I am 31 weeks today!
I would include a photo, but I look like something the cat dragged in. I could barely function today- that is how tired I am. Not only am I dealing with third trimester tiredness, lack of sleep due to being uncomfortable, having to be out of bed a few minutes after 5 because Caleb is always up, but I am anemic to boot. The exhaustion I have been feeling lately doesn't compare to anything I have ever felt before. This morning in church, it was all I could do to keep my head up at times. I alternated between resting my head on Caleb's (when he was in my lap), or putting it on Brian's shoulder. Frankly, I didn't care who saw me, who thought I was ungodly, or what kind of example I made. I could not help it!
This week, Brian is INCREDIBLY busy, and he truly has over-scheduled himself. I will be left holding down the fort by myself more than usual, and when I am more tired than usual- well, you get the idea. I am counting down the last few weeks until Brian is off for the summer, and I have back-up. Please, Lord, help me make it until then!
The labor fears are beginning to come upon me, now that I have a mere two months left. Some people say you forget all about the labor pains once the baby is born. I don't know who made up such nonsense, but unless you are suffering from amnesia, there is no way one could forget about such pain. I remember distinctly thinking, "I hope Brian is content with one, because no way am I ever going through this again." I also remember pretty much thinking, that except for seeing my baby, that a peaceful death would be a nice reprieve from the terrible pain. It felt like a lawnmower was running over my insides, over and over again. I know there are other terrible pains out there. I am sure being shot or burning in a fire are pretty horrific, too. Labor is up there, though, that's for sure!
Since I cannot take a childbirth class (too far away), I have to rely on my books, but there is only so much I can learn from a book. In fact, everything I had read last time flew out of my mind when I was in labor with Caleb. To say that I am scared, even more so now that I know what it all entails, is an understatement.
I will try for a natural childbirth once again. Caleb was mostly natural. Believe me- I felt all of the pain. I was given something to help me sleep, but that was pretty much it. We'll see if I am desperate enough this time to cry out for something. I'd like to do it without putting that junk into my body (because it all crosses the placenta and gets to the baby, too), but I also know that I am not the toughest person out there. I will pray God will give me strength in my weakness.
Of course, I worry about the car ride and when to leave, because I never had that experience the last time. I know I do not want to sit in a car for fifty minutes when the pain intensity is high. I'll want to leave early before it gets too bad.
Lastly, I worry about the date of this baby's arrival. My mom is heading here one week before my due date, and my midwife is out of town three days before my due date, as well as my due date itself. There is another midwife, but she is not yet familiar with me, and I don't know if she will be as willing to come and deliver my baby, say, in the middle of the night as my own midwife would. (Yes, there is a doctor on call, but I prefer midwives over doctors any day.) Obviously, I want my mom here and in place, ready to watch Caleb when we head out. Caleb has NEVER been in this house without one of us here, so this is a big deal to leave him for the first time. I'd really like the chance to get my mom familiar with his routine and how we do things with him. (If you don't read him his bedtime stories, for example, he won't go to sleep.)
If you are reading this, please pray for my anemia/tiredness as well as God figuring out all the details of Baby's arrival. I would appreciate it!
