Brian and I both remember it so clearly. The moment we found out we were having a baby GIRL.
I cannot fully express what it still means to us. When I found out I was pregnant, I thought it was a girl. I had different cravings then I had with the boys, and I just FELT that it was a girl. But I was wrong once before, and of course I had to prepare myself for either.
When I was newly pregnant, I remember being at a store behind a lady who was holding a newborn, clearly a boy as he was dressed in blue, and she had two sons with her. I stared and stared at all of them (not trying to be rude), and took it all in. Would that be me, I wondered? A mother of three sons?
Then, my dental hygienist was also pregnant, further along than I last summer. She was just the opposite of me: she had two girls and she and her husband wanted a boy. Her husband went to the sonogram wearing a blue shirt, hoping for a boy. They found out they were having another girl.
There were times that I wondered if these two situations were before me just to prepare my heart for another boy. And of course, I would have loved him regardless.
Yet, God chose to answer our hearts' deepest longing. Brian and I had a list of things (still do), that we've been praying about for quite some time. New job and moving are on the list. But our hearts yearned most for a daughter. Over the years, as our dream was steeped in seeming impossibility, one of us would say to the other, "Are we ever going to have our Anna Lynn?" And there was never an answer. The most we could commit to was "Well, maybe. Someday." But even that was said weakly, with disbelief. After all, the reasons not to have another were piled against us. We even had begun getting rid of baby things. Not all, but certainly the worn down stuff. We had gotten to the point in which we really believed we had to move forward and shut the door.
Perhaps it is when we reach that point and finally let go, God shows up in a mighty way. One by one, God had knocked down our reasons or removed them all together (for example, my seizures). Was every fear erased? No, certainly not. The fear of taking care of a baby along with Silas was real. But we knew God's voice was speaking to us, and we could not ignore Him any more. If we did, it would be to our everlasting sorrow and regret.
Our Anna Lynn was the one major prayer that was answered in these past few years. Oh, I'm not saying God doesn't answer our prayers. I'm just talking about a major life event. Those other things we were praying for at the same time we were praying about her, well, we're still praying. We long to move from this neck of the woods (literally), but we just seem to be stuck. But God gave us our baby! We still marvel that out of all the things we have been praying for, Anna was wrapped up and delivered with a shiny pink bow.
Life certainly isn't easy. I am trying to homeschool Caleb with a fussy baby in my arms or the boys are having a screaming fight when I am trying to get Anna to go to sleep. This is the hardest time of my life, but whatever I do, I must offer it back to God. He entrusted these three lives to my care.
When I was dating Brian, God told me I'd have a daughter named Anna. Over the years, I thought I must have heard Him wrong. Now I know that God spoke to me about Anna ten years before she was born so that we wouldn't give up on her.
One year ago today, at roughly 3:15 or so, was one of the happiest moments of our lives. I'm so glad we didn't give up on Anna.
I'm so glad God didn't give up on us!
