I'm not sure just how or even when my little itty bitty newborn grew into a seven-month-old. I look back on pictures of you in your first month of life, a mere six months ago, and goodness, I hardly remember you being that small!
And yet, you were. One year ago, your daddy and I were getting ready for Christmas as my belly was beginning to grow. We dreamed then about Christmas this year, with our seven-month-old baby. Then, you were simply a baby in my belly. We did not yet know our firstborn was a boy. We chose to wait, just as we wait to open our presents on Christmas Day, to find out what you were. Opening the gift of you this past May was worth the wait, and by far the best present I've ever received.
So here you are. You are no longer just a dream. You are no longer a flutter in my belly. (Though, sometimes I still miss you being that close.) You are here, with your big blue eyes, chubby thighs, and wiggly toes. You are here with your giggles and your smiles, and yes, even your tears and your fussy squeals. We love you on the good days and the bad days just the same.
I often say to you, "Do you know you are loved? Because if you do, then I am a success." Oh, my sweet Caleb, I am not nor will ever be a perfect mother. My love for you is infinite, but unfortunately, I am a sinner the same as anyone else. Through all of my failings, I aim to show you each day that you are loved completely.
I have loved watching you grow. You seamlessly transitioned to eating solid foods without a hitch (except for peas- you gag on those!) Mama's milk is still number one, because nothing beats that nutritionally. One day, I will truly miss nursing you. I never knew how much I'd come to enjoy that special time we have together.
You're such a big boy for your age. Just a few weeks ago, you weighed in at a little over 19 pounds, which is quite heavy for your age, and you measured 28 1/2 inches long! I'm not sure why God saw fit to give this weak mama such a big boy, but there you have it! No doubt, my puny muscles have gained some strength! Take tonight, for example, you were bored with all your toys and in a fussy mood, and the only thing that seemed to work was carrying you in the crook of my arm while I went about the kitchen.
You have your two bottom teeth, and I am finding teeth marks on just about everything these days.
My sweetheart, I love you more than words can say. I felt like I've waited my whole life to be your mom. I've done many great things in my life, but this job is the most rewarding. It's the toughest, that's for sure, but I wouldn't trade it. Even in the fussy moments, the tough times when you are clearly unhappy and I can't figure out why, even when you missed yet another nap, I try to remember that soon you'll be all grown. I recently asked my mom, your grandma, if she missed her kids being young. She said quickly and without hesitation, "Oh, yes." Therefore, I don't say such things as, "I can't wait for Caleb to be walking or sleeping completely through the night or eating anything and everything." I want to enjoy this day, because soon enough, these precious moments will slip through my fingers.
I love you, my darling boy!
Love,
Your mama
