when I was home for that long week I told you about in the previous post, when I was home for my dad's surgery two months after Brian and I were married.  I hope he sticks around a long time.  (Both my dad and the snowman!)

This Christmas bear is one of the few things allowed on the coffee table (though in this pic, he's on the couch).  Brian's parents brought him up for Caleb last Christmas, and while he's not into stuffed animals at all (much to my great disappointment), he does perk up when the bear's foot is pressed and he begins reciting the biblical Christmas story.

It brings my heart such joy to see three stockings up, for the second year in a row.  I'm still getting used to the "Mom" stocking.  (Caleb still doesn't say any words, so I don't actually answer to that name yet.)  These lovely stocking holders were purchased by Brian's sister, and they were so much better than the ugly, plain holders that I had originally bought- which I promptly returned.

We had a little helper with the tree this year.  We gave him a few soft ornaments, and he would drop them on a branch.  It was so cute to watch!  Of course, I hung them up properly later.  It was so fun to see all the "Caleb" ornaments that our boy had received last year!

And finally, here's our tree, cut down by Brian himself.  It's a lot of work, but so worth it in the end.

The Best Husband, The Best Father

Sometimes I like to think back on my courtship with Brian.  Living two-and-a-half hours apart, we only could see each other once a month during the school year.  It wasn't easy.  I remember one particularly sad parting.  We both had President's Day off, but Brian also had the day after off, so he decided to stay one extra night so we could see each other as long as possible.  I remember getting ready for work as usual, the only difference being that Brian was right there.  (Don't forget:  I lived with my mom.  No hanky-panky was going on here, thank you).  I drove him down to the parking lot in the community where I lived- where he had to park overnight.  I cried as we parted... just one of the many endless partings we had to go through, and I continued to stifle the tears as I drove my way to work, while Brian drove in the opposite direction- away from me.

I look back on it, because it boggles my mind that it was once "normal" to be far apart.  At that time, it was all we knew.  Now, I can't imagine it.  Even though I missed him very much, and my heart ached in the times apart, our lives were not yet intertwined.  It would be far worse to be apart now that we are married.  When I was nearing the end of my pregnancy with Caleb, Brian had a music judging event which was too far to drive back and forth to, so he stayed the night in a hotel.  I felt like I was missing my arm or another part of myself to have one night away from each other.

A mere two months after we were married, I found myself back home again for a week, staying in my old bedroom- without Brian- as I wanted to be with my family when my dad was getting a triple bypass. It felt like a dream that we had even gotten married... but I missed him terribly, much more than I did when we were just dating.  Brian was back on his own in the apartment, fending for himself for meals, and I was back with my family, sleeping in my old bed.  When he came for me that Friday night, it felt almost exactly the same as it did when we were dating... it had been such a short time before that.

Now that we are parents together, my love for him has only grown.  Sure, marriage is harder now. Time is much more limited and we are a lot more tired due to caring for a small child.  (I was thinking recently that I miss holding Brian's hand.  Whenever we were out before Caleb came along, we always held hands.  Now our hands are full!)

My respect for Brian has grown, too.  I love watching him be a dad.  He's the best dad I know. When you are courting, you can speculate how your significant other will be as parent, but that is all it is: speculation.  You cannot know for SURE, because that person has simply not been in that role yet.  I saw Brian with my nieces, and he charmed them very quickly, and they still talk about how he would try to grab their "toesies".  But it is not the same as your own children.

The truth is- he's an even better dad than anything I pictured.  He has a wonderful balance of being a proper leader in our household, for example, in dealing with the issues of teaching and training Caleb how to behave, but he's also a fun and goofy playmate who brings such laughter to Caleb at the end of the day.  He is definitely the FUN parent, while I'm the more serious one, and he brings a joy to the household that wouldn't be here if he wasn't.

He's a wonderful husband, too.  I greatly dislike the "extra" things that keep him from home:  the second job, concerts, judgings, festivals, etc., etc.  When he's not here, I also feel like a piece of myself is missing.  I am most content when he is home, and we are all together as a family.

So, honey, this post is for you.  I love you and appreciate you more than you know!

Hug From a Stranger

I've mentioned before how difficult it is taking Caleb out of the house now that winter is upon us. The following are the steps we must take before leaving the house:

1)  Gather Caleb's snack, water, all of our winter clothing, and my purse.
2)  Put my own coat on and sling my purse across my shoulder.
3)  Gather Caleb in my lap, put on his shoes, and wrangle his arms into his coat sleeves.  Put on his hat and mittens.
4)  I can forget my gloves, because no way can I grip him through his winter coat with gloves on my fingers.  Put on my sunglasses, grab bag with snack and extra diaper, grab keys, scoop up Caleb.
5)  Go down two flights of stairs.
6)  Wrestle Caleb into his car seat.  This never bothered him before, but with all the winter gear, you can bet it does now.  Did you know you are not supposed to buckle a child into a car seat with their coat on?  You're not.  I do it anyway because there's not much room in my backseat to put a coat on and off.

Then, my favorite once we get there, hold Caleb while attempting to put the cart cover on the cart with one hand.  (Yes, I can put him down, but today I did it and he fell down.)

Grocery shopping has become an unpleasant chore, because I am usually totally depleted when all is said and done.  First I must carry Caleb in.  Then all the bags of groceries.  Did I mention that I have to buy gallons of water at the store because we have a problem with copper in our water, and we cannot drink from the tap?  So add all that water to the list of things to lug.

Today, I was weary by the time I got to the car.  Then when we arrived at the store, I came upon an unexpected scene.  It was crowded!  I normally go Monday morning at about 8:15, and it is usually pretty dead.  The employees all know me; the deli guy has my cheese ready for me when he sees me coming.  Today, it was a mess, filled with people, all talking about the upcoming storm this week.

After I waited on an eternal grocery line, and thank heavens Caleb was calm and patient, we went to the car to unload the cart.  As I was lifting him out of the cart, his shoe came off, and a very nice older lady parked diagonally to me came over and offered to load my trunk for me.  I didn't know what to say.  "Well, if you really want to, sure," was the only thing I could come up with.  I proceeded to put Caleb in the car seat while she unloaded the entire cart for me.  As we finished, I thanked her profusely and said, "God bless you.  I think God knew I needed that today."  Then she gave me a hug.  This perfect stranger, whom I had never met, reached out to give me a hug.  I hugged her back. Then she went to put my cart away for me.

I wanted to ask for her phone number.  I wanted to find out where she lived and if she lived close.  I wanted to know if she wouldn't mind looking in on a stay-at-home mom with her toddler and drop by for a cup of tea.  I wanted to know if she'd be my friend.

Of course, I didn't ask any of those things.  It was freezing, and it was time to get Caleb home. And even though I still had the chore of lugging Caleb into the house, as well as my grocery bags, the task didn't seem quite as daunting.

God game me a hug today, in human form.  Lately I've been very tired.  I have never been physically strong.  I was always the last person picked for teams in gym class.  Grocery shopping, which used to be relatively simple, has become an increasing burden lately, one that I am starting to dread rather than enjoy.  But in all honesty, I felt like this sweet lady was God's gift to me. Thank you, Lord. Thank you for showing me that you notice me and care about me, even in the everyday, mundane routines of life.

And who knows?  Maybe that sweet lady will cross my path once again.  I sure hope so.

Five Wonderful Days

I'm sad to be writing this post, because it indicates the end of five gloriously wonderful days in which Caleb and I had Daddy all to ourselves.  No first job.  No second job.  Daddy was never out of our sight, except for once, when he went to check the mail.

Bliss.

I love it when life slows down, and we can forget the hectic chaos of Brian's job- the stress of being a music teacher.  Though I truly did miss seeing my family this Thanksgiving (my heart still hurts over it), it was a wonderful stress-free few days of enjoying each other's company without the hassle of traveling with a toddler (and not to mention packing).

Brian had to shovel three times to clear us out of the driveway.  He did two shovels on Wednesday, when the storm came upon us, and one Thursday morning.  It was still coming down pretty good, but not as bad, and it tapered off by noon.  By this time, we thought it best to stay home, not knowing the condition of the roads.  (Two months after Brian and I were married, we got stuck on the side of the road coming home from NJ during a freak October snow storm.  That experience, and waiting to be rescued in a cold car, was enough to make me never, ever want to travel in any kind of snow again.)

I did some Black Friday shopping online, since I couldn't get out to any stores... really, we are so far away here, it isn't even worth it.  I'm probably 90% finished with my Christmas shopping, and the majority has been purchased online.  In fact, I think the only things I've actually got in store were three little things for Caleb.  I'm glad that I'm mostly done so I can enjoy the season without feeling stressed about all the things I still have to get.  I decorated the week before Thanksgiving, so all that is left to do is go and cut down our Christmas tree, bring it home, and decorate it!

So, the old routine begins again tomorrow.  Brian will be heading out the door early, and Caleb and I will feel his absence keenly.  But, oh, it was a fun few days together!  The countdown to Christmas break begins!

A Thankful Thanksgiving & a Change of Plans

We were supposed to travel this Thanksgiving, but a foot of snow that barreled its way through here yesterday kept us home.  We haven't gone anywhere since last Christmas... it is a bone of contention around these parts.  Brian comes from a more laid-back family, and I guess I come from a family of worry-warts.  As much as I wanted to see my family... terribly... I dreaded traveling with our boy and all the drama that would bring (ie:  no sleep for all).

The snow made the decision for us, so I scrambled last minute to throw together a decent meal.  For the record, I had never cooked a Thanksgiving meal before today.  Brian and I will most likely never host Thanksgiving since our families live elsewhere, and since we are in the minority, we have to go to them.  I bought a just-under five-pound turkey breast this past Monday, and it turned out to be just right for us.

Aside from using every pan under creation and dealing with the mess that such a meal creates, I thought my dinner turned out pretty successful.  Even though my turkey was small, I managed to create a delicious gravy from it, which I didn't even think I'd be able to do.  (No extra cooking stock required, folks!)

I did miss my mother's apple pie though, terribly.

I had planned on doing some Black Friday shopping with my dad and sister, but they'll have to find the bargains without me this year.

Regardless of the losses, it was a wonderful day.  While it was rather strange to spend the holiday here by ourselves, it was a peaceful, simple day with much to celebrate.  As we look forward to the coming Christmas season, it is good to take a moment to reflect on all that God has given us- so much more than we could ever deserve.  I have a husband that I love and a little boy that steals another piece of my heart each day.  My purpose in life is a glorious one- to love and serve them with the best that is in me.

Here are some photos from the day!

Caleb Updates

Caleb just turned 18 months last week, so I thought I'd share a few things about what's going on with him these days.

1)  All of the sudden, he isn't so bored any more.  He used to be.  He is sick of his current toys.  (I am, too, by the way.  His Christmas presents are mine also, since I get down on the floor and play with him.)  Caleb is having so much fun getting into my cabinets, drawers, etc.  He has been doing that for some time, but more so.  He figured out how to open the Lazy Susan, and he loves grabbing things out of there.  He knows he's not allowed to take things out (other than the peanut jars- for whatever reason, sometime ago, he started playing with those).  If he starts taking items out, I tell him to put them back, and he does.

2)  He knows how to turn the stereo on and off, and he can stop the dvd player, too.  In fact, when he wants his Veggie Tales on, he will turn the stereo off, thus my cue to get his show up and running.

3)  He still isn't talking.  He babbles, but he has said no words clearly yet.  At his last doctor's appointment, of course, they got all worried and thought we'd better save him from doom's day, and they quickly recommended that we take him to be evaluated.  We will see.  We might follow-up on their recommendations if things don't change, but we aren't panicking.  Kids don't always have to follow a schedule.  Brian and I are both confident he will be a talker in time.

4)  Caleb is still tall for his age.  In fact, now that winter temps are upon us, and he and I are both in full winter gear, I am having a terrible time trying to carry him in and out of the house.  His winter coat slips against my coat, and I lose my grip on him.  Combine that with one arm needs to be free to shut and lock the door, hold onto the railing if there is ice, and open the car door.  He almost slipped from my arms today, and I was exhausted by the time we reached the car.  How in the world do I get through the whole winter like this?  I have a feeling we'll be staying in A LOT.  It just ain't worth it!

5)  As with all little boys, Caleb loves his Daddy.  When I hear Brian coming home, I say to Caleb, "Daddy!", and he comes running over to me, wanting me to pick him up so we can greet him at the top of the stairs.  Daddy is his hero, I am sure.

Help From a Friend

About a month ago, I wrote this post about all the pressure a mother has in this chemical-filled world today to make a healthy environment for her family.

Our friend Sarah took pity on me, and scooped up this overwhelmed little bird, and took me under her wing.  She wrote me the kindest e-mail, telling me that she, too, had been there, and while giving me a few tips, encouraged me to take ONE. THING. AT. A. TIME.

She went even further than just an e-mail, and offered a visit.  Doug and Sarah live two hours away, so this was more than generous.  They brought their girls, and we all had a fun time visiting.  It was especially nice for the old college chums (Doug, Sarah, and Brian) to be together again.

Sarah very generously gave me some of her supplies:  the herbs you see above (and she put them in the jars for me also), a Kombucha mushroom, some soap nuts, shea butter,  and zinc oxide.  She also brought me an herb dvd, which teaches about the basic herbs and their uses.

Now, I'll just confess right now that I won't attempt to do any new research until the new year (can I say that Christmas shopping is enough to deal with right now?), but I am so grateful for the tips she gave me and for these herbs.  In the new year, I'll be taking a look at the dvd she gave me and start trying to figure out how to use some of these things.

Sarah's visit was like a breath of fresh air, which I really needed.  In today's world, it is such a challenge, because our country has put so many chemicals into just about everything:  food, medicines, detergent, cleaning products, etc. that it is a wonder we all aren't walking around with a disease.  I have been so bogged down with things I've read on various websites, that my brain was about to explode at one point.

I'd like to include here something she wrote to me after her visit, because it brought me such great comfort, and it is far better than anything I have to say:

Rest easy.  God is most certainly in control of everything...our health, our children's health.  We do the best with what is in front of us and leave the rest up to Him.  This includes or ignorance of things in times past.  A friend of mine was lamenting over the years of processed foods and hydrogenated oils she was putting into her children (and herself).  She rested in the fact that she was doing what she thought best (what the Dr.s were telling her) and that God would be gracious in protecting them.  That faith gave me comfort and encouragement in my own past decisions.  God doesn't expect us to know everything right off the bat.  He would much rather see a family eating all kinds of junk, yet happy, joyful, and living for him than and up-tight, stressed-out family who is eating and living "healthy."

Thank you, Sarah!  I am so grateful... now prepare to be peppered with questions in the new year ;)

The Comfort of Routine

I don't know if I ever gave much thought to routines before having a little one.  Certainly, everyone has one to some extent.  As a working woman, I got up the same time, drove to work the same time, taught classes the same time every day, etc.  After I got married, and before I had Caleb, I didn't work, and I could enjoy doing things as I pleased, when I pleased.

After Caleb, that all changed.  After we got past the early months (those precious, wonderful months when he could have slept through a hurricane and a tornado combined), it was clear that routines had to be established and followed.  Different things formed at different times.  The bedtime ritual was the all-important one in this house.  As he began to eat more solids, meal times became more defined. And on it went to include nap time rituals (which was a terrible battle!), and so forth.

It brings me such satisfaction when we put Caleb down at the end of the day, knowing he is safe and warm in his crib, all tucked in after stories and prayers.  On the nights when Daddy is home, he is covered with kisses from us both, and I don't think he could ever doubt for one second that he is infinitely loved.

I read an article just the other day that surprised me.  I didn't even know they existed, but apparently, 24-hour daycare centers are on the rise.  Parents are finding themselves working more irregular hours, and sometimes have to cart their children out at all hours, leaving them to sleep at daycare rather than in their own beds.

Something is just plain wrong about that.

Now, I'm not trying to judge anyone, especially the single parent who has very limited choices.  The article referenced a child psychologist, and while I'm not a fan of secular psychology, this person went on to say how unhealthy it is for the child, who thrives on the comfort and predictability of routine.  Forgive my elementary school thought here, but, well, "DUH!"

I don't do everything right as a mom.  I make mistakes and some days I feel like the worst failure. However, I felt just a little better about myself after reading this article.  My boy is not just someone I parent a few hours at the end of the day.  He's with me and alongside of me each day.  I am watching how he is growing by the minute, and even though I'm with him all the time, I still am shocked by how much he has grown.  He's my little companion- where I go, he goes.  There's no daycare for him, or some lonely mat to sleep on- far away from me- put to bed by people he wouldn't even know at first.

I will put it right out there that being a stay-at-home mom is not as easy as it looks.  In fact, it is the hardest thing I have ever done!  But I wouldn't put my boy in daycare for all the money in the world. I'd rather live in a shack with him by my side, than in the fanciest house on the block, only to leave him to be raised by strangers.

At the end of the day, he knows he is loved.  And I can go to bed and enjoy my rest, knowing that!

*Note:  The above photos were taken last Friday, 11/14, on Caleb's year and a half birthday!  Can you believe it?  I can't!

Full Circle

I purchased the above outfit that you see Caleb wearing, for my nephews Matthew and Nathan.  (Of course, I purchased two.)  The funny thing is that I bought it when I was pregnant with Caleb.  Brian and I had gone home to NJ to spend Thanksgiving with my family, and I went Black Friday shopping with my parents and sister.  (Which was so much fun, by the way!)  We got out early and hit the stores, one after another.  Brian stayed at my parents' and enjoyed sleeping in!  

The shirt says, "Cool Like My Auntie" and I snatched the outfit up for the boys as soon as I saw it. It is funny that now it has returned to me, and I am no longer just an aunt, but a mother, and now my sister is the aunt of my own son.  

I didn't realize when I was buying it that the babe inside of me at that moment would one day be wearing it.  Life is funny, sometimes, and beautiful, sad, and sweet, all at the same time.

Odds & Ends: Random Blog #2

This is one of those posts in which I'll say whatever updates come to mind, and they probably won't be related at all.

1)  Caleb is finally shifting to one nap a day.  When I posted about this a few weeks ago, I made a liar out of myself.  It was a miserable fail, and we went back to two naps for a bit.  He was kind of in flip-flop mode, where some days one nap was not enough, and two was too many.  The last time I got him down for two naps was last Tuesday, so I think we are pretty settled on one nap.  The downside:  I have to avoid car rides during the old nap time, or else he will fall asleep in the car, thus preventing him from falling asleep at his new nap time.  For now, I am trying to run errands EARLY, at about 8 a.m. or so, for the time being.  Obviously, I can't do this forever, but until his body clock gets a bit more rescheduled, I'm trying to avoid the car at his former nap time.

2)  I've been contemplating how much of a whirlwind it is, raising a child.  I can scarcely believe that one year ago at this time, I was still lugging him around in his car seat carrier!  It can be hard to keep up as a parent with the many, many changes.  One difficult thing is the schedule that constantly shifts. My day revolves around Caleb and his needs, and my day looks different now than it did a few months ago!

3)  I have been REALLY tired lately.  I can barely keep my eyes open trying to read a few minutes before bed.  I set my alarm at 5:18 each morning.  (Why 5:18?  5:15 feels too early, and 5:20 is too late.)  I try to beat Brian to the bathroom so I can quickly wash my face, and then I proceed to get dressed before Caleb gets up... and he gets up EARLY.  Today, I think he was up at 5:25.  He rarely sleeps past 5:45.  So even on the weekends, I never sleep in, and this is starting to wear on me.

4)  I am looking forward to Christmas, but I am sort of dreading all of the shopping.  We have no major stores here.  (What can you buy for people at Walmart for Christmas, other than a few stocking stuffers?)  I plan to do a ton of online shopping, but even that is difficult to do with Caleb around.  (He constantly needs my attention, so spending hours online looking for gifts is not really going to work in his presence.)

5)  Caleb is getting VERY bored these days.  Poor guy.  I hope he can hold on until Christmas and he gets some new toys.  I try and try, but I think we have played with his current toys to death.  His attention span is so short, and even if I bring out a new pot to bang around, the novelty only lasts for a couple of minutes.  I even have an e-book titled, "101 Independent Activities For Toddlers and Preschoolers", but most of those ideas are still too old for him (ie:  involve things he could choke on, etc.)

6)  Yesterday, Caleb went with me to vote at 8 a.m.  Someone commented as I was carrying him into the firehouse, "Getting him trained early!"  I'm not sure he learned much, except how to ward off a member of a running candidate's camp, desperate for last-minute voters.  I very swiftly and decisively, and politely, I might add, told them to get lost- without using those words, of course!  (They were still there at about 3:45 when Brian went to vote- this time giving out pizza!  The candidate lost, and lost big!  So much for all that pizza!)

7)  I finished cooking dinner at about 12:50 this afternoon.  I always like to work on dinner during Caleb's naps, so I can do so without interruption, and he used to nap from 2-3:40 or so.  Now that he is napping at noon, I moved my dinner prep early as well.  It's a good feeling to know that dinner is already made!

8)  Not that you need to know this, but I am desperate to clean underneath my kitchen sink, and I am trying to figure out how to do so with a toddler and a cat underfoot.  (I can wait for Caleb to go down tonight to do it, but that pesky cat is still here.)

9)  Speaking of the cat, I'm sure the ASPCA would have me arrested for how I treat this creature.  No, I don't beat him, but I have squirted him with the water bottle more times than I should probably admit.  It is not my fault that he wants to get into EVERYTHING, no matter how many times he has been told, in no uncertain terms, not to.  Brian and Caleb love him, so don't think he is entirely neglected or unloved.

10)  Brian and I officially became members of our new church a few weeks ago.  It is the first time as a married couple, that we became members together of a church, and for me- ever.  (My former church in NJ did not have membership.)  We are happy to have a fellowship with which to serve and learn and grow.

That's it for now!  Hope you are all having a great day!

A Different Kind of Loneliness

For me, this post has been brewing in my mind for a few weeks, without my mind being fully aware of it, until this morning.  It's not that any one thing happened to make me want to write it, but the overwhelming need was there, to get the words out on paper (or on a blank screen).  For me, it is a release of sorts.

Perhaps I should warn you that I'm not overly concerned with how people view me.  I grew a thick skin long ago.  I care if you perceive me as rude or ungodly or nasty or mean, because if I did something to deserve those titles, then I need to do something about it.  But if someone sees me as weak or emotional or wimpy or pathetic, I guess I don't really worry about it all that much.

I have been struggling with a deep loneliness that I have never before felt in my life.  I've struggled with loneliness before- when I went away to college and when I taught in Prague for a year. However, each of those things was temporary.  I settled in at college and made friends, and family was only an hour and forty minutes away, so I could go home once a month.  My year in Prague was much harder, and it took longer to get properly situated, but eventually I did.  Plus, the knowledge that it was only for a year certainly helped ease any struggles.

My first year here in PA was spent in our tiny apartment as a newlywed.  My second found me here in our house.  I spent that year getting settled and also joyously awaiting the arrival of our Caleb. Of course, I missed my family, but it wasn't a crippling kind of loneliness.

It's different now.  I struggle with it much more so than ever before.

I never knew that being a stay-at-home mom could be so hard.  (Now, let me make this clear:  I have no regrets.  I want to be a stay-at-home mom.  I don't want daycare raising my son.)  BUT- it is a big change than the world I used to know.  I was a working woman, out every day as I mingled with my coworkers and my students.  I lived in an area where there was just much more to do and more places to go.  Not to mention that my family and friends were there.

It can be difficult to get out much at all these days, except briefly, due to maintaining the nap schedule, and since we live the woods, there just isn't very much to do in these parts.  Sometimes when we make plans to go out on the weekend as a family, Brian can be frustrated by the limited times we can get out to due naps.  I'm always the one trying to stick to the normal routine, and I remind him that I don't like it either.  It is very constricting and limiting to maintain such a schedule, especially for us as things are so far away.  But, it has to be done.  (For the record, I know a lot about baby sleep.  It is a known fact that car naps are not very restorative and should only be used sparingly.  Also, Caleb actually sleeps for a much shorter duration in the car.  He wakes up after half an hour.)

Then comes the awareness some days, like a ton of bricks, as if I didn't know it before- I am never going home again.  I don't mean that I'll never visit, but I'll never dwell there again, to see my family on a regular basis as they see one another.  This sometimes makes me gasp for breath as the realization washes over me anew.  I am very close to my mom and sister, and I struggle with the fact that I'm the outsider now.  Caleb doesn't get to grow up with any cousins, on either side of the family.  That thought brings me pain, too.

We haven't traveled since December.  In the early months, it wasn't as difficult, because babies are much more flexible then.  They don't have much awareness of their surroundings and routines are not nearly as important.  (Though, Caleb did have a hard time at my parents' house last December, for whatever reason.)

Now, every time I think about traveling for Thanksgiving, I know it will probably be more headache than pleasure.  I keep putting off the decision.  We're due to have Thanksgiving with my family since we flip-flop holidays every year, and I just don't know what to do.  Caleb is one that thrives on routine and the predictability of it.  And I know, without a doubt, that putting him down in a place other than his crib to sleep at night, to leave him in a strange room, and expect him to fall asleep on his own is asking way too much.  Only one word comes to mind when I ponder such things: DISASTER.  (And no, he doesn't fall asleep to rocking.  He does to nursing, only when he is tired enough, but once he does, you can't put him down again without waking him up.)

These things all contribute to the overwhelming loneliness I tend to feel these days.  Frustration that it is always us that has to travel during the holidays because we don't live near family.  Sadness because Brian hasn't been home since last November and because I haven't seen my sister and brother and all my nieces and nephews since December.

So, this is where you come in and say, "Get a hold of yourself!  Enough self-pity!"  And you'd be quite right.  I have SO MUCH for which I am thankful.  I truly do!  But, I can't help but feeling lonely, as much as I do try.

Sometimes it feels good to be honest with myself and get the words out.  Forgive me for pouring out my heart in such a way.  It will get easier, over time, I know, and I will be patient for that day.

Thanks for reading.

The Great Naptime Shift

The time has come, folks.

I can't avoid it any longer.

I have begun the work of transitioning Caleb to one nap.  (Cue audience gasping, sighing, and perhaps, some loud crying.)

If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, then you'd know that baby sleep has not been the easiest part of parenthood for me.  Believe me, every step of the way I have always compared notes with my sister, mother of four, and none of her kids, even her most difficult (Lindsey), was as difficult as Caleb.  (And for some odd reason, Lindsey, out of all of her kids, loves Caleb the most, I think.  Perhaps they are kindred spirits.)

For a while, Caleb had been solidly taking two naps a day, going down without a fuss, and sleeping a good length of time.  When Brian went back to work, the difficulties began, and I at first attributed it to missing Daddy.  (Perhaps that was indeed a part of it.)

He started to take shorter morning naps, or he'd have trouble settling, and take a half hour of sitting in the crib before he'd fall asleep.  Then, if he slept later than usual due to having trouble getting to sleep, I'd be in hot water for the second nap... it's time getting later and later, closer to his dinner time.

Some days were good, which made me think we hit a bump in the road and got past it, but then it started up again.

I had a few rough days when I was trying to keep him up until 11:30, but he just couldn't make it, and inevitably he fell asleep nursing, totally exhausted.  How in the world do mothers do this, I wondered?

I began researching the nap transition, and I found some helpful information.  It said to settle on a nap time to start with, and keep pushing it back fifteen minutes every few days, so that they can ease into staying up longer.  In the meantime, an earlier bedtime might be needed, because there would be a large gap between the nap and bedtime.  Eventually, you'll arrive at the new nap time, and the bedtime can be pushed back once again.

So I tried it today.  My goal was to get him down at 10:30, because from what I've seen, he can make it at least that far.  It was tricky because we had to go grocery shopping.  Normally we go after his first nap, but today we went early, so we'd be home in time to wind him down to nap at 10:30.  The stinker began falling asleep on the car ride home (it is only a ten minute ride), and I kept trying to pat him from the front seat.  He managed to sneak in a minute or two of a nap, despite my best efforts.

I settled him in the crib at 10:25, and he fussed on and off until 10:45, and then he conked out.  He slept until 12:09.  From what I've read, it takes them some time before they start to sleep for two-and-a-half to three hours.

For tonight, we'll put him down to bed much earlier, perhaps 6 as opposed to 7, since he wouldn't be able to take another nap at this point.

As for me, it is hard to know when I'm going out!  I have a doctor appointment scheduled for next week that I may have to cancel altogether since this is such unknown territory.  I am looking forward to the day when we are settled once again with a routine I can count on, so I know what to expect and how to plan my day, with Caleb getting the proper rest that he needs.

Lord, please help us through this!

Finding a Balance

I spent the greater part of the past few days on the internet.  I wasn't shopping for shoes, wasting time on Facebook (we don't have Facebook), or drooling over stuff for my home that I can't afford.

I stumbled upon one Christian homemaker's blog after another- stay-at-home moms, like me, except they have been at it for longer.  Most of those women write those blogs to be an encouragement of sorts.  They give how-to's in all manner of topics.  Some blog posts made me jealous.  Their homes looked so much better than mine.  They seemed to have a secret that I didn't have.  Though I'm not at that point yet, they had homeschooling ideas that seemed far and above what I would ever come up with when that time comes for Caleb and me.

The posts were very often titled with something catchy, like "Five Secrets to a Happy Home," and "Three Things I Leave On My Counters and Three Things I Don't".  (I still am wondering how she only keeps three things on her counters.  Congratulations to you if you have infinite cabinet space to store everything away and out-of-sight.  I do not.)

I was caught up, most of all, in these many mothers who are going all-natural, whether it comes to food, cleaning products for the home, bath and body cleaning products, natural, herbal medicines, etc., etc., etc.

I started that journey some time ago- the journey to become more natural and rid my home of the toxic junk that is everywhere.  I stopped buying store-bought cleaners, and largely use baking soda and vinegar to do the majority of my cleaning.  Before I started cloth diapering, I dabbled with making my own laundry detergent.  I have even made my own deodorant, though lately I have been buying chemical-free deodorant online.  I have been ridding our home of the chemically-loaded shampoos and soaps, and have started relying on castille soaps instead.  As for food, well, I try!  I do try to buy organic as much possible, but unfortunately, we are not rolling in money, and sometimes I just can't swing it at the store.  Our store is expensive anyway, so that makes it doubly hard.

I have been trying to switch to herbal tea concoctions when a cold starts brewing, and Brian's recent cold had a very short duration due to the teas that I brewed for him constantly.  I was able to chase away the cold I started coming down with myself by using the same teas.

However, as I was reading these blogs, I saw that there was SO MUCH I am not doing.  And I just got so discouraged and OVERWHELMED.  I need to start stocking up on essential oils.  I need to make my own elderberry syrup.  At some point when we become filthy rich, we need to buy a $300 water filtration system to remove the chemicals from our water, because the Brita just doesn't do the job.

I need to start throwing away plastic containers and purchase glass instead.  And the air we breathe?  That's toxic, too, even in our own homes.  But if I purchase about ten different kinds of plants, I can make the air of better quality.

Oh, and don't light any candles that aren't made of beeswax.  They are all toxic.  Bye, bye Yankee Candle.

Oh, and don't eat grains at all.  They are no good for you.  Yes, that means bread, too.  (Didn't Jesus say "I am the bread of life?  If it is so bad for us, why didn't He have used another metaphor, perhaps, "I am the apple of life?")

All this to say, I very quickly suffered from information overload, so discouraged, thinking that if Brian or Caleb ever get a serious disease, it is all my fault, because I am the keeper of this home.

I poured my heart out before the Lord, trying to calm my over-panicked state of mind.  So many changes!  So many things to fix!  All these things require money above and beyond the normal grocery bill.  I asked Him to help me calm down, and take ONE THING AT A TIME, to give me wisdom, to proceed slowly, to not let it consume my entire being every second of the day.

For now, I think I need to take a bit of a break from all these homemaking blogs.  I find the information useful, especially in regards to natural medicines, which is an area I know very little about, but I need to back off.  Does it matter what someone else keeps on their counters?  My house is not worthy to be posted in Better Homes & Gardens magazine.  But it's MINE.  Sure, there are things I'd like to change.  There's clutter from time to time.  My counters certainly have more than three things on them.  But we have a roof over our three heads; we are warm and safe and dry.

I was tormented for at least three days straight, feeling like the absolute worst homemaker.  After all, I was a working woman for so long, and it takes time to fully develop my homemaking wings.  Perhaps I'm not where I want to be yet, but in time, I pray I will thrive in this role, without being overwhelmed on a day-to-day basis.

And as far as blogs go, I'm not looking to turn this one into a business, as many of these stay-at-home moms do.  I write, primarily, for me!  (Selfish, I know!)  Besides Brian, I think his parents read this blog, and Doug and Sarah.  That's probably it.  (And that's okay with me!)

I will continue to strive to make my home a healthier place, but I also want to find a balance.  After all, God already knows the number of our days.  Trusting in Him is the best thing I can do as a homemaker.  It's the best thing I can do for my husband and for my Caleb!

Pumpkin Picking

Since Brian was off today, and being that he works many Saturdays and we don't normally get the chance to do something fun, we decided to seize the moment and take Caleb to the pumpkin patch.

Orchestrating this venture was a bit hectic, as Monday is my regular grocery shopping day, so we decided to do the shopping very early, before Caleb's first nap.  As I predicted, Caleb wouldn't sleep when we got home, because it was not his usual routine to go out before his first nap.  (If you change one thing in Caleb's normal routine, this may result in a failure to sleep at nap time.  Now you know why I am pulling all of my hair out.)  Brian also had to bring in Pocono for an echocardiogram to find out what is going on with Pocono's heart.

After the shopping was done, and after Pocono was left at the vet's, and after Caleb didn't take his first nap, we finally ventured out.  It was a bit of a drive as it was over in Jersey, but the farm didn't disappoint.  We paid for a hay ride which brought us to the pumpkin patch, and it was the first hay ride for both Caleb and me.  (No, I had never been on a hay ride.  Perhaps they had them back home, but if they did, I never knew about them.)  I let Brian hold Caleb throughout the ride, thinking that if the tractor toppled over, better to be in Brian's stronger arms than mine.  At some points, I also found myself leaning on Brian for support.  Those non-existent walls of the open hay ride left me a bit jittery, I'll admit.

When we arrived at the pumpkin patch, we put Caleb down, and he fussed for the first moment, but then, just as quickly, he was off!  He was immediately excited, trying to grab at and pick up the pumpkins, and he was able to pick up some good sized ones!  He toppled over and I righted him, but before I could catch him, he toppled over again, this time planting his face right into the stem of a pumpkin.  He cried and clung to me for a bit, but then, he shook it off and was ready for more.  Our boy ran as fast as those legs could take him, and it was a lot of falling, and for us, chasing, but it was a true joy to watch him have so much fun!

There was a fifteen-month old girl there, and Caleb kept trying to walk over to her, staring at her all the while.  It was so cute!  When the driver came back for us and Brian picked up Caleb, he fussed because he didn't want to go!  It was so neat to see him have a new adventure.

I wish I could have gotten some better photos, but it was so hard to take them because he wouldn't stay still.  We were spending a better part of the time trying to keep up with him, or grabbing onto his hood to keep him from falling!  I'm not sure how those little legs can move so fast, but they do!

Brian's Birthday

I am woefully late in posting this, but that is due to the fact that I've struggled to find the time to sit at the computer, upload pictures, and write a post.  Caleb's nap time sleep has gone haywire, and we both have been startling to feel a little worse for the wear, no doubt getting a bit of Brian's cold that he battled last week.

Thankfully, Brian's birthday fell on a day when he didn't have to work at night, unlike last year, so we could at least enjoy some cake and he could open his presents.  I got him some clothes (as I always do- I've got to keep my man lookin' good!), new work gloves, and a new movie he wanted to see.  I made him his usual banana cake with banana frosting, and oh, my, it was good!

Brian's parents came down to celebrate on Saturday, and it was good to see them.  They gave Brian a weed eater, which was a much-needed gift, let me tell you.  (It looks like a jungle out there on a lawn.)

Caleb got to go for a ride on his grandpa's shoulders, which are higher than Brian's, so the view was a bit different for a change.

It was a fun time celebrating, now if only we weren't battling the start of colds as well as nap time!  Baby sleep and I remain enemies.  If we ever have another, I hope and pray that that one is an easy one to put to sleep!

Going to the Library

Since the start of the school year, I have been taking Caleb to the library once a week.  I took him a few times back in the spring, and when Brian went back to work, we started up again.  Its purpose is two-fold:  1)  It gets us both out of the house, fairly easily, I might add, since it is only around the corner, and 2) It gets Caleb familiar with the library at a young age, and since I'll be homeschooling him, this is so important.

We are limited to this corner, at this present time, because these are the only books he can't destroy. When I first started bringing him, he didn't even want me to put him down, but now he enjoys rummaging through the book bins.  He even gets brave and steps away from me and peeks around the corner.  (For him, this is huge, because anywhere else in public he won't tolerate being put down at all.)

He doesn't really open any of the books.  He just likes pulling them out of the bins and putting them back again.  A few of his books that he has at home are there, and he clings to one in particular, which is his favorite bedtime book.

He has somehow managed to fall backwards- twice now- into the baskets.  The first time he hit his head against the wall, and the second time, just this morning, I quickly grabbed onto his jacket and saved his poor head.

Sometimes I read aloud to him; other times I just let him be.  (Honestly, he doesn't even look at the book if I read out loud because he's doing his own thing.)  But it's our little thing.  Sometimes I go through the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru for an iced coffee before we go and so it is a nice little outing. We don't stay at the library for longer than a half hour, and we always make it home in time for Caleb's lunch.

Brian and I both love to read, so we are hoping to instill this in Caleb at a young age.  Every nap time and bedtime routine is packed with fifteen minutes worth of reading, and it is fun to see him love books more and more.

(This book he's looking at is one he has at home.  Definitely his favorite, and the only one at the library he even opens!)

It's A Wonderful Life

One of the ladies at church was gushing over this new shirt of Caleb's.  She said to Brian, "You have some competition here!"  Indeed, he does!  A mother's heart melts when it comes to her little boy.  When Caleb leans in close and gives me a kiss, I am completely twitterpated.  I don't know if God will bless us with another child, but if He does, I hope it is a little girl, so that Brian can experience that daddy-daughter bond.

However, Caleb is no angel.  We are in the throes of toddler-hood, and it is not easy.  He makes demands, he throws fits, and he has even slapped me in the face.

I've been thinking lately how different my life is now compared to what it used to be.  My old life and my new life are worlds apart, and not just because I moved from NJ to PA.  I used to be a full-time, working woman.  I remember when I was teaching, I would often drive to my sister's house after work so that I could visit with my nieces (and for a brief time, my nephews).  I am sure I used to be a little envious of her life, not in a jealous rage sort of way, just in a "I'd like this life for myself!" kind of way.  It was what I always wanted:  to be a stay-at-home mom.  Old-fashioned at heart, I knew I'd always be satisfied making a home.  I could care less about a career.

In those days, I looked the part.  I was polished and professional.  My outfits were sharp; my lessons were well-planned.  My desk was always neat and orderly, never a paper out of place.  In my classroom, everything was where it was supposed to be.

I would dream then about a different life.  A husband, children, a home of my own.  Now that I have that life, it is fun to look back.  I don't miss it, not really.  Sometimes I miss teaching literature, because it is my passion, but I don't miss being a working woman, and that's not because I'm lazy.  (I'm not.)

However, I am a different kind of working woman.  There are many facets to my job.  There are many things on my never-ending "to do" list.  Instead of seventy or so students, I take care of two men full-time, both of whom couldn't do without me.  (Yes, even the big one.)  :)

Perhaps what I didn't know then was how hard it would be.  I love it, but as with everything that is truly worth having, it is the hardest thing I've ever done.  Training a child, loving him, teaching him, molding him- it is hard work.

I had a rough day last Friday.  Caleb and I went to Kohl's, and since it is forty-five or so minutes away, it is a big trip.  I was doing a little shopping for Brian's birthday, and I was trying so hard to rush around the store, knowing I didn't have too much time because I had to get Caleb home for his second nap.  He became very restless on the checkout line, and started to let out a few wails while I was paying.  He calmed down when I pushed him to the car, but then, he charged up again when I put him in the car seat.  Since he had never done this sort of thing before when we've been out, I figured he would stop and calm down.  Except he didn't.  He continued to wail for the majority of the ride home, and I was driving like a maniac, trying so hard to hurry home.  All the while, my head was screaming in pain.

Later that day when Brian came home from work, I was done in.  I said to Brian, "He's all yours.  I need a break."  Brian encouraged me to run down the street and treat myself to an iced coffee, but since it was so close to dinner (I am ever so responsible!), I told him I'd head out on Saturday morning instead.

And so I did.  It wasn't a long trip.  I ran a couple of errands, and I got my iced coffee, and I did it all by myself.  It felt so good to go out, even if only briefly, as just Courtney.  I so rarely get to go out by myself, because we don't have any grandparents or aunts/uncles around to watch Caleb if I have an appointment.  I don't want to be away from Caleb, but sometimes, a few minutes to myself does a world of good.  I came home feeling refreshed and more like myself again.

All this rambling to say that I love my life; I wouldn't trade it for anything.  Taking care of my two guys brings me so much contentment and fulfillment, but I cannot do it without God.  I cannot do it on my own strength.  Thank goodness, He gives me what I need to be the best mom I can be.  These days, I don't look polished or professional.  I grab what's easy to put on and run out the door.  Instead of a classroom to keep orderly, I am forever picking up crumbs my toddler has left in a trail.

Still, I'd rather have this life.  Thank you, Lord, for a wonderful purpose!

Our Mouse-Catcher

It is no secret that I have not exactly doted on our little Pocono.  I am simply not an animal person. The only pet I ever owned before Pocono was a beta fish given to me by one of the girls on my floor in college when I was her R.A.  I named him Boaz (yes, after the awesome man of God in the Bible).

Usually I spend my days yelling at Pocono for various reasons.  Getting on the counters... yet again. Grabbing something off my desk and bringing it upstairs.  Knocking things over.  Recently, he knocked over a very old, glass candy dish that was my grandmother's.  He got scolded over and over again for that one, and it took me a few days to even be pleasant to him once again.

We haven't exactly been the best of friends.

If you remember, we got him after we witnessed our second mouse here in the Poconos.  I thought to myself, "I cannot live with mice.  I do not want to live with a cat, but I'd much rather live with a cat than with mice, given the choice."

We went for quite a while without any issues, which sometimes caused me to wonder if we had done the right thing in getting Pocono.  After all, my life was so much simpler without this creature.

Then came last night.

Brian and I were upstairs in the living room; Caleb was already down for the night.  I heard some squeaking going on by the sliding glass door, and I turned to Brian and asked him what he thought that was.  Birds on the deck, I asked?  Then Brian stood up and said, "I think Pocono's got something."  That something turned out to be a baby mouse which he had brought up from the downstairs.  We let him be for a little bit, thinking surely he'll kill the thing and end the whole dramatic scene, but being still a young cat, he wanted to play and have his fun.  At one point, Brian and I each had a Swiffer in our hands as we were trying desperately to guide Pocono to the deck to bring his victim outside, but our sneaky cat didn't want to lose his prey so easily.  He bounded downstairs, and later he come back up without the rodent.  What happened?  Brian went down to take a look, found nothing, and we were forced to go to bed with towels under our doors.

We woke up still not knowing what in the world happened or if we still had a mouse among us.  We wore sneakers just in case.  We went to Lowe's and bought more mouse traps.  Every moment, I kept looking at the floor for scurrying.  Finally.... finally, Brian went downstairs to do some unrelated clean up, and he found the dead mouse, stuck to a sticky trap we had set up months ago for spiders.  It was also clear that our Pocono had mauled him.  (Thank the Lord Brian came upon this scene, and not me.)

So we gave our Pocono a victory dinner... canned cat food for a change.  We don't know what happened.  No doubt, the mouse was trying to escape his clutches and came upon the sticky trap, and Pocono finished him off.  I was annoyed at first that Pocono didn't kill him straight off, but I had to remind myself that this was his first prey, so he has some learning to do.  (Hopefully not too much, if you know what I mean!)

In any case, I called our exterminators, because we are already in a contract agreement when we had ants this past spring, so we are already paying for pest control anyway.  They'll be coming out this week to take a look around and decide on a game plan.  Meanwhile, we'll still take pleasure in our little protector.

Here's Pocono eating his victory dinner:

Back-To-School Blues

I've got the back-to-school blues.

Whatever for, you might be wondering?  My student days are long since over, and my teaching days have been finished for three years now.  No, I am bemoaning my husband's return to his job.

It's been really hard on Caleb, which in turn, makes it hard on me.  I don't know what goes on inside his little mind, and I do not believe he goes around here missing Daddy all day long.  But- something just isn't right.  He is more clingy; I can hardly leave the room to go to the bathroom, and nap time and bedtime have both become nightmares once again.  As soon as I start to carry Caleb to the crib, the crying commences, and as soon as I lay him down, he is up on his feet, as if begging me to not leave him there.

Folks, it breaks my heart.

Perhaps I seem cold-hearted to continue on my way and close the door on my wailing son, but I know him.  He does not go to sleep with my presence.  I could sit and rock him in the chair for an hour, and he'd still stay awake.  As terrible as it is, he needs to have his cry, and be done with it so he can fall asleep.  Yesterday, one of his naps he cried for half an hour.  I already went through this months ago, so to have to go through it again is discouraging.

I've also resorted to doing more laundry at night, because Caleb can't stand me leaving the room for a moment to go throw a load in.

When Brian came home from work two nights ago, Caleb heard the front door opening and immediately got excited.  We were on the floor, and he started climbing onto my leg, wanting me to pick him up.  I carried him to the entryway, and he was no doubt excited to see Daddy, but at the same time, he decided to be Mr. Shy.  He kept burying his face in my neck, probably wondering all the while, "Daddy, where have you been all day?"  As soon as Brian got out of his work clothes, he grabbed our boy, put him on his shoulders, and all was right in the world once again.

Hopefully, in a couple of weeks, Caleb will be adjusted once again, and I can't wait!

Caleb Feeds Mommy

The tides have turned, folks.  There's a change in the air.  From now on, Caleb will be feeding Mommy while I put my feet up and relax.

Caleb was finishing up his watermelon this evening, and he stuck his hand out toward me with a piece in it.  He's done this before, and though I've come in close for it, it's never amounted to anything.  Today, however, when I stuck my mouth close, Caleb actually got the piece in.  And he did it again.  And again.  And again.  His watermelon was almost gone, and he was grabbing even at the tiniest scraps to try to put them into my mouth.  We were both laughing uproariously!  I motioned to his graham crackers, and when he realized he could put those in my mouth, too, he did so, and with zest!  He just wouldn't quit until he had fed me all!

It is so fun to see this little human being growing by the minute!  A couple of weeks ago, I cut my finger pretty badly while making dinner, and at first I let out a yelp.  While Brian ran for band-aids, Caleb very gently put his hand on my leg as if to give moral support while he looked up at me, watching my every move.  Then, when the pain really started to set in, I couldn't hold back the crying.  Caleb immediately began to cry, too.  Once Brian put the band-aid on my finger, I had to scoop Caleb up and comfort him.

Toddlers are a lot of work, but they sure are worth it!

All Good Things...

It's strange, but I've been approaching the end of the summer with an unusual dread.  As Brian had his first day of in-service yesterday, I found myself emotional (not unusual) and apprehensive.  I was almost looking at the start of the school year as a goodbye of sorts... as in, "life won't slow down until next summer.... I love you, honey... see you again next year".

Silly, I know.  After all, my husband comes home to me at the end of every day.  He's just so BUSY during the school year.  I, too, was a teacher.  My work was the grading kind.  I had stacks of essays to read, and I attacked my work with a vengeance.  I always said to my mom, "Thank goodness I'm single, because I would have one neglected husband if I had to do this kind of work while married."

Brian doesn't have the grading that I had.  He does have some, for his Music Theory class.  His work, rather, is tons of different musical events throughout the year.  That's where it hurts the most.  And since we don't live in the same county, or even the same state, some of these events are a frustratingly long distance away.  Many take place in the evenings, or even on the weekends.  He is hit right away with one event, that has multiple rehearsals, in September.

I'm not sure why it is hitting me so hard THIS year.  After all, this is our third married summer together.  I think it is just due to the fact that we really tried hard to enjoy it.  And we did.  We did so many fun things with our boy, that the arrival of the end of the summer is like a waving goodbye to a loved one at the airport.  It felt so good to be together.  Other than Brian's second job, the three of us were just about inseparable.  It was wonderful.

After much prayer and debating the issue, Brian decided to only work one night a week, as opposed to two, at his second job, and maybe every other Saturday.  He has been working two nights a week since we've been married, and since we have a child, it has gotten harder.  On the nights that Brian works, he will only see Caleb maybe five minutes in the morning, if at all, depending on how long he sleeps.  It's been weighing heavily on his mind that he doesn't want to miss our boy two days in a row.

As for me, I have always hated to see my husband work so hard.  To go from one job to the next with no break and no dinner, and not arrive at home until the late evening is tough.  If I had to attend, plan, and arrange all of the musical events for his students, my head would spin.

We're hopeful that having one less night away will bring about positive changes and less stress for all.  It'll still be busy and crazy, but it'll cause things to slow down, just a little bit.

So, here's to you, Fall.  Bring on the crisp autumn air, the crunchy leaves, and by all means, bring on the ankle boots and cozy sweaters.  I always prefer fall/winter apparel over spring/summer anyway.

I'll leave for you the e-mail that Caleb sent to his daddy on his first day back to work:

Dear Daddy,

It sure is lonely around here.  Mommy and I miss you so much. 

Mommy and I went down the street today to our regular grocery store and the store right next to it.  I think Mommy wanted to get back into the practice of taking me out without your help.  We had a good time out together.

She's already had to put me in the pack 'n play a few times when she's needed to go downstairs, and I fussed, but she was back real fast.  I'll probably still fuss the next time she does it, because that's just what I do.

I had cheese, a chicken nugget, and some watermelon for lunch.  I especially loved the watermelon.

How is your day, Daddy?  Do you miss me?  I hope you are thinking about me, because I'm thinking about you LOTS!

I love you.

Love,

Caleb-Bear