Baby's First Christmas

Dearest Anna,

We had such a gray, gloomy fall.  So when the sun finally sent streams of light into our living room the past couple of days, you noticed.  You can't crawl yet, but you can pull yourself around, and you went after those rays of sunshine streaming on the floor.  You tried to touch them, pat them, and capture them, only to find that you could not latch on.

Life can be like that.  Oh, life can throw us some hard times.  You will one day leave the magic of childhood and discover that life isn't so easy.  It sends us more dreary weather days than cheery ones.  But, it does give us rays of sunshine.  I want you, dear girl, to always do what you tried to do today.  Reach out and grab hold of those rays.  Never stop looking for them. Sometimes, they like to hide.  And though you can't physically touch them, you can let them warm your soul.

As I wait for Christmas in two days, I marvel at the gift of YOU.  Daddy and I like to joke that you were our Valentine's gift to each other, being born just one day before.  Last year at Christmas, I dreamed of you, even getting your stocking and hanging it up.  My own dear mama bought you two ornaments with your name on them, that we put on the tree as we waited for you.

Now you are here!  The girl we dreamed of for years is here to celebrate the wonderful holiday with us!  I dreamed of you for almost my whole life!  When I was a little girl, I wanted a little sister so badly.  I had a big sister, but I had the desire to nurture and be a mini mommy even back then.  When I realized I was to remain the youngest, my thoughts turned toward a daughter as the years went by.  The idea to name you Anna came to me when I was fairly young.  I'm not even sure of the age.  With my middle name being Ann and my last name containing "anna", well, it felt right.  At my baby shower last year, I remember telling my aunts "It's always been with me."  Not just the name, but the dream of YOU.

The Anna in the Bible, in Luke 2, is a special lady, a prophetess who waited for the coming of Christ for years.  I remember standing in the bookstore with your daddy when we were dating, and I looked up and saw "Anna" on those Scripture name cards that used to be so popular.  I wasn't looking through them at all; something else had my attention at the moment.  But I looked up and saw "Anna".  The God of the Universe stopped me in my tracks, and He whispered to me that I would have a daughter with that name.  

It sounds weird to say such a thing.  But I know He spoke to me.  I can't even say He has ever spoken to me like that again, in that same way.  Over the years, when our dream of you seemed to be getting snuffed out and all but buried, the memory of that day still lingered with me.  

This year, we rejoice that you are with us!  Oh, it is clear you are, in fact, no angel sent down in the form of a baby.  Your personality is starting to form, and you have already proven yourself to be a sinner, just like the rest of us.  (Putting you on the changing table these days is evidence of that!)  But you are ours!  You are the girl we waited for.  You are the girl we wanted for so, so long.  

Dearest girl, I am so happy to be your mama!  I am not perfect or even close.  I can give you a dreadfully long list of my flaws any day of the week.  But, I will tell you when I am wrong.  I will tell you I am sorry.  I will ask for your forgiveness.  That is what love does.  And I pray we will form a strong bond as we both follow after God.

I will not dictate your life or tell you what to dream.  But, I will encourage you to go after the dreams God gives you.  I will tell you to chase after the sunshine like you did today.  Don't let the seeming impossibilities stop you.  If God has put something on your heart to do, then do it.  Follow Him all your days.  Whatever you do, don't stop dreaming your God-given dreams.

You are here because we couldn't let go of the dream that God gave us.

I love you forever and always.

Merry Christmas, my daughter.

Love,

Mama

Story behind this little Skye, the pink Paw Patrol puppy:

My mom had bought Caleb the Marshall Paw Patrol puppy years ago.  He liked firemen, so it was perfect.  We bought all of the figurines and trucks, minus the girl ones.  Still, he loved his little stuffed animal best.  We happened to be at a mall a couple of years ago, in a bookstore that sold quite a number of toys.  Caleb noticed this little Skye, just like his Marshall, and picked her up. It seemed like he wanted me to get her, but I remember telling him we had no girls at home, and it looked like she'd belong best to a little girl.

As we left the store, I couldn't help but feel like she was supposed to come with us.  At the time, there didn't seem to be a reason...

This Christmas, she was one of the first presents I purchased.

Enough said!

All Caleb Wants For Christmas...

 

is his two front teeth, of course!

Caleb lost one of his two front teeth four days ago, and I thought to myself, if that other one comes out, he's going to have to sing that old song!  Then, two days ago, he told me his other front tooth was loose!  I said to myself, "I knew it!", and so took to YouTube to find some kids singing that song for Christmas to show Caleb.

So, we're gonna make him sing the chorus, and of course, we're going to capture it all on video.  The timing is PERFECT.  

In the background here, that small photo is Caleb at 6 months old!  (And please don't blame me if the ornaments are all haphazard.  I am the mother of two little boys.)

In life, you've got to get excited about the little things, or else, why bother?  And my son losing his two front teeth at Christmas is a wonderfully fun thing to celebrate!

Anna: 10 Months

Our Anna Lynn is cruising right along, and here we are at 10 months.  I had a little chat with her today, and told her in no uncertain terms that she is growing entirely too fast, and simply must slow down!  

She's getting close to being on-the-move!  She's not crawling yet, but she is increasingly getting on her belly more and more, and she is maneuvering around on her arms.  Her knees need to catch up with her arms, but it is clear we need to make sure we are keeping a good eye on her.  She is having much fun taking things off the coffee table, much to big brother Caleb's horror.  You see, Caleb has things just so on the coffee table, spread out as he likes and how his mind understands, and little sister is messing everything up.

I have warned him that this day would come.  Anna is a baby headed for toddlerhood, and we all know how toddlers turn the earth upside down.  He can't stand anyone messing with his stuff.  I can't even have my living room the way I want it!  As much as he loves his little sister, even her cuteness can't take away his upset.

Oh, dear!  I'm not sure how we'll get through the days ahead.

Anna is excitedly studying everything around her and always looking for something to get her hands on.  But, she's still a mama's girl.  Sometimes I just have to walk by, and she starts to cry, realizing suddenly that I'm not holding her at the moment.  Never mind the fact that we are hardly separated at all, save for a quick trip I make to the grocery store on the weekend.  

She's turning pages in books we read, which is very exciting!  She might not always be consistent, or she might be ahead of my voice, but no matter.  She understands what to do, at least!  

Anna's naps have suddenly taken a turn for the worst, and I'm not sure how to fix it.  She has been having terribly short naps the past few days, and short naps make for one fussy baby.  Her overnight sleep is good, and success there is due to the fact that we moved out of our room to sleep on an air mattress in the living room.  She just couldn't sleep through the night as long as I was right there next to her, so we had to take some drastic measures.  I miss my bed already.  I might try to go back at some point, but for right now, we both need a bit of separation.  (Just a little!)  

She loves it when I sing to her, and it is fun to see her get all excited when I start.  She might be sitting on the floor, and I approach her slowly, singing a line at a time, and her arms and legs start going!  One of my favorites is "Sugar, oh, honey honey.  She is my candy girl, and she's got me wanting her."  She absolutely loves it, but Caleb gets mad at me, because we don't eat candy (unhealthy) and he complains that I am calling her candy, which is gross.  I laughed out loud the first time he said that!  I have taught him well, then.  

I have had so much fun shopping for Anna for Christmas!  After shopping for two boys, buying things for my girl has been a real treat!  Brian and I are so excited for her first Christmas!  Oh, we know she very likely won't care a fig for her gifts, and she'll enjoy the wrapping paper and bows so much more!  We will enjoy watching her!

Anna has five teeth now, and she's already wearing a lot of 18-month clothes.  We have a few things we are finishing up in 12 months, but we are thankful for Brian's coworker who passed on some 18 month hand-me-downs to us!

Oh, how we love her!  It is such a joy to have a baby in the house again!  (I didn't say it was easy!)  Sometimes, it is so wonderful to look at the world through a baby's eyes!  And hers are the prettiest shade of blue and a wonder to behold!

Dear Anna-Girl, we are so happy to see your stocking hanging up and ornaments with your name on the tree.  YOU are the best gift of 2020, and one of the three best gifts of our lives!  We love you immensely!

Anna: 9 Months

Anna's nine-month doctor appointment was today, and boy did she have some fits!  In the first place, the waiting time was unusually long, and then, being stripped of one's garments only to lay down on a paper "blanket" while being poked and prodded doesn't bring out the best in anyone.  Then the doctor picked her up, and boy, stranger anxiety has kicked in full gear, and she was not having any of it!

That's my girl!

Our Anna Lynn is still our chubby cherub!  Her weight is no concern at all, since she is thriving in that regard.  And she still eats very little solids.  I had a great chat with the nurse about solid foods.  I actually had prayed about it before I went.  Anna simply hasn't been eating much solids; she just hasn't had much of an interest.  She still has a pretty good gag reflex and gags on the slightest bump in pureed carrots, for example.  It has been a major concern for me; this is my third child, and I feel like a new parent!  I prayed that I would get some kind of positive encouragement about Anna's feeding, or lack thereof.  Turns out it was the nurse who offered what I needed!  She has a thirteen-month old who didn't want food either, and also gagged to the point of throwing up.  When he turned a year, all the sudden his interest kicked in, and he started eating regularly, kind of bypassing the pureed foods in favor of the real deal.

So, it was just a moment of taking a deep breath for me.  A reminder that it really is okay.  She is growing and thriving, and it isn't a race to the finish line.  She'll get there her own way, when she wants to.  I am so glad God answered my prayer and gave me encouragement today instead of something negative.

As for me, I recently found myself dehydrated with awful dizzy spells.  I realized I was neglecting my water intake, and Anna is still nursing strong (obviously, since she is bypassing solids).  This was a definite reminder to keep taking care of myself, too.  How easy it is as a mama to forget yourself while caring for your young ones (and your husband, too!)  Stopping right now to take some sips...

Anna is learning some fun games like "Peek-A-Boo", and she reaches her arms to be picked up.  She definitely knows routines, and we play a little game, whenever I take her into my room for nap or bedtime, I tiptoe toward the mirror and all of the sudden bring us both in front.  She loves it and waits for it.  

She's got four teeth!  She is sipping from her new water cup.  I need to hold it for her at this point since it is still new for her.  Silas never understood the concept of a sippy cup or straw or anything like it, and finally we had to give him a coffee cup type of thing with a hole.  If we go out with him, we bring a water cup with a lid and take off the lid for him to drink it.  Anna understood how to sip right away, so that was a good bit of relief.  She loves drinking water, and she seems to like that better than eating!

Anna is clapping and waving and banging toys all over the place.  She only just started babbling, so we'll see how that progresses at this point.  She is a busy girl, studying everything around her, especially her brothers.  She can't quite figure Silas out.  He keeps his distance more than Caleb, and she tries to touch him whenever he is near.  He doesn't like that so much.  Sometimes he gets her eye and she gets his eye and they laugh together.  Caleb dotes on her, as always.

If my house has shredded papers and napkins all over the place, you know who to blame.  I feel like I am forever picking up ripped pieces.  Oh, well, she's cute, so who's gonna stop her?

I am so looking forward to the holidays this year as a family of five.  We are so blessed to have our girl with us this year!  Truly, she has been in our hearts for years, so it's about time!

Coincidentally, you can't see it in these pics, but it shows up in some of the outtakes, Anna is holding one of Caleb's number blocks and the number she is holding is nine!  Yay for nine months!

Baby Shower Reflection & My Old Baby Shoes

One year ago today, my sister and mother threw me a lovely baby "sprinkle".

I told my sister not to make too much fuss.  I am a simple person, and Dollar Tree décor is just fine by me (and my budget).  But my sister has slightly more sophisticated taste, and she went above and beyond to make it a special day.  I still have the things she made and/or purchased for the day, and I was so blessed by all the work she went through for my sake, or rather, for the sake of Anna :)

My aunts were there, as well as my cousins, and some dear friends and former coworkers, and everyone knocked my socks off with their generosity.  It was so fun to celebrate another baby, and this time, a baby girl!  I didn't then, and still don't, take any of it for granted.  On the contrary, I was humbled by the love and care of my dear friends.  

I thought about it today, marveling once again about the passing of time.  I texted my sister and told her I didn't know whether to be happy or sad that the shower was one year ago today.  Of course, I am glad, but there is a little bit of nostalgia, too.  My baby girl is growing like a weed, and I want so much to hold on to every stage before a new one begins.  I want to remember her every facial expression, habit, and attempt at trying something new.

Changing topics...

I still have my first pair of baby shoes.  These shoes are rather special, because I wore a bar on my feet that attached to the shoes.  My feet pointed inward, and the bar was used to straighten my feet.  I had to wear the bar 23 hours a day.  My parents distinctly remember the banging sound as I tried to kick my feet against the table.  The shoes were open-toed, to allow for my feet to grow.

I'm so glad my mom kept the shoes, as it is a special memento of my former "handicap" if you could call it that :)  I wanted to try them on Anna, just for a quick photo.  Of course, I would never make her wear these outdated things!  It was just fun for a pic.  And as a side note, they were rather annoying to get on!  This is one thing we parents have easier today!  They make shoes with velcros and zippers and whatnot, and these laces on the boot up the ankle made it extremely tricky!  Kuddos to my parents for having to deal with this every single day, more than once a day for baths and changes.  

Anna: 8 Months

Time marches on, and despite all the things that man can do in these modern times, we can't slow down time, speed it up, nor have any control of it whatsoever.

In our household, time is currently going at warp speed, and try as I might to hold on to these months, they are slipping through my fingers and flying away into the wind.  A few things which we lovingly prepared for the arrival of our baby are now packed up or put away, already outgrown.

It brings both joy and sadness at the thought.  I miss my little newborn, all curled up on my shoulder.  The months have taken my helpless newborn and replaced her with a strong and growing baby girl.  Oh, but I love this girl, too!  How can I not?  She gives me the most delightful slobbery kisses that make me feel like I might have been kissed by an angel, in spite of the wet cheek she leaves behind!  My Anna-Girl giggles with me.  Oh, we don't even need much of a reason!  Just a little eye contact and some lovin'! That's good enough for us to start the giggles!

Anna is observant, and with that, easily distracted.  She notices an awful lot!  She can sometimes be hard to put down for that reason.  She's definitely gaining strength in her upper body, and holding her close these days usually results in some baby-assaulting-mama moments.  She's grabbing anything and everything these days.  I've had my nose grabbed, a hand pressed into the part of the neck below the Adam's apple (hello suffocation), my hair pulled (no matter if it is pulled back), and I am currently training her not to pull off my glasses.  I dare not wear dangly earrings for a while yet!

She is sitting up on her own, but she still topples.  So if she's not in her Bumbo, then I'm sitting on the floor with her.  I certainly don't keep a death grip on her, but it is good to stay near.  Just yesterday she fell over before I could grab her, her face thankfully hitting a soft toy.  This is my third baby, and I finally purchased a baby bath tub just yesterday.  Long story short (we did have a hand-me-down tub for the sink but it was not as suitable for the bathtub), she just isn't strong enough yet to hold herself in the tub, and it took Brian holding her while I was scrubbing her, and it just was getting to be too much slipping and sliding.  Tonight she was in her new bathtub (in the adult tub) and she was as happy as a clam.  I should have bought this baby tub ages ago!  

Anna still isn't all that into eating yet.  What can I say?  I offer it.  I offer both spoon-fed purees as well as the baby-led weaning style of bits of things like mashed banana or avocado or whatever on the tray.  She does like my homemade yogurt, which is very healthy and loaded with probiotics (much more than store-bought by far), and as long is she is in the mood (key words being "in the mood"), she eats it pretty well.  She sometimes likes a little bit of avocado.  Maybe.  I'm still not certain.  She will gag on it a bit here and there, but she doesn't completely reject it.  She seems to like carrots, but she tends to go up and down, so who knows.  Yogurt seems to be the big winner right now.  Sometimes I get scared, because she is definitely behind other babies and what they are able to eat, but I certainly can't hold her down and force it in her mouth.  My gentle mother always listens to my woes and gives me comfort, saying, "Don't worry; she'll come around."  A girl never outgrows her need for a mama, at least, this girl hasn't.  When my mama tells me it is going to be all right, it feels like it is better already.  I pray I offer that same comfort for my Anna-Girl someday.  

I plan to nurse for a while longer still.  Do you know that the worldwide average weaning age is 4 1/2? Folks in the Western culture like to get it over and done asap, and people tend to look at you askance if you keep on going.  I nursed Caleb until he was 2 years and 2 months, as I prepared for Silas's arrival the following month.  We both cried together and I held him tight as we said goodbye to that chapter of our relationship.  I nursed Silas until he was 4.  I kind of let him decide and he eased off gradually, and I was ready to be done since I was pregnant with Anna.  Breastfeeding provides great immunities for babies and children, and my boys rarely get sick, or if they do, it is very minimal (like minor sniffles).  Anna is a chubby baby girl, and though she is behind on solids, she is by no means going hungry, and I will continue to be there for her.  

Our girl is clapping and waving, and she is beginning to get an interest in books.  I read to her before bed, and she is already anticipating the books and looking for them.  Problem is, we need more books!  Silas singlehandedly ruined the majority of all our old baby books, and we had some darling classics that have long been sent to the trash heap in tatters.  So I need to start hunting down books starting NOW.  (Note to self!)  In the future, I cannot wait to introduce her to "Little House" books and "Anne of Green Gables", and someday, someday, ahem, my beloved Jane Austen.  But we have a little time before that yet. :) :) :)

It goes without saying that our hearts have been caught:  hook, line and sinker.  We are in love with her darling blue eyes and her silly grins.  We pray for her to know Jesus someday as her Savior, that her name will be written in the Book of Life. 

 I am honored to be her mama!  

One Year Ago Today

Brian and I both remember it so clearly.  The moment we found out we were having a baby GIRL.

I cannot fully express what it still means to us.  When I found out I was pregnant, I thought it was a girl.  I had different cravings then I had with the boys, and I just FELT that it was a girl.  But I was wrong once before, and of course I had to prepare myself for either.

When I was newly pregnant, I remember being at a store behind a lady who was holding a newborn, clearly a boy as he was dressed in blue, and she had two sons with her.  I stared and stared at all of them (not trying to be rude), and took it all in.  Would that be me, I wondered?  A mother of three sons?  

Then, my dental hygienist was also pregnant, further along than I last summer.  She was just the opposite of me:  she had two girls and she and her husband wanted a boy.  Her husband went to the sonogram wearing a blue shirt, hoping for a boy.  They found out they were having another girl.

There were times that I wondered if these two situations were before me just to prepare my heart for another boy.  And of course, I would have loved him regardless.  

Yet, God chose to answer our hearts' deepest longing.  Brian and I had a list of things (still do), that we've been praying about for quite some time.  New job and moving are on the list.  But our hearts yearned most for a daughter.  Over the years, as our dream was steeped in seeming impossibility, one of us would say to the other, "Are we ever going to have our Anna Lynn?"  And there was never an answer.  The most we could commit to was "Well, maybe.  Someday."  But even that was said weakly, with disbelief.  After all, the reasons not to have another were piled against us.  We even had begun getting rid of baby things.  Not all, but certainly the worn down stuff.  We had gotten to the point in which we really believed we had to move forward and shut the door.

Perhaps it is when we reach that point and finally let go, God shows up in a mighty way.  One by one, God had knocked down our reasons or removed them all together (for example, my seizures).  Was every fear erased?  No, certainly not.  The fear of taking care of a baby along with Silas was real.  But we knew God's voice was speaking to us, and we could not ignore Him any more.  If we did, it would be to our everlasting sorrow and regret.

Our Anna Lynn was the one major prayer that was answered in these past few years.  Oh, I'm not saying God doesn't answer our prayers.  I'm just talking about a major life event.  Those other things we were praying for at the same time we were praying about her, well, we're still praying. We long to move from this neck of the woods (literally), but we just seem to be stuck.  But God gave us our baby!  We still marvel that out of all the things we have been praying for, Anna was wrapped up and delivered with a shiny pink bow.

Life certainly isn't easy.  I am trying to homeschool Caleb with a fussy baby in my arms or the boys are having a screaming fight when I am trying to get Anna to go to sleep.  This is the hardest time of my life, but whatever I do, I must offer it back to God.  He entrusted these three lives to my care.  

When I was dating Brian, God told me I'd have a daughter named Anna.  Over the years, I thought I must have heard Him wrong.  Now I know that God spoke to me about Anna ten years before she was born so that we wouldn't give up on her.  

One year ago today, at roughly 3:15 or so, was one of the happiest moments of our lives.  I'm so glad we didn't give up on Anna. 

I'm so glad God didn't give up on us!