One of the hardest things in the last weeks before birth, for someone like me, is the wondering and waiting for the big moment.
Spontaneous, I am not. That's Brian's department. And it is the reason why we balance each other so well. If he married someone like him, unstructured and without routines, he'd be a mess. If I had married someone like me, think "drill sergeant", then we would have very little fun in our home. Together, we make a good team.
When you are waiting for labor to happen upon you, and you are not the spontaneous type of person, it can be rather difficult, and frankly, agonizing.
And it simply doesn't help that the hospital is fifty minutes away.
I met with the other midwife in the practice yesterday, because there is a good chance my own midwife may miss out on delivering our baby. She's out-of-town from July 28-August 2, so I wanted to reconnect with this other midwife, whom I hadn't seen since she came to check on me the morning after Caleb was delivered at the hospital.
She and I discussed contractions and the onset of labor, and what to look out for. This makes me very nervous, because I didn't have this experience last time. I went to the hospital, was given cervidil, and then labor began. I didn't have to worry and wonder about when to leave.
After talking with her, it is more worrisome than I thought. It can start and then stop again and be inconsistent for a while. She said many couples have headed to the hospital, only to turn around again. Or perhaps they arrive and are told to go home. This would be beyond frustrating, being that it is such a long drive.
The good news is that she doesn't think I will go into labor before thirty-nine weeks. Of course, she can't promise this in blood, but it was a comfort to hear it, seeing that I want my mom ready and stationed here with Caleb before we have to head off.
Meanwhile, my sister is on-call, meaning as soon as my contractions start, I am calling her for advice/direction/guidance/opinions. While not an expert, she knows tons more than I, and her local friends often call on her for various questions in the ending weeks. She took childbirth classes for all three births, something I could not do here, so her thoughts would me much better than mine any day.
To say I am very nervous about this is an understatement. What if we wait too long and the baby starts coming in the car? And don't ask me how I could even sit in the car during intense labor. I was nearly out of my skin last time, with the freedom to move about the hospital room.
Needless to say, I will be grateful when this is all over. I can't wait to come home from the hospital, with our new baby in our arms, ready to be reunited with Caleb.
Soon, it will all be behind us. And it will be well worth it.
