My cough and sore throat have turned into a weary battle. While I normally think a cough is an evil thing, ranking at the top of my list along with houseflies and spiders, it reaches a new level when one is trying to care for a newborn.
If my baby doesn't wake me in the middle of the night, then my cough does. Sometimes it is so bad where it leaves me gasping for air. Then there are the coughing fits that come upon me while I am either nursing or trying to change a diaper. That just happened not long ago. There I was, changing Caleb's diaper and trying to clean him up, when an uncontrollable cough came upon me. It was not pretty, folks. I was desperately trying to finish the job, when at the same time, I had to keep a hand on Caleb and attempt to turn my head the other direction to prevent my germs from landing on my innocent newborn son. My eyes were watering and my nose was running, and Caleb was squirming. It was indeed a battle.
I haven't yet been to church since Caleb was born. I had planned on giving Caleb a few weeks, because I feel that newborns shouldn't be around a lot of people, but even if I had wanted to go today, forget it. I even asked Brian to stay home, because I just needed help. I am truly exhausted in a way I've never been. Getting up in the middle of the night for feedings is one thing, but doing it while being sick is another. I feel like a lousy mom right now and I speak to my son as if he understands me, and tell him how sorry I am.
I am so thankful for our church family who has been providing meals for us. Truly, if they didn't, I'm not sure what Brian and I would do for food. Last week, I was functioning much better before this hideous cold came along, but now it is another story. Since Brian stayed home with me today, that meant people from our church had to bring the food to us, and since we live half an hour from the church, it is no simple task. We are very grateful to those that have come by. I'm so glad I don't have to worry about feeding my husband and myself while trying to care for Caleb and at the same time, get better myself.
I long to get better soon so I can fully enjoy my son. These precious weeks of his newborn life are already slipping away. I don't want to lose them before I've had a chance to bask in them.
