I'm finding that motherhood is a balancing act in many ways; I'll write about two of them here.
Caleb is not a good napper. The age-old debate to "let them cry" or not, is one Brian and I have discussed at length. Pre-parenthood, I always believed in letting them cry. I know it is what my parents did, and I figured that running to your child's every cry would spoil them.
Then I became a mom, and I learned that is a lot and I mean A LOT harder hearing your baby cry than I thought. I still agree with the above, that running to your child's every cry is spoiling them, and just plain impossible, but I am learning the delicate balance.
After reading another viewpoint in one of my various parenting books (all handed down to me from my wonderful sister- this one happens to be about breastfeeding), which says that ignoring your baby's cries leads them to feeling neglected. The very next day I wouldn't let him go. But he still couldn't fall asleep, not even with all my singing, moving, etc. Finally, Brian cried out, "Can't we do a combination of the two?" It was our big "ah ha" moment. Yes, perhaps it didn't have to be completely one and none of the other.
So I am learning. Caleb struggles to fall asleep, and sometimes he simply needs help. When he is struggling, I do not believe it is spoiling him to help him, unless I overdo it. At these times, I do walk around and sing to him, and then I attempt to put him down. If he still struggles, I've pretty much done all I can do, except maybe give him a reassuring stroke or two. I am trying to show him the balance of "I love you; I am here for you, but I can't take away your tiredness or make you go to sleep. Mama is always here watching over you as you learn and grow".
Another way I am learning to balance is by handling the demands of both a baby and a house. It's hard staying on top of housework with a small baby, and a baby that doesn't nap well. Do you think I have an hour here and there to get stuff done while Caleb is down for a nap? Nope! He often times is down for fifteen or twenty minutes. It isn't even enough time for me to put my head down and get a sufficient nap, because the first five minutes I'm usually making sure he is good and out. (The very best naps, which don't happen too often, are when he falls asleep in my arms after nursing, and I put my head back and we both sleep together. Bliss!)
As Brian has just gone off back to work, I am trying to simplify the way I do things, and not take on too much. My mom, sister, and I are the exact same way. We are doers. We want to get things done. We cannot stand piled up laundry (due to which, there never is any in our houses) or our homes being dirty. As I told my mom last week, things on my "to do" list haunt me until I get them done.
However, everything changes when there is a baby to care for. He simply comes first. So while he is at this tender age, I am trying to stay on top of the main things: cooking, laundry, and keeping the main living areas clean, and I'm realizing it is simply not time to go clean out the garage. Things like that will simply have to wait. Am I okay with it? Perhaps not, but I am learning to be.
I am far from the best mother out there, or the best housewife. At the end of the day, I need to ask myself, "Have I loved my husband today? Have I loved my son?" If I can say yes, then it doesn't matter so much that the living room still needs to be straightened. Honestly, when I hear Caleb giggle, there's not much else that matters in the world at that moment. Not even the laundry.
