After months of debating the issue, Brian and I decided to leave the church we've been calling home for the past two and a half years. It wasn't an easy decision, but one that we felt that we had to make.
We started attending about three weeks after we were married. We didn't go consistently at first, because Brian was still involved with his old church, but we liked it, and slowly it became our home. Brian was asked to step up and lead the worship, which he happily did. The church was a short drive from our old apartment, and life was pretty grand.
After we moved into our house, the short drive became a thing of the past. We would usually leave by ten o'clock to comfortably make the eleven o'clock service. Not that it took an hour to get there, but Brian needed time to warm up on his horn. It became increasingly more difficult as going there and coming home again began to interfere with at least one, or perhaps both, of Caleb's naps, depending on the day. Many times Caleb was still sleeping when we needed to leave, so we stayed behind while Brian went without us. (The rule is: "Never wake a sleeping baby.")
Our current pastor also decided to retire at the end of this month, so the timing just seemed right.
It was a tough decision because the people there were so good to us, throwing us a surprise shower before Caleb was born, and making meals for us after. It made it really hard to move on, but we feel strongly that we need to simplify our lives. I'm so tired of driving far to get everywhere. It is just plain exhausting! Some things cannot be controlled, but some can.
We've been looking into a church down the road from us... much shorter of a drive! We went once so far to visit, and while we did like the church, we had a difficult time with Caleb's restlessness that day. It is a one room church, not an actual church building, and there was no where to bring him during his fussy moments. We are attempting to train him to sit on our laps for a period of time, but goodness, an hour and a half is tough for any thirteen month old.
This church is currently going through a tough time financially, and they are not sure they will be able to keep the room they rent in several months time. We want to go where God leads us, and we continue to seek His guidance and direction as we make this important decision.
All this to say, it's been an emotional roller coaster of sorts. I didn't like saying goodbye to the people at our church, but if I'm honest with myself, I felt kind of hardened to the whole thing. Normally, my heart is a mushy mess. I know I have some walls around my heart ever since I left home... I left so many good friends and family. It is so hard to make friends these days, especially as a stay-at-home mom. My friends were people with whom I worked, with whom I was in the trenches day-to-day as we strove to serve the Lord in Christian school. The casual hellos and how-do-you-dos at church once a week don't allow a deep friendship to form... so it's hard.
I am hoping, that in time, a closer church might lead to meaningful friendships due to the simple factor that the people in attendance will live closer to us, unlike the church we are leaving behind. It will take time, I know, but I am hopeful.
Please pray for us as we seek to become a part of a new church fellowship.
