This week marks the first week where it's been just Caleb and me. My mom was here for a week last week, but she departed Monday morning. Brian is back to work, and I began the week with high hopes that Caleb and I would get along splendidly.
Well, we are getting along, but I am already discovering the tougher points of parenting. Without a doubt, the most difficult thing for me is lugging the car seat carrier in and out of the car. I really think part of the prenatal preparation I should have done is lift weights. Carrying the thing isn't so bad. It's the putting it in and out of the car that kills me. I was taking Caleb to the chiropractor three days ago, and I pulled a muscle in my own neck trying to get him inside. To be fair, my car is very compact, and it doesn't allow for much room, so it is doubly hard to get Caleb in there. Brian can handle it better than I can because he is obviously stronger, but my car still doesn't make it easy.
Another difficult thing is taking Caleb out in the heat. Yikes, the temperatures have just skyrocketed, and I'm only just beginning my outings with him. I'm terrified he's going to suffer from heat stroke every time I put him in the car. In fact, I have to take him out later today, and the temperature will at least be 90 by then.
Aside from these things, I have come down with a bad cough and sore throat. I'd like to point out that I haven't been sick in a little over two years, when I was teaching at my former school. I have been completely healthy since. Then, after I deliver a baby, and after my mom has already gone home, I get sick. I'm trying desperately not to cough on him, but it is rather hard when I am holding him for feedings. Thank God breast milk builds up his immunity.
Between being sick and the late-night feedings (and also Caleb's fussiness that comes and goes at night), I am definitely exhausted and weary. My sister has ordered me to forget about housework right now, but it is difficult to watch my home slowly become a cluttered mess. I just don't have the energy.
I love my Caleb to pieces, but I long to feel better so that I can be a better mom to him. But I know that this too shall pass, and what parent doesn't experience difficulties in the beginning? At least Caleb is healthy and is gaining weight, and that is the important thing right now.
I'm praying that my body kicks this cough to the curb pretty soon. I need to feel better for Caleb's sake.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Sunday, May 26, 2013
When Two Became Three
On Monday, May 13th, I prepared to go to the hospital for yet another ultrasound. I was one week late, and there was concern that my amniotic fluid was getting too low. This ultrasound would determine if I would be induced or if I would wait for labor to come to me on its own.
I packed my hospital bag and Brian's and prepared the house for our brief absence, just in case I would be admitted. When I got my ultrasound, the technician revealed that my fluid had indeed gone down from the level it had been at just five days before. Armed with this information, I headed down the street to see my midwife. After discussing the situation with her, she recommended I go ahead and get induced. Since she still had patients to see at the office, I had time to drive back home and meet up with Brian, so we could take one car to the hospital instead of two.
I called Brian at work and he finalized his preparations for his absence from work, and he met me at home about an hour later. We got on the road and headed back toward the hospital, all the while remarking how easy it is to drive the fifty minutes there while NOT being in labor.
We arrived there by four o'clock, found a parking spot, and calmly carried our bags inside. I was in good spirits. Labor pains had not yet come upon me, and I was now so much closer to seeing my baby. I was nervous, of course, but relatively calm. We checked in at the emergency room, and I couldn't help but be glad again that I was not actually in labor, because the process took way too long for a woman in agony. I was glad I was not.
We were sent to our room, and I was given the ever-attractive hospital gown to wear. Instead of receiving the labor-inducing drug, Pitocin, I was first receiving Cervidil, which is a medication that ripens the cervix and prepares it for labor. It does not necessarily cause a woman to go into labor, but it can have that effect. That is exactly what my midwife wanted, and if that happened, I could avoid the Pitocin altogether.
So for the first time in my life, I was lying in a hospital bed, getting ready to settle in for the night. Again, I was in good spirits, primarily because I thought I had the whole night ahead of me. I wasn't expecting to go into labor yet, but I was wrong.
The contractions started out mild, so mild that I couldn't feel them. As I was hooked up to the external fetal monitor, it showed my contractions, but I was still unaware of them. However, as the night ticked by, the pain started to come, and while I wasn't watching the clock, Brian said it was about eleven o'clock when I began to really complain. After that, the many hours were a blur.
At one point, a nurse gave me something to slow down the contractions, because they were coming on too fast and I had very little time between them to recover. The pain continued to grow throughout the night, and I got to experience firsthand the travail that women have endured since the beginning of time. I knew labor would be hard, but I don't think I ever realized just how painful it would be. Whether my pain was worse due to being induced, I am not sure since I have nothing to compare it to, but yikes, it was ugly. I wailed and yelled like a champ, not caring who in the world was hearing it.
I had wanted a natural labor and birth, but I failed in one regard. I did ask for something, the name of which I cannot remember, to help me sleep. It wasn't exactly a pain medication, because it didn't take the pain away (I can indeed attest to it still being very much there), but rather it made me so tired that I was able to sleep. I had not gotten sleep the night before due to my concerns about labor combined with an overall lack of physical comfort while being 41 weeks pregnant, and I was exhausted. I simply needed to sleep. I was able to sleep for a short time, and Brian took the opportunity to grab some sleep, too, before the real work began.
As the pains got worse, there was no stopping them. The nurses had me try various positions, and none of them made life easier at those moments. Truly, somewhere in these hours of labor, I said to myself, "I hope Brian is content with one child, because I'm not going through this again."
I was almost completely unaware of time, but morning eventually came. A new nurse entered the room, and I realized I had met her the week before when I got my non-stress test. My body began to convulse in an uncontrollable shake from head to toe, and the nurse told me it was normal, due to the shock of the body going through something so difficult. I made a desperate plea for an epidural, and after she gave me a quick exam, declared that I was 9 1/2 centimeters dilated, and very professionally and encouragingly told me that I could do this. The room began to be a flurry of nurses getting things ready, and I tried to abandon the thoughts that this suffering would never again, and consider the work that lay ahead of pushing this child into the world.
My midwife arrived and we all got to work. Brian took his position at my left side, with the nurse that had just encouraged me on my right. My midwife estimated it would take an hour to push my baby out, but in reality it took about an hour and a half. I pushed with all the strength I had, many times wasting energy by pushing my legs or using facial muscles that I didn't need to use. It's hard to push in this sort of way! It seemed there were a few rounds of contractions where the baby was right there, but I struggled to produce him. The whole room was encouraging me. "Push!" just about everyone shouted. "It hurts!" I managed to yell back.
I managed one last incredible, intense push, and I felt my precious babe slip through my body. While I should have been exhausted, the excitement of this moment in time came upon me, and I was wrapped up in it. Brian took a peek and announced to the room (mostly to me, since I couldn't see), "It's a boy!" The baby was passed to me and placed on my chest, and I will never forget the wonder of that wide-eyed moment. My baby boy was looking straight at me, and I him. I couldn't help but feel as I looked at him that I had known him my whole life. Brian and I had finalized the name just two days before, and I looked at my son and said simply, "Caleb."
The nurses got to work wiping Caleb down and cleaning him up, all while he remained in my arms. Brian was encouraged by every female in the room to cut the umbilical cord, which he did. As my midwife got to work patching me up, I heard Brian exclaim, "I have a son!" Truly, both our hearts were full.
Though he missed Mother's Day, he was the best present I could have received, even if he was two days late. Now I have two boys to take care of and two to love. My cup runneth over.
I packed my hospital bag and Brian's and prepared the house for our brief absence, just in case I would be admitted. When I got my ultrasound, the technician revealed that my fluid had indeed gone down from the level it had been at just five days before. Armed with this information, I headed down the street to see my midwife. After discussing the situation with her, she recommended I go ahead and get induced. Since she still had patients to see at the office, I had time to drive back home and meet up with Brian, so we could take one car to the hospital instead of two.
I called Brian at work and he finalized his preparations for his absence from work, and he met me at home about an hour later. We got on the road and headed back toward the hospital, all the while remarking how easy it is to drive the fifty minutes there while NOT being in labor.
We arrived there by four o'clock, found a parking spot, and calmly carried our bags inside. I was in good spirits. Labor pains had not yet come upon me, and I was now so much closer to seeing my baby. I was nervous, of course, but relatively calm. We checked in at the emergency room, and I couldn't help but be glad again that I was not actually in labor, because the process took way too long for a woman in agony. I was glad I was not.
We were sent to our room, and I was given the ever-attractive hospital gown to wear. Instead of receiving the labor-inducing drug, Pitocin, I was first receiving Cervidil, which is a medication that ripens the cervix and prepares it for labor. It does not necessarily cause a woman to go into labor, but it can have that effect. That is exactly what my midwife wanted, and if that happened, I could avoid the Pitocin altogether.
So for the first time in my life, I was lying in a hospital bed, getting ready to settle in for the night. Again, I was in good spirits, primarily because I thought I had the whole night ahead of me. I wasn't expecting to go into labor yet, but I was wrong.
The contractions started out mild, so mild that I couldn't feel them. As I was hooked up to the external fetal monitor, it showed my contractions, but I was still unaware of them. However, as the night ticked by, the pain started to come, and while I wasn't watching the clock, Brian said it was about eleven o'clock when I began to really complain. After that, the many hours were a blur.
At one point, a nurse gave me something to slow down the contractions, because they were coming on too fast and I had very little time between them to recover. The pain continued to grow throughout the night, and I got to experience firsthand the travail that women have endured since the beginning of time. I knew labor would be hard, but I don't think I ever realized just how painful it would be. Whether my pain was worse due to being induced, I am not sure since I have nothing to compare it to, but yikes, it was ugly. I wailed and yelled like a champ, not caring who in the world was hearing it.
I had wanted a natural labor and birth, but I failed in one regard. I did ask for something, the name of which I cannot remember, to help me sleep. It wasn't exactly a pain medication, because it didn't take the pain away (I can indeed attest to it still being very much there), but rather it made me so tired that I was able to sleep. I had not gotten sleep the night before due to my concerns about labor combined with an overall lack of physical comfort while being 41 weeks pregnant, and I was exhausted. I simply needed to sleep. I was able to sleep for a short time, and Brian took the opportunity to grab some sleep, too, before the real work began.
As the pains got worse, there was no stopping them. The nurses had me try various positions, and none of them made life easier at those moments. Truly, somewhere in these hours of labor, I said to myself, "I hope Brian is content with one child, because I'm not going through this again."
I was almost completely unaware of time, but morning eventually came. A new nurse entered the room, and I realized I had met her the week before when I got my non-stress test. My body began to convulse in an uncontrollable shake from head to toe, and the nurse told me it was normal, due to the shock of the body going through something so difficult. I made a desperate plea for an epidural, and after she gave me a quick exam, declared that I was 9 1/2 centimeters dilated, and very professionally and encouragingly told me that I could do this. The room began to be a flurry of nurses getting things ready, and I tried to abandon the thoughts that this suffering would never again, and consider the work that lay ahead of pushing this child into the world.
My midwife arrived and we all got to work. Brian took his position at my left side, with the nurse that had just encouraged me on my right. My midwife estimated it would take an hour to push my baby out, but in reality it took about an hour and a half. I pushed with all the strength I had, many times wasting energy by pushing my legs or using facial muscles that I didn't need to use. It's hard to push in this sort of way! It seemed there were a few rounds of contractions where the baby was right there, but I struggled to produce him. The whole room was encouraging me. "Push!" just about everyone shouted. "It hurts!" I managed to yell back.
I managed one last incredible, intense push, and I felt my precious babe slip through my body. While I should have been exhausted, the excitement of this moment in time came upon me, and I was wrapped up in it. Brian took a peek and announced to the room (mostly to me, since I couldn't see), "It's a boy!" The baby was passed to me and placed on my chest, and I will never forget the wonder of that wide-eyed moment. My baby boy was looking straight at me, and I him. I couldn't help but feel as I looked at him that I had known him my whole life. Brian and I had finalized the name just two days before, and I looked at my son and said simply, "Caleb."
The nurses got to work wiping Caleb down and cleaning him up, all while he remained in my arms. Brian was encouraged by every female in the room to cut the umbilical cord, which he did. As my midwife got to work patching me up, I heard Brian exclaim, "I have a son!" Truly, both our hearts were full.
Though he missed Mother's Day, he was the best present I could have received, even if he was two days late. Now I have two boys to take care of and two to love. My cup runneth over.
Friday, May 17, 2013
We Love You, Caleb Brian
I will write a longer post when the word exhausted isn't the best to describe me at the moment, but Brian and I were thrilled to bring Caleb home from the hospital yesterday. We are beginning the adjustment to a new life caring for a little one, but we are loving it.
I'll post more pictures for now, and I'll tell the story of his birth another day. Stay tuned!
Sunday, May 12, 2013
My First Unofficial Mother's Day
We thought you'd might like to see a picture of our baby on my first Mother's Day as an any minute now already, soon-to-be mom.
Exciting, huh? Sorry for the blurriness. Brian zoomed in rather close. What do you think? Does it look like me or Brian?
I wanted a picture with me and my baby on Mother's Day, and unfortunately, this is the best we can do at this time. If I am not all that smiley, well, hopefully you can understand why.
So unless labor comes crashing down upon me all of the sudden, tomorrow I will find myself at the hospital for my next ultrasound. My bags will be packed, just in case my fluid level is dangerously low and they won't let me leave. I also have an appointment with my midwife to decide what the plan will be over the next few days.
I've been incredibly nervous, because I really don't want to be induced. I know women are induced everyday, but truly, it isn't the best thing. It can create more complications and also more painful contractions. I won't be allowed to have a water birth, and I fear I might have to give in to pain meds much more readily without it, combined with the more intense contractions.
It's been a difficult time. Poor Brian. I've been in tears many times between yesterday and today. It doesn't take much. In the 1800's, at least in England, women used to go into confinement as their time to deliver drew near. I can completely understand why. I decided to forego church this morning because I knew I could not face the barrage of questions or the blatant, ridiculous statement of the obvious, such as, "Still here?" I also can't take the well-meaning, but totally unsolicited advice of how to get labor going, as if it is somehow my fault that I am still pregnant. I've already tried quite a number of things from eating pineapple to acupressure. None have worked yet. (Forgive me; I refuse to try castor oil.)
The waiting is hard. Poor Brian keeps getting things ready at work, thinking it's surely any day now, only to have to keep repeating the process. I myself have been getting ready for weeks, because we all know babies can come at any time, so I've been through the process of getting ready over and over again. To complicate matters, Brian's car has failed inspection this month, and we wanted to try to sell it. We have very little time to do so before it is illegal to drive. We wasted a whole week this past week, where we could have been getting a plan in motion, but when one is waiting at any moment for a baby, it is hard to move forward with any other plans.
The other part of waiting that is hard is knowing the intense pain is going to come, and instead of just getting it over with, it becomes almost a bigger fear as the waiting time continues.
Beyond all of these annoyances, my greatest concern is for our baby. I am very anxious to know tomorrow the fluid level and if it has increased or decreased since this past Wednesday. Beyond everything else, I just want this little one to be safe and healthy. I will be so relieved when our baby emerges safely from my womb at long last.
Tomorrow I'll be 41 weeks. Please continue to keep us in prayer. And I must give thanks to our patient families. Both sides have been keeping their phones on 24 hours. My sister has been a real gem to patiently take the time to deal with my every question and worry. I owe her a huge thank you for taking care of her little sis not just now, but all throughout this pregnancy.
For tonight, Brian and I will play a game or perhaps soak up a movie at home and enjoy what little time we have left alone together, though truth be told, we'd rather our baby were here.
Brian got me these chocolates and a card for my "first" Mother's Day.
Exciting, huh? Sorry for the blurriness. Brian zoomed in rather close. What do you think? Does it look like me or Brian?
I wanted a picture with me and my baby on Mother's Day, and unfortunately, this is the best we can do at this time. If I am not all that smiley, well, hopefully you can understand why.
So unless labor comes crashing down upon me all of the sudden, tomorrow I will find myself at the hospital for my next ultrasound. My bags will be packed, just in case my fluid level is dangerously low and they won't let me leave. I also have an appointment with my midwife to decide what the plan will be over the next few days.
I've been incredibly nervous, because I really don't want to be induced. I know women are induced everyday, but truly, it isn't the best thing. It can create more complications and also more painful contractions. I won't be allowed to have a water birth, and I fear I might have to give in to pain meds much more readily without it, combined with the more intense contractions.
It's been a difficult time. Poor Brian. I've been in tears many times between yesterday and today. It doesn't take much. In the 1800's, at least in England, women used to go into confinement as their time to deliver drew near. I can completely understand why. I decided to forego church this morning because I knew I could not face the barrage of questions or the blatant, ridiculous statement of the obvious, such as, "Still here?" I also can't take the well-meaning, but totally unsolicited advice of how to get labor going, as if it is somehow my fault that I am still pregnant. I've already tried quite a number of things from eating pineapple to acupressure. None have worked yet. (Forgive me; I refuse to try castor oil.)
The waiting is hard. Poor Brian keeps getting things ready at work, thinking it's surely any day now, only to have to keep repeating the process. I myself have been getting ready for weeks, because we all know babies can come at any time, so I've been through the process of getting ready over and over again. To complicate matters, Brian's car has failed inspection this month, and we wanted to try to sell it. We have very little time to do so before it is illegal to drive. We wasted a whole week this past week, where we could have been getting a plan in motion, but when one is waiting at any moment for a baby, it is hard to move forward with any other plans.
The other part of waiting that is hard is knowing the intense pain is going to come, and instead of just getting it over with, it becomes almost a bigger fear as the waiting time continues.
Beyond all of these annoyances, my greatest concern is for our baby. I am very anxious to know tomorrow the fluid level and if it has increased or decreased since this past Wednesday. Beyond everything else, I just want this little one to be safe and healthy. I will be so relieved when our baby emerges safely from my womb at long last.
Tomorrow I'll be 41 weeks. Please continue to keep us in prayer. And I must give thanks to our patient families. Both sides have been keeping their phones on 24 hours. My sister has been a real gem to patiently take the time to deal with my every question and worry. I owe her a huge thank you for taking care of her little sis not just now, but all throughout this pregnancy.
For tonight, Brian and I will play a game or perhaps soak up a movie at home and enjoy what little time we have left alone together, though truth be told, we'd rather our baby were here.
Brian got me these chocolates and a card for my "first" Mother's Day.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Baby, Please Come
It's gotten to the point where either Brian or I are looking down at my stomach and talking to Baby, saying something like, "Don't you want to come out now?" Yet, of course, there are more factors than just the baby being ready. My body has to be ready, too.
My spirits have been rather low, not just because I am still waiting, but because I am a little worried about the fluid level which I mentioned in my last post. I have been drinking water until I'm practically drowning in it! I guess part of what makes me nervous is that the weekend is coming, and I will have no further update on my fluid level until Monday, when I'll have another ultrasound.
I'm glad I'm not around too many people, like Brian. He tells me his coworkers keeping asking the obvious, "No baby yet?" Thank heavens I don't have to deal with those annoying questions. Forgive me, but there are many things that simply must not be said to a woman in her 40th week of pregnancy.
Perhaps I seem like an emotional basket case, but you'll have to forgive me. It's been a hard week for me in many ways, including a last minute infection that sent Brian and me running to a twenty-four hour pharmacy that was fifty minutes away the other night. I am thankful for my mom and my sister, who patiently listen to my every rant over the phone. I called my sister no less than three times yesterday with a concern, a question, or a near breakdown as I second-guessed my own decision.
My midwives basically left the decision up to me in regards to when I want to be induced. Since I didn't detect a great urgency in them that this thing must be done right away, I opted to wait it out, at least until next week. I could have been induced today, but I wanted my body to have the chance to possibly go into labor. I am praying fervently that I will go into labor this weekend. If not, I will be having another ultrasound on Monday, where they will check my fluid once again. If it is extremely low, they won't let me leave the hospital, and I'll be induced right there. (I will pack my bag ahead of time and keep it in the car, and if this happened, Brian would have to leave work and meet me at the hospital.) If my levels are tolerable, I may wait another day. My midwife said she can't see me going past next Thursday, so my guess is that I may be induced Tuesday or Wednesday.
I'm disappointed in many ways, because I really don't want to be induced. I've read up on it, and it simply is not the best thing, unless of course, it is the only way to protect the baby or baby is just getting really overdue. However, I know that with the low level of fluid, I only have so much time. Then again, my midwife said my fluid level could end up rising, but who knows?
For now, I can only pray and wait. I've quit doing most of the housework, except for laundry, cooking, and normal clean-up of the kitchen, much to my mother's joy. I am trying to put my feet up more and RELAX, something I don't usually do. It's not that I have to be on bed rest, but my midwife did say to take it easy so as to try to retain that fluid. I am regularly tuning into Baby and checking his/her movements to make sure all is quite well there.
If you are reading this, we could use your prayers, first and foremost, for Baby's health and safety, and also that I might go into labor this weekend. I am trying not to be anxious, but it is difficult, so please pray that God gives me and Brian a peace that passes all understanding. I hope that in a week's time, this will be in the past and our baby will be in our arms to cuddle and kiss to our heart's content. We'll finally be able to call this baby by a real name instead of "Baby"! (Though if you can believe it, we still haven't finalized a boy's name yet! The girl was picked long ago!) For the majority of this pregnancy, I've leaned towards the thought that we're having a girl, but in the recent weeks, that thought has become quite muddied. It's probably a good thing, though, so I don't have one idea stuck in my head only for the reality to go the other direction. Lord willing, we will know soon enough!
My spirits have been rather low, not just because I am still waiting, but because I am a little worried about the fluid level which I mentioned in my last post. I have been drinking water until I'm practically drowning in it! I guess part of what makes me nervous is that the weekend is coming, and I will have no further update on my fluid level until Monday, when I'll have another ultrasound.
I'm glad I'm not around too many people, like Brian. He tells me his coworkers keeping asking the obvious, "No baby yet?" Thank heavens I don't have to deal with those annoying questions. Forgive me, but there are many things that simply must not be said to a woman in her 40th week of pregnancy.
Perhaps I seem like an emotional basket case, but you'll have to forgive me. It's been a hard week for me in many ways, including a last minute infection that sent Brian and me running to a twenty-four hour pharmacy that was fifty minutes away the other night. I am thankful for my mom and my sister, who patiently listen to my every rant over the phone. I called my sister no less than three times yesterday with a concern, a question, or a near breakdown as I second-guessed my own decision.
My midwives basically left the decision up to me in regards to when I want to be induced. Since I didn't detect a great urgency in them that this thing must be done right away, I opted to wait it out, at least until next week. I could have been induced today, but I wanted my body to have the chance to possibly go into labor. I am praying fervently that I will go into labor this weekend. If not, I will be having another ultrasound on Monday, where they will check my fluid once again. If it is extremely low, they won't let me leave the hospital, and I'll be induced right there. (I will pack my bag ahead of time and keep it in the car, and if this happened, Brian would have to leave work and meet me at the hospital.) If my levels are tolerable, I may wait another day. My midwife said she can't see me going past next Thursday, so my guess is that I may be induced Tuesday or Wednesday.
I'm disappointed in many ways, because I really don't want to be induced. I've read up on it, and it simply is not the best thing, unless of course, it is the only way to protect the baby or baby is just getting really overdue. However, I know that with the low level of fluid, I only have so much time. Then again, my midwife said my fluid level could end up rising, but who knows?
For now, I can only pray and wait. I've quit doing most of the housework, except for laundry, cooking, and normal clean-up of the kitchen, much to my mother's joy. I am trying to put my feet up more and RELAX, something I don't usually do. It's not that I have to be on bed rest, but my midwife did say to take it easy so as to try to retain that fluid. I am regularly tuning into Baby and checking his/her movements to make sure all is quite well there.
If you are reading this, we could use your prayers, first and foremost, for Baby's health and safety, and also that I might go into labor this weekend. I am trying not to be anxious, but it is difficult, so please pray that God gives me and Brian a peace that passes all understanding. I hope that in a week's time, this will be in the past and our baby will be in our arms to cuddle and kiss to our heart's content. We'll finally be able to call this baby by a real name instead of "Baby"! (Though if you can believe it, we still haven't finalized a boy's name yet! The girl was picked long ago!) For the majority of this pregnancy, I've leaned towards the thought that we're having a girl, but in the recent weeks, that thought has become quite muddied. It's probably a good thing, though, so I don't have one idea stuck in my head only for the reality to go the other direction. Lord willing, we will know soon enough!
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Getting Closer
I just came back from getting the mail, and my parents were so sweet to send me my first Mother's Day card, with the words, "Even if your baby doesn't arrive by May 12, you are still a mother." It definitely brought a smile to my face at a time when I am longing to hold my little one.
Brian and I are anxiously waiting for the first labor pains. In fact, I certainly must have gotten Brian's heart rate going today because I had to call him at work. I left early this morning for an ultrasound, primarily to check my amniotic fluid. I was given the news that it was rather low, not quite in the dangerous category, but low enough for concern. Though I didn't have any further appointments, I was sent to be examined by one of the midwives, who began mentioning the possibility of being induced by the end of this week or early next week. She then sent me to the hospital for a nonstress test, which basically monitors the fetal heart rate.
The good news is that Baby passed the test with flying colors, and there was no concern there whatsoever. The other piece of good news is that this test revealed that I am, in fact, having contractions; they are just so mild that I don't even feel them. (Oh, wouldn't it be nice if all of labor was like that?)
I was sent home with instructions to drink water like there's no tomorrow, and to try to get some rest and not over-exert myself. (It sounds like they've been talking to my mom, who says that all I do is clean.) The midwife who examined me today and my regular midwife will be discussing the situation, and tomorrow I am to call and hear their conclusions.
My feeling at this point is to wait it out. The nurse who took my nonstress test was extremely encouraging, and told me that though my fluid is low, it is by no means a desperate situation. It is far better to let the body go on its own than to be induced, unless of course, it is absolutely essential for the health of the baby. Since Baby is doing fine, it seems okay to wait- for now.
If I am to be induced, that would rule out a water birth right there, something I have really wanted. Having a low fluid level also might rule it out, but the nurse encouraged me not to give up on the idea, and she said they can give me an IV of fluids before I enter the tub.
I was a little nervous today hearing all this news, but now that I have had time to process it, I feel a bit better. I know that I don't want to be induced unless I absolutely have to be, and I can easily request another ultrasound to recheck my fluid before I commit to being induced. If it were at a dangerous level, yes, in a heartbeat, I would be induced. My baby's well-being is far more important! But if Baby is doing all right, I would rather my body decide when it is time for labor to begin.
I am hoping and praying that I might go into labor within the next couple of days so we can avoid further drama about the concern over my amniotic fluid. If I go too much longer, I know they probably will want to induce me. My body is getting ready; hopefully it will happen soon.
Brian and I are anxiously waiting for the first labor pains. In fact, I certainly must have gotten Brian's heart rate going today because I had to call him at work. I left early this morning for an ultrasound, primarily to check my amniotic fluid. I was given the news that it was rather low, not quite in the dangerous category, but low enough for concern. Though I didn't have any further appointments, I was sent to be examined by one of the midwives, who began mentioning the possibility of being induced by the end of this week or early next week. She then sent me to the hospital for a nonstress test, which basically monitors the fetal heart rate.
The good news is that Baby passed the test with flying colors, and there was no concern there whatsoever. The other piece of good news is that this test revealed that I am, in fact, having contractions; they are just so mild that I don't even feel them. (Oh, wouldn't it be nice if all of labor was like that?)
I was sent home with instructions to drink water like there's no tomorrow, and to try to get some rest and not over-exert myself. (It sounds like they've been talking to my mom, who says that all I do is clean.) The midwife who examined me today and my regular midwife will be discussing the situation, and tomorrow I am to call and hear their conclusions.
My feeling at this point is to wait it out. The nurse who took my nonstress test was extremely encouraging, and told me that though my fluid is low, it is by no means a desperate situation. It is far better to let the body go on its own than to be induced, unless of course, it is absolutely essential for the health of the baby. Since Baby is doing fine, it seems okay to wait- for now.
If I am to be induced, that would rule out a water birth right there, something I have really wanted. Having a low fluid level also might rule it out, but the nurse encouraged me not to give up on the idea, and she said they can give me an IV of fluids before I enter the tub.
I was a little nervous today hearing all this news, but now that I have had time to process it, I feel a bit better. I know that I don't want to be induced unless I absolutely have to be, and I can easily request another ultrasound to recheck my fluid before I commit to being induced. If it were at a dangerous level, yes, in a heartbeat, I would be induced. My baby's well-being is far more important! But if Baby is doing all right, I would rather my body decide when it is time for labor to begin.
I am hoping and praying that I might go into labor within the next couple of days so we can avoid further drama about the concern over my amniotic fluid. If I go too much longer, I know they probably will want to induce me. My body is getting ready; hopefully it will happen soon.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Anticlimax
Hmmm. Forgive me, please. I am but an emotional pregnant lady, and today is my due date.
I have known all along that this date was a mere suggestion as to when my baby would decide it was time to leave my womb, yet I was unprepared for the disappointment I managed to feel today. I guess the date was embedded in my mind for so long, and today finally came, and... nothing. Absolutely nothing is going on here.
Well, that's not quite true. I went to the grocery store, as per usual. The store was busier than normal, and I had gotten on one checkout line, and realized I hadn't looked at the expiration date of the block of mozzarella cheese in my cart. I looked, and realized it was a bit too close for my liking, especially with Baby coming, and not knowing if I would get around to using it in time. Begrudgingly, I got out of line and went to get some shredded mozzarella, which had an expiration date in September instead. Except when I returned to the checkout lines, they became a massive mess, and I would have had to wait. I mean, really wait. I just wasn't feeling up to it, so I crept to the scary self-checkout, which I usually avoid at all costs.
It was a mistake. I felt like stopping and crying right in the middle of checking myself out. It was too stressful. First, I couldn't find the green onion icon listed with the rest of the produce, and had to call someone over. Then, my groceries repeatedly kept piling up on the belt, and I had to constantly readjust them. People kept coming on line behind me, and I felt the pressure to be quick, when all I wanted to say was, "Pregnant lady here who's never done this before! Best pick another line!" One of my coupons wouldn't scan, so my checkout light began blinking, and a staff member had to come help me. Some of my items repeatedly backed up after I put them on the conveyor belt, and I had to keep looking to see what had actually scanned and what had not. Good grief.
I FINALLY finished, much to the relief of the guy behind me, who was only buying something like two things. I proceeded to my car, and there I carefully examined my receipt, as I always do. I noticed there was an error. One of the store coupons did not ring up correctly, and I am very careful and meticulous about always finding the right product that goes with the right coupon. So even though the last thing I wanted to do was go back into the store, if there is one thing I can't stand, it is being overcharged. I left my ice cream to its fate in my trunk, and went to see if I could possibly get this resolved in a timely fashion.
It wasn't looking good. The customer service staff apparently doesn't keep a sample flier at the register with the coupons, so they went on a frenzy trying to find my coupon, which was now somewhere in the self-checkout machine. I was waiting and waiting, and finally was asked when I was due. When I said, "Today, actually. But you know how these things go," customers and employees alike became terribly excited. One elderly gentleman shook my hand, kept referring to my baby as a boy, and told me his name was Al (I think he wanted me to name my son Al even though I kept trying to say I didn't know the gender yet). Another elderly lady gave me a piece of advice on how to get labor started, which I won't mention here. One of the cashiers insisted that since I had gotten my groceries and was all prepared, that I would go into labor tonight, and still another cashier insisted on giving me the cereal that was in question for free. I had never wanted it to be for free; I only wanted it at the advertised coupon price, but by this time, I was so tired and overwhelmed that I took the full refund. (Please forgive me, Lord. I really did deserve to pay a dollar.)
I escaped with many happy wishes following me out the door. It was rather nice, even though I was a bit worn out and weary.
But why do I have the feeling I'll be back there next week, just as usual? I hate to disappoint all these poor folk who were so excited for me. I think it might be a rather big anticlimax for them if I come in again, sans baby in my arms.
Oh, well. I keep reminding myself that no one is pregnant forever. Some time within the next couple of weeks, this baby HAS to come, right? The only downside is that I am beginning to have to re-clean the several areas of the house I have already cleaned in preparation for the big day. At least I'm keeping busy.
I have known all along that this date was a mere suggestion as to when my baby would decide it was time to leave my womb, yet I was unprepared for the disappointment I managed to feel today. I guess the date was embedded in my mind for so long, and today finally came, and... nothing. Absolutely nothing is going on here.
Well, that's not quite true. I went to the grocery store, as per usual. The store was busier than normal, and I had gotten on one checkout line, and realized I hadn't looked at the expiration date of the block of mozzarella cheese in my cart. I looked, and realized it was a bit too close for my liking, especially with Baby coming, and not knowing if I would get around to using it in time. Begrudgingly, I got out of line and went to get some shredded mozzarella, which had an expiration date in September instead. Except when I returned to the checkout lines, they became a massive mess, and I would have had to wait. I mean, really wait. I just wasn't feeling up to it, so I crept to the scary self-checkout, which I usually avoid at all costs.
It was a mistake. I felt like stopping and crying right in the middle of checking myself out. It was too stressful. First, I couldn't find the green onion icon listed with the rest of the produce, and had to call someone over. Then, my groceries repeatedly kept piling up on the belt, and I had to constantly readjust them. People kept coming on line behind me, and I felt the pressure to be quick, when all I wanted to say was, "Pregnant lady here who's never done this before! Best pick another line!" One of my coupons wouldn't scan, so my checkout light began blinking, and a staff member had to come help me. Some of my items repeatedly backed up after I put them on the conveyor belt, and I had to keep looking to see what had actually scanned and what had not. Good grief.
I FINALLY finished, much to the relief of the guy behind me, who was only buying something like two things. I proceeded to my car, and there I carefully examined my receipt, as I always do. I noticed there was an error. One of the store coupons did not ring up correctly, and I am very careful and meticulous about always finding the right product that goes with the right coupon. So even though the last thing I wanted to do was go back into the store, if there is one thing I can't stand, it is being overcharged. I left my ice cream to its fate in my trunk, and went to see if I could possibly get this resolved in a timely fashion.
It wasn't looking good. The customer service staff apparently doesn't keep a sample flier at the register with the coupons, so they went on a frenzy trying to find my coupon, which was now somewhere in the self-checkout machine. I was waiting and waiting, and finally was asked when I was due. When I said, "Today, actually. But you know how these things go," customers and employees alike became terribly excited. One elderly gentleman shook my hand, kept referring to my baby as a boy, and told me his name was Al (I think he wanted me to name my son Al even though I kept trying to say I didn't know the gender yet). Another elderly lady gave me a piece of advice on how to get labor started, which I won't mention here. One of the cashiers insisted that since I had gotten my groceries and was all prepared, that I would go into labor tonight, and still another cashier insisted on giving me the cereal that was in question for free. I had never wanted it to be for free; I only wanted it at the advertised coupon price, but by this time, I was so tired and overwhelmed that I took the full refund. (Please forgive me, Lord. I really did deserve to pay a dollar.)
I escaped with many happy wishes following me out the door. It was rather nice, even though I was a bit worn out and weary.
But why do I have the feeling I'll be back there next week, just as usual? I hate to disappoint all these poor folk who were so excited for me. I think it might be a rather big anticlimax for them if I come in again, sans baby in my arms.
Oh, well. I keep reminding myself that no one is pregnant forever. Some time within the next couple of weeks, this baby HAS to come, right? The only downside is that I am beginning to have to re-clean the several areas of the house I have already cleaned in preparation for the big day. At least I'm keeping busy.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Waiting
This month, our baby will be born!
Last night, Brian had a dream that I called him with news that I was in labor. Yesterday, a secretary at his school called his room phone twice, and both times he thought it was going to be me.
So far, nothing is happening. It is a strange thing waking up every day wondering, "Is this going to be the day?" Mostly, I'm sticking to my "to do" list, so I'm not sitting around doing nothing and wondering, but my "to do" list is basically coming to an end this weekend, except for the regular chore routine. Today I am scrubbing the kitchen down and making sure every crumb is swept from the counters. (Somehow stray crumbs always manage to get under the toaster oven or microwave.) This past Saturday I nearly did myself in while cleaning, vacuuming, and Swiffering, and I'm realizing that I truly need to slow down here. I'm carrying a lot of extra weight, and boy, am I feeling it. I could barely walk on Saturday after I worked so hard. It dawned on me that if I went into labor feeling like that, that wouldn't be a good thing. I have to keep reminding myself that I need to take it easy.
I look so huge at this point, that no one on the planet would look at me and wonder if I am pregnant. Earlier on in pregnancy, even a mere six weeks or so ago, I could see the hesitancy in people as they looked at my belly. "Is she or isn't she? Should I say something or not?" Now, it is far past that point. People just get straight to it. "When are you due?" all the while probably wondering if I'm going to go into labor at any moment.
My due date is in five days, but we all know that is mere guesswork. Will I take after my mom, who was three days early with her first? Or perhaps my sister, who was ten days late? Yikes, I hope not! (Which would leave me having the baby on my dad's birthday!)
It's hard to describe the emotions coursing through me at this point, but I know every mom out there understands. I do try to stay busy and not think about it, but of course, I am nervous. Knowing that I am about to face the worst pain I've ever felt in my life isn't easy. I don't exactly relish the thought. Along with that comes the nerves of wondering when to leave for the hospital, especially being fifty minutes away. If we go too early and have to return home, that's not so nice being so far. And certainly we don't want to go too late and end up on the side of the road delivering the baby there.
However, there is a better emotion that outweighs all the fears in my mind. Joyful anticipation. The way a child feels on Christmas morning, but better. The way a bride feels moments before walking down the aisle. (I still remember that so clearly.) Brian put his hand on my belly the other night and said, "I love you, Baby," and it almost melted my heart to think that I will see him hold our child soon enough.
I am hoping to have a water birth. At first, I rejected the idea because it sounded strange to me, but my sister started to encourage me and explain the benefits, and I have since changed my mind. The hospital where we are birthing has one room with a tub, and as long as no one else is there laboring at the moment we arrive, I can have the tub. I am really hoping for this, because the warm water is supposed to be very soothing. Another thing I like about it is that Brian can get into the tub with me and physically support me in ways that he would be unable to do if I were in a bed. Now, I could get there and hate the tub experience and want out, but as of right now, it sounds very appealing to me. Although who knows what will happen in the moment!
So here we are, a couple of nervous, expecting parents, waiting for our child's arrival into our world. Baby is as active as ever, and Brian commented that he/she must want to get out. I think so! No doubt it is getting mighty crowded in there, and my organs are crying out in protest. One of the doctors who checked me two days ago thought I was having an eight-pounder, though of course, she said there's no way to really know.
If I'm rambling, I apologize. As a writer, I like my thoughts to flow seamlessly, but the truth is, my thoughts are jumbled. There's so much swirling around in my head as I approach this momentous moment in my life. I am scared/nervous/happy/excited all at the same time. For now, I can only take each day, one at a time. Today I will focus on the tasks before me: prewashing cloth diapers, cleaning the kitchen, and making a quiche that I will put into the freezer. I'll let labor and delivery worry about itself, and I'll let God take care of me just as He always has.
Last night, Brian had a dream that I called him with news that I was in labor. Yesterday, a secretary at his school called his room phone twice, and both times he thought it was going to be me.
So far, nothing is happening. It is a strange thing waking up every day wondering, "Is this going to be the day?" Mostly, I'm sticking to my "to do" list, so I'm not sitting around doing nothing and wondering, but my "to do" list is basically coming to an end this weekend, except for the regular chore routine. Today I am scrubbing the kitchen down and making sure every crumb is swept from the counters. (Somehow stray crumbs always manage to get under the toaster oven or microwave.) This past Saturday I nearly did myself in while cleaning, vacuuming, and Swiffering, and I'm realizing that I truly need to slow down here. I'm carrying a lot of extra weight, and boy, am I feeling it. I could barely walk on Saturday after I worked so hard. It dawned on me that if I went into labor feeling like that, that wouldn't be a good thing. I have to keep reminding myself that I need to take it easy.
I look so huge at this point, that no one on the planet would look at me and wonder if I am pregnant. Earlier on in pregnancy, even a mere six weeks or so ago, I could see the hesitancy in people as they looked at my belly. "Is she or isn't she? Should I say something or not?" Now, it is far past that point. People just get straight to it. "When are you due?" all the while probably wondering if I'm going to go into labor at any moment.
My due date is in five days, but we all know that is mere guesswork. Will I take after my mom, who was three days early with her first? Or perhaps my sister, who was ten days late? Yikes, I hope not! (Which would leave me having the baby on my dad's birthday!)
It's hard to describe the emotions coursing through me at this point, but I know every mom out there understands. I do try to stay busy and not think about it, but of course, I am nervous. Knowing that I am about to face the worst pain I've ever felt in my life isn't easy. I don't exactly relish the thought. Along with that comes the nerves of wondering when to leave for the hospital, especially being fifty minutes away. If we go too early and have to return home, that's not so nice being so far. And certainly we don't want to go too late and end up on the side of the road delivering the baby there.
However, there is a better emotion that outweighs all the fears in my mind. Joyful anticipation. The way a child feels on Christmas morning, but better. The way a bride feels moments before walking down the aisle. (I still remember that so clearly.) Brian put his hand on my belly the other night and said, "I love you, Baby," and it almost melted my heart to think that I will see him hold our child soon enough.
I am hoping to have a water birth. At first, I rejected the idea because it sounded strange to me, but my sister started to encourage me and explain the benefits, and I have since changed my mind. The hospital where we are birthing has one room with a tub, and as long as no one else is there laboring at the moment we arrive, I can have the tub. I am really hoping for this, because the warm water is supposed to be very soothing. Another thing I like about it is that Brian can get into the tub with me and physically support me in ways that he would be unable to do if I were in a bed. Now, I could get there and hate the tub experience and want out, but as of right now, it sounds very appealing to me. Although who knows what will happen in the moment!
So here we are, a couple of nervous, expecting parents, waiting for our child's arrival into our world. Baby is as active as ever, and Brian commented that he/she must want to get out. I think so! No doubt it is getting mighty crowded in there, and my organs are crying out in protest. One of the doctors who checked me two days ago thought I was having an eight-pounder, though of course, she said there's no way to really know.
If I'm rambling, I apologize. As a writer, I like my thoughts to flow seamlessly, but the truth is, my thoughts are jumbled. There's so much swirling around in my head as I approach this momentous moment in my life. I am scared/nervous/happy/excited all at the same time. For now, I can only take each day, one at a time. Today I will focus on the tasks before me: prewashing cloth diapers, cleaning the kitchen, and making a quiche that I will put into the freezer. I'll let labor and delivery worry about itself, and I'll let God take care of me just as He always has.
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