I've lived in PA for two years now, but I still refer to my old stomping grounds in NJ as "back home".
We went there this past weekend for a quick visit, so quick that I didn't have time to see some dear friends. I had only time to see my family, and my sister would probably tell you it wasn't enough. Caleb finally got to meet my brother, too.
There is something so special for me about going home, especially now that I'm a mom. It was pretty neat to take Caleb home for the first time, and he, Brian, and I slept in my old bedroom. I was trying to picture what the single me would have thought if she could have seen into the future. I'm sure she would have been happy. :)
When I go back home, I feel so at peace, and I always feel so cared for and loved. My parents go out of the way to make sure we are well fed. (My dad is 100% Italian, and it is a sin to let anyone go hungry on his watch.) My mom, I'm not too embarrassed to say, even did a little bit of laundry for me. (Okay, so my big old comforter won't fit into my machine here, and it does fit in hers, and I'd simply rather bring it there than the laundromat. Ick.)
Enough getting off topic here. Here in PA, I'm the one who takes care of my husband and my son, but back home, I receive a little TLC myself. When I walk through the doors of my former home, I am flooded with memories of my working days, coming home from work with mountains of papers to grade. It was there that I found peace after the crazy hours at school. It was there that Brian came to visit me during our long-distance courtship, where I waited for him on Friday nights with a hot meal ready after his two-and-a-half hour drive (though on Friday nights it was usually more due to the horrific traffic). (Don't worry; he always slept on the living room couch. My mom's late-night insomnia made for an excellent chaperone.)
I won't deny that I get lonely here. I'll even venture to say that I feel more lonely now than I did before I had a baby. Sounds strange, right? Perhaps I don't fully comprehend it, but I shared those thoughts with my sister and she understood. I am so isolated here at times. This is not a complaint- just an honest confession. I love my son, and I wouldn't trade him for a thousand friends. I know that this, too, shall pass, and I find myself lately repeating Jesus' words in my head. "Never will I leave you nor forsake you." Though I may feel alone, I know I'm not.
All this to say that going home, though difficult at times with a baby, was a bit of fresh air for the parts of my heart that feel as though they've been shut up for a while. I'm glad to be home again, here in PA, but oh, I do miss my family and my NJ terribly.
