You see, Caleb didn't sleep through the night until he was about 8 1/2 months or so, but it was my fault. I responded to his every wake-up, nursed him, and he promptly went back to sleep. But I was exhausted, and finally did cry-it-out. It worked quickly, and within a few days, he was on his way to sleeping all through the night.
Fast-forward to Silas. I have read tons on baby sleep, and I know so much, I could counsel others easily if I had to. But my own baby? Forget about it.
I tried not to make the same mistakes I made with Caleb. For example, Caleb couldn't even get to sleep initially on his own, and so I nursed him to sleep. I made sure not to do the same thing with Silas, and he has long since been going to sleep on his own. One of the major reasons for night waking is due to the fact that if Baby wakes up, he expects to go back to sleep the same way he got there. So if he falls asleep nursing every night, he expects that each time he wakes up.
This clearly is not the reason for Silas's wake-ups, because I put him down wide awake. So what is the problem?
I still don't know. What I do know is that I put tons of pressure on myself to get this right, since I had gotten it wrong with Caleb for so long.
The other night, I had a bit of a breakthrough in my own thought process. Silas once again, woke at midnight or so, and Brian and I were camping it out in the living room. When he woke up, so early once again, I about HAD IT.
In desperation, and wide-awake myself at this point, I got on my phone and began googling "Why Won't My Baby Sleep Through The Night?"
An article came up, by Dr. William Sears, who is a very well-known pediatrician. In fact, I have several of his books passed down to me from my sister. While I do not agree with all his views on baby sleep (Dr. Marc Weissbluth is by far the expert on baby sleep), his words comforted me when I needed them.
This is what I read:
"Decades ago, every parent just took it for granted that babies wake up at night. It was expected, and therefore, accepted. Sometime in the 70’s someone got it in their head that babies SHOULD sleep through the night. Since then, new parents are bombarded from all sides with the notion that their baby is supposed to sleep through the night. They hear it from friends, relatives, churches, and books. “Oh! Your baby isn’t sleeping through the night?” “10 fool-proof ways to get your baby to sleep through the night.” “My baby sleeps 12 hours straight without waking.” Today, parents are led to believe that if their baby doesn’t sleep through the night, something must be done about it.
The bottom line is that babies are not supposed to sleep through the night. Most will require some degree of parenting at night. This is simply the way it is, and as a parent, you signed up for this." http://www.askdrsears.com/news/sears-family-blog/8-m-o-recently-started-nightwaking
It sort of stopped me in my tracks, and made me chuckle as well. It is true. People's reactions to your baby not sleeping through the night are borderline ridiculous. My own parents, yes I love them and respect them, have both had a similar reaction to Silas waking up constantly. "I don't know. You kids all slept through the night at two-months old."
Well, gee. Thanks a lot. I guess I'm doing something wrong. (I would point out, too, that we were all bottle-fed. A bottle is not the same as a warm, comforting, nursing mama, so that is part of it, too.)
I do think the older generation forgets how hard it is to be parents to little ones. I am apt to think that my brother, sister, and I were the perfect children. (Hey, it might be true.)
After reading the above, I decided to relax a bit. It's OKAY! Sure, I'm tired. Yes, I still want him to sleep through the night. But I have done cry-it-out to no avail. It was time for a break, after reading this.
Silas's naps have just started taking a turn and getting longer. This is a really good thing, because more restorative naps may in turn help the night-waking issue. We will have to wait it out and see.
Last night, Silas woke at about 1 or so. I let him cry a bit, to see if he would go back out. When he didn't, I picked him up, held in him in the dark, and sang to him the bedtime song I made up myself. After a few rounds of singing (I have a terrible voice to begin with, even worse in the middle of the night), I put him back down. He protested and cried for a minute, then settled. He cried out one or two more times, but he did go back to sleep. He woke again two or so hours later,and I promptly nursed him at that time.
I don't know when the boys will be able to sleep together. But I will NOT STRESS any more. I will take it as it comes, and enjoy my baby while he is still my baby. Blink, and he will be married with children.
Do I want things to improve? Yes. Do I want my bedroom back? Yes. Do I want Brian and I to be able to sleep in our bed all night, every night? Of course. But, BUT... this will not last forever.
One step at a time, and a deep breath for today. We'll get through this.
Edited to add: This post was not meant to be offensive to the older generation. I meant it to be sort of humorous. Brian read it and thought it might be misinterpreted. My sister read it and completely understood, no doubt because we discuss these sort of things. It truly was meant to be a bit funny. Sometimes it seems like the memories of child-rearing are completely rosy, instead of realistic. Perhaps the years wash away the nitty-gritty of the daily struggles, and decades later, only the shiny surface remains. Perhaps that is a good thing!
Also, I wanted to mention that as I was going through this "change in attitude", words of a former Christian mentor of mine, a godly woman who works in prison ministry, came to mind. "Are you striving?" she used to ask me. I felt those words come back to me more than once this past week, and I had to admit that yes, I was. I was striving to change Silas's sleep, and some things, I just can't change. It was time to let go. This doesn't mean giving up all together and never, ever trying to get him to sleep through the night. It just means letting go for a time. Perhaps God has a lesson for me in this.
Edited to add: This post was not meant to be offensive to the older generation. I meant it to be sort of humorous. Brian read it and thought it might be misinterpreted. My sister read it and completely understood, no doubt because we discuss these sort of things. It truly was meant to be a bit funny. Sometimes it seems like the memories of child-rearing are completely rosy, instead of realistic. Perhaps the years wash away the nitty-gritty of the daily struggles, and decades later, only the shiny surface remains. Perhaps that is a good thing!
Also, I wanted to mention that as I was going through this "change in attitude", words of a former Christian mentor of mine, a godly woman who works in prison ministry, came to mind. "Are you striving?" she used to ask me. I felt those words come back to me more than once this past week, and I had to admit that yes, I was. I was striving to change Silas's sleep, and some things, I just can't change. It was time to let go. This doesn't mean giving up all together and never, ever trying to get him to sleep through the night. It just means letting go for a time. Perhaps God has a lesson for me in this.
