When I married my husband in August of 2011, I don't think I was fully aware of all of the ways we would balance each other. Of course, I knew him well, but when you live with someone, manage money together, maintain a house, and raise a child, you learn so much more about them, as well as yourself.
We share the same values, so that makes so many things easier. Brian has often joked that if I was addicted to Facebook that probably would have been the deal breaker for him. From the beginning, our values and similar thinking united us.
One of the ways we see we balance each other is dealing with the household budget. While we both share similar values and are both extremely cautious with purchases, we have different ways of going about it. Brian is the budgeting mastermind of the household. I simply could not be bothered with going through all the numbers as he does, and so I am very grateful that he does this. We sit together once a month and go through receipts, track our spending, and make predictions for the next month. I think it is an incredible bore (insert YAWN here), but I know it is necessary, and I try to bring homemade baked goods to the table to make it more interesting.
That being said, Brian dictates where all the money goes. However, the execution of all this is not his strong suit, but it is mine. I have always had strong secretarial skills and am very organized. Therefore, I pay all the bills. I keep the checkbook balanced. (Brian never kept a checkbook register before we got married. Yikes!) It's funny, but since my dad always payed all the bills in our household, I had always thought this was the man's job. When we first got married, we started off each sort of paying what we had done previously on our own. Brian did the apartment phone. I took care of my own credit card, etc. After a few months passed, I quickly saw that Brian wasn't so good at dealing "his" bills, and I began to take over in that department.
It's a good system that works for us, because we are each using our skills and we both know what is going on with the money at all times. We also appreciate the strengths of the other. Brian can make me dizzy talking numbers, which is his strength, while the tediousness of actually paying the bills would put him to sleep.
This is one example of how we easily balance each other. But other ways we balance each other aren't quite so easy. There can be friction when the puzzle pieces don't quite come together as smoothly. I am a go-getter, planner, to-do list maker, let's get it done now kind of person. Brian is for sure a go-getter with his job, but at home, he wants to relax. Which is entirely understandable, but things do need to get done here, too. Now with a baby, I am even more regimented than before, because not only do I have um-teen things to do around the house, but I have to do them around Caleb's needs. My daily schedule, especially in the mornings, is pretty well structured. Brian said to me on Saturday after I put Caleb in his crib for a morning nap, "Can't we just sit on the couch for a little while?" (We had an hour drive to make to go get our taxes done, so the answer was "no, we cannot". I laugh, because somehow, on weekend days, though getting myself ready, getting Caleb ready, cleaning up breakfast, and taking care of some laundry, I am still ready to go before Brian is.
Brian tries to get me to relax more, and I try to push him. It's an example of how we drive each other crazy, yet we know there is something in the other we each need in ourselves. Brian has commented to me that if he married someone like him, good heavens, nothing would ever get done. (For the record, heaven knows how he got along without me for so long.)
In truth, I do need to learn to relax and have fun. It's never been my strong suit. I am hardly ever spontaneous. I remember a time when a friend called me up in high school and asked to hang out, and I simply HAD to vacuum/clean my room first. I didn't want to say no, but I himmed and hawed a little, and realized that if I hurried, I could quickly clean and then go. For me, it's hard to enjoy myself when there is work to be done, but there are times when you just need to let your hair down and go have fun, too. Work will ALWAYS be there. This is a lesson I need to learn from my husband.
Brian has always rubbed onto me spiritually speaking. I won't go into a lengthy discussion here, because I've already been writing too long and Caleb needs a playmate just now. But I am better, my mind is sharper, and my biblical worldview is a little more polished because of my husband.
Two and half years later, I am still a happy camper.
