In about four weeks (or so), our lives will change forever.
We've waited for this so long, it seems, far longer than we've even been married, though that was something we waited for, too. Brian sometimes hears me saying to him, "I wish we had met in our early twenties." There were moments, I think, we both individually almost gave up the dream because it took such a long time coming.
God is good, however. He sees all and knows all, and He is sufficiently able to help us deal with our disappointments as well as bless our socks off.
To feel this life inside of me moving about gives me a joy I am not sure the most eloquent of poets could express. I am so eager to see our baby. To feel him/her squirming about is getting to be almost torturous (in the best of ways!), because I simply can't wait to have him/her in my arms. Sometimes I feel a hand or a foot poke me in my side, and I immediately place my hand there in my longing to connect with/grasp this child in a way other than his/her presence inside of me.
In addition to all of this, I simply can't wait for Brian and I to be parents together. I look forward to our love growing even more so as we see and support one another in our new roles as mother and father. If I could love Brian any more than I already do, I am sure it would be due to seeing him as a Daddy.
But before all this happens, I still need to get through labor.
I wrote those words on purpose, because it does seem to be something we women simply have to endure to get the prize at the end, but I'm comforted by the fact that no matter what, the baby is coming. Even if I am weak and wimpy, the baby will find its way, and I will not be pregnant forever.
I was telling Brian that, though it may seem silly, I am nervous about the whole hospital experience. The last time I was in a hospital overnight was when I was born. I am totally unfamiliar with the whole routine, and I think it will feel odd to be in a bed while people come to me with their poking and prodding ways. I've traveled around Europe and my head has rested in many different places, including various types of hostels, yet the idea of being in a hospital seems strange. It's funny, too, because for as much as I have traveled, I feel suddenly at a loss when thinking about what to pack for our hospital stay. (That's why I have a big sister to tell me what to pack!)
I have been praying more earnestly about labor and delivery. Since this is the last barrier between holding and kissing our child that awaits us, my thoughts go there often. While I am not confident in myself, I am confident in Him who made me to help me through. Just as I know He knitted together this little one in my womb, I trust Him to guide his/her entrance from my womb and into my arms, at long last. I feel like a child at Christmas, waiting to open up my presents, except that this is a far greater gift than any I've ever received (with the exception of my husband- he was a pretty fabulous gift).
Here is a blanket I crocheted for our baby. I am not super-talented in this regard; I only know the three basic stitches, but I wanted my baby to have something made with my own hands. This baby has quite a few blankets already! He/she will not be cold, that is for sure!
