*If the topic of breastfeeding/nursing weirds you out at all, then please skip this post. Though it will by no means be graphic. These are just some of my thoughts as a nursing mother.
I will first begin by saying that I, along with my brother and sister, was a formula-fed baby. My mom became a mother when formula was pushed much more than nursing. Some time later, there became a switch once again in society, when doctors realized that breast milk offers far more nutrients than formula ever could. God had it right all along, folks, when he gave mothers this ability to feed their babies.
I never gave much thought to nursing until my sister became a mom. She nursed all her little ones, and many times she nursed them in front of me (with a cover, yes, even in front of me). When she began telling me of all the nutritional benefits, I was sold. And hey, it's pretty cheap, too! What I didn't yet know was how it would feel to nurse my little one- how comfortable or uncomfortable, as the case would be.
I had no back-up plan when I became a mom. I didn't have any formula on hand in case it didn't work out or we couldn't do it, for whatever reason. I knew I was going to nurse and that was that.
Caleb made it pretty easy for me. The first few days in the hospital were hard as we both were beginners at this, and I definitely allowed the nurses to show me the ropes. I remember how I felt leaving the hospital. Brian had arranged for Caleb and I to stay at the hospital a bit longer due to Brian's NYSSMA majors (where his bands are judged). He didn't want to take us home and leave us by ourselves so early, so we waited until the evening for him to come back and get us. I remember feeling nervous because we had a fifty minute drive home, and I wanted to make sure Caleb was good and fed. Except that he wouldn't eat, no matter how hard I tried. I think I was trying too hard. In the end, we had to just go, but thankfully, he slept most of the way home. When we arrived, he nursed with no problem, no doubt because my nerves were shaken off by that time.
After that, he was a champion nurser. I compared notes with my sister, and he always nursed much longer than any of her kids did. I only nursed him in public once, and I felt so conspicuous, let me tell you, sitting in the restaurant with my cover on. We couldn't avoid it that day, and it was much too hot to nurse in the car, so we had to do it. (I'm generally not a big fan of public nursing. Yes, I do think a woman has the right to do it, but gosh, use a cover, for goodness sake.) I remember a time or two we were out and I did retreat to the car to nurse. I also nursed in the church nursery, with my cover on, good thing too, as more than once a man walked in on me. (Good grief, people.)
Caleb and I went happily on our nursing way, even through the transition to acquiring teeth. No, it is not pleasant when those chompers come down, and some training was involved, but we got through it together. Then Caleb turned one year old.
Now is it me, or is there a stigma out there that once your kid turns a year, nursing should stop? More than once I've been made to feel like I am some weirdo for still nursing my boy. I was recently talking to my midwife (who delivered Caleb), and she was congratulating me for continuing to nurse him. Instead of feeling like a failure for not having weaned him already, she made me feel like I was doing something fantastic. In a way, perhaps I am. Studies have shown that longevity in nursing has many health benefits.
My female dentist has told me at least three times (every visit, I think), that she nursed her daughter until she was twenty-two months. I always think, "Good for you!" She is proud, not ashamed. I haven't made a full-fledged effort to try to wean Caleb, but when I have tried to distract him when he wants to, it has always failed. He just isn't ready. Why push him, when it causes me so little inconvenience? Am I raising a dependent child; am I crippling him/robbing him of his independence/ psychologically damaging him? I doubt it. He will grow to be a strong man, I have no doubt. I will be the first to cheer him on.
Caleb still nurses first thing in the morning, a little later in the morning (I don't understand why he needs this feeding, but he clamors at me for it), usually just before both nap times, and before bed. I never have to nurse him when out and about. He is far too distracted and interested in the world around him to think about nursing.
I never thought I'd grow to love this special time as much as I do. It won't last forever. It is a special gift that God gave to mothers and their babies to have this wonderful bond. I never once gave Caleb a bottle. (He drinks water now, of course, from a sippy cup.) I wouldn't trade all those tender moments for all the money in the world.
So when will Caleb be weaned? Who knows. When he is ready, I'd say. And if that makes me weird, then so be it.
