Last week was my emotionally charged post, written after learning that Caleb may have autism. One week later, we are settling in. We are calmer, and trying to think more clearly.
We took Caleb to get an EEG this week. That was the first step, apparently. At this time, we have no further appointment, and we didn't even meet the neurologist yet. We have to wait for the results of the EEG before anything else is done.
Caleb already has a speech therapist who comes to the house once a week, but we immediately asked to have an occupational therapist as well, and she deals with autism specifically. Brian happened to have a snow day the day she came, so we both bombarded her with questions, and she was a huge help- a tremendous wealth of information. She plainly admitted she is not a doctor and cannot diagnose anything, but she questioned whether or not Caleb had autism. She said he may just have a sensory disorder... but again, no one is professing anything here. She was incredibly impressed with how Caleb actively engaged her, a total stranger, and how social he was with her.
Caleb has calmed down this week, thank goodness. The dreadful crying at bedtime has stopped. I changed his sheet, and I think that may have helped. He had a waterproof sheet on top of his regular sheet, and the waterproof sheet would move a bit and would not align just so to satisfy Caleb's needs. I said, "Forget this!" I moved the waterproof sheet underneath his regular sheet, so there are no more issues and Caleb is no longer upset. (Meanwhile, that sheet had been in place for well over two years, but according to our occupational therapist, things that were fine last week can become a problem AT ANY TIME.)
There are still new issues we are dealing with, and since he sort of "snapped" for lack of a better word, Brian and I have been finding ourselves walking on tiptoe, trying so hard not to make him MAD. We are struggling to find that balance. Obviously, in spite of any issues he has, life still goes on. There are rules to follow, and no matter what, he is not in charge. Yet, we want to be sensitive to his needs, whatever they are. We need lots of prayer and wisdom and we try to work our way through these issues.
Today, Caleb's speech therapist (whom I have gotten friendly with over the past several months), after discussing Caleb at length, looked at me and said, "But how are YOU?" It was almost weird to even answer such a question. As a mom, you just go on and on. You answer the needs and the cries as they come. Taking time for this blog is a challenge.
I am okay. I'm not brimming over with joy, I'll be honest. Life is hard right now. Silas is getting at the stage where he is a handful. (Ask my dad; he'll tell you that he is!) He is still up at night, and sometimes cries way more than necessary, and it is hard. I am trying everything to get him to sleep at night, including spending extra money on materials and sleep plans... I'm not yet sure if they will be a waste of money or not.
Mostly I feel drained. Yet, I know this is a season, and seasons do not last forever. It is funny, because before Caleb's regression, we were all sick. Fevers and the whole nine yards. Our pastor emailed us and said he was praying for us and reminded us that it is always darkest before the dawn. Then, just a few days later, our doctor was referring Caleb to a pediatric neurologist to determine if he has autism.
We have been dealing with a lot around here. This is not to say we want you to feel sorry for us. Life is full of pain for everyone. No one escapes. Yet, what matters is that we keep our eyes on Him. Regardless of whatever happens down here, He is still on the throne. Always and forever, I bow my knee to Him. He will one day wipe every tear away, even those that were unshed. I have that hope, because it is His promise.
Thank you for your prayers for us. They mean everything.
