This month, our baby will be born!
Last night, Brian had a dream that I called him with news that I was in labor. Yesterday, a secretary at his school called his room phone twice, and both times he thought it was going to be me.
So far, nothing is happening. It is a strange thing waking up every day wondering, "Is this going to be the day?" Mostly, I'm sticking to my "to do" list, so I'm not sitting around doing nothing and wondering, but my "to do" list is basically coming to an end this weekend, except for the regular chore routine. Today I am scrubbing the kitchen down and making sure every crumb is swept from the counters. (Somehow stray crumbs always manage to get under the toaster oven or microwave.) This past Saturday I nearly did myself in while cleaning, vacuuming, and Swiffering, and I'm realizing that I truly need to slow down here. I'm carrying a lot of extra weight, and boy, am I feeling it. I could barely walk on Saturday after I worked so hard. It dawned on me that if I went into labor feeling like that, that wouldn't be a good thing. I have to keep reminding myself that I need to take it easy.
I look so huge at this point, that no one on the planet would look at me and wonder if I am pregnant. Earlier on in pregnancy, even a mere six weeks or so ago, I could see the hesitancy in people as they looked at my belly. "Is she or isn't she? Should I say something or not?" Now, it is far past that point. People just get straight to it. "When are you due?" all the while probably wondering if I'm going to go into labor at any moment.
My due date is in five days, but we all know that is mere guesswork. Will I take after my mom, who was three days early with her first? Or perhaps my sister, who was ten days late? Yikes, I hope not! (Which would leave me having the baby on my dad's birthday!)
It's hard to describe the emotions coursing through me at this point, but I know every mom out there understands. I do try to stay busy and not think about it, but of course, I am nervous. Knowing that I am about to face the worst pain I've ever felt in my life isn't easy. I don't exactly relish the thought. Along with that comes the nerves of wondering when to leave for the hospital, especially being fifty minutes away. If we go too early and have to return home, that's not so nice being so far. And certainly we don't want to go too late and end up on the side of the road delivering the baby there.
However, there is a better emotion that outweighs all the fears in my mind. Joyful anticipation. The way a child feels on Christmas morning, but better. The way a bride feels moments before walking down the aisle. (I still remember that so clearly.) Brian put his hand on my belly the other night and said, "I love you, Baby," and it almost melted my heart to think that I will see him hold our child soon enough.
I am hoping to have a water birth. At first, I rejected the idea because it sounded strange to me, but my sister started to encourage me and explain the benefits, and I have since changed my mind. The hospital where we are birthing has one room with a tub, and as long as no one else is there laboring at the moment we arrive, I can have the tub. I am really hoping for this, because the warm water is supposed to be very soothing. Another thing I like about it is that Brian can get into the tub with me and physically support me in ways that he would be unable to do if I were in a bed. Now, I could get there and hate the tub experience and want out, but as of right now, it sounds very appealing to me. Although who knows what will happen in the moment!
So here we are, a couple of nervous, expecting parents, waiting for our child's arrival into our world. Baby is as active as ever, and Brian commented that he/she must want to get out. I think so! No doubt it is getting mighty crowded in there, and my organs are crying out in protest. One of the doctors who checked me two days ago thought I was having an eight-pounder, though of course, she said there's no way to really know.
If I'm rambling, I apologize. As a writer, I like my thoughts to flow seamlessly, but the truth is, my thoughts are jumbled. There's so much swirling around in my head as I approach this momentous moment in my life. I am scared/nervous/happy/excited all at the same time. For now, I can only take each day, one at a time. Today I will focus on the tasks before me: prewashing cloth diapers, cleaning the kitchen, and making a quiche that I will put into the freezer. I'll let labor and delivery worry about itself, and I'll let God take care of me just as He always has.
